In a few hours, this year will come to an end, and we will be welcoming a new beginning. This year was a roller coaster ride. Life has become more fucked up. And I am begging the universe this time not to make me cry more tomorrow.

Moving on is hard. Giving up is the worst thing that you'll regret your whole life. Letting go of the things you've established by just a plane ticket to a foreign country, that you never thought would make such a big deal in your life.

A fucking plane ticket that would make me cry gallons of tears. I had to give up so many friendships, the lifestyle that I have ever had, and the life-hangout after school been hitting me so miserably.

When I first landed in Japan, I didn't even try to get out of my room. I felt like I needed to reciprocate everything that just happened. Thinking about how to build another relationship with someone you have never lived with, even the community that you're going to encounter anytime soon. The neighbors are just our relatives. Some are just the same ethnicity. And the rest are the locals.

What made my life hard was the discrimination of not knowing how to speak their language. The Japanese. Even your 'kabayan' will miserably judge you. But, I knew how to fight for myself. I didn't give up easily.

I never changed how I see the world. I continued to live my precious life, because, life is short.

"Mag bihis ka na, pupunta tayong Illuminations sa Mie. Doon tayo mag babagong-taon." My Dad told me as he knocked on my door.

I just nodded and didn't say anything.

I wasn't in the mood to talk to anyone today. I can't believe that today is the first time of the year. I am not expecting something special to happen today. I'm expecting the worst one because the universe loves to show me what is the worst in this world.

Kidding.

I took out everything that I could find inside my closet. I need to wear something that could make me warm in the freaking cold temperature of Mie. But, I wanted to look fashionable. So, I wore a long-sleeved top, a long skirt, and a blazer to keep me warm.

Fuck it, it's still cold.

I did my make-up and everything. I went inside the car and waited for the others to get ready. I heard that someone's family is also going there so we're going to have a convoy later. We'll drive together on the way.

"Are you okay?" The bitch asked.

"Yeah, of course." Alangan naman ipapamukha ko sayo na talo talaga.

I know she saw how irritated I was. Dapat lang.

To tell you something very hot...

She doesn't know how to respect girls.

Okay, here's the story. Before she arrived in this country. I met a guy that I'm not seriously crushing on.

I just liked him by his face and I wasn't Interested in making a move. But, he did, and only sees me as a friend. I told him that I liked him and the feelings weren't that deep. It's just a normal admiration of someone.

But, when this girl arrived. I tried my best to help her adjust her living in this country. She met my friends including the guy that I liked. I told her that I liked that person. That person and I stopped seeing in a friend's gathering, We haven't met ever since then.

One time I posted a pic with this Girl and he messaged me on Instagram and asked for that girl's name. I told him that she was my cousin and then he asked for the socials and gave it to him. I also told her that he likes her.

And what's worse is that on this day, they are seriously on a stage of getting to know each other. I was like, didn't she know I liked him? Alam ko naman na walang namamgitan sa amingg dalawa ng kaibigan ko, But, still. How could you date someone na alam mo namang gusto iyon ng kaibigan mo, hindi ba?

But, I know my worth. The feelings weren't that deep and that's what I am thankful for. I'm glad I didn't let myself take a risk on someone who isn't really for me. The right person will come.

I forgive what she did. I moved on. Cause, there are things I haven't explored yet.

Starting on this first time of the year. I will surely explore the world.

We arrived at the place, and I wasn't expecting anything special as I always expected. I honestly didn't want to go. I just wanted to stay at home. As promised, I want to make a change. And I did.

"Uy, kayo pala iyan!" My dad immediately went to his workmates as soon as he saw them.

"Nandito rin pala kayo, sissy. Akala ko sila ate lang pupunta," my step mother said.

"Oo, kaso hindi sumama yung panganay ko. Itong bunso lang," sabi nung babaeng kaibigan nila papa sa work.

Hindi ko masyadong kita yung mukha nung anak niya kasi ano namang pakialam ko diba? NAd he seems familiar, na para bang nakita ko na siya nung gumala rin kami nung October sa long bridge ng Gamagori.

Nung dumating na and ibang family namin sa may entrance ng Nabano, pumasok na kami at naglakad-lakad. There were so many LED lights of flowers. I heard that there was a tunnel of light that would make your eyes hurt. And I hope so it will be to the point where I can finally see the red strings.

Kidding.

Naghiwa-hiwalay yung ibang family namin because they wanted to eat something different. Habang kami naman ay lilibutin muna namin and lugar hanggang sa makahanap ng makakainan para hindi masayang and oras. Which make sense kasi uwing-uwi na ako.

Kakarating pa lang pero gusto ko ng umuwi.

But, tonight is weird. My heart is beating fast. There was excitement inside my heart. And, I'm claiming a good energy in it.

"Tita, can you please take a picture of me in this spot, right here?" I said as I kindly handed her my phone.

"Sure, you pose over there.." she said as I did what she told me.

And the picture taking continued as we almost finished exploring the place.

There were so many people because it was a new year. The restaurants were so full, mostly the good food restaurants. But, gladly we found a good place to eat where people are only so few, not really so few, but bearable to fall in line with the cold choking me to death.

We ordered food and ate. I went to the bathroom to take a break. Means, to break down a bit. Because my eyes couldn't help watering because of the cold. feelings couldn't be helped anymore. My depression and anxiety are collaborating to ruin me.

I hated it so freaking much.

I can't breathe. It isn't normal for me to breathe like this. I feel like I'm going to die.

Instead, I acted like I was not suffering from anxiety. I applied some lip tint on my lips and a lip balm. I went back to our table and waited for everyone to be ready to explore again the place.

My family and I talked about some random things until we left the place to roam around. The cold is hugging me again making me feel sick more.

We took pictures again inside the first tunnel of lights. It was indeed pretty. Masakit lang talaga siya sa mata. Everything happens so fast. Parang kakarating namin at uuwi an agad kami ng ilang minute.

I didn't expect to enjoy this trip. I expected it to be boring. The joy is undeniable, I couldn't help to smile on my own.

So, this is how happiness can make you feel when it doesn't come from another person. A genuine joy can be fulfilling. The sadness is still here inside my heart, and I can still feel it. But, the joy... I like it.

"I think the Albano family is set to go home."

Napatingin ako sa tita ko. Looks like they're not going home yet. They wanted to stay longer, but, my cousins and I wanted to go home already. I'm freezing to death. I wanna go home and sleep in warm.

"I will be glad if I come home with them. Is it alright, Dad?" I begged with my eyes.

"Of course. Aunt Regine already went home and she is there." I nodded.

Nauna na sila Dad kasama yung nga tita and tito namin para mag explore sa place. Habang kami ng kaibigan ko nag aantay sa pinsan ko na kasama ang jowa niya na siyang maghahatid rin sa amin pauwi.

My cousins boyfriend is related to my dad's work mate, the reason why he sent me home with them with no hesitation.

While waiting for them. I took out my lip balm to press it on my dry lips because of the cold. I have to reapply it every time it gets dry.

"They're here." My friend said.

I immediately put my lip balm back to my bag when they all arrived to fetch us.

I looked at them.

The rest were blurred out.

The north face.

The guy wearing 'the north face' in the cold.

I don't remember where I first saw him. I did not see his face that day. But, my cousin told me he was there.

Only if they didn't ship me with someone else, it could have been with him instead of someone. So, that I didn't have to waste my time with an asshole.

This arctic human being could be an asshole. Maybe we'll see if I will try to break his walls.

He is colder than the temperature. Intimidating as the brand of his jacket.

The North Face indeed.

"Who's that guy?" I asked out of nowhere when I got back ti my sense.

I didn't even realize we were on the car already. I don't remember us parting ways.

"What? Do you like him?" My cousin Mary clenched her jaw.

There was a smile behind her smirk. She knew exactly what I was thinking about.

"You're right. I like how intimidating he is." I rolled my eyes.

"He's untouchable and no girlfriend since birth. Maybe you'll change your mind, or get hurt." Her boyfriend said who is the cousin of that arctic guy.

"I don't care. I'm used to it." I chuckled as I look at the other way.

We drove off to home and ending the first time of the year with a blast.

AVRLBNZ

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