tw/cw: blood + boys doing dumb, risky things

* * *

《 i don't think i've
ever felt more alive
than i feel at this moment 》

There was one moment in Wooyoung's life that made him feel the way he's feeling right now. It was one of his greatest memories; a treasured part of his childhood he'd kept locked and sealed away to the back of his mind after that day as he'd feared nothing else would ever come close to that sort of experience.

He'd been nine back then, starry-eyed and excited for the annual festival his mother'd brought him to. It was Autumn-themed, just like the season at that time, buzzing with a variety of rides even bigger than buildings themselves, as well as glamorous decorations that added to the cozy, warm spirit. The food was the best part, an assortment of delicious treats that made his mouth water.

"You kids should go hang out and buy stuff," the friend of Wooyoung's mother had spoken up at that moment, a taller than average lady with midnight black hair and smiles that made even a shy child like Wooyoung feel comfortable. "We'll find something else to do, don't worry."

"Where are you two going?" Nara, her daughter asked then, arms crossed over her chest. She looked unimpressed, like she'd expected something different.

"Nothing you both need to know about," Wooyoung's mother replied, sharing a laugh with Nara's mother. Clearly, he and Nara had no idea what she'd meant back then, but when Wooyoung looked back on it now, they probably went for drinks and didn't want them being a distraction. "Young-ah, you have enough change, right?"

"Yes mommy," Wooyoung had nodded. Nara's scowl just worsened. For a girl that was supposedly three years older than him, she sure pouted like a baby.

"Good," Mrs Kim, Nara's mother answered. "You know where to meet us when you're done with whatever you guys have planned -- "

"By the giant neon pink unicorn. Got it," Nara cut in before her mom could finish the sentence. It puzzled Wooyoung how the woman could let her attitude slide, considering his own mother would never allow him to talk back to her.

"That's great. Hurry along now, cuties," Mrs Kim gently pushed them forward, her big smile as bright as the silver glitter dotting her cheeks like freckles. "Hoping to see some amazing pictures tonight."

Nara rolled her eyes, while Wooyoung felt awkward. "Don't count on it."

He watched as his mom and Mrs Kim hooked arms and disappeared into the loud crowd of people, and tried to convince himself that the nauseating dread growing inside him was a result of his imagination and nothing else.

"You," Nara suddenly remarked, jutting a tiny finger his way.

He blinked, shocked she was referring to him after ignoring him for like, more than half of their time spent here. "Me?"

"Who else?" Nara responded, rolling her eyes again. She rolled her eyes a lot. "Anyway -- What's up with your left eye? I couldn't get the chance to ask about it earlier."

"Oh, um." Wooyoung remembered the list of excuses his mother had given in case anyone he didn't know questioned him on his eyes. He planned on blaming it on contacts or something, but before he could say anything along those lines, Nara stepped in, huffing a breath.

"It's not fair. You look like a cyborg, and that's cool."

Wooyoung was, once again, shocked. "Uh... okay?"

"Looks so realistic and everything. Told my mom countless times I wanted coloured contacts, but she always told me no. Said they looked too strange," Nara continued, examining his eye like it was something she'd never seen before. Wooyoung was used to it, but he certainly wasn't used to someone staring at his eyes like they were something to be admired instead of feared. "I seriously can't understand her. Sucks I still have to live with her for a few more years."

Nara's words were baffling to Wooyoung, because compared to his mother, Mrs Kim seemed like a really nice person to be around.

"Why don't you like your mom?" He found himself asking. "She's great."

Nara flipped her dark hair over her shoulder. Now that Wooyoung looked more closely, he could see its curls highlighted with these golden brown strands that looked translucent under the glowing yellow lights surrounding them. The taller girl twirled a lock of her multicoloured hair as she exhaled a disbelieving, dry chuckle. "It took months before I could even make her think of dyeing my hair any other colour apart from the boring black I have. It was so damn frustrating. Ugh."

Granted, that wasn't the first time Wooyoung heard a kid around his age cuss, but his ears were basically near virgins to swear words. He cringed at the word; couldn't imagine himself cursing like that even years from now.

"Does..." Wooyoung began, searching through his limited vocabulary to try and find the right words to say. "Does she try to control you?"

Nara's fox-like eyes enlarged. "Oh my god -- yes! Don't do this -- do that. No -- " she vigorously shook her head like she was a puppet, and Wooyoung tried to hide his smile. "Do this instead. And it's always about the same issue too. We never agree on anything."

"Mom's like that too," Wooyoung replied, kicking at a small deflated balloon. "Sometimes."

The tension digging into Wooyoung's shoulders eased when he spotted the smile on Nara's face. "I noticed."

"Wait -- Really?" Panic ceased him. "Please don't tell her."

"Why would I when they practically ditched us to go hang out?" Nara said, her typical, familiar scowl back on her face. She adjusted the fuzzy cat-eared bow on her head. "Though I'm not mad; moms suck the fun out of everything. I prefer dad instead. Sucks he's not here."

Wooyoung couldn't help his curiosity. "What happened?"

"Divorce."

"Oh." Part of Wooyoung was speechless. Another wondered how Nara could utter that word so freely as if the mere thought of a family breaking up wasn't totally devastating. He could only hope that never happened to his. "I'm sorry."

"Why feel sorrry?" Nara then laughed, like the whole thing was hilarious. "They always fought anyway. Why stay together when all you do is fight?"

Wooyoung's nine year old brain couldn't comprehend the full extent of her words, and to be honest, he really didn't want to think about it.

Fortunately, Nara started heading to the right where the food stalls were, and Wooyoung hurried along, not wanting to lose her.

"What kind of candy do you like?" Nara asked, plucking a candy apple from the others on display.

"Cotton candy," Wooyoung's response was immediate.

"Basic." Nara's tone was cold, but a smile soon cracked through. She passed Wooyoung the candy apple.

Wooyoung watched it warily, its glossy exterior reflecting off the blinking fairy lights draped over the neighbouring stall. "I think I'll pass."

"Have you ever tried it before?"

"Uh...no?"

"Then take a bite," Nara commanded. Wooyoung was low-key afraid of her, so he hastily took a bite. In a second, his tastebuds were overwhelmed with sticky sweetness, and it...wasn't so bad. "How is it?"

"Good." When Nara laughed, he smiled. "Um... it's a bit hard though."

"Whoops. Forgot you were nine. Practically a baby."

Wooyoung's smile dissolved into a frown. "I'm not a baby."

Nara just shrugged, paying for another candy apple which she took a generous bite out of. "You look like one though. A baby cyborg."

Wooyoung was flustered, and just like before he was too slow in giving a response, because Nara started rushing the other way again, dragging him with her by the arm.

They kept walking along the sidelines until they came across a wide, stripped tent that looked a lot like the circuses Wooyoung would see on the TV. There weren't much people around either, their voices a distant hum stifled under the chirping cicadas.

"Where is this place?" Wooyoung had to raise his voice a little, as the booming speakers at the fair would not stop playing music.

"Mom's not around right now," Nara was basically beaming, a satisfied gleam in her eyes. "And if she gets mad, she won't say anything 'cause you're with me."

"Wait -- " Wooyoung got dragged again, and this time, it was into the expansive tent, the spotlights nearly blinding him. He rapidly blinked the regain his focus, and when he finally did, he was met with three lines of people, all in front of guys with outrageous paint on their faces and even arms. The brushes in their hands flew across the people's faces in a flurry, but they didn't seem to mind.

"We're getting our faces painted," Nara explained, the widest smile Wooyoung had ever seen plastered over her face. "And no, you can't back out."

Wooyoung's heart dropped. "I -- I can't -- "

"What's stopping you? They aren't harmful. They're actually fun," Nara argued. "These guys get you painted whatever you want."

"But -- " Wooyoung swallowed as the line Nara pushed them into shortened. "My mom..."

He half-expected Nara to maybe roll her eyes, or even laugh at him for being such a buzzkill. She seemed like the type after all.

But instead, the older girl just stared right at him, something like empathy in her eyes. "...Look, I'm not saying you should disobey your mother or anything. But parents sometimes just ruin things and make them not fun just because they feel they have the power to. That's a form of control. But you can't always listen to her. You need to do what you want sometimes and have some fun too, because your body is yours. Not hers."

Wooyoung didn't know what to say, but her words resonated with him, even though he was ultimately too young to truly get it.

"It may be hard now," she continued, "but you'll have to break out one day. That's what I'm trying to do right now. As soon as I get the chance, I'll go live with dad and get my face painted as much as I want. Don't say anything though."

Wooyoung giggled at that. "Isn't it painful? Face-painting, I mean."

"What? No!" Nara exclaimed, unmindful of the stares she received. "It's so cool. I can even tell them I want to look like a freaking alligator for Christ's sake, and they'll make me into the coolest, most amazing one ever. They can paint anything."

"Anything?" Wooyoung perked up at that.

"Yeah. Anything."

Wooyoung hadn't been sure of getting his face painted since it reminded him of makeup, and makeup wasn't something he should put on his face, but as he stared at the faces of everyone around him, skin coloured into varied shades and designs, he began to feel a bit more confident in himself.

"What's your favourite animal?" Nara asked as the man in front of them was getting his face painted. "I like cats, especially wild ones. Like tigers."

Wooyoung hadn't thought much about that. "I don't know..."

"Blue Morpho," Nara suddenly stated out loud.

"What?"

"It's a type of butterfly species. They're a pretty blue, like the sea. They're like your left eye."

"...Oh."

Nara pulled out her flip phone, swiftly typing something down and then showing the screen to Wooyoung. Sure enough, there were pictures of butterflies with these large, dazzling blue wings, and when he looked up at her, she grinned at him.

"Butterflies can be your spirit animal. They're super cute."

Wooyoung nodded, because honestly, butterflies didn't sound half bad. "Yeah, I guess."

Nara made him get his face done before hers. At first, Wooyoung was extremely nervous because he was getting butterflies painted on his face and he had no idea how the man responsible was going to react to that, only to feel relieved when there was no judgement at all from his side. He even asked Wooyoung if he'd like a few additional decorations, and of course Wooyoung had agreed.

Soon he was staring at someone in the mirror he barely knew, gemstones below his eyes and vibrant electric blue wings that glittered colouring his cheeks in gentle strokes. Nara was right. These type of butterflies were really cute.

True to her words, Nara got most of her face painted in stripes reminiscent of a tiger, the colour a bright, burning orange that looked like flames. It suited her for sure.

"We look gorgeous," Nara complimented. Her words made Wooyoung feel warm inside.

"I...I think so too."

Nara poked his cheek, and they both giggled at each other. "You know what we should do next?"

"What?" Wooyoung hoped he didn't sound a little too eager.

It turned out to be a good thing he and Nara hadn't eaten anything heavy before now, because the moment they stationed themselves inside the spinning rollercoaster almost a hundred meters off the ground, Wooyoung felt sick to his stomach as soon as they gradually neared the first big drop.

"I feel like we're flying!" Nara squealed over the music and all the chatter, the cold wind tousling her dark hair. She excitedly gestured at the sky. "Wooyoung, look."

Wooyoung swallowed down his urge to throw up and did as she asked, eyes widening at the sight he was faced with. The sky was a pristine blue -- as if it'd been sprayed on, the thin, pale clouds floating across it adding to its dream-like state. He couldn't tell if there were stars, because at that point in time, fireworks scattered everywhere he looked, sprinkling about like watercolours on the night's endless canvas. Even below him, the buildings and citizens were lit up like a rainbow, and it was beautiful.

"Awesome, right?" Nara shouted.

Wooyoung squinted against the chilling breeze, laughing when some of her hair whisked over his cheek.

"Yes!" he shouted back. "Awesome."

"Don't you dare vomit all over me when -- " Nara never got to finish what she wanted to say, her words evolving into a ear-shattering scream when the rollercoaster abruptly dropped.

Wooyoung felt like he was floating. Nara was shouting for dear life next to him, arms outstretched like she could do anything. Seeing her so free convinced him to let go too, and when he did, he felt like he'd truly became invincible.

Wooyoung screeched and yelled and laughed in one night than he'd ever done in his nine years of living. Adrenaline rippled right through him, bursting through the seams, and he didn't bother containing it. It was something he wanted to continue feeling for the rest of his life.

"Burgers?" Nara said when they left the ride, patting down her wild nest of a hair. She spoke like she was still on the very top of the rollercoaster, but Wooyoung didn't mind it one bit.

"Sure!" He grinned, and off they went to go get them. They bought sodas as well, which he slurped as if they'd disappear if he just so ignored them for a second.

"My mom and yours must be looking for us right now," Nara told him a few minutes later.

Wooyoung stopped looking at the dazzling skies, nibbling on the greasy burger. It suddenly got harder to swallow down his bite at the mention of their parents. "...Yeah."

"Hey, I know I'm cool but there's no need to be sad."

"I'm not sad."

"Sure." Nara absentmindedly twirled her straw. "Anyway, you were cool tonight. Hopefully next year we'll get to hang out again."

Wooyoung wasn't so sure about that, even when he really wanted to spend more time with her after today. "I hope so too."

They talked a bit more that night, but like everything good in life, they had to end at some point.

Stay happy, Nara's eyes read as they met up with their mothers, having to answer to their questions about their face paint.

You too.

Wooyoung couldn't sit still as his mom drove them home, too lost in his thoughts about all the fun he had tonight to notice how unnervingly quiet she'd gotten.

They entered the house in silence, but Wooyoung froze when his mother knelt before him, a look he'd never seen before on her face.

"Woo..." she plucked the candy apple he was holding out of his grip. "You should go wash your face."

"Oh." He nodded, his chest too tight to contain his heart. "Okay."

"Don't ever put that on again," his mother continued, her brows furrowed. "It's for girls like Nara, not you."

"Okay..."

Wooyoung didn't allow himself to be disappointed when he spotted the candy apple in the trash after he'd finished washing his face. He didn't allow himself to feel disappointed either when he and Nara never hung out after that day. But he kept that memory of the fair close to his heart for safekeeping, afraid he'd lose it to the dark if he didn't.

Until now he's been so convinced he'd never have another moment like that in his life again; a moment where he'd felt so euphoric and fulfilled like he could succeed at anything he put his mind to, and he'd been ready to accept that until Choi San waltzed into his life and changed everything.

The man's currently humming, the soft, harmonious sound like silk as his arm rests against the car window, curled hair flowing down the base of his milky, freckled neck with every move he makes. He's smiling too, subtly, lightly drumming on his thighs to this beat Wooyoung's unfamiliar with but still craves to know.

San isn't even doing much, but it's already more than enough to set Wooyoung's heart ablaze.

San catches his repeated glances, and suddenly Wooyoung's on that rollercoaster again, prepared for the leap and fall. "What?" He asks, fingers sifting down the ends of his shoulder-length hair.

Wooyoung clears his throat, tries not to give in to the urge of tracing his thumb over San's skin. "I just -- I was wondering when we'd get to the place you were talking about. Hope it isn't too far, considering no one else apart from us knows about this."

And it's true. San managed to convince him that calling Hongjoong or any of the others would only cause more harm than good. He said they were used to it, used to him missing days of work when he didn't feel like showing up. And Wooyoung didn't want to upset him, so he'd agreed.

San exhales on the window, before doodling something that looks like a circle on the surface. It takes Wooyoung a second to discover he's drawing a snowman, and it makes him smile a bit. "It won't take long before we get there."

"But where is it? What is it?"

San chuckles, his dimples making an appearance. "Uh, well... it has water."

Wooyoung's concentration on the snow-filled roads cuts short as he spares the older another glance. "Water? But it's winter."

"The place doesn't get frozen even when it gets super cold, and I'm not gonna swim," San assures, and Wooyoung tries to believe him even though he doesn't sound all that convincing. "Just wanna spend some time there with you for a while."

Heat crawls up Wooyoung's face as he notices the man's stare. He clears his throat. "What?"

San just smiles, humming that same tune to himself again. Wooyoung's heart can't take it.

Fortunately, the snowing isn't as heavy as it was the days before, but that doesn't make the journey a lot easier to navigate through. Wooyoung listens when San tells him to park near this small hut located close to a settlement of trees drowning in bright snow.

He can't hide his confusion, however. "Where are we?"

"You'll see." San laughs, catching the younger off-guard as he plants a soft kiss on his cheek. He then kisses him on the lips too, which Wooyoung finds himself chasing after when he breaks away. "You wanna kiss me that badly, huh?"

Wooyoung clasps San's gloved hands, just noticing now that they're shaking a little. It worries him, but he gets rid of the feeling. "I do."

San's cheeks flush a tender pink. "God, Woo. You have no idea how much I like you."

Wooyoung closes the space between them with his lips, hoping his response is reassurance enough that he wants San just as much as San wants him.

San climbs on top of him, leaving these hot, open-mouthed kisses along the slope of his neck. It takes Wooyoung's breath away, goosebumps decorating his skin when the older slips his hands through his coat.

And then San's head bumps against the roof of the car. "Ow, fuck."

Wooyoung can't help it. He laughs, and San joins in as well, but it's clear it hurts more than he lets on. "Oh my god, are you okay?"

"It's my fault for deciding we should make out inside a freaking car," San chuckles, rubbing his head. "So dumb."

Wooyoung pulls him in to his surprise, but the man eagerly relaxes into him. It's a bit awkward even with the extra space the vehicle provides, but Wooyoung makes do with it by stroking San's hair as steadily as he can so his head won't hurt anymore. "...Is this okay?"

San hums on his shoulder. It lightly vibrates, and it tickles. "Yeah..."

There's quiet for a bit, and San's the one to break it. "...I'm sorry."

Wooyoung slows down the stroking. "For what?"

"For the drug thing." San sighs. "I'm sorry for hiding it from you and lying about it."

Wooyoung pushes down the fear he felt that morning before it can resurface, choosing to kiss San's hair instead. It helps that it smells nice too, like honey. "It's okay. Really. You said you won't do it again, and that's all that matters."

San nods quickly, as if he's trying his best to believe Wooyoung's words. Then he looks up, a dashing grin lighting up his features. He's opening the door before Wooyoung can process what's even happening, and before long he's nothing but a flurry of purple and red in the thick snow.

"San -- wait!" Wooyoung's quick in jumping out the car and locking it, but he isn't fast enough as San rushes into the congregation of stiff trees, leaving a trail of footsteps in his wake. Wooyoung burns out his apprehension before it can consume him. "San!"

He enters where he'd seen San disappear off into, shuddering at the cold even when he's bundled up in his thickest clothes. The trees form a canopy of sorts that reaches into the sky, blocking parts of the early afternoon sunlight -- which there already isn't much of in the first place.

Wooyoung catches San in the distance, and exhales a sigh of relief that loosens the knots in his stomach. "San?"

San turns, grins all mischievously like he's planning something. He stays still as Wooyoung runs up to him. "Hi."

"You can't just run off on me like that," Wooyoung tries to explain, but San doesn't even look like he's listening. "Don't do that again, alright? Almost gave me a heart attack."

San swings his arm, and suddenly Wooyoung feels the left side of his chest getting wet. He stares down at the bits of melted snow now staining his coat, eyes enlarged.

"San."

"Snowball fight!" San squeals, much too euphoric for what he's just done. He sprints off again, further into the forest this time.

Wooyoung hurriedly follows after him, at a loss for words. He isn't mad or anything, but there's something a bit off about how the older's behaving, and he knows he has to be around to keep him secure.

"Where are we going?" He asks at one point, beginning to grow more and more restless due to San's relentless running. Not to mention how he has to struggle to breathe properly, because San just won't stop. "San?"

San never replies. He keeps moving, light on his feet and dazed laughter escaping him every once in a while.

"San, slow down."

San does as he's asked, but it's not because he realized he should start listening to Wooyoung.

Up ahead lays something similar to an elongated plateau, topped with even more snow and boulders so sharp they remind Wooyoung of teeth. The extensive structure tapers further into a steep, frozen cliff that stretches outwards, and when Wooyoung listens closely, he hears the distinctive sound of gushing water.

"What is this place?" He finds himself asking, kind of awed at the sight. It's a little frightening, and all the ice and sheets of snow heightens its shock value.

San shrugs, giggling. "You like it?"

"I feel like it'd kill me, but it'll also take me to heaven."

San grins, notably pleased. His bright red scarf is off his neck in seconds, exposing his pale skin to the air. It quickly earns Wooyoung's attention.

"Hyung, what are you doing?"

San digs through his trousers for something, soon pulling out something thin that glints silver even with all the white surrounding them. His smile rivals the luminous snow as he jogs up to Wooyoung, gloved palms cradling his.

A bracelet falls into Wooyoung's hand, silvery and fragile, and linked to it are several small butterflies mid-flight, their azure wings like sea glass. Wooyoung's throat closes up at the sight of them. Fuck.

"They're pretty, right? I specifically brought you here so I could give it to you, since they look really nice with snow in the background," San's saying, and just his voice -- his pretty, lovely voice -- causes Wooyoung's eyes to sting with tears. "Or not. Do you...do you not like it?"

"No, I -- " Wooyoung instinctively shakes his head. He's afraid to move his fingers, afraid to figure out if this is nothing but his darned imagination. He fears none of this is actually real. "I... I love it. I really do, Sannie."

San's thumb rubs his cheek. "I'm glad. But...you're crying."

"It's dumb," Wooyoung sniffs, the lump in his throat hardening when he spots the cursive woo♡san engraved into the metal. "I remember this fair I went to when I was nine, and then there was this girl too. Her name's Kim Nara. We hung out and -- and she made us get our faces painted. She said I'd look good with blue butterflies on my skin, called them Blue Morpho, I think. Anyway, I -- I listened, and after it was done, I felt good. Really good. I thought I actually looked pretty for the first time in my life."

"But you are pretty," San says, eyes earnest. Wooyoung's heart goes into overdrive. "You're so pretty I find myself wondering how you fell for someone like me."

"San..." Wooyoung can't believe what the man's saying.

San laughs, but there's so much honesty in his gaze it takes Wooyoung's breath away. "There are a lot of days that I feel low, or feel like there's no point in living or doing anything. But then I remember you like me, and that's enough reassurance that I'm doing something right, at least."

Wooyoung watches on, heartbeat racing when San folds his scarf around his neck, snuggling it in warmth.

I love you. Wooyoung can see those words written in San's eyes as clear as day. He feels like he's drowning.

His lips part, wanting to say something similar, something that'll let San know he feels the same, but the older starts heading for the cliff, kicking off his boots and socks on the way.

"San?!" Wooyoung questions, panic shadowing his thoughts. "San, what are you doing?"

San cackles, lighthearted and free. He sounds alive, like the world is his for the taking. "M'gonna go dip my feet into the water."

Wooyoung's eyes nearly pop out of their sockets. "That isn't safe!"

But San's already skidding over the cliff, his movements rapid yet familiar at the same time. "Don't worry! I've done this countless times!" He calls out. Even with how far ahead he is, his dimples are still visible.

"How the hell are you gonna get to the water? I can't even see it from here," Wooyoung says. Don't get frustrated, he repeats to himself like a mantra. "Please, come back down. That doesn't look stable."

"I'll be fine," San waves off his concerns, shrugs off a layer of his coat. "There are a few rocks below. Big enough to walk across."

"San." Wooyoung's pleading this time, now at the foot of the prickly boulders that San previously climbed over like they were nothing. "Come back down."

"Why, Woo?" San teases. His smile hasn't left, only now it looks more like a taunt, so out of place on his face. "Why don't you want me to have fun?"

"That isn't what I mean," Wooyoung answers. "You can have fun without risking your life -- "

"The water's so splendid, Wooyoung-ah..." San's eyes are wide like he's seeing it for the first time. "You should come join me. You'll love it..."

"Hyung, please," Wooyoung grips onto the first boulder he sees, ascending the rough surface in no time.

"See? You're coming up."

"I'm bringing you back down."

"No!" San sounds horrified, almost. "I'm heading down and you can't stop me."

"What the fuck, San!" Wooyoung yells, unable to hide how fucking anxious he feels. "Don't do anything."

It's as if his counsel falls on deaf ears, because San's already lowering himself off the cliff, ready to get to the water.

"San," Wooyoung begs, wishing he'd never listened to San and allowed him to bring him here today. The man had just been taking non-prescribed medication this morning that most likely altered his mood, and yet still, Wooyoung took him here, exposing him to something potentially life-threatening. He's so fucking stupid.

In a few desperate strides, he's already on top of the cliff. It's slippery even with all the snow and his boots on, and makes him even more wary of this situation. "San, oh my god, please get back here."

San turns to meet his stare. His eyes are completely black, smile empty. He says nothing as he takes a step forward, vanishing behind the edge of the cliff.

Wooyoung runs to stop him, throat raw and painful from screaming his name so much.

The water's much louder over here, its turbulent, reckless waves slamming into the large stones below.

San's nowhere in sight.

"San!" Wooyoung bawls. He's dizzy, confused, doesn't know what to do. Where to look. "Oh my god, oh my god -- San! San where are you?!"

The water sloshes up and about, bubbles erupting as a result. Then red.

There's red all over the water, spreading apart like ink.

"Fuck!" Wooyoung tears off San's scarf and his coat and throws himself onto the first rock he sees, nearly missing his step.

Heart pounding so intensely he fears he might die, he makes his way down the wet rocks, shivers racking his frame. He doesn't have the time to register the freezing cold however, determined to reach the water as quickly as he can. As soon as he does, he pulls off his jeans to make himself as weightless as possible, rushing into it without any more time to spare.

The water's colder than anything Wooyoung's ever felt before, turning his blood to ice when he sinks himself in. The waves splash over him, soaking his clothes in an instant, but it's the least of his worries right now.

"San!" His teeth are chattering, limbs moving like crazy as he submerges himself under the water, searching frantically for the older man. It's darker than hell in there, full of jagged stones that prick his skin, and total terror sets in.

Never letting the sensation take over him, Wooyoung swims down at the first silhouette he sees, arms wrapping around it without much thought. Skin meets skin, and Wooyoung has to fight against the thrashing waves and his burning lungs as he hauls them both to the surface, using every last bit of his strength.

San stays still in his arms, hair a wavy sea of black stuck to his ashen body.

"S-San!" Wooyoung cries, choking on his tears. "Open your eyes. Please open them."

The horror that he can possibly lose San drives him to drag the two of them to the rocks, and that when he sees the long gash of red trickling down San's left leg.

Wooyoung wants to sob until he tires out, wants to wake up and categorize this moment as nothing more than a fucking nightmare, because he can't take it anymore. He doesn't know what he'll do with himself if San dies because of him.

Hands trembling, Wooyoung checks for a pulse, but his frenzied state doesn't allow him to feel anything. He tilts San's head and blows air into his mouth over and over again, but gets nothing in return.

Wooyoung feels like he isn't even there when he begins pressing down on San's chest, trying to make him regain consciousness. The older remains cold, an eerie expression of peace settled on his features. But still, Wooyoung doesn't give up. He doesn't allow himself to. He can't lose San. Not now, not ever.

"Wake up! Please -- please wake up," Wooyoung begs and begs until his voice fails him. He keeps doing those chest compressions and giving San air, rotating it even when his arms hurt and his eyes are sore with tears. "Wake up goddammit! Shit!"

Wooyoung's never been unlucky enough to experience the death of someone dear to him in all his years of living, and even then, he'd never expected it'd feel this earth-shattering.

The world stops -- his world, because San's his sun and stars and if San's gone, Wooyoung knows he can't survive. He won't survive.

And as San lays there, unresponsive and losing blood and colour, Wooyoung feels his world collapsing.

But then San's chest expands like a pump, dragging in a sharp intake of air. The sound slices through the thundering waves and into Wooyoung' ears, louder than everything else.

"San!" Wooyoung wails like a baby as the older starts to cough. "You're alive!"

He pulls the man's shaking body close, and practically rips through his discarded jeans for his phone. "D-Don't worry, hyung. We're -- we're gonna be okay, hm? W-We'll be fine."

San doesn't respond, but his rising chest and rapid, haggard breathing's the only answer Wooyoung needs.

* * *

a/n: ooof the lifeline parallels. thoughts?

also it is v e r y dangerous to enter moving water,, the only reason wooyoung attempted this was to save san from dying in there.