EJ had been diagnosed with anxiety when he was eight.

His parents had refused to get him tested for such things, claiming it was a waste of money and that he just wanted some attention--a new toy here or concert tickets there would be a better treatment than any mental health professional.

While it was true that attention from his famously neglectful parents was more than he could hope to dream for, that wasn't really what he needed to stop the panic attacks--what he needed, specifially, was to talk to someone, to perhaps find the root.

It was his aunt and uncle--Ashlyn's parents--who finally took him. He'd been playing dress up with Ashlyn--she was Belle, per usual, and he was Ariel. In their game of make-believe, she was asking him questions about mermaids for research for a book she was writing. When Ashlyn's parents saw, the thought it was so cute that they should send a picture to EJ's parents. When EJ heard that, it prompted a shift inside of him--so quick, as if he'd shattered on impact. He threw off the wig, trying to peel the dress that he'd put on over his day clothes off as if it were on fire. His heart felt as if it were trying to thump out of his chest, and tears slipped down his cheeks as he struggled with the clothes--he couldn't breathe, he couldn't breathe, he couldn't breathe...

That next week--a Monday, as that was the day Martha Speaks was on--he was sat on a weird leather couch in between his aunt and uncle as they spoke to this woman at a desk. She had a parrot in a cage--she said the bird was friendly, but EJ didn't want to find out. She handed each of them a packet--like a personality quiz, where each of the questions were more morbid than the last. Then he was told he may have Generalized Anxiety Disorder.

"I have GAD?" EJ asked skeptically, his short legs swinging off the edge of the couch. "Well, I'm sure not GLAD to have GAD...am I right, guys?"

No one really laughed. It wasn't a good bit. His face flushed, his heart skipping a beat or two.

There wasn't really a cure for GAD, apparently. There was therapy and medication, but EJ said he wanted to wait on the medication. He'd probably forget to take the pills, and he didn't want his parents to see them. He did keep seeing the therapist, though. That is, until there was a football game his dad really wanted to take him to to on Monday--then the next Monday, his mom really wanted to take him to a movie, just EJ and her this time instead of EJ and her assistant.

For the first time ever, he really thought his parents were trying to connect with him--that everything was fine now, and they'd be a normal family. Weeks went by, and therapy sort of unintentionally faded away, until even his uncle and aunt didn't mention it. Eventually, his parents went back to their jobs and outings with snooty, rich friends every waking moment, and EJ was back to going to the movies with his mom's assistant.

He'd never really learned how to get through his panic attacks other than to avoid them altogether. But sometimes, when they seemed to hit him head on, a question directly from the girl he cared about most in the world:

"You...you like Ricky, too, don't you?"

It was as if his world had completely tilted off its axis--as if any moment, the sky would turn green and the grass a cheery bright blue. She couldn't...this was supposed to be the perfect trip...no distractions, no problems, no weirdness...except maybe from his dad, but that could be taken care of when EJ tells him to his face that he's not going to the Caswell Sucess School.

"I...I don't know..." EJ started. What you're talking about, his brain provided. Yes, deflecting, the perfect strategy. "I don't know..." what you're talking about.  What. You're. Talking. About. "I...I don't—I don't..." he shook his head, backing away one step, two, until he hit the wall. The ice maker was tucked away in a little corner, so no one would see them, but EJ couldn't help but feel trapped. He struggled for words, for breath as he slid down the wall, sitting on the floor with his arms wrapped around his knees.

"Hey, it's okay," Gina sat down in front of him, her eyes worried, which made EJ feel even worse. She made no move to touch him, no comforting hand on the knee or shoulder, and EJ wouldn't be sure how to feel if she did. They had been dating for three and a half months, and in all that time, she'd never seen him have a panic attack. There had been one or two close calls, but he'd just played it cool until he was alone—he knew her seeing him like this was inevitable, but he still couldn't help but be embarrassed.

"Hey, Eej, try to focus on your breathing, okay? In for four, hold for seven, out for eight, can you do that?" Gina asked. EJ nodded, starting to breathe in—that part was easy, it was as if he couldn't get enough air. The holding for seven was harder—he kept slipping up, and every slip-up just made him more anxious. Then he could grasp it--in for four, hold for seven, out for eight. Once, twice. Gina moved to sit next to him, and once he'd calmed down to the best of his ability, he rested his head on Gina's shoulder.

"I'm sorry," she said softly, running her fingers through his hair--she liked to do this every now and then, and EJ never minded even if it made his hair look messy. "I didn't mean to spring that up on you like that. I guess I didn't know how else to say it. If it's not something you want to talk about right now, that's okay, I just thought we should, since, you know..."

"Since you have feelings for Ricky," EJ finished, hating how wrecked his voice sounded. He lifted his head, wiping his eyes. "And I...have feelings for Ricky...and we have feelings for each other...and Ricky might have feelings for us...?" he let out a soft laugh, and Gina couldn't help but join him, the sound ehcoing around the little tile space.

"Maybe," Gina shrugged. "It's kinda hard to tell with him. Sometimes I think it's his purpose to go into a room, pick a person to flirt with, and then leave. But sometimes...I think he might. And I think it'd be nice if he did..."

EJ paused for a moment, the time stretching out in the small space. "I think I'm okay with being...bi, maybe. In time. But, it's just...Ricky?" he asked incredulously. "It couldn't have been, like, one of the water polo guys or some celebrity, it just had to be Ricky..." he laughed.

"Yep, it had to be Ricky," Gina playfully bumped his shoulder with hers. "If it makes you feel better...I don't think I'm entirely straight, either. I...I kinda had a crush on Nini last year, during auditions

"Yeah?" EJ asked, brows raised, though he couldn't really say he was surprised. "That makes sense--you let her off way too easy for stealing your stuff. Not to mention, I'm pretty sure everyone in the drama club has had a crush on Nini at one point or another--besides Carlos and Seb, anyway."

Gina nodded, taking a deep breath and resting her head on EJ's shoulder. "Do you want to stay out here for a little while, or do you wanna get some ice and go back to the room?"

EJ frowned, unsure. "Ricky's probably wondering where we went...but I don't know...it'd be kinda nice to get off this cold hard floor..." he smiled slightly, managing to get up and stretch before helping Gina up as well. "So...we're still together...?"

"Yeah," Gina nodded with something of a relieved smile. "I'm still all in if you are."

"Yeah," EJ nodded in return, leaning in and pressing a kiss to Gina's forehead.

He could hear footsteps against the carpeted hallway, and he glanced over to see Ricky coming towards them. His expression seemed...guarded--anxious or embarassed or some mixture of the two.

"Hey, guys, sorry if I'm--" Ricky faltered as his eyes met EJ's. "Oh my god, are you okay?"

EJ nodded, managing a smile. "I probably don't look like it, but I'm fine, thanks, Ricky."

Ricky nodded in return, mouth hung open slightly, seeming unsure how to approach. "Well, to be honest, after about 3 minutes I was starting to suspect you guys just came out here to make out--and I was gonna leave you guys to it because, like, love wins, you know? But the time just kept going by, and I just got a little anxious--like what if something bad happened to you guys? Which I don't know if it did, but I guess physically you guys are fine, and--"

EJ never wanted to kiss Ricky more than in that moment. But he wouldn't, not yet. They needed to be mature, to talk things out--besides, they weren't even really sure Ricky liked either one of them back. What if Ricky only liked Gina and not him, or vice versa? EJ wasn't sure if he could handle the aftermath.

"Ricky, we should talk," EJ said. He put the bucket up to the ice maker to fill it up--score, it was pellet ice--and nodded in the direction of the room. "Let's go back to the room, okay?"

"Okay..." Ricky replied skeptically. "I feel like I'm in trouble..."

"You're not," Gina said, sparing a glance at EJ. "We promise."

"Yeah," EJ added, pulling the bucket away and making his way back to the room. Once they were all three in there, EJ shut the door and put the ice bucket on the table. Gina was sitting on their bed, and Ricky on his. Anxiety coiled in EJ's stomach--he was the one who suggested it, but maybe they shouldn't have this talk right now? If things were to go south, it'd make the rest of the trip pretty tense and awkward. Then again, they were probably all on the same page--and leaving things unsaid would probably make things worse.

"So...Gina and I have been talking," EJ started--and it was then he had the sudden thought of what this situation looked like--it looked as if he and Gina were parents giving Ricky the sex talk. Of course, his parents hadn't been there for that--it was his mom's assistant and several uncomfortable diagrams--but the visual was enough to make EJ hold back laughter. Needless to say, today had been a very long day.

Gina's brows furrowed in confusion, but her smile was affectionate and sweet. "Ricky...we don't want to spring this on you all of the sudden, and whatever you think about it is okay, but...I have feelings for you. They were on and off for a little while, but...I like you. It took this perfect day for me to really see that they weren't going away anytime soon...and EJ, he, um..." she looked his way, not wanting to speak for him. His heart skipped a beat, but with Gina there, he knew he'd be okay.

"I...have feelings for you, too," EJ shrugged, as if they were small--as if he'd not been tormented with them from the moment he and Ricky had both shone their phone flashlights in Nini's face when she performed. As if EJ didn't get distracted by his warm brown eyes when they did scenes together, or he didn't notice how cute his camp prom outfit was.

"Oh," Ricky managed, smiling sheepishly. "Yeah, I mean I guess that adds up..."

"You don't have to respond right now," EJ continued. "In fact, if you want some time away--I can get you a flight to your mom's, or back to Salt Lake, and you can think about it--"

"I don't," Ricky shook his head with a soft laugh. "No, that's okay. It's just kind of a lot...but in a good way...I've liked you guys for so long, but this past year's just been so messy. With you two dating each other, I just thought 'well, there they go, my chance is over'. But...I guess it's not, and...you two both want to date me...?" he asked incredulously.

EJ and Gina shared a look and both nodded, letting their silent answer speak for itself.

That is, until Gina added: "If you want to start small, that's okay, too. If you want to start by just dating me or just Eej, that's totally fine."

That wasn't really an idea they had gotten around to talking about back at the ice maker, but EJ was fine with that. By the sound of it, Ricky liked both of them, and he saw no problem with taking things slow, as long as Ricky was on board.

"This isn't really something any of us has done before, though," Ricky said. "I mean, I'm fine with going all in, but the whole...polyamory thing, I guess I'm just clueless."

Gina nodded. "We'll have to just figure it out as we go, same as any relationship--maybe some research, and lots of communication...but we could do it, if we really try."

Ricky smiled, a crooked and awkward smile, and EJ couldn't help but smile back. Ricky put his hand out, palm down, as if he were wanting to start a group mantra.

"What team?"

Oh, he was. What a dumbass. EJ was utterly in love.

"Ricky, I'm not--" EJ started.

"Wildcats!" Gina put her hand on top of Ricky's.

"What team?" Ricky tried again, this time with a pointed, affectionate look in EJ's direction.

"Wildcats," EJ offered quietly, putting his hand on top of Gina's.

"Wildcats!" Ricky ehcoed, then Gina and EJ joined in: "Get your head in the game!"

"Okay," EJ rolled his eyes, "I'm going to bed before we get a noise complaint. Um...what are the, uh...sleeping arrangements going to look like?"

Ricky grinned, and EJ's face immediately flushed with an intense regret for ever asking the question. "Well," he started. "If you guys want me that bad, I can sleep with both of you."

Gina laughed, covering her own flushing face. "Thanks, I hated that. I call the outside, closest to the nightstand."

"I call the other outside," EJ said. "I mean..." EJ supposed, now that he was Ricky's boyfriend--the word sounding weird but exciting even in his head--that he should be a bit more courtious. "Are you alright with the middle, Ricky?"

"Sure," Ricky shrugged. "We can always take turns, figure out what we like and stuff. But for tonight, I'll take the middle."

The group all got arranged, and Gina had the smart idea to turn on the TV in the process--that way it was just three friends hanging out, nothing new and exciting. Really, though...being on a trip and sleeping in the same bed on the first night of being official had to be breaking levels of a rushed relationship previously unknown to man.

At some point, EJ felt a slight tap and found Ricky leaning his head on EJ's shoulder. A few minutes later, he noticed Ricky loosely holding Gina's hand—she looked up at EJ with a smile, leaning against Ricky.

Of course, doubt sparked within him—this couldn't work just because they said it would, and more people in the relationship meant more room for arguments and slip-ups and jealousy. But it also meant more room for someone to lean on, for affection and communication.

As EJ blinked sleepily at the bright light of the TV—Gina eventually turning it off—his worry seemed to ease itself for now. This was, after all, the start of something new.