FALL

The late summer breeze blows my dark curls in front of my face, bringing the scent of popcorn and crispy fried dough with it. The entire quad is full of concession stands serving carnival food and giving away college freebies. Campus is buzzing with the typical excitement of the new semester, seeing friends who live across the country for the first time since the spring, and showing families around the facilities on Family Day.

Music plays in the background, a catchy station known for the latest summer hits, and I hum along, scratching at my sunburn I got while at the lake with Lucas last week. I savor the memory, knowing I'll soon be drowning in homework instead of lounging on a floaty, and take in the carefree atmosphere appreciatively.

Sitting across from me at our picnic table, Cass and Hannah laugh to themselves, Hannah's blonde head nestled into Cassandra's shoulder. Hannah fights with Cass to steal some of her Mac and cheese and I can't decide who will win, but enjoy the spectacle anyways as they struggle against each other.

"Not fair!" Hannah smacks Cass playfully when she stands to her full height, raising her plate well above Hannah's head.

"Not fair?" Cass laughs, almost choking on her mouthful of food. "It's mine, you little thief,"

Beside them, Hannah's parents look on with smiles on their faces. Hannah told them about the relationship the day she got home and called me sobbing happy tears afterwards. Her parents said they didn't care if Cass is a girl, so long as she's a nice girl.

I'm glad they get to see the two like this. Watching them together now, there's no denying that Cass makes Hannah happy. She giggles more than I've ever seen from her and just gazes at Cassandra with such admiration in her eyes that you can almost feel the love in the air.

Cassandra's mother sits on their left, tall and red haired just like Cass. The relationship is nothing new to her and she is busy shoving her nose in the latest college catalog. It's easy to see where Cass gets the laid back attitude from, I notice, watching her mom pop a gum bubble with her lips.

"I'm going to grab a water, you want anything?" I stand from the bench and offer to Mom, who's also browsing the magazine, perking up only to tell Cassandra's mom of something cute on a certain page every once in awhile.

Smiling brightly at me, she drops the catalog and shakes her head. "I'm good for now, honey. When do we have to go to the English building?"

I can't help the grin on my face at her question. Every Family Day, academic buildings are kept unlocked so that students can show their parents the buildings. Some professors will even come in during the weekend to chat about their majors. One of mine is, and I'm more excited for Mom to hear about the class than I've let on. But she seems into it and the thought makes me happy.

Although Mom had been tentative about the English major at first, she eventually began becoming more invested. As the days passed this summer, she sent me more and more blog posts and testimonials of varying careers I could pursue with an English degree, always following up with me on what I thought during dinner. Even if I'm not really thinking of the career she suggests, I appreciate her interest nonetheless.

Soon, I even began comfortable sharing my creative work with her and I'd often find her curled up on the couch in the early morning, coffee in one hand, as she scoured my pages. It feels so good to know that there aren't any secrets between us anymore, but it feels even better to know that I have her support in my new dream.

"A little bit after noon," I answer her question before making sure no one else wants anything while I'm up, and walk to a cooler across the quad. Watching out for flying frisbees overhead, I dig through the ice until I find a nice cold bottle.

I take a big gulp, appreciating the deliciously cold water in the warm August afternoon.

Tan hands cover my eyes and my smile grows wider, his slightly smoky scent immediately giving him away. "Who could that be?" I wonder, turning and wrapping my arms around his tall frame.

"Hi beautiful," CJ smiles his dazzling one dimpled smile and the butterflies I felt the very first time we met still flutter wildly in my belly. He leans down and gently pecks my nose before placing a quick kiss on my lips. "I brought someone," he mutters.

I peek around him and see a much healthier looking Mr. Jacobs standing awkwardly behind CJ. CJ's given me frequent updates on his father's newfound sobriety this summer, but seeing him in person really hits it home. His eyes are clear and his skin looks brighter, his scent now one of cologne instead of liquor.

I know better than to ask where Mrs. Jacobs is - her journey has been far more difficult. Still, CJ is hopeful and I'll be here supporting him in whatever way I can.

I move around CJ and wave. "Mr. Jacobs, hi! How are you?"

A small smile tugs on his lips and a slight dimple indents his left cheek. "I'm doing better, Kat. Thank you. Congratulations on starting your senior year,"

"Thank you," I smile brightly before beaming up at CJ. "But you're the one who should be proud! Can you believe CJ is a freshman?" I giggle, elbowing him in the ribs playfully. To be honest, I can barely contain my pride - as it turns out, CJ will be studying psychology after all. I know his brother would be so proud of him for getting things on track again.

"Well, I think you are partly to thank for that." Mr. Jacobs says sincerely. I blush but take CJ's hand in my own.

Leaning down, CJ kisses the top of my head and mutters. "It's true,"

"Kat, how long does it take to grab a water?" Mom calls, finally walking up beside us. "Oh, excuse me," she extends a hand to Mr. Jacobs and I'm thankful CJ never told his parents about how she yelled at him when we were arrested. "I'm Kat's Mom. Lydia,"

They shake hands and I learn that CJ's father's name is David. DJ, I smirk to myself, giving him a nickname like CJ's.

Feeling my body tense, I watch Mom turn her attention to CJ and our intertwined hands. She's gotten over us dating, like I figured she would after the day in the cemetery, but they hadn't seen each other very much over the summer, so I'm still nervous when they're face to face. I don't want anything to set either of them off, not today, when everything is going so well.

"CJ," Mom looks at him carefully before smiling politely. "Kat tells me you're starting your first semester. Do you know what you'd like to major in?"

My mouth pops open and I stare at her, slightly stunned. My emotions bubble over as joyful tears prick my eyes and a lump grows in my throat.

Smooth as ever, CJ makes small talk easily with our parents, talking about his plans for the future and all the things he can't wait to experience during his college career. Mom listens animatedly, asking the right questions and saying the right things when he answers. I feel like my heart is swelling in my chest as I listen, interjecting my thoughts every now and again.

Never in a million years did I think that I would be here, surrounded by my friends and family, after failing a course, switching my major to a completely different path right before finals, cheating on a boyfriend, and getting arrested, all during my junior year. Never did I think I'd be chatting with my mom, the same boy I got arrested with and his father, feeling completely at ease, my mind finally slowing down enough to not worry all of the time.

Holding his hand close to my chest, I gaze up at CJ, knowing that if he hadn't interrupted me that day I was stressing over my F, none of this would've happened. Yes, we've made mistakes along the way, and plenty of them, but I never would have stood up for what I really wanted, if he hadn't shown me how.

Staring up at my crazy boy with adoration in my heart, I realize the simple truth that he's been trying to tell me all along: sometimes, in order to get what we want, what we really want, you've got to let go of the worries and the fears, the shame or possible embarrassment, the potential failure or disappointment, and let yourself just move forward. Sometimes, it's better to take a risk, to not always play it safe.

And sometimes, it's better to just be wild.