The next morning, I find myself sobbing in Professor Lynch's office, too devastated and guilty to even care what a blubbering mess I'm making of myself.

"Kat, take a deep breath." The older woman hands me a box of tissues and patiently waits for my incoherent sobs to turn into intelligible sentences. As far as advisors go, Professor Lynch is a great one.

"I... missed... my... exam," I hiccup between cries. "I'll get... a zero..."

Professor Lynch eyes me over her large glasses carefully. "Kat do you need someone to talk to? These past couple of semesters have been very difficult for you." She folds her hands under her chin and watches me intently.

I feel the blush burning my cheeks, my shame and embarrassment on full display. "I don't know what to do anymore," I admit, taking one of the tissues she offered and dabbing my nose.

"Well, practically speaking, even with a zero, you can still pass Statistics." Professor Lynch says calmly.

I shake my head and blurt out "I don't want to! I hate Statistics and I hate Chemistry, and Physics" I'm nearly shouting but Professor Lynch only watches me with caring eyes while I rant. "I hate it, I can't do this anymore." I sink my head into my hands and quietly confess. "I want to drop Stats. I don't want to be Pre-Med anymore,"

I gasp at my own admission, instantly feeling the guilt lodging itself in my throat. "I didn't mean that," I immediately take the statement back, imagining the horror Mom would feel right now, if only she could see and hear me.

"Kat." Professor Lynch waits until I meet her eyes. "I think you meant it. Look how distressed you are. Talk to me, let's figure this out." She rests a wrinkled hand on my forearm and finally, the last of my resolve crumbles.

"You're right," I whisper, my throat dry. "What do I do now?"

***

"I planned on bringing you anyway," CJ carefully leads me down a dirt path, keeping my eyes blindfolded to draw out the surprise. "But now, it can be a congratulations for finally dropping pre-med," he chuckles.

"CJ," I groan, firmly gripping his hand for support. "I don't know that dropping pre-med is a reason to celebrate. My mom's going to kill me."

"Not tonight she isn't." CJ argues. "And besides, finally going after what you really want is definitely something to celebrate."

I don't reply, instead focusing on keeping my balance while wearing this blindfold. Finally, CJ pulls me to a stop. "Okay, stay here." I do as I'm told and wait. "Surprise, Kat." CJ pulls the blindfold from my eyes and I gasp at the carnival lit up in front of me.

Carnival music plays as the rides flash their neon lights brightly, fairground games all calling for contestants. "CJ, how?" I smile at him adoringly, knowing that the fair is definitely closed at this hour.

"I know a guy," CJ shrugs, smiling brightly. "Speaking of," he looks past me and to a man in a dark hoody by the entrance. My chest tightens anxiously as I watch CJ jog up to the man, his wallet in his hand. They interact quickly, CJ slipping the man some cash, but I can't escape the feeling that the guy is bad news.

"Ready?" CJ grins hugely at me, hand extended.

"I don't know CJ, this is kind of a big deal. We could get in trouble," I fidget from foot to foot, nervous energy coursing through me.

"C'mon Kat, when's the next time you'll have the whole carnival to yourself?" His smile melts right through me and I cave in, following him through the entrance excitedly. "What do you want to do first?" CJ pulls me close to his side as we walk down the rows of games, the lively atmosphere so different when no one else is around.

I skip like a child, giddy at the prospect of having every option available to me without any wait. "Is it even a date if you don't win me a bear or something?" I joke, kissing his cheek gratefully.

"A bear it is," CJ agrees enthusiastically, dragging me to the nearest arcade game. He wins on the first try, bringing the toy hammer down with enough force to hit the bell at the top. It blares loudly with a victory song while CJ grabs me the biggest purple bear they have, remembering my favorite color from one of our first conversations. I hug the plush toy to my chest softly, butterflies fluttering inside me. I've never gotten a bear from a boy before.

We head to the swings next, and I let out an excited holler as we fly through the air, still managing to hold hands. Despite the exhilarating ride, I know that only CJ can make me feel this way - so free and full of life. As the wind whips my dark hair around my face, I manage to catch CJ's childlike grin as he throws his head back and raises his arms out to his side.

We leave the fenced in area of the swings, our cheeks flushed and our eyes glassy from the cool evening air. "Carousel?" I beg CJ next. "It's my favorite,"

We mount the beautifully painted horses, larger than any carousel I've ever been on, and I squeal as the ride picks up a bit of speed, bobbing us up and down in the air joyfully as traditional merry-go-round music blasts from the speakers. CJ leans over and plants a kiss on my lips, bumping my nose slightly when our horses fall out of rhythm. I laugh loudly into his kiss, feeling lighter than ever before.

Long after the ride slows to a stop, CJ and I stay seated in the ornate carriage on the carousel, my legs laying across his lap, his long fingers drumming against my shins. "I only have one thing to tell you tonight," his eyes flutter open at my words and fall on my face. "But it's the most important one, okay?" I scoot closer to him and rest my palm on his cheek, confidence surging through me. "I'm in love with you, CJ. So, so wildly in love with you," I press my lips to his, not needing to hear the words back. He's said them before and I know they're the truth, I can feel it in our kiss.

Not able to help myself, I pull myself into his lap, holding his face firmly in my hands as the kiss deepens. His fingertips leave goose bumps up my spine, tracing the skin under my shirt. I want this, and I want him, forever - I feel it more than I think it.

We're interrupted by flashing lights, glaringly different than the ones from the fairground - these ones are blue and red, and accompanied by the loud blaring of an angry voice over the speaker. "Freeze, you're both under arrest."

CJ sits against the far wall, not even looking at me. How can he does this? I need him now more than ever, I wipe away at the salt left behind on my cheeks from all the tears. They'd put us in hand cuffs, hand cuffs for Pete's sake, and stuffed us into the back of the police cruiser without asking us any questions.

I'd cried the entire ride to the station we CJ held my hand, but I can't even be angry - they were right. We were breaking the law, and I knew better. How many times did I question CJ's habit of trespassing? A new wave of tears rushes down my face as I think about Mom, and even more flood my cheeks when I think about Dad.

Once we'd gotten to the station though, CJ had turned cold, barely even looking at me. The cold metal bench is hard against my butt and I already feel my back stiffening uncomfortable. Thank God it's just us in here, at least. I peer through the bars of the cell at the heavy cop playing on his phone, feet propped up on his desk.

What am I going to do?

"What are we going to do?" I ask CJ, barely audible. My lips are dry and chapped from all of the crying. He shrugs, barely glancing my way. "CJ, look at me! What do we do?"

Finally, his eyes meet mine, blank of any emotion at all. I've never seen him look this way, not even when he saw me with Lucas and found out the truth. I feel something in my chest being crushed as he mutters, "You're going to have to call your mom."

"My mom?" My voice cracks. "CJ she's going to kill me, what are you even talking about? I'll pay you back but can we call your parents?" I wipe at my cheeks furiously.

CJ looks to the floor as he responds. "I'm sorry, Kat. I can't help you."

"What? So that's it?" I bite my lip to keep my sobs inside. How is this happening? Panic rises in my chest and my breathing quickens, until I'm barely getting any air at all. I gasp and clutch my chest, unable to regulate my emotions or my breathing.

"Kat? Kat!" CJ shouts, noticing my panic attack before the cop does. He jumps to his feet and rattles the bars of the cell angrily. "Hey, shithead, she needs help!"

The cop stands and hits the cell bar with his baton, causing CJ to jump back. "Keep your mouth shut, kid." Still, he unlocks the cell and grabs my arm, guiding me to the cell adjacent to the one I was just in. Once locking CJ back up, he hands me a paper bag, and instructs me to breathe in and out slowly. When I'm calmed down, he locks the cell and I'm left completely alone. The chipped grey cell walls taunt me, reminding me how far off track I've strayed this year.

"Kat, are you okay?" I hear CJ's voice on the other side of the cement wall but I don't respond, unable to speak.

I don't make another sound until I have to dial Mom's cell number. The ringing makes my heart beat faster but my heart almost stops completely when I hear her voice. "Hello?" She sounds confused and in this moment, all I want is to curl into a ball and just cry.

"Mom?" I squeak "It's Kat, I need you to come get me."

Knowing she heard the dial tone telling her she was getting a call from the county jail, I anxiously await her response, unable to imagine her disappointment. "What?"

I whimper. "I'm so sorry, Mom."

"I'm in the car now." Her voice is concerned but I know her well enough to hear the rage underneath. Once she knows I'm okay, she'll be angrier than I've ever seen her before.

My stomach twists in angry knots as I wait for her to arrive. I hear her heels stomping into the room before I see her, and then I hear her shouting, "Is it him? Is this your fault?" I know she's yelling at CJ and I rush to the front of my cell, thrusting my arms through the bars.

"Mom, please," I beg.

"Don't." She meets my gaze with such anger in her eyes than I can't speak another word. "We will talk later."

The police officer finally gets her to stop shouting at CJ and I watch as she pays my bail, never glancing my way. Even without seeing her face, I can feel her anger, thick in the air between us.

The officer lets me out of the cell and leaves to grab my personal items. I stare at CJ, hoping he'll at least look at me. He turns his head completely away from me, not even looking up when we walk out of the station. I know, because I looked back the whole time.

Mom is silent the entire way to the car in the dark parking lot, illuminated only by the street lights and the brightness of inside the station.

After a few minutes of driving, I am the first to speak. "Mom, I'm so sorry."

She keeps her eyes on the road but I notice her knuckles whiten as she tightens her grip on the steering wheel. "Katherine, are you hurt?"

"No," I answer quickly, knowing my first name is never a good sign.

"Good. Then I do not want to speak to you until I wake up. Which, thanks to you, will only be in a few hours." Her mouth sets in a harsh line and I turn my attention out the window, feeling the tears fall down my cheeks as I watch the tree line all the way home.