whumptober day 2 - in the hands of the enemy - "pick who dies"

fandom: marvel cinematic universe

set: au where bucky joins the avengers after winter soldier

tw: ptsd, torture, self-hatred, death

summary: after a mission goes horribly wrong, bucky and sam are both held at gunpoint and steve is asked to choose who dies and who will work beside him as a winter soldier

words: 1778

Steve had known something terrible was going to happen as soon as the HYDRA agent got on a train. He hated trains. Nothing good ever happened on trains.

When he and Bucky had been forced to climb onto the top while Sam flew overhead, he'd immediately been reliving the worst day of his life.

It didn't matter that they were speeding through Chicago, not over an icy ravine somewhere in Europe. It didn't matter that given his and Bucky's advancements, falling off would certainly leave them sore and maybe even break a few bones, but would certainly not kill either one of them. Nothing mattered except the replay in his head of Bucky plummeting down that ravine, with nothing he could do to save him.

Sam had known he wasn't on his best game. He'd repeatedly told him that they should let the agent go for now, that they'd get him, and hopefully some of his friends, another day. Steve hadn't listened. He'd sworn over and over again that he would be fine.

Then, Bucky had dropped to the side of the train to try to find a way inside, and Steve had freaked out.

It had been a full-blown panic attack like he'd had only a few times before. Hyperventilating, screaming, aware that he needed to stop but completely unable to do so. As Sam landed and Bucky scrambled back on top of the train to try to calm him down, the seventeen additional HYDRA agents that they'd been completely unaware of had jumped on the chance, rushing out onto the emergency exit ramps and up the ladders while two more hijacked the train.

Luckily, they hadn't been after civilians, and all of the other passengers had been released as soon as they had Captain America and his two closest companions.

Now, Steve was secured to a metal chair on one side of a thick pane of glass, his friends in the same situation on the other.

And it was all his fault.

The very HYDRA agent they'd been chasing in the first place was pacing around him, a look of sick enjoyment on his face.

"So, Captain," he said after a long moment of silence. "I see you are not as invincible as all of the stories make you out."

Steve said nothing, simply glaring across the space between them.

"The famed Steve Rogers," his enemy continued. "Rendered helpless by a memory." He laughed. "Pathetic."

He acted as if Steve didn't already know that.

"Apparently, even the strongest serum in the world can't save you from your own mind," the agent scoffed. "Weak as it is."

There was another moment of silence, before he finally stopped pacing and met Steve's furious gaze. "My name is Agent Morazi, and I'm going to help you strengthen that weak mind."

Steve looked at his friends, on the other side of the glass with two guards each, and he felt a sick feeling open in his stomach.

"Whatever you want," he said softly. "Just do it to me. Let them go."

Morazi let out a sharp bark of laughter.

"Now that's more like the famed Captain America everyone's heard about. But my dear captain, how can I let them go, when the worst thing I can do to you is to do something to them?"

Steve swallowed hard and said nothing. He'd known it had been a useless attempt, but he'd had to try. Now, he knew anything he said was just going to get them in even more trouble.

"You see," his captor continued, "I have big plans for you, Rogers. You and one of your little friends, since you seem to work so well on a team. I was initially going to kill the birdman and use you and Barnes. After all, all I have to do to get him battle ready is say a few key words."

Steve lunged forward best he could, jerking hard against his restraints, but they didn't even move.

"But then I realized the level of mental weakness I had to overcome in you," he continued, "and I knew there was a better way."

Morazi crossed the distance between them and laid a hand on Steve's shoulder, holding tighter when the Captain tried to jerk away. With his other hand, the HYDRA agent indicated Steve's bound friends.

"One of them will still work beside you as the newest, most elite of the winter soldiers," he said, evil enjoyment in his tone. "And one of them will still die."

Steve's eyes closed. He knew what was coming, but he didn't want to face it, didn't want to face any of this.

"Which one does which..." He knew the man was smiling, despite his eyes still being shut. "Well, that part's up to you."

"No." Steve forced himself to look him in the face again. "I won't."

But Morazi's smile only grew. "That's what I was hoping you would say."

He pressed down a button on his earpiece. "Bring out the cat."

Steve had thought that the horrifying whip known as the cat of nine tails had last been used around the time it was used on Jesus. Then, an agent walked out with exactly that in his hands and two more moved Bucky from the chair he was secured in, to a pair of metal cuffs on the wall, and removed his shirt.

"No!" Steve jerked hard against his own restraints, but it only made Morazi laugh again. "No, take me! Don't... don't..."

The agent tapped his earpiece again. "Captain Rogers has asked for an additional five lashes to be added to Mr. Barnes's turn." He looked at Steve's horrified face and shrugged a little. "It's simple. The more you ask for it for yourself, the more your friends will receive." His hand returned to the side of his head. "You may commence."

On the other side of the glass, the agent raised the weapon, and Bucky struggled against his cuffs. Steve felt like he was in a nightmare, like any minute how, he would wake up, breathless and eternally grateful it was all in his head.

The cat slammed into Bucky's back with all the force its bearer could put behind it. Metal ripped skin away from its proper place, allowing streams of blood to flow off of Bucky and onto the floor below him.

Steve heard his friend's scream for only a moment before it was drowned out by his own.

Then, the agent did it again.

He screamed until he was hoarse, then continued to drag out whatever his vocal chords had left. He threw up, then threw up again, then was resigned to dry-heaving in between hoarse screams and sobs which had dried up a long time ago.

When they were finished with Bucky, and had to half-carry him back to his seat, they brought out Sam, and the nightmare Steve was living in continued for another horrible round.

While his friends suffered, he was subjected to the whispers of Morazi, describing how they would kill one of them, how the chairs they were strapped to were really electric chairs. Then, about all the horrible things they would make the other one do, side-by-side with Steve himself. About how they'd wake them up every once in a while just so they felt the weight of all their sins.

Two lashes into Bucky's second round, Steve couldn't take it anymore. Not even sure of the weight of the words as they left his lips, he screamed them as loud as he could, and they came out barely audible.

"Stop. I'll choose. Just stop."

Morazi straightened, tearing his eyes away from Steve's, which were bloodshot and swollen, to look at his agents on the other side of the glass as he activated his earpiece once more.

"Return Barnes to his chair."

Then, he looked back at his hapless prisoner. "Back out now, and the torture gets worse."

Steve stared at his friends through the glass, the reality of what he'd just promised hitting him a moment before he was dry-heaving all over again.

He retched the entire time they were transporting Bucky back to his chair and strapping him there.

Throughout the hell that the past hour had been, he'd slowly realized that if it came to this, there was only one choice he could make.

Sam was the least screwed up of all of them, by a lot. Sure, he had scars and demons too, but he was on top of them. He wasn't the same kind of haunted that Bucky and Steve were. Steve couldn't let him become like them. He couldn't let them do to him what they'd already done to Bucky.

He lurched forward again, emptying more nothing from his stomach.

He just had to hold on. Maybe the other Avengers would come, maybe any minute. Maybe no one had to die.

He looked up, at the bloody, half-alive forms of his friends, and he dry-heaved yet again. How could he let them suffer even worse than they already were?

This was his fault. This was all his fault.

If he'd just stayed on top of his own demons, if he'd just listened to Sam...

"Captain Rogers, we are waiting," Morazi prompted, more sick delight in his voice. "Make your decision, or watch them both beg to die."

"I..."

It was the only decision.

"I..."

He couldn't.

"I..."

Somewhere in the building, something exploded.

Morazi turned towards the noise just in time to catch a bullet in the head.

Steve stared at his still form, at the blood surrounding him where he'd fallen, and found his mind was completely incapable of comprehending what was going on. He tore his eyes away, and saw the agents on the other side of the glass each had an arrow protruding from their chest, and the other ones on his side had met the same fate as their leader.

Seconds after they'd happened, he registered those gunshots.

His vision swam, but the blurry, blackclad figure that was running towards him was one he'd know anywhere.

His third best friend, there just in time.

Idk guys that was trash but I'm definitely gonna write another part at some point anyway. Please let me know what you think!