A couple of weeks go by and I finally settle into a routine, much like I had before I ever met CJ or began dating Lucas. I wake up and go to class in the mornings, grab lunch with Hannah (who actually considers this meal breakfast) and maybe Cass, if her schedule allows. Then I find a spot to study and get my homework done well in advance - I'm already beginning to make study guides for midterms, even. Lately, I've decided not to go to the Science Center, except for class. It would be too awkward, never mind painful, to run into CJ.

Mom called the day after I broke up with Lucas, in complete shock that I threw that opportunity away. When she asked me why, I gave her the only answer I knew she'd accept: I needed to refocus on school. Still unhappy about it, she dropped the topic by telling me there was always hope for a rekindling in the future. Once again I was filled with guilt, wondering if I'd really made the right decision, and feeling worse again that I'd lied to Mom. Hopefully, Lucas didn't share the real reason we broke up with his parents, I shutter, thinking of Mom's reaction if she found out the truth.

I bring myself back to the present and type away on my keyboard, wanting nothing more than to be finished with this Philosophy paper. "I thought you said Intro was interesting," I groan to Hannah, who isn't seeming to have much luck staying focused. She flicks some eraser shavings off her desk.

"I said interesting for a Philosophy class," Hannah giggles.

I shake my head, "Well, it isn't." The smell of books fills the old campus library, especially since we're at basement level - this is where they keep the archives. It's also the only place we could find space - as midterms approach, the campus study spots become crowded, more and more people needing a quiet place to get work done.

A dark head with glasses sticks out from behind a tall shelf full of textbooks on Astronomy. "Shh!" He hushes, pointing to a sign on the wall reminding library guests to be silent while they work. This is precisely why I never use the library - I've never been great at being completely quiet, especially not with Hannah.

She bites her lip to hold back a giggle and I roll my eyes, resuming my work on this paper. Stupid Kantian theory, I groan inwardly. Only two more pages to go.

I miss the Science Center. I rub my eyes, sore from staring at the laptop screen, wishing for an iced coffee and a pesto chicken sandwich.

I feel my phone vibrate and see a text from Hannah. I eye her curiously but she nods her head in the direction of our not so friendly shush-er behind the Astronomy shelf.

Han: Cassie's team is having a get together tonight. just the team and a couple friends. Want to go?

I shake my head, the last party when Cass and Hannah left me drunk and on my own filling my mind. Another lonely walk across campus in the middle of the night, isn't exactly my idea of fun. I smirk at the nickname she's given Cass now that they're dating, wondering just how much she hates it.

New message.

Han: it'll be a fun, last hoo-rah before midterms :(

I shake my head again, silently mouthing the word "No." She pouts, widening her blue eyes so she looks like a sad puppy. I ignore her, refocusing my attention on my paper. But five minutes pass and she's still staring with that pleading look on her face and it's too distracting for me to get work done.

"Fine, I'll go!" I finally give in, exasperation coloring my tone.

"Yay!" Hannah squeals, doing a little dance in her seat before quickly covering her mouth.

"Shh!" Another head pops out from the shelves and Hannah lets out a fit of giggles, getting us even more dirty looks from around the basement.

I sigh and collect my things into my backpack, "Oh, come on, let's get out of here before they ban us until after graduation."

***

"Here," Hannah hands me a plastic, red cup filled with ice and dark liquid. I eye her carefully and she smiles innocently. "It's mostly juice, don't worry." She sits down next to Cassandra, throwing her legs into Cass's lap naturally and I can't help but feel a little jealous. You had that, my mind reminds me, but you ruined it.

I take a small sip to wash the thought away, happy to find that the alcohol flavor is almost non-existent this time around. When a member of the team suggests a drinking game, I quietly remove myself from the living room and try to find a bathroom. I push open an old wooden door into the kitchen instead.

"Oh, sorry," I mutter as a girl with dark skin and curly hair looks up from the fridge. "I was just trying to find a bathroom,"

"Down the hall, on the right." The girl smiles brightly. "You're Kat, right? Cassandra's friend?" She straightens up revealing her tall build, and carries a case of beer to the small, kitchen table.

"Uh thanks. Yeah, that's me. Do you need any help?" I eye the muscles in her arms.

"Nope," the girl shakes her head and grabs another case. "I'm Jasmine."

She sticks out her cup and I touch mine to it. "Cheers," I murmur.

"What're you drinking?" She looks into my cup curiously before taking a sip without asking. I watch her, mouth agape, as she takes a long swallow. "Apparently not much." She laughs at the taste.

I blush. "I'm not a big drinker,"

Jasmine shrugs, "It's not for everyone." She leans back against the table, taking another swig from her own cup.

"Is this your apartment?" I wonder out loud.

She nods, "Me and three other seniors on the team,"

I bite my lip. "Do you think you could help me? I have a friend off campus, but I can never find their house on my own," I know I shouldn't, but the small amount of alcohol in my second drink is catching up to me already.

"Sure, I know most of the off-campus people, since Housing screwed most out of their apartments." I remember the seniors being aggravated at Housing last year - they usually let half the class live in the off-campus apartments, but since they just built really nice on campus housing for seniors... they cut the number of off-campus students almost in half, making the community pretty small and tight knit.

"His name's CJ, he's a senior, too." I explain, trying not to get my hopes up too high.

Jasmine's thick brows come together as she thinks, drumming her long fingers against her cup. "CJ?" I watch anxiously as she thinks for another minute or so. "I don't know a CJ, sorry girl. I wish I could help,"

I feel my face fall. "That's okay, I probably shouldn't be trying to talk to him anyways."

Jasmine laughs and shakes her head knowingly. "Ah, well, we've all been there before,"

I sigh before grabbing the bottle of vodka from the counter and refilling my cup, making it stronger than the last one.

"Well, hey," Jasmine breaks the silence. "I'm gonna get these beers to the others before they start a riot, feel free to spend the night, if you want." She eyes my cup before smiling and carrying the beer to the living room, where loud applause meets her.

I stay in the kitchen for awhile, letting the evening air from the window soothe me. Feeling bold after I've finished my third drink, I dial CJ's number. The phone rings three times before going to voicemail but I'm too nervous to leave a message. Stupidly, I call again instead. And a third time, but this time the call automatically goes to voicemail and defeat washes over me.

"There you are!" Cass's loud voice booms in the kitchen as she busts through the wooden door.

"Baby, you're so loud, sh," Hannah drunkenly puts her finger to Cassandra's lips to quiet her. "We've been looking for you!" She turns to me and grips my face in her small hands, her blue eyes red rimmed and cheeks flushed.

Not very hard, I think to myself, realizing the small size of the apartment. Instead, I smile hazily at them both. "I was trying to find a bathroom, but then I found Jasmine. And then I found this," I lift the bottle of vodka to them, noticing it feels heavier than when it was full. Maybe I'm just drunk, I giggle.

"And you didn't share?" Cass laughs, grabbing the bottle from me and taking a swig from it.

"No," Hannah protests softly. "You've had enough,"

"You've had enough," Cass repeats, nudging me for backup.

I let out a small burp. "I've had enough,"

Hannah takes that as a win and pulls us both into the living room where everyone else is scattered on the floor, watching a comedy special on TV. Some of the team are already dozing off on the couch, although I'm not sure how, given the drunken laughter all around them.

I join the group, settling my head on Hannah's legs as she lays out, resting her head in Cassandra's lap.

Parties may not be my thing, but this, I can deal with, I think to myself. The room sways slightly around me but I don't feel sick. For the first time in two weeks, I actually feel sort of happy - enjoying a normal night out with friends, not thinking of school work or my boy problems.

As the night goes on, the laughter becomes quieter until it is completely replaced by soft snores from everyone around me. The TV hums quietly in the background and my mind, still moving a bit slow from the alcohol, finally fades into a deep, dream-less, sleep.