NPOV

Will gave me a quick kiss on the cheek as he got out of Luke's truck, "I'll see you bright and early on Monday, Neeks."

"I can't wait." I replied, giving him my best fake smile.

I let my facade crumble as soon as he shut the door and turned away to walk up the path to his house, leaving Luke and I alone to listen to Ethan's snores.

And, much to my annoyance, Luke decided to shatter the silence.

He spoke softly, pulling off the curb and driving down the street, "It sounds like the police are after Octavian...."

I said nothing.

Unlike Juniper and Grover, my friends in the truck with me know exactly what's going on. They hate it, but there isn't really anything they can do- other than what they've already gotten away with. I won't let them call the police, since that'd put them in even more danger if the rest of the gang realized who ratted out Octavian. Both of them tried to help me run away once, when I was eleven. Ethan lost an eye. Luke was given a scar.

That was their punishment for playing hero.

"I think you should tell Will. His mom's a cop."

"No."

"C'mon Nico.... you need help."

"I don't." I retorted, looking out the window, anywhere but at Luke. "I can take care of myself. I've survived for eight years. More won't kill me. I'm not dragging Will into it, he'd get hurt."

"But-"

"I said no." This time I was grateful for the dark, since I knew I looked weak, holding back tears. My voice was quiet, "I don't want to talk about this anymore."

"Fine. But you and I both know you need to do something. If you don't want Ethan and I to help, you need to help yourself."

I know he was right. I know. But everything is so much more complicated than that.

You see, even though I have a rather black-and-white approach to life and it's situations, I still believe things happen for a reason. Do I think I deserve what's happened to me? Not at first. I was a little kid; I don't think I was capable of deserving it then. But, as I got older, I turned into a horrible person. People are in danger by talking to me. How can anyone say I don't deserve it when something as simple as my presence can get them hurt? Or killed?

I deserve to suffer. I don't deserve help.

Luke's voice brought me back and away from my thoughts, "We're almost there."

"Go ahead and drop me off. I'll walk the rest of the way, just in case Octavian is home. You don't need to be seen helping me."

"Gotcha."

The truck came to a stop, pulled over on the side of a dirt road. Luke handed me Octavian's drugs, I grabbed my bag and double checked that I had Bianca's gifts that she gave me all those years ago. Then I slid out of the vehicle and shut the door.

I turned and started to walk away, but Luke called me back, window rolled down, "Nico?"

"Yeah?"

"Think about what I said earlier, okay?"

I couldn't come up with a reply, so I only nodded and continued to walk. I mumbled a quick "Thanks" as the truck drove away, it's headlights fading in the distance.

~

Now I stood at the front door of the trailer, praying to every god I've ever heard of, hoping that I beat Octavian back.

I took a shaky breath and pushed open the door, wincing when it creaked.

I was careful not to make more noise as I checked all the rooms. Thanks to nothing but sheer luck, he wasn't there.

I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding, relief flooding through me.

But I still need to be quick. My paranoia of Octavian walking in was always there.

I ignored all the overflowing ashtrays and empty beer bottles and trash that littered the place, having more important things to do before I cleaned up. I ran straight to the storage closet - or my room, if you could call it that - and pulled one of the floorboards up. It wasn't hard, since it was so old and rundown. I put the ring and the figurine inside and put the board back, like nothing happened.

Octavian doesn't even know I have them, I'm scared he'd take them away.

I went back into the kitchen and surveyed the mess. How one person could make one this size, I had no idea. I did know that I had to clean it all up.

I cast my eyes to the clock. It was already four in the morning. At least it was a weekend. I sighed, putting the heroin on the counter, where Octavian would see it. Better get started.

~

It took me two hours to get the place decent. I scrubbed the floors (on my hands and knees, Octavian doesn't own a mop), did dishes, dumped ashtrays, and took all the trash out.

Now I was completely and utterly exhausted.

Octavian still wasn't back from Bryce's, allowing me to draw the conclusion that he was probably passed out somewhere and wouldn't be back until morning. And, as much as I wanted to just sleep, I knew I needed to take advantage of his absence and take a quick shower..... so I could actually have privacy.

I stumbled into the bathroom and pulled off my clothes, making a point to not look in the mirror. I turned the water to cold and started to scrub.

I knew I looked disgusting, like a monster from a horror movie. Scars and bruises covered my entire body, products of Octavian's anger or boredom. You can see all the times he burned me, branded me, cut me with broken bottles.... I hated it. More than anything.

It made it harder to pretend I was okay.

I watched the water disappear down the drain, and I found myself wishing I could, too. In a way I already have, though.

I wonder what my dad did when he heard the news about what happened to Bianca and I. I wonder if he cried as much as I did. I wonder how long he searched for me before realizing it wasn't worth his time, that I wasn't worth his time.

It's probably better this way, at least he can't see me now. Hopefully he thinks I'm dead.

I'm pathetic.

"Stop pitying yourself." I said it out loud, because I needed to hear it out loud. "It won't change anything, it's just a waste of time."

I shut the water off and changed, still soaked because I couldn't be bothered to get a towel.

A/N ~ I wanted to put this up last night but I fell asleep so I'm really sorry guys oops

I don't feel like a lot happened in this chapter, but I'm planning on the next one being pretty fluffy so I can pretend it's justified haha (which is good cuz who doesn't like fluff?)

Is anyone else drowning in homework and responsibilities?