*Self harm and mentions of lack of hunger!*

*Balloon's P.O.V*

I was laying in bed, it was nothing new. Laying here with a bunch of thoughts just bouncing around in my mind. I take a glance at my phone for the time, 1:30 pm. It's just about lunch time, I think. Maybe it is lunch, either way, I wasn't going to go down for food.

Yeah, I haven't moved from my bed at all today. I didn't care however, I didn't care one bit. I wasn't going to go downstairs where everyone hates me. Staying up here in the slight comfort of mine and Nickel's room where nobody could see my face was good enough for me.

Mine and Nickel's room, *sigh*, why did OJ make him of all people my roommate? Nickel hates my guts to a whole 'nother level! He antagonized me every chance he got during this season of II and OJ is like, ' You two hate each other, let's put you two together as roommates!'. *sigh*

*Grumble* Oh. My stomach is rumbling. I guess staying in my room all day isn't a good idea huh? I guess I should go grab something to eat. *sigh* I get up from my bed and change into something more acceptable for the day. I head to the restroom to freshen up my face and to fix my hair, it looked like a mess.

Looking less like a sad mess, I start making my way towards the elevator that will take me down to the 1st floor. As I continue walking, unwanted thoughts plague my mind. I still don't know why I'm even allowed to live in this hotel when everyone hates me. Can't they see that I've changed!?

Well, not everyone hates me, I have a good 2 friends here. Suitcase, and Trophy. Suitcase was still in season 2, and I'm rooting for her. Trophy, we've known each other since highschool, he's not so bad when you get to know him. I wonder how he's doing. We, we haven't talked since highschool graduation. Don't blame him! His dad made him stop talking to me.

I can feel my face turn into a frown. I have changed. Suitcase knows, and I'm sure Trophy knows the real me. I kept walking, when I finally reach the elevator; living in the room farthest from the elevator really gives you a workout. I press the down button and the elevator opens.

I get in and press the 'floor 1' button. The doors close and I feel the elevator moving. I began to get pulled back into my unwanted thoughts. My mind raced with a bunch of negative thoughts and I began to question myself. 'Have I really changed?', 'Why did I try to manipulate my team back in season 1!?', 'Do I deserve forgiveness?'.

I'm stuck in thought when I hear a cough. I snap out of my thoughts and I see Paper standing in front of me. Crud, how long was I just standing there!?

"Um. You okay Balloon? You seemed really deep in thought right there." Paper asked.

"Oh! Um, yeah! I'm fine. Just, got lost in thoughts. Heh." I replied back with a fake smile.

" Ah, okay. I just thought I would check. I heard the elevator and I saw you just standing there. You, um. You alright?" He asked me.

"Y-Yeah. Don't worry about me! I'm a-okay!" I answered. That was a complete lie though, I'm not okay, but nobody cares how I feel.

"W-Well, okay. Just wanted to check in. Lunch is still out if you want any." Paper says as he begins heading towards OJ's office. Once he was out of sight, my face goes back to it's sadden state. I had no idea I was even down here! I really was in deep thought if I didn't hear the elevator ding.

I put a small smile on my face and began making my way towards the kitchen. As I'm walking, I can hear chattering and giggling all around me. I glance to my left and I see Salt and Pepper gossiping; more than likely about me showing my face. To my right, I see Paintbrush and Nickel muttering about something; again, probably about me.

I can feel my breathing speed up and become shakey. Soon, I hear voices, but not anyone around me, but in my head. I speed up my pace as my heart and soul begin to pound. I'm not about to have a mental breakdown when everyone is here!

*3rd Person P.O.V.*

Balloon kept speed walking to block out everyone and his racing mind. He makes it to the kitchen and he sees sandwiches and small chip bags laid out on the counter. He didn't want to be in there any longer than he has to, so he goes towards the chips and grabs some Lay's and a bottle of water and begins walking out of the kitchen.

He soon hears more giggling, and whispering. More and more thoughts and voices plague Balloon's mind as he begins speed walking back to the elevator away from his former teammates. He makes it to the elevator and presses the button to go up and hops in the elevator.

As quickly as he got on, he makes it to the 3rd floor and begins to speed walk towards his and Nickel's room at the end of the hallway. He reaches his destination and unlocks his door, walking in. The voices in his head had gotten louder to the point where Balloon wasn't really aware of his surroundings.

Putting his so called 'lunch' on a desk close to his bed and walked back to his bed. As he did, he began to sink onto the light gray carpet under him, tears trickling down his face. Once he hit the floor, he bagan to sob with more tears running down his face.

Balloon curls into a ball as he tries to wipe his tears, being unsuccessful in doing so. More thoughts seep into his mind, more unwanted by the minute.

*Balloon's P.O.V.*

More sobs come from my mouth. Man, I feel so pathetic. I'm trying to stop myself from crying, but the more tears I wipe from my face, more come down. This is really stupid.

Why am *I* playing victim? *I'M* the one tried to manipulate my team in season 1! *I'M* the one who hurt those around me! *I'M* the one was the bully them! Everything up to this point and time has been *MY* fault! Everyone has a VERY valid reason to hate me and antagonize me!

If I was in their shoes, I would hate me too! No, scratch that. I would hate me more than I already do! I DON'T DESVERE THEIR FORGIVENESS! I DON'T DESVERVE KINDNESS FROM ANYONE! I. DON'T. DESERVE. TO. BE. HERE!

I'm sobbing harder as a load of tears flow down my face and hit the carpet beneath me. As I continue to sob, the urge to harm myself comes to mind. I wipe my tears and stand up from where I was sitting. I walk towards my bedside drawer and open it.

Nothing much in here. Some socks, underwear, basic under garments. That isn't what I want I want though. I reach in the back and find another handle that leads to another hidden drawer. I open that up and there laid a diary, my poetry notebook, and... a knife. I pull out the knife and close both drawers up and make my way towards the restroom.

I head inside and pull out a medical kit from the cabinet and set it on the sink counter. I take a look at the knife in my hand, debating if this was a good idea or not. Not even a second later, I roll up my sleeves and look at my arm. More self harm cuts litter my arm, some are pretty faded, some are a little older but haven't fully faded yet. I press the knife against my arm, and make one cut.

1 cut becomes 2 and two becomes 4 as I continue to cut my left arm. Once I was satisfied, I moved on the my right arm. It's the same as my left, littered with cuts from the distant past and season 2. I put the knife against my tender skin and make a cut. More cuts followed until I made 10, making a total of 20 cuts with both arms.

My face was netrual as I washed my arms in the sink. All the blood that was on my arms go down the drain. I began treating my arms, putting some disinfected stuff on my arms; which did sting a bit, then wrapping my arms in bandages. I took a look at my work, then tidied everything up; putting the med kit away, and cleaning the knife.

Feeling satisfied with the way the restroom looked, I walked out. I put my knife away back in my hidden drawer and closed it. I walked back towards my desk and grabbed my 'lunch' and sat on my bed, opening the bag of Lay's.

I grabbed one and began to munch on it. I continued to eat as I got lost in thought once more. I think back to this season of Inanimate Insanity, to season 1, to everyone I competed with. Then, I began to think of all the times I was hurt. All the times I've been mocked at. The times where I was pushed down. Times where I had cried when someone was just being a jerk towards me. To the times where I made cuts to remind myself how pathetic my life was and how everyone hated me. I thought about it all.

All of the pain, hurt, lies, lonliness I felt through my time in Inanimate Insanity. Gosh, I just want it to end! I don't want to feel like this anymore! I HATE feeling like I'm not good for anything or anyone! That's when a thought came to mind. I've thought of this before, but never had the couraged to do so before.

RUNNING AWAY....

I know what you're thinking.... "NO! Don't do it Balloon!", "Running away isn't worth it!", "People in the hotel will get worried and miss you!".

MAY I REMIND YOU! NOBODY HERE LIKES ME! EVERYONE HATES ME! WHY WOULD THEY CARE!? THEY PROBABLY WOULDN'T EVEN CARE THAT I LEFT! HECK! THEY WOULD BE GLAD I LEFT!

As I finished my inner monolouge, I take a super shakey breath to calm down. I got mad at myself, and I was tearing up again, great. I wipe my tears away and calm down. Taking another bite of my chips and go back to my previous thought.

RUNNING AWAY...

There was nothing stopping me from running away, but myself. Where would I go? Probably just live in the forest in a tree or cave. What about my dad? I could live with him, but he works too much and might not let me. My tio? Same thing. Sure, I know they love me, but I haven't seen them in a few years, which makes me dout myself.

Should I really do this though? I mean, nobody is going to notice that I'm gone. Not that their going to look for me if I did just disappeared out of the blue. Right. I've made up my mind! I'm going to run away. Run away from this pain and hurt I've dealt with for years. I'm sick and tired of feeling like crap everyday.

It is going to take a few days to try anything, I need to pack, grab snacks and continue my letters to everyone. I was going to make a letter to the season 1 gang, but I hadn't finished them, so why not make one for everyone, even the ones still in this season? It's not like they're going to read it anyways.

So my plan will be to continue writing my letters to everyone personally, then write a letter to tell everyone that I ran away; that's what you do when you run away right?; while doing this, I'm going to stack up on as many snacks as I can, finally, I'm going to pack a couple of clothes in a backpack with fitting my snacks and finally be gone from this place.

I'm going to start tomorrow, I don't have the energy to do things right now. I'm proably just going to sit here on my bed the rest of the day and continue planning. Wait! I should write this in my diary.

I lean over to my left, open my drawer and the secret drawer, and grab my diary along with a pencil. I close everything, and open up my diary and write in it.

*Diary Entry #130*

*Hey! So, today wasn't good, but wasn't bad either. I ate a bit today, which is good. People kept staring at me and talking behind my back as always, but I'm used to it a little bit.

I decided today that I'm going to run away from this place! I'm going to work on this tomorrow, and maybe by the 30th of January, I'll be gone from this place. Wish me luck!

-Balloon*

*Date: Jan. 20th, 2018.*

I close my diary and put it back in my drawer. I eat one more chip and put the rest; which was like half the bag; on my drawer for later. I'm going to be honest, I don't remember the last time I had a proper meal. I haven't really been eating as much as I should be. It's either small snacks or nothing at all at times. I'm just a little thinner than I should be normally. Eh, I'm sure it's nothing bad.

I decided to change my outfit into something comfortable, it's not like I'm going back out today. I change into some sweatpants and a oversized SALMON t-shirt. I head back to my bed and just sit for the next few hours.

It's now around 6:30 pm. I decide to finish the bag of chips and have that as my 'dinner'. I grab the chips and eat slowly. It's 7 now, everyone is more than likely at dinner. I finished my chips, tossed it in the trash and drank my water; which was about half way empty.

Once I drank some water, I relax for a little longer. 8 pm now and I'm feeling tired. I'm sure if I sleep now, I'll wake up at like 12 am like I always do. My insonima really likes to mess with me like this. Not wanting to fight with myself, I lay down.

My eyes began to feel heavy and I try not to fight with sleep. After a good 10 minutes for a small battle between sleep and my insonmia, I finally felt my eyes close. Soon, I was drifted into a dreamless slumber.

*End Of Chapter 1*

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Hey! Hammie here! I hoped you enjoyed this 1st chapter!

Might have another posted tomorrow!

Maybe....

If I'm not TOO distracted.

Anyways. See ya!