Everly Clark

I TIGHTLY clenched my fingers as I felt my hands trembling at my sides. All the pain and heartaches I buried all these years seemed to awaken from their cold, somber grave. He was like a dream, too good to be true. Surreal to conceive and believe. The strong thumping of my heart was what I couldn't handle although. This was not good. This was not good at all. I needed to give in a little fight, to resist the damn temptations. I couldn't trust my heart.

I also took his silence as a chance to observe him properly. I noticed that he had a tattoo going down his entire right arm and by telling from his rolled-up sleeves of his expensive looking suit, it looked as if he came from a business meeting of some sort.

All my feelings were bursting out and I had no idea how to feel. My mind was hectic but there was only one thing I wanted to do right now. Kiss him.

I wanted to reach out and grab his face in my hands and kiss him hard. To make sure that the kiss showed every emotion I felt through these years. I wanted to give him a kiss of forgiveness.

I took a step forward and he took one back. I immediately paused my actions, feeling a pang in my chest. God, I was delusional. He hated me with every fiber in his body.

"Don't even try to touch me," he spat, "Listen here Everly, I'm here to warn you. You better watch your back, traitor. I will ruin you, just like you ruined my family."

Oh, God. I let out a shaky breath, trying to calm myself down.

"Ricky please!" I pleaded, helpless to his frightening gaze.

"Shut up!" he yelled, "Just shut up. You are a pathetic person and you deserve to be hurt in the worst ways possible!"

I flinched at his words, closing my eyes tightly. A few tears escaped, falling down my face like rain down a window.

"You deserve all the happiness in the world," Ricky smiled at me, cupping my cheek.

"You've got a heart made of gold," he whispered, pushing my hair behind my ear.

He doesn't mean it. He possibly couldn't. He was supposed to tell me that I was going to be okay, not to make sure to hurt myself, like he always had.

Then he just left. He walked away from me, just like I had, ignoring my desperate cries of pain. He left.

• • •

"Everly, oh God!" I heard Gabriel's voice, although it was a bit fuzzy.

I sat on the cold, hard ground, my back pressed onto the wall. I had been crying for three hours straight, not moving at all. After Ricky had left, I had another panic attack and I had gone hysteric.

Crying and screaming loudly. Feeling vulnerable and confused. Alone and broken.

"Jesus Ev, what's wrong," he was on his knees, his eyes frantic and filled with concern. He reached out and hesitantly placed his hand on my shoulder.

My lips parted but nothing escaped them. I merely could look into his frightened eyes, hoping to tell him what I wanted.

"What happened," he whispered, "What has happened in your life that has destroyed you?"

I shook my head slightly, still no words coming out.

"Your past?" he asked hesitantly.

I nodded this time, my bottom lip quivering.

"D-Do you have depression, Everly?" he asked, his face grave.

I closed my eyes tightly and let out a small whimper of pain, "Y-Yes,"

He clenched his jaw tightly and traced patterns on my bare arm, "What else? Are you suicidal? Abused?"

I shook my head, "Memories. They won't go away,"

"Post-traumatic stress disorder, PTSD," was all he said, pulling me closer to him. He rested his chin on top of my head, his breathing the only thing filling the tense air.

"I'm taking you to my stepsister, she's a therapist," he ordered quietly, "You need help."

"I know," I sobbed into his chest, "It won't go away, Gabriel!"

He rubbed small circles on my back, "I know, I'm so sorry,"

"Nine years Gabriel, nine fucking years!" I screamed into his shirt, "Every single day, memories haunt me, taunting my every mistake."

"I won't ever be able to escape it. The pain, the sorrow, it won't ever go away," I sobbed, gasping for air.

"It's not fair! I don't want to feel like this anymore, it's killing me and I had no one for nine years!" I cried, "Absolutely no one to help me through this, I-I have no one!"

It was all bursting out, I didn't want to stop screaming or crying. I wanted to get it all out, everything.

"I-I just can't anymore," I revealed quietly.

Gabriel was silent the entire time and I was extremely thankful for that.

"Just let it all out," he whispered, "You are so strong, but just let it all out."

"Tomorrow you and I are going to my stepsister okay? She's a really nice girl and she's going to help you and I will be right next to you every step of the way,"

"No one can help me," I answered, my voice hoarse and raspy, "I just can't be saved."

I pulled away from him so I could look into his eyes.

"There's no harm in trying," he responded and moved a lock of my hair from my eyes.

"It's okay if it doesn't work, but it can't possibly hurt to try," he cajoled.

I nodded, "O-Okay,"

He gave a clipped nod and stood up, brushing the dust off his pants. He extended his hand to me, giving me a genuine smile. I slipped my hand in his and he pulled me up gracefully.

"Water?" he offered. I nodded and watched as he walked over to grab water.

"H-How did you get in any way?" I asked.

"I tried to knock but no one answered and I heard you crying so I just barged in, the door was also unlocked," he responded from the kitchen, then walking back to me.

He gave me the glass of water and I gulped it down quickly, "Thank you,"

"Anytime," he awkwardly stood there, shoving his hands in his pocket.

"I'm a bitch," I finally said, "I'm a major bitch for what I did."

He frowned, "You a bitch? Yeah no, you may be many things but definitely not a bitch,"

I shook my head, "You wouldn't say that if you knew what I had done, you would hate me,"

"Look, I have no idea whatsoever on what the hell you did but I could never hate you. Even if you took out a gun and shot me, I would still never be able to hate you," he responded.

"You deserve the absolute world,"

_____

a/n: wowwowow feels much? i listened to a gazillion depressing songs and now i am very sad so yay for that.

anywho lovely by billie ellish and khalid is just an utter masterpeice. like i am in love. billie is a goddess.

toodles !! keep smiling lovelies! xx