My fingers spread across the table. Hands sandwiched between the cool wood and the warm sunlight, I swallowed. The monsters watched me, waiting. Julia sat beside me, coiled on her tail. Fredrick huffed and his scales scraped across the tiles. 

"Just think about it."

I whipped my gaze up to him. "You're- You're letting me go?"

Julia laughed and nudged me with her shoulder. "Well, it's not like we're getting much use out of you. All you're doing is eating our food and stealing my bed," she said with a smile. "I don't really mind since it gives me an excuse to sleep against the heater, but it would be better for all of us if you went back there, right? More food and water for you, less worrying about us being murdered in our sleep." A plain white shirt fell onto the table. "Here's a new shirt, and there should be enough water around here for you to, uh, not be dehydrated." 

"I'll be fine," I whispered, staring at the cotton cloth. I get to leave. I can go home. Before I started crying, I pulled the loose shirt over my head. No tag scratched the back of my neck, and the sleeves hung past my hands. It didn't matter, I was solely focused on the fact I was leaving. Injuries and bloodied skin forgotten, I rushed out of the house. Soles slapped against broken cement, grit and gravel scraped with every step. The evening air was warm and it soaked into my chilled bones. 

A grin spread across my face. I whistled. Mrs O'Leary bounded from the shadows, and I wasted no time in climbing onto her. My stomach leapt into my throat on the trip back, but once the sounds of swords clanging and kids swearing hit my ears, that nausea was gone. Get to Chiron. 

Get to Chiron. 

I jogged towards the Big House. I dodged anyone who might've talked to me, even if no one tried I still skirted around them. Any conversation might've led to me breaking down. That wasn't something I could have happen, not in front of the campers. Chiron had said as much, I didn't want that to happen. Mr D said nothing as I rushed up the steps, my feet thumping hard as I skipped the last two. I pulled the door open and headed to the living room.

Dressed in his usual jacket, Chiron stood at a far table. His tail swished behind him, and he sighed. 

"Uh, Chiron?" I said. A loose board creaked underfoot. My hands were shaking, but my voice didn't break, so I counted my blessings.

"Percy, would you mind handing me those papers?" he asked. I stood in the doorway, staring at him. Did he- He snapped his fingers. "Soon, Percy." I swallowed and grabbed the papers before handing them over. Glued to the floor, I couldn't move, not even as hardened eyes looked down at me. "You're on dish duty for the next week." 

I nodded mutely. Burning crawled up my arms. It couldn't hurt me. The feeling and the smell of acid and smoke wasn't real. Hooves clipped against the floor. A firm hand fell onto my shoulder. 

"It's time for dinner." 

There was no choice. But really, when did I ever have one? Not now, not before, and really the only time I'd have one is in the future. So when Chiron directed me to sit at my table, I did. When it was my turn to scrape food into the fire, I did. And when it came to eat...I didn't.

Metal pulled across the plate surface, pushing broccoli around. Which of the gods invented broccoli? Why couldn't my brain pick that up as a line of thought? Instead of focusing on the way I felt Chiron's eyes boring into my back, I would take anything. Well, maybe not anything; I looked at the Hermes table where a plume of glitter was drifting to the ground. 

My unease never abated. Not until I shoveled food into my mouth. Bloated and feeling sick, I forced myself to stay sitting. I ate too much. Inhaling deep through my nose, I released it in a slow breath. 

"Whose--" I yelped and whipped around. My eyes wide, I stared up at Chiron. He frowned. "Whose team are you playing on for Capture the Flag?"

I couldn't say anything. The words whirled through my head. Capture the Flag? But- But it was just-- Breath caught in my chest, I wheezed. The reality sank in and I shook my head, a half baked excuse falling from my lips. Stumbling back to my cabin, Fredrick's words flickered to life. A whine slipped out, and I threw myself inside. Nothing changed, everything was the same. The sea-breeze throughout the cabin seemed to wrap around me. Stifling and all-consuming, I couldn't escape.

Tangling my fingers in my hair, I bit hard on the inside of my lip. I could. I should. It would make so much sense, I mean if this- If this is how-- No. 

No. 

I can't. I shouldn't even be considering this. It would get so many people hurt, so many killed. Maybe some of them would- Shut up. This could only end in blood. I chuckled. Blood. I dragged my arm across my eyes, hand fumbling for Riptide. Plastic clattered when the cap hit the floor. 

Blood spilled down my arms, and nothingness washed over me. The sharp pain, the small burn of the razor edge, brought the opposite of what I so often sought, and I was okay with that. I felt too much, and now I didn't feel anything. It was good, it was nice. 

Before I went too far, before I had a repeat. I dropped Riptide. Red would once again stain the floor brown. It soaked into the bandages I pulled from my belongings. The cotton dug into my skin, tight and exerting constant pressure. They wouldn't slip. I tapped down the edge and sank onto my bed. The floor was cool under my bare feet-- when did I take my shoes off? My socks? I didn't know. --my eyes trained on the bathroom door. 

Nothingness would ebb and flow, a tide and I was caught in it. Wood and mattress alike creaked as I stood back up. I shoved my feet into my shoes. 

I didn't think before throwing clothes into a bag. 

Please enjoy this chapter! I need to feed my animals before it rains

Comments are very much allowed here btw, they are very nice

See yah