When Ricky was in third grade, he and Nini saw their first classroom pet.

It was a little fuzzball of a thing, the class hamster. Matt Dourny had named him Cheeto because of his orange coat, which wasn't even close to matching an actual Cheeto. With a bustling, squealing crowd of eight-year-olds, Nini was the only one to point out, her voice small:

"He looks scared."

And, yeah. With this crowd, a million pairs of eyes begging to get a look at you, Ricky could imagine how that could be scary.

To this day, whenever he had anxiety so overwhelming he could just about taste his heart thumping in his chest, he thought about that stupid hamster. That stupid, terrified, cute, tiny hamster.

"Ricky, are you okay?" Gina's voice cut through his train of deep, intellectual hamster thoughts. "You look scared."

Ricky blinked, focusing back in on the situation in front of him. He could see and smell a Subway nearby, bustling with people wanting to get a sandwich before boarding. He could feel his hand, sweaty on the handle of his rollie-bag. EJ was looking over at some travel pamphlets, and Gina was in front of him. Looking at him, acknowledging his worry.

"Yeah," he answered with a dismissive shrug, giving a reassuring--if not slightly exaggerated--smile. "Absolutely. Just...excited to get there...and see my mom...and her new boyfriend..."

He could see Gina grow confused in his peripheral. "I thought she's been dating what's-his-name since the fall, right? He's not exactly new."

"Yep," Ricky nodded, hearing how his voice went up an octave.

A tense silence spanned between them.

"So...I guess I should get my ticket," Ricky started towards the ticket booth, face flushing, heart racing. Honestly, maybe he should get on the bus faster. Away from Salt Lake, away from Gina and EJ and the dazzling confusion that being with them brought. Towards his mom, towards her new new boyfriend--

"Hold on," EJ stopped him with a steady hand on his shoulder, holding up a pamphlet. "Did you know the Chicago Zoo is--" he met Ricky's gaze, then, and must have seen in his face whatever Gina had. "Hey, what's wrong?"

Ricky wasn't sure what came over him then, but he laughed. If EJ Caswell was noticing--and asking--about his emotional state, he might as well prepare to see a pig fly out of the Subway bread cupboard.

He went over and sat down in one of the stiff plastic seats, picked up a magazine, and anxiously rolled it up tight in his hands as if he were about to swat a bug. "Nothing," Ricky shook his head with a smile, his foot tapping at a speed that could break records. "Nothing, not really. I mean," he scoffed, running his hands through his hair. "I'm sorry, I'm being ridiculous--"

"No, you're not," EJ replied, sitting next to him, his voice soft. Of all the surreal things to happen today, this had to be the cherry on top: this strange, soft voice EJ was using with him. "You can tell me what's wrong, Ricky."

Ricky shook his head again, opened his mouth, and closed it. "I just," he started. Strong start. "I had a really good summer." Of course, he couldn't mention how crushed he was to see Gina and EJ skipping around in their honeymoon phase--or how flustered he was to see EJ's biceps in his camp tank top and Gina in her cute summer crop tops, but that was a whole other issue.

"Yeah?" EJ spurred him on with just that, a whisper in the crowd, and a slight nod.

"And I don't want to ruin it," Ricky continued. "I'm sick of going to my mom's. Everything feels so...different. Cold. I love my mom, but it's hard to catch her up on stuff. Sometimes I don't always feel welcome to. It's like she's judging me, even if she doesn't mean to. And maybe I judge her, too. Her new boyfriend--her new, new boyfriend, when I was just getting used to Todd--I'm not on the edge of my seat to meet him. I saw something he posted on Facebook--well, my dad saw it, I don't use Facebook. It was some conservative, homophobic stuff about Pride month. And I really don't need to hear that right now..." Ricky could hear his voice crack, his eyes stinging as his face flushed with embarrassment. "Sorry." he added. He regretted this whole thing as soon as he spoke; why, why couldn't he have just kept his mouth shut? It wasn't as if EJ could--or even wanted to--help with this.

"You don't need to apologize," EJ said, as if it were a reflex. "I understand. My team--in water polo, I used to get onto the guys for talking garbage like that. They used to call me...well, that's not important. The point is, you shouldn't have to go if you don't want to. Clearly, it's not going to be good for you. You should just...figure out another plan..."

He left the words dangling in the air, as if Ricky was supposed to find a magic solution there.

His brows furrowed, and, like any 18-year-old, his brain went immediately to the more interesting point than anywhere else. "What did your water polo team call you?"

"They," EJ sighed and shook his head. "They called me Gay-J, it's not important--"

Ricky snorted into his hand, and EJ looked at him as if he'd spilled wine all over a fancy dinner cloth, which just made him laugh harder. "Gay-J? That's not even a play on words! That is the stupidest nickname I've ever heard--"

"Yes, well, it was a small price to pay. There were some closeted people on the team that appreciated me saying something, that's what mattered." EJ replied dismissively before returning to that same stern, concerned tone from before. "But, Ricky, I mean...I think you're avoiding the question."

"I...I am," Ricky frowned. "Because the question...what am I gonna do now? That's something I don't really want to answer. I could go back to my dad...but I don't want to disappoint him. Not to mention, he's leaving for a work trip tomorrow anyway, that's why I'm going to mom's. I don't want to be home by myself...I guess I could go to Big Red's...third wheel him and Ashlyn..."

"You could," EJ started, pursing his lips as if he were struggling to get the words out of his mouth. "You could come with us. Maybe. If you...wanted to."

"Oh," Ricky felt himself start to smile, doing little to hide it. It might be nice to go on a trip with friends, even if he might be third-wheeling. But he never imagined actually being offered the chance, especially by EJ Caswell, who treated Acting Jealous Of Ricky like a full time job with the rent due yesterday. "I mean, if you insist." Ricky decided, "If you really think I'm an absolute must-have on your journey--that you can't do...whatever it is that you're doing without me--"

"We're going to the Caswell Success School," Gina piped up, sitting on Ricky's other side with a pamphlet on the Chicago Zoo. "Sorry, I didn't want to break the moment. You really think Ricky could come with us, Eej?"

"Um," EJ sighed, looking from Ricky to Gina and back. "Yeah. Yeah, I guess that's fine. It's not like I planned for the trip to be...super romantic or anything...let's pile back in the car, then."

Gina beamed, looping an arm with Ricky's and leading him back to the car, Ricky grabbing EJ's hand along the way.

"Don't worry, Gay-J," Ricky grinned, his tone teasing. "This trip will be plenty romantic, I'm sure!"

Ricky wasn't sure if he was quite telling the truth or not, but EJ looked as though he was already starting to regret his decision.