Cassandra and Hannah are acting really weird, I notice as they purposefully sit on either side of me at the game. "So what you're saying is," Cass throws some popcorn into her mouth. "Is that some random guy you just met... brought you to a dirt pile for your first date?" Hannah giggles on my opposite side and I hate feeling like I'm caught right in the middle of their judgement.

I nod, "It wasn't a pile of dirt." I explain to them again how CJ and I spent the evening staring at the stars.

"I see it every time I go to practice," Cass scoffs. "It's a pile of dirt."

"Hey, be nice." Hannah swats  playfully at Cass behind my back. "He bought her coffee first," she bites her lip to keep the laughter inside. Cass, on the other hand, laughs loudly, spilling some of her popcorn to the bleacher floor.

I stare straight ahead, focusing my mind on the screech from the refs whistle  and the hollers of a few dozen football players on the large green field. They weren't there, I remind myself. They didn't see how magical it really was, they don't know how somehow, it was exactly what I needed in all of this mess.

I sense them still beside me as they realize I'm actually upset. Let them be concerned for a little bit, I tell myself. It wasn't fair what they just did - making me feel silly for enjoying a date, judging my date before they even met him. Especially when they're the ones always pushing me to talk to guys. I think about CJ, how he is so playful when I need a laugh, and how he turns gentle when I'm this close to hiding within myself, knowing what I need before I can even tell myself. They just don't know him, I repeat over and over in my mind, trying to silence their judgements about the boy I just met.

A loud whistle calls the captains to the center of the field and the players rush over to their bleachers. "Let's go, boys!" Cass hollers as the teams get into their places. Our football team has done really well this season, and this game is a championship of some sort. I don't follow sports well enough to know, but Cass, as an athlete herself, makes us go to all the games to support the other teams.

I watch as the game unfolds, hearing cheers, whistles, and loud horns when our team scores. I see the action on the field, but my mind isn't paying attention. I keep thinking of CJ and what it felt like to have his strong hands on my waist, to kiss him. Kissing him was the first time in my life that everything, all the worries and doubts, just went away. A final, blaring blow horn sounds as Cass jumps to her feet in an excited cheer, flinging the rest of her popcorn onto me and Hannah's laps. Hannah looks up at her shyly brushing the kernels to the floor. I'll have to ask about that, I make a mental note.

"JJ is texting me the address right now," Cass is practically dancing down the hill back to our dorms. "Find your best party outfits, ladies! I'll provide the alcohol," She winks.

"No thanks, I don't do parties, remember?" I sigh, thinking of my warm bed waiting for me.

"Too bad. This is the biggest party we'll have all year," Cass argues, frantically typing on her phone.

I look to Hannah but she only shrugs. "It could be fun," Feeling a bit betrayed, I swipe my ID to get us into the dorm. I don't know when Hannah and Cass teamed up to sabotage me, but I am not enjoying it one bit.

Hannah throws me numerous outfits to try on as soon as we're through the door, Cass having left to hit the liquor store with some of her teammates. "I don't want to go," I complain, throwing the outfits back at her.

"It will be fun. I promise your studying will still be here when you get back," Hannah teases, tossing one last shirt into my hands. "That one will look great with your hair," She busies herself with her own make-up.

And like that, I'm slipping into black skinny jeans and a red cross-over top, dreading every minute of tonight.

"One drink," Cass shoves a plastic cup into my hands, reaching for the vodka on the counter.

"I don't drink," I shake my head stubbornly. I came to the stupid party, that's enough.

"Just one drink, to loosen you up." She insists, pouring clear liquid into the cup. She holds up two juices, fruit punch and pineapple mango.

I point timidly at the fruit punch, watching as she pours it into my drink. I bring the cup to my nose and almost gag as the sweet smell attacks my nose, "Too strong." I protest, but she ignores me, replacing the cap on the fruit punch and turning to chat with her teammates again.

As she and Hannah chat animatedly about the game with a few other girls, I take in my surroundings. The small senior apartment is packed with sweaty bodies, and it's so hot it's actually difficult to breathe. The windows are steamy from the body heat. A number of tall heads stick out above the crowd, most of them shirtless. The basketball team, I realize. Rap music plays so loudly that people are yelling to talk with each other. Others don't talk at all, but drunkenly dance to the music, some alone and others... Others grind their bodies so close to each other that I blush even looking at them. The floor is sticky with spilled drinks, and smoke tickles my nostrils as a girl blows from her vape pen. I stare at the red liquid in my cup and take a deep breath. There's no way I'll get through tonight without it, I tell myself, feeling my heartbeat racing already. I take a small sip, and immediately want to spit it out. Somehow, I manage to swallow it down, one sip after another, feeling the burn as it flows down my throat and into my belly.

Before long, my body feels warm and tingly, and I find it harder to control my limbs, like they're made of jell-o.  My mind feels slightly fuzzy, but I feel myself relax as all the worries melt away and a smile finds its home on my lips. "Finally!" Hannah giggles as I sway my body to the music.

"I want more," I raise my cup to Cass eagerly, surprising us both.

"Pace yourself, grasshopper," Cass laughs as she makes me another drink. I ignore her, taking a large gulp as soon as the cup is back in my hands. Why should I pace myself? I feel good.

A laugh escapes my lips and Hannah hugs me tightly, before pulling me closer to the center of the room where everyone is dancing. We fling our arms up, moving our hips in time to the R and B song sending vibrations through the floor. I close my eyes and tilt my head back, feeling the music coursing through my veins, just like the alcohol. After I'm not sure how long, I hear "Want to dance?" a deep voice whispers into my ear tickling my skin, as big hands clamp down on my hips. As his body presses behind mine, I straighten instinctively, not liking the way his crotch is pressed firmly against my backside.

"I need to pee," I mutter in response, pushing my way through the sweaty bodies and down the hall. The basketball player doesn't follow, and neither does Hannah. Air, I need air. I shove a door open and immediately pull it closed when I spot two naked bodies on the bed. My heart starts to beat faster and faster, until I finally find an empty bathroom. I lock the door behind me and rush to the sink, splashing cool water on my face and neck. I stare at my reflection in the mirror, wondering who the girl staring back at me is. Her hair is damp with sweat, eyes glassy and bloodshot with drink, makeup smudged around her eyes. I only had two drinks, I recall. Maybe closer to three, I think, remembering the many sips I took from Hannah's cup while we were dancing. This isn't me, I shake my head, my parents front and center in my mind. This isn't me.

I take a seat on the toilet, wishing my eyes would focus on my phone screen. I make out Lucas's name and immediately feel a bit better. I click on it, and press the phone to my ear.

"Hello?" His voice is thick with sleep.

"Did I wake you up?" I bite my lip, cursing myself for calling him at all.

"It's 2 A.M." He mumbles, "Where are you?"

"A party," I admit, my face in my hands. "I'm drunk,"

"You? Drunk?" He half chuckles. "Are you okay?" Sweet Lucas, I think, my mind hazy.

"I don't know," Finding the right words is hard. My eyes are heavy and I desperately want to close them and fall asleep right here in this bathroom.

"Go tell Hannah you need to go home," He instructs, his voice clearer now. "I'll stay on the phone,"

"Mmm," I make my way back through the crowds, trying to spot Hannah's blond head. "I can't find her," I worry, panic rising in my chest. The room is impossibly more crowded than before and my eyes struggle to focus on the faces around me.

"What about Cassandra?"

I can't see her flamey red head either. "Where'd they go, Lucas?" I whine.

"I don't know, Kat. Do you think you can get home on your own?" I don't reply, but start towards the door I believe will take me into the hallway of the apartment building. I curse, dropping my phone to the floor. I stumble to my hands and knees, trying to find it through the many feet surrounding me.

"Kat?" Lucas's concern comes through the phone once I finally find it and press the now cracked screen to my ear.

"I'm going," I mumble, pushing my way into the hallway, feeling the sticky remains of other people's drinks on my hands and the knees of my jeans. I'm greeted by cool air and silence once I'm out of the room. The music is loud even in the hallway, and I know Campus Security will be called soon. I urge my drunk feet to move faster, wanting as much distance between me and the party when that happens. "Don't leave me," I mutter, carefully taking on the stairs one at a time, clinging to the railing with my free hand. Where the hell are Cass and Hannah?

"I won't." Lucas promises. "I'm right here, Kat." I hang onto his words the entire way back to my dorm, even placing him on speaker as I stumble into pajamas, noticing Hannah isn't back in the room yet.

"Should I call her?" I fall into bed.

Lucas yawns. "Call who?"

"Hannah," I mutter, but my mind is already fading into sleep, Lucas whispering comforting thoughts into my ear as I drift away.

I wake early the next morning, my throat dry and my head pounding. I find my phone, almost dead, but still on the line with Lucas. His snores softly echo through the call, and I blush remembering my desperate call for help. I quickly hang up and stumble to the bathroom, chugging a full water bottle with some pain killer.

I stare at Hannah's empty bed, anger and guilt filling me up. How could they just leave me, drunk at a party where I didn't know anyone? How could you let yourself get like that? my mind retorts viciously. I think about my mom, home alone right now, so proud of her perfect daughter, and my face burns with shame. I can't even let myself think about Dad, right now, the guilt is already too much as it is.

I pack my backpack quickly, wishing I could sleep more, but not letting myself crawl back under the covers. I made the dumb decision, now I have to live with it, I punish myself as I stack my Biochemistry and Physics textbooks into my bag. Making my way to the library, I find myself wondering what CJ would say if it was him I had called instead of Lucas. Without realizing, my feet take me past the library and to the Science Center, curiosity getting the best of me.