Well, I'm officially dead... or at least I feel that way. 

If anyone reading this has ever been in love... and I don't mean the teenage crush and go love... I mean real love... then you know what I'm feeling. 

The love of my life is slowly being ripped from me and the pain is unbearable... intolerable... worse than any pain I will ever feel. 

I know it seems odd that little fourteen year old me has found love... but I have. I know it. I can feel it every second of every day... the pain like fire encasing my heart... as if it's slowly turning it into stone so that it may fall from it's place and kill me. 

I've always been good at hiding emotions... pain... things that other people express more freely. I wish that pain were as simple to stop as it is to hide, but it isn't. Rather is eats me, slowly, from the inside out. It kills me, but lets me live at the same time. It takes the me that I want to be and hides her, locks her away in some unknown chasm... some unknown place... far from my reach. 

Why does love have to hurt so much? Why does so much pain have to be the pretense to happiness? I can't answer those questions... but it hurts. It hurts too much, but I'm willing to suffer through it if it allows me the love of my life. 

Thanks for listening... or reading... whatever... 

Munchy out