I toss and turn in my thick comforter and stare up at the dingy cinderblock ceiling of my dorm room. Hannah snores softly on the bed across from mine, and I fight the urge to wake her up and tell her everything that happened. Angry or not, she's my best friend and right now, I just need someone to talk to.

The ride back to school was awful - Mom and I mostly sat in silence, my shame and her disappointment taking up too much space in her small car. I close my eyes, the scene playing over and over in my mind.

Finally after an hour or so of driving, Mom looked at me, a scowl on her face. "You're close to finals, so I'm bringing you back. As soon as your exams are over, you're home and you're grounded." Her jaw clenched and unclenched before she delivered the final blow. "And you're never to see that boy again, do you hear me?"

My breathing caught like a lump in my throat. "Mom, I'm not a child," I argued but she interrupted me, her temper finally boiling over.

"You're right, Kat! You're not a child, you're an adult who just got arrested! Do you understand the consequences of your actions at all? You could've thrown away your whole future for some boy," my jaw quivered as tears pricked my eyes. I wanted to argue but she was right. The reality of the situation set in and my stomach dropped.

"Could've?" I asked weakly, facing out my window.

"Yes." Mom composed herself. "I took care of it. Because you don't have a record, this won't be put on your file. That boy, however." She trailed off, grumbling to herself but I couldn't make out the rest. Instantly, my curiosity was piqued. What about CJ? Did he have a record? Is that why we weren't even given a warning?

Against my better judgement, I whispered. "His name is CJ."

"What?" Mom snapped, disbelief coloring her tone. I couldn't blame her - the words sounded stupid, even to me.

"His name is CJ." I repeated more loudly and more confidently. "And I really care about him."

Coming to a red light at about the halfway point from school, Mom turned to me. "And you think he cares about you, Kat? Would someone who cares about you knowingly break the law and get you into trouble? Knowing the future you see for yourself?" As she pressed her foot to the gas again, she continued, something like sadness coloring her voice. "I'll answer that for you: no, he doesn't care. And it doesn't matter anyways, because you aren't seeing him again."

I wiped at my cheeks, feeling like a complete idiot as her words sunk in. CJ knew I didn't like trespassing, but somehow he was always able to persuade me. Shaking my head, I scolded myself internally. CJ's persuasion aside, I made my own decisions, and now I have to face them.

I roll onto my side, burrowing deeper into my blankets as I do. Mind going a mile a minute, I don't even realize that I didn't come clean about dropping pre-med, either.

***

I cross the quad, grass damp with morning dew, and make my way to the Science Center. CJ never called and no matter what way I spin it, that doesn't seem like a good thing. Pushing away any negative thoughts, I enter the large Science complex and inhale the scent of brewed coffee and freshly made pastry.

I take my place in line, pretending not to scan the entire building for dark shaggy hair or a one dimpled smile. Coming up empty anyways, I glumly hand over some cash for my iced coffee, extra shot of espresso. I got no sleep last night, so if I have any chance at finishing my paper, I'll need all the caffeine I can get.

Dropping my backpack into the seat beside mine, I plop into a comfortable arm chair and take out my laptop. After about a half hour of staring blankly at my screen, the cursor blinking at me mockingly, I let out a deep sigh and tilt my head back against the chair, hugging my laptop to my chest.

"Kat?" Eyes closed, I recognize the voice and groan inwardly. "Where's CJ?"

"Oh, you mean 'dirt boy?'" My eyes open to find Hannah, looking exhausted and stressed out, staring down at me. She must be busy getting ready for exams, I notice, because she's never up this early. She purses her lips and stares at her feet so I continue. "Don't know."

Her big blue eyes flash to my face with concern before she dials it back, taking in my still irritated expression. "I really need to talk to you, Kat. Can I sit?" Her voice is timid, unlike I've ever heard it before.

I nod before looking into my coffee cup, swirling in the sugar that has rested at the bottom.

"I'm sorry, I was a really crappy friend." Hannah blurts out. Her brows scrunch together, like she planned a better way to apologize but couldn't control herself.

"You were," I agree, feeling my cheeks get hot. I resist the urge to give in and forgive her so easily, like I so often do.

"If CJ is what makes you happy, I should be happy for you. It's just," she trails off, her eyes catching someone I can't see yet. I wait until they pass so I don't have to look behind me, and tears sting my eyes. CJ rushes past us, headphones in, hoodie up, eyes downcast, as if he doesn't even recognize us. Hannah's eyes dart back to my face, her mouth half open like she's unsure of what to say.

I stare back at her, not knowing what to say either. I bite the inside of my cheek to keep my lips from quivering and refocus on Hannah. "You were saying?"

She twists in her seat to watch CJ's back as he enters an "employee only" storeroom behind the food counter. "I, um" she stammers before shaking her blonde head. "It's nothing. I was just being stupid. But I am sorry and I am here for you, whatever you need. Can you forgive me?"

CJ's rejection still stinging, I nod slowly. "Yeah, Han. Of course,"

She smiles brightly and leans over the coffee table to give me a short hug. "Oh thank goodness," when she pulls back, her eyes are concerned again. "What's going on with you two?"

Staring over her messy bun, I see CJ come back from the storeroom, large boxes stacked in his arms. I watch him work for a minute, continuing his business as if I'm not some thirty feet away, and shake my head, speaking quietly. "I don't know. We got arrested,"

"What?" Hannah nearly shouts and I blink back to reality to shush her, glancing around the cafe to
make sure no one heard us. "Sorry, what?" She continues in a whisper-yell. "Kat! Kat, who barely drinks at a party, got arrested? For what?"

Perhaps my expression lets her know just how un-funny the situation is because her face grows serious as I reply. "Trespassing, it was a date." I shrug, remembering her teasing of our first date in the construction zone. I brace myself for whatever remark she's about to make when she surprises me.

"Where?" She whispers, keeping a polite smile on her lips.

"A carnival," my chin sticks out defiantly.

"Oh, well..." Hannah tries to be encouraging. "That's romantic,"

"Hannah, we got arrested." I sigh and hide behind my hands. "And now we aren't talking, so not so romantic after all, I guess." Defeat clouds my mind and I feel a sinking in my belly.

"I'm sure your mom figured everything out right?" I can see that Hannah isn't sure which way to go here but I can't help her. I want to be with CJ, but my head is competing with my heart and even if my heart did win, CJ doesn't seem to care anyways. Why doesn't he?

I chuckle once without humor. "Yep, as long as I never see CJ again." I groan, Mom's furious scowl burning in my mind.

"Let's change the subject, okay? What else is new?" Hannah looks at me hopefully, trying to cheer me up.

Like a lightbulb in my mind, I'm reminded of my other latest, stupid decision. "Oh, yeah. I dropped pre-medicine."

Once again, Hannah's lips pop open in surprise and she sputters for words. Tearing my eyes away from CJ restocking shelves with bottled juices, I raise my brows at her and shrug. "What's new with you?"

Han insisted we meet Cassandra for dinner on Friday and I obliged. She'd offered a stiff apology before swiftly moving onto something easier but I didn't mind. Anything not to have to think about CJ too much. I ate dinner mechanically, not really tasting anything and not really being too hungry either. Luckily, it was a quick affair because Cass had a team party to get to.

Back in the dorm, I pack my bag for tomorrow's study session as Hannah hums on her bed, doing some Calculus homework. Stuffing my last novel into my bag, I check my phone for the millionth time and still find no new messages. My stomach turns viciously, making me feel sick. I'll give Mom till tomorrow before I try to reach out but I've already left several messages for CJ this past week. And still... nothing.

I flop onto my bed and stare at my ceiling. "Want to talk about it?" Han removes an earbud and smiles at me sadly. I let out a grateful sigh - she offered to stay in tonight simply because I wasn't feeling like going out. I'm not exactly being the greatest company at the moment.

Not taking my eyes from a long crack in the ceiling, I shake my head, thoughts of CJ and why the hell he won't answer me filling my mind. "No, I'm okay. But thanks anyway."

"Well, I'm here if you need me." She assures me, going back to her homework. I nod, too confused to even explain how I feel.

My sadness grows into anger at CJ blowing me off the past week and I'm tired of counting cracks in the ceiling tile. Frustrated that I never got his apartment address, I grab my phone and furiously send CJ another text telling him that we need to talk.