a/n;happy reading! <3
. . .

Everly Clark

   I LOOKED at the painting I had just finished drawing. It wasn't as depressing but it wasn't all sunshine and rainbows as well. I had been going to the same spot every day for the past week and every day that white-haired boy would buy one of them.

He would ask me how my day was and then buy my paintings, he was always the one deciding the price. A couple other people had started buying some paintings as well.

My heart warmed each time anyone spared at least a moment or two looking at my paintings.

My phone rang and I quickly answered it, placing my paintbrush down.

"Hey, mom. How are you?" I greeted.

"Do you have money? We need money, darling," my mom pleaded.

I sighed softly. This was how my phone calls would go with my parents. Me asking how they were and them asking for money. They never asked if I was coping with anything, it was times like this when I missed Jessica and Enzo deeply.

"Everly dear, would you like to stay for dinner? I'm sure we have plenty for you," Jessica smiled warmly at me, placing the dishes down.

"Oh, it's fine honestly, I don't want to create a hassle,"  I mumbled shyly, placing the utensils next to the dishes.

Enzo wrapped his arm around Jessica's  waist, hugging her from behind, "Oh nonsense, you're family now,"

"Yes mom, I will send some over soon," I muttered quietly, shaking my head slightly. She cut the phone, saying nothing else.

I swallowed the lump in my throat and gathered some money. I had agreed to meet up with the white-haired boy after he was practically on his knees begging me.

The truth was that I was still afraid. I was scared to talk to not only men but women as well. Whenever I had to talk, I would get into a stuttering mess. Unlike my high school self, who talked to strangers like I had known them for years.

I let out a sigh and walked out the door.

. . .

"So, how about I find out your name first, so I won't have to call you painter girl every time I see you,"

I blushed as I stirred the tea in my hands, "My name is, uh Everly Clark,"

He smiled, "Everly, huh I like that,"

I nodded awkwardly and took a sip of my tea before answering, "What is your name?"

"Gabriel, Gabriel Pryer," he responded, leaning back in his chair. A couple of pieces of his hair falling freely on his face.

"Oh, that's, uh cool," I said, not once meeting his eyes.

Eventually, after moments of awkward silence, he sighed, "I'm sorry Everly, I shouldn't have forced you into this whole coffee thing,"

Finally, fighting my fears I looked up at him. He looked guilty, as he watched me still stirring my tea.

"It's okay, I like tea," I said, trying not to disappoint him anymore. I was starting to feel bad, all he wanted was to talk.

He blinked before nodding, "Oh, okay that is good, tea is good,"

The corners of my mouth rose and I bit my cheek, "What do you do for a living?"

He seemed happy when I asked him that, "Well, I am a photographer. Or trying to be, you know it is a long complicated process," he paused, "A very long, hard, and complicated process."

My eyebrow rose at his statement, "You are trying to hard. Photography is something you like to do, it's a passion; don't try too hard just because you're trying to make a living out of that,"

His eyes were wide by the time I was finished, "Oh w-wow, thanks Everly, I needed that. Also, that has got to be the longest sentence you have ever said to me,"

I bit my lip and nodded, "Everyone needs a little push in the right direction sometimes,"

He nodded, looking away for a split second, "That is true Everly Clark,"

We both got up and threw away our scraps, making awkward small talk.

"So, I am guessing that you had a little fun?" Gabriel asked hopefully, smiling happily.

I frowned, "I don't have fun."

He seemed unfazed, "Yeah, no kidding. But, don't worry you'll have fun one day, I promise,"

Promise. God, I hated promises so much, because in the end they always break.

"Okay," I said dryly.

"Cute outfit," he winked and walked away, leaving me alone in the scorching hot rays of the summer sun. I looked down at my baggy sweatshirt and sweatpants, which had a couple holes here and there.

At least he had a sense of style.

. . .

A sob was threatening to escape my lips as I was scrolling through old videos and pictures of my high school years. My fingers wouldn't stop clicking, I couldn't stop myself.

I was torturing myself. Killing myself. Thinking of him was a poison that I had been drinking often.

I was looking through pictures of homecoming dances, silly selfies, serious pictures, all of the pictures of Ricky and I. We looked so happy. I could barely recognize myself in the pictures. I looked pretty, my hair was full of life, my eyes were bright, and I was laughing.

I had no care in the world. Life was so lethal, but when together we melted. In life, you want a love that consumes you. You want passion, love, and even a little bit of danger. I had that with Ricky.

He set fire to the world but never let a flame touch me.

I looked at my favorite picture of us. Tears carelessly falling down my face, as my heart clenched at every memory that was replaying in my head. The sound of my carefree laughs and his soft voice that caused grenades to explode in my stomach. His eyes may not be the color of the ocean but I drowned in them every time.

I clicked on the next picture. Both my parents were kissing my cheeks on each side. They looked happy, we looked like a family.

I was full on sobbing now. I missed my old life, I want to go back to how everything was. I want to go to college with Ricky, I want to grow old with Ricky.

I just wanted to be happy.

But, I deserve to be sad. To feel utterly alone. To be hated.

I wondered if Ricky and his family thought of me like I thought of them. If they did, it was most definitely not good thoughts. But, it's okay because I deserve that.

I want to be hated. I need to be hated.

What did I do so bad in my life which made me deserve this? I didn't mean to lose my virginity like that or ruin my boyfriends' life.

I am sorry that I caused so much pain. I swear I didn't mean too.

I am sorry that I took away everyone's happiness and replaced it with sadness.

I am so sorry.

_____

a/n: is it working?? am i being deep??

lol, i'm listening to my heart will go on while writing this and omg the feels.

favorite quote from this chapter?

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hope you all have a fantastic day. keep smiling loves! <3

xoxo,