*warning! acts of self harm!*

*Timeskip: 6 days*

.

*Balloon's P.O.V*

It's been about 6 days since I've decided to stay with Taco.... and....

It's really nice so far!

I never thought I'd be saying this about somebody who used to be evil....

But... I'm glad I have Taco as a friend!

Sure, she steals and does evil things.... but,

She's proven herself to be a really nice friend.

Right now, Taco is out just taking a nighttime walk. Meanwhile, I'm just chilling out in Taco's cabin. It's quite cosy in here...

Nothing much has happened these past few days. I've gone out for a few afternoon walks, which were nice.

I almost.... ALMOST..... got spotted twice during these walks... hehe.... that would've sucked honestly....

First time, I was almost caught by Baseball and Nickel. I was walking near some bushes and tripped on a branch, falling in a bush. It made a noise obviously and it alerted Nickel. 

I was lucky enough to not be caught. However, I got a few small cuts on my arms and face when that happened. It was a good thing both me and Taco had first aid kits.

That was 5 days ago when that happened. The second time happened a few hours ago actually.... still embarrased about it...

.

*Flashback*

.

I was walking along the forest, taking in the scenery around me. I could hear the birds chirpping and I could feel the wind in my hair.

It was a very peacuful walk. I had been out here for about 2 hours now. I think I'll stay here for another hour.... I don't want to risk the chance of getting caught.

So, that's what I did. I stayed out here in the forest for another hour. Man! It's so nice out! I'm glad I'm wearing a shirt and not my usual sweaters.

I only really wear sweaters to..... to hide my scars. The self inflicting scars I made everytime I got that urge........ I don't like wearing short sleeves because it shows my scars...

I'm.... I'm ashamed of them.... Everytime I look at them... I'm reminded of all the pain and hurt I've been through.... I hate them.... yet... it's a part of me now.

*sigh* .... Let's now think about this for now..... I'm trying to enjoy my walk! Oh wait.... I need to head back to the cabin!

'Shoot! Taco might get a little worried if I'm back!', I thought to myself.

I begin heading in the direction of the open area. I've learned that the best way to find the cabin is to find the open area, then head north. At least.... that's what Taco saids is best to do when on a walk. 

So, I walk towards the open area. I have a general idea on where it is. .... hold on... I hear something.

No....... I hear someONE.... shit!

Not wanting to be found.... I try to be as quiet as possible. I walks slower, so I don't emit too much noise. I don't want to find out whose out here, so I better stay quiet.

I continued to walk towards my destination. I can hear more voices.... Well... more like... the voices I heard got a little louder. I think I was walking towards them!

'Crud! They'll in my pathway! What do I do!?', I panicked in my mind.

Stay calm.... That's what I do. As long as I'm calm.... they won't find me!

I walk on, a lot calmer now. I focus on getting to the open area... *rustle*

!? What was that!? Oh god! I hope it's not anyone!! ..... I stop walking all together. Just in case.

*rustle* *rustle* Shit! there's more rustling! I take a small step back..... not wanting to come face to face with whatever was in the bush..

I see something soming out.... I'm slightly panicking now.... I can feel my breath quicken. 

The rustling became more as.... something jumped out!

"Ah-!", I shout before putting my hand on my mouth.

WHY DID I SCREAM!? SHIT! 

'Shit... shit.... shit! Whoever is out here DEFITINELY heard that!', I panicked.

I look at what jumped out of the bush to see..... a cute little bunny!

Awe... it's cute! 

"Awe.... such a cute little one aren't ya?", I whispered.

It looks at me with it's cute eyes. Gosh... I love animals! Especially bunnies and puppies.

"Sorry if I scared ya little guy....", I apologized to the bunny.

The bunny twitched a little, then scratched its ear. Once it was done, it came up to me. *gasp* It's coming towards me! Awe~

It's right at my feet now. Wow.... this bunny is adorable! It was a very nice shade of gray, mixed in with some black spots.... it's eyes were a lovely brown color... like a hazel color! It's so fucking cute!!!

"I think I heard it from over here!", a voice from afar called out...

OH SHIT! THEY DID HEAR ME! 

I quickly hid behind a bush, not inside it since it could/will make noise.

"Are *pant* are you sure *pant* you heard it from over here, Suitcase?", I hear a voice ask...

I think it was Mic who asked the question.

"Yes! I heard it from over hear! It was a shout!", I hear a familiar voice exclaim....

It was Suitcase.... Damnit! Why her out of all people!? SHIT!

"I don't hear anything Suitcase.... are you it wasn't one of those 'episodes' messing with your head?", Mic questioned.

'Episodes'.... Oh shit.... does Suitcase still have them!? Damnit.... me running away must have made them worse...... some 'friend' I am for making her suffer.....

..... I don't deserve them.... I never deserved friends..... I'm just a worthless piece of shit....

"But.... I....", Suitcase began, stammering a bit.

"...... I guess it could've just been me.... sorry Mic...", she apologized.

"Hey. It's okay.... Let's just head back to the hotel.... OJ and Paper are probably done with lunch", Mic said.

Nothing more was said.... I could hear footsteps walking away from my location..... I let out a long breath I didn't know I was holding.

'Whew.... that was close.... a little too close', I sighed in relief.

I sat down.... I was panicked too bad there, I felt a tad bit light headed. I felt something nudge my leg. I looked.... it was the bunny.

"Oh. You're still here? I thought you would've left after I ran here....", I whispered to the bunny.

The bunny just twitched and nudged my leg again. I..... I think it wants me to pet it.... okay! 

I reached my hand out towards the bunny. The bunny sniffs it, then rubs itself against me. *GASP* I HAVE A NEW FRIEND!!!! AND IT'S A BUNNY! YES!!!!

Hang on! I need to name it! ... How do I know if it's a boy or a girl? Hmm..... I have no clue.... I might just name it something gendernetrual! Let's see..... I think I'll them.....

Ash. Yea.... Ash. I like it!

"I'll call you Ash...", I said to the bunny.

The bunny twitched it's nose. I think they liked it. I should get going.

I stand up, feeling better, and began walking back to the open area. I noticed Ash hopping behind me.... I think they want me to take them in. 

So I let them follow me back to the open area and eventually... back to the cabin.

.

*Flashback end*

.

So.... here we are now. I ended up asking Taco if we could keep Ash.... and she said yes! Much to my delight!

Right now, Ash is asleep on a pillow near the couch. Gosh. They are so cute! Oh yea.... Taco said that Ash was probably a guy. Cool!

It's been pretty peaceful for a while.... I'm getting bored.... I wonder where Taco was? I know it's not with Mic.... she's doing that tomorrow/Saturday at midnight.

...... *sigh* I don't like being alone.... I haven't been alone this long since I've been here.... I'm starting to ger nervous....

..... I hear something.... Was it something? Or someone? I don't know..... It's growing louder.... Oh no....

No. NO! NOT NOW!!!! WHY ARE THEY BACK!? I HAVEN'T HAD THESE STUPID THOUGHTS IN THE WEEK!!

'Please..... please just go away', I plead in my head...

..... It didn't work.... I curl into a ball.... I can feel wetness on my face.... I'm crying now. Damnit!

Why did these voices have to come haunt me now? I was finally feeling happy! Why did it have to be ruined!?

I keep crying like this for about an hour..... Taco hasn't come back yet.... the voices and the negative thoughts become louder and darker by the second....

.................. I have a sudden urge..... an urge to hurt myself... I.... I don't want to.... 

It felt as if my body was in auto-pilot.... I began to stand up from my spot... and I walk over to my backpack.

I reached inside to grab something.... I felt my hand latch on to something, so I begin to pull it out..... I was holding my pocket knife....

My body didn't feel like mine as I walked to the restroom. I tried everything to stop myself.... But I kept going.

I'm in the restroom now.... I was still wearing my short sleeved shirt from this afternoon..... My body didn't even hesitate to lift the knife to my arm....

And just like that.... the knife makes a cut. 1 cut becomes 2. 2 cuts become 4 cuts.... and so on.

...... Once I was done with one arm, I went to the next arm and did the same thing.....

.................................................................................

.................................................................................

"Balloon! I'm back!", I faintly hear Taco call out.

...... I can't speak..... I try to call back..... but my body won't let me... My throat feels dry and hoarse.... Have I been crying this whole time? I couldn't tell....

"Balloon? Where are you?", she calls out again, worry in her voice.

"Wait.... I hear crying.... Balloon! Are you okay!?", I heard her again...

I hear her footsteps coming closer..... I hear the door handle rattle but not open........

"Balloon! Are you in there!? Open the door!", she yells in concern.

She's outside the door.... but she sounds so far away..... I want to yell out! I want to tell her I'm okay! Even though I know I'm not okay.....

I start seeing spots around me.... I feel a little dizzy....

"Balloon!"

Not long after..... My world is nothing but darkness....

.

.

*Taco's P.O.V*

................................................

................................................

Holy shit....

HOLY SHIT!

BALLOON!

"BALLOON!", I shout out.

He passed out right in front of me.... 

Dear god.... his arms are so fucking bloody.....

Was that the pocket knife that Balloon had? Wait.......

Did- Did he cut himself!?

Shit. He's bleeding out! I need to clean his wounds and bandage them!

After about a good 30 minutes... I finished cleaning his wounds.

*sigh* I feel so bad.... but why did he cut? 

Has he been cutting himself while he's been here? How long has he been cutting for? Why did he hide this from me?

..... I can ask that later.... For now.... Let me get him to the couch and wait for him to wake up.

...... Does Balloon trust me enough? How do I help him get better?

.

.

*2 hours later*

.

.

*Balloon's P.O.V*

....................................................................

....................................................................

Ugh..... wh-wha-?

Ngh..... what happened?

Wait.... am I on the couch? 

How did I get on the couch? Last thing I remember.......

I was cutting my arms........... 

Shit.... I must've passed out.....

Did I cut that much?

Damn it.... Wait... I remember something...

Taco had came back... Oh no.....

She knows I cut.... didn't she?

Great....... *sigh* I'm gonna have to spill the truth.....

I would lie.... but Taco knows how I lie.... so she could pick it up in a heartbeat...

"Balloon!", I hear a british voice call....

Speak of the devil.....

Taco was at the front door.

Huh... did she go somewhere? She has a bag in her hand......

"H-Hey....", I coughed.

Ow.... my voice is all scratchy..... Man..... I must've cried a lot...

"You're awake! Thank goodness... Here... drink some water, it should help that voice of yours.", Taco stated.

She handed me a water bottle that she conviently had. I take it from her and open it. I drink a good amount of the water. Man.... my throat feels better.

"Better?", Taco asked.

"Y-yea.... better.", I said, throat still a little hoarse.

"Thank goodness. Anyways. I got us some food. You know I can't cook, so I got some take out.", she stated as she held up the bag.

Take out? How did she afford that!? Wait a second.....

"Taco.... did you steal that food?", I inspected.

"........ Yep.", she answered back.

"*sigh* I'm not even surprised.... Where did you steal it from?", I asked.

"..... The hotel. They were having some Indian food today. I have no clue on what it tastes like.... so I stole some for us to try!", she explained.

"YOU WHAT!?", I shouted.

"... I stole this fro-", she began before I cut her off.

"No. I heard you.... but... YOU STOLE THIS FROM THE HOTEL!?", I shouted fearfully.

"Well... yea. I did this before.... Where do you think the blanket and pillow came from?", she confessed.

SHE STOLE THE SHIT I SLEEP WITH FROM THE HOTEL AS WELL!?!?!

"..... Judging by your panicked state.... I'm assuming you didn't know... I'll let that settle in.... I'll get the food set up.", Taco said as she got plates and forks for the food.

I try to calm my mind from my panicked state. I take a few deep breaths to help calm me down. I feel better now....

After I calmed down, Taco came back to the living room with plates and utentils.

(I'm actually surprised she hasn't asked about my cuts..... maybe she will at a later date.... who knows....)

"Oh. Good. You're back. I got us plates and forks. Here you go.", Taco said as she handed me my plate.

I grab a plate and a fork. Taco sat down next to me and opened one of the boxes. This box had some sort of chicken and white rice. Man... that chicken is fucking strong! It smells spicy.

(/ I can't eat spicy shit for the life of me...... I'm weak... -A/N/)

"*cough* Holy shit! That chicken smells spicy as shit!", Taco exclaimed.

"Yea! I bet it tastes good!", I said excited.

"You like spicy food!?", she asked, shocked.

"Yea? Hispanic. Remember? I have a tolerance for spicy stuff.", I stated.

"Oh shit... that's right...", she realized.

Taco opened the other box. This one has more rice and ..... what is this? Curry? There's also some bread in here.

"The hell is that?", Taco asked.

She pointed to the other thing that was in there. I think it was curry? I could be wrong.

"I think it's curry... I'm not sure...", I said unsure of myself.

"Hmm... Well... let's dig in shall we?", she suggested.

"Heck yea!", I said.

.

.

*Not even 10 minutes later*

.

.

Taco is dying. Not literally! She..... She is dying yea.

So.... the chicken is like.... SUPER fucking spicy. Taco decided to eat one.... and here we fucking are.

Taco is trying to save her mouth and throat with milk.... I don't think it's helping.

I can hear her screamin in agony in the kitchen. I don't get why she's like this....

The chicken is super good! Maybe she isn't used to this much spice on something? I have no clue. I'm just gonna keep eating my chicken and rice.

"OH MY GOD!!! MY FUCKING MOUTH!!!! I AM NEVER EATING INDIAN FOOD EVER AGAIN!", Taco angrily and painfully shouted.

She comes back from the kitchen and plops on the couch. 

"If the chicken is that spicy, just eat the white rice. It's not spicy.", I said.

"Good idea.", she said.

She put the chicken back and just grabbed the rice. We continued eating for a while. All of a sudden, Taco got a call from Mic on the headset.

"Hang on. Mic.", Taco said, answering the phone.

I kept quiet as her and Mic talked. I've heard them talk before, it's nice to listen in.

"Hey Mic. I'm fine.", Taco greets.

"What? No I didn't steal some of the Indian food from the hotel.", she tried to lie.

"... Shit. You got me. Yea. I stole some. Last time I'm stealing fucking Indian food from you guys.", she confessed.

"Shut up.", she flatly said, looking flustered saying it.

"Balloon? No. I haven't found him yet. You haven't either huh?", she said.

..... Him... why does that sound wrong? I'm a guy! Of course I am...

Then... why didn't it feel right? .... I already know I'm bisexaul, known that since high school...

But that was my sexualitly. This is my gender I'm thinking about..... I've been questioning my gender for a while now.... Was I a guy? Or did I feel like something else?

"Look. Mic. Don't worry. He's going to be fine! We'll find him. I promise.", Taco said.

............. Did I feel like a guy? Or did I feel like something else? ... Paintbrush is non-binary right? Do I feel like them? .... I sorta did...

Hmmmm... I'm gonna look this up.... I pull out my phone. I opened Google and typed in.... 'why am i confused about my gender' and hit enter.

I begin looking at some articles about this..... Woah..... this one article is helping me a little....

It explains how people feel confused about their gender... just like how I am right now.

"...' identify with multiple genders' ...?", I whisper....

People can have more than one gender? ...... Did I feel like that? I feel like a guy, but I also feel.... like Paintbrush too....

Let me look this up..... 'people with more than one gender is called what?' I typed in...

'Genderfluid' is what popped up on Google..... Genderfluid? What's that?

I click on an article to see it's meaning.

'People who are genderfluid may find that their gender identity changes rather than remaining fixed', is what this article said..... huh.... 

I keep reading it..... So.... you can change your gender if you feel like a different gender? .... 

.... I feel like a guy.... but I also felt like Paintbrush... non-binary.... There used to be times where I felt like a girl back in high school..... was I feeling like this?

Was I genderfluid? ....... I think I am........ Woah! I'm genderfluid....... this..... this felt right. Yea..... it feels right.

"I'll see you tomorrow Mic.", I hear Taco finish.

She turns off the headset and faced me. Should I tell her?

"Sorry about that. Hope you didn't wait too long.", Taco said.

"Oh... it's no problem!", I said.

She glanced down at my phone... crap! It was still on!

"Oh? What's this?", she asked as she grabbed my phone.

"Wha- HEY! Give me my phone Taco!", I exclaimed, reaching over her.

"....... What is this? 'Genderfluid'?", she asked.

............ Well shit.

"Balloon?", she questioned.

"................ I've.... I've been questioning my gender for a while now.....", I started.

"You have?", she pryed.

"Yea.... I feel like a guy... but I also feel like a girl... and sometimes... I don't feel like a gender! Or Non-binary!", I confessed.

"I didn't know what to do.... I felt confused... So.. I looked it up... and I found out.... I feel like I'm genderfluid.", I said, confident.

"Really?", she asked.

".... Yea....", I said.

"Huh... good for you figuring youself out! Do you have any pronouns you wanna try?", she figured.

"Um..... Yea....", I said.

"Okay. Tell me!", she said egarly.... 

"Okay! Pronouns.... He/She/They/Xe...", I finally said...

"Interesting... I like it! I'll use them.... Not all the time.... since you know... suspicous.", she stated.

"Hehe... yea... Thanks Taco", I thanked.

"For what? Being a decent human being and accepting who you are?", she joked.

"Well... Yea.... I know not everyone is accepting of LGBTQ+.... so... thanks... thanks for being respectful.", I said, getting a little teary.

"Heh... no problem.... buddy.", she said.

She pulled me into a nice hug. ..... This feels nice.....

I hugged her back... letting some tears fall...

I finally felt understood by another..... and by myself........

.

.

.

*End of Chapter 16*

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Wham!

Chapter done!

WOOO!

Also.... I hope you like my headcanon for Balloon!

(I do infact headcanon him to be genderfluid! I just see it for some reason)

I hope I did this right..... I'm not sure how to write shit..... 

(Then why the fuck am I writing a whole fucking book!?)

See ya in the next chapter!