The image in front of me is very familiar. It reminds me of passion-filled kisses and the sweet tang of blood. I never thought I'd be back here, standing under a moonless sky and staring into the mausoleum. I can still feel her legs wrapped around my waist, the warm, wet hold she had on me as her body surrendered to her passion. I miss being buried deep inside her, waking up next to her, and hearing her laughter. I'll never forgive myself for hurting her the way I did.

"Elias?"

My heart speeds up at the sound of my name. I want to spin around and at the same time, I'm terrified she won't be there. I've had too many dreams where I thought she was there, opening that bridge between her subconscious and mine, only to find out it was just a nightmare, and she is gone.

Slowly, so slowly, I turn. Cordelia stands an arm's length away from me in that tight teal dress she wore the night we went into the playrooms.

"Cordelia?" I whisper, scared she will vanish.

"Elias, I've tried to get to you so many times," she murmurs, brushing a rogue strand of hair from her forehead. From where she stands, I can see the tears in her eyes.

It's clear that she wants to close the distance between us, but she hasn't moved. She's just standing there, wringing her hands in front of her, barely meeting my eyes.

"I'm sorry. So sorry."

Cordelia's body goes rigid, and behind the tears, I see a storm brewing. She steps forward, but not with her arms open, not with forgiveness. Devastation tinged with anger simmers within her.

"Tell me again what you're sorry for, Elias. Is it for lying to me because you were scared I couldn't handle the truth? Maybe it was the truths you omitted. Or perhaps you're sorry for throwing me scraps of who you are while I was giving myself to you wholly. Please enlighten me on why you deserve my forgiveness."

"I'm sorry for all of it, Cordelia."

Her eyes widen and her rage bleeds to her face, turning it a bright pink. "'All of it'? That's a lazy, shitty apology, don't you think? What does that even mean? Do you have any idea what I've been through?"

My hands fly to my hair, and I pull the strands. "I'm sorry for keeping things from you, for letting my fears get the better of me. I'm sorry you are hurting and I'm the cause of that hurt. I don't know what you are going through, but I want to be there for you, to make this all right again."

The tears she'd been holding back spill onto her cheeks and I am dying to move toward her and comfort her. But I don't. I want her to make the first move, only if she is ready.

"I don't understand why you didn't feel like you could be honest with me. Did I not prove that I could take anything you threw at me? Even when I was scared, I came back to you." She sniffles and wipes the tears from her cheeks before she continues, her voice soft this time. "Why didn't you tell me about Cane? When you figured out he was alive, and you knew that he shared a bond with me. Tell me the truth, Elias."

No answer I give her will justify what I've done. It's not even about that. I want to do whatever she needs to ease her pain. She deserves answers to help her heal, even if they're pathetic.

"Denial. Fear. Selfishness. Stupidity. I did it for many reasons, none of which make me worthy of your forgiveness." I run my hand down my face, trying to compose myself before I become a blubbering mess. "You are strong, Cordelia. But Cane...I didn't want to so much as entertain the thought of him being bonded to you in any way. He is dangerous, and all I wanted was to protect you and keep you happy."

She swallows and looks up at the starry night sky before meeting my gaze. "Elias, I was happy. I love you." My fool heart squeezes at her use of the present tense, and I hate myself for having even a glimmer of hope. "I hate that you doubted my love and my loyalty to you just because of a bond I share with another. That doesn't matter. I fell in love with you before I even knew what a soul bond was." She runs her fingers through her hair. "But now, I—I don't know how I can trust you."

"I don't deserve your trust; I understand that. But if you will just give me the chance... I will earn it back."

"How? I mean, you could've come to find me at any time. And you still haven't. If your brother is so dangerous, why are you leaving me with him? None of this makes any sense, Elias. In fact, Cane has told me more than you have about this world and who I really am."

I open my mouth and close it again, attempting to process what she is saying to me. "Why am I leaving you with him? All I've done is search for you."

"That's not true! I know you could find me if you wanted to, but you don't. You've left me here for weeks wallowing in my pain and you couldn't care less. Why even bother with me and all of this," she flings her arms between us, "if you were never going to fight for it when it's so simple."

"What are you...What is simple about this? What the fuck am I missing?" I cringe at the harshness of my words. But if it was as easy as she thinks, I would have brought her back to her family by now. She is lost within a realm of countless supernatural territories, and I have no clue where to start.

"Oh my god, Elias! Have you forgotten what we did? Right here in this mausoleum!" She points behind her and her chest heaves with the mixed emotions she's clearly got running through her veins.

"No! That is my last happy memory with you. I understand that I fucked up, Cordelia. I held my tongue on things you deserved to know, but I live with the ghost of us every single day. Every memory haunts me and I cling to them because they are all I have of you."

She buries her face in her hands and finally, finally closes the distance between us. She stops right in front of me, and my fingertips ache to touch her. "Elias, that memory is the last happy one I have too. And because of what we did, the connection we share as a result..." She shakes her head. "But maybe that bond just isn't strong enough. Maybe the damage done is irreparable."

I step closer and hold out my hands to her, quickly putting them down when I remember how I was going to let her take the lead on this. "Don't say that."

"I—I have to go."

Every inch of me wants to stop her, but I made her a promise in my heart that I would give her what she needed. If she wants to end the conversation, so be it. "Okay."

"Maybe one day you'll realize how to fix it," she says, turning away from me. "Maybe the bond will be enough."

What bond is she talking about? The soul bond? It can't tell me where she—

Oh fuck. No, no, no.

"Belle rêveur, you can't possibly think—"

But the dream melts away and I'm back in my bed, my face soaked with streaks of blood. The chance of meeting her in her dreams again has been my only comfort these past few days. I've slept and slept hoping to see her, to learn where Cane took her. And when I finally find her, it doesn't do any fucking good.

I grasp for comfort anywhere I can find it. Any spark of hope that this is not the end. The only thing I can find is knowing that she is all right without me, that Cane hasn't and won't hurt her. Not when he's bonded to her just as I am. But one day, I will figure out where she is. And until then, I will come running when she is ready to meet me again in her dreams.