If you've been reading any of my books, you may have noticed that I haven't updated any of them very recently. I keep making promises that I'll write next week, or the week after, or something else. I hate making excuses for myself, so I wanted to explain myself and why this has been so long. I'd rather be honest and open about it. This is going to be a relatively long explanation, so I won't mind if you just decide to skip it.

As many of you probably know by now, this is my senior year of high school. Many people would take this year to relax and focus on college applications. Not me. Instead, I've been piling up the stress with five (yes, five) AP classes simultaneously. I thought I could handle it. I've been managing to go through it with good grades, but it has taken a toll on me. Not only that, but I am participating in a lot of after-school activities, and for some reason, I added an extra one to my plate this year rather than slowing down.

Why am I telling you this, exactly? Well, this admission shows you a lot about me and what I do. For as long as I can remember, I've been trying my best to be the best. If you were to narrow my group of friends down to basic stereotypes, I would hands-down be the nerd who is trying her best to be the perfect person. There is no room for being "good enough" when it comes to my goals. I've been in advanced classes since elementary school, and though I am grateful for having them to help me succeed, they've also fostered my perfectionist problem.

It's why I have a hard time taking risks. I've never been the best at trying something that I don't know about. I have this strong desire to be the best that if I try something I'm only alright at, I decide that I never want to do it again. That's why I don't participate in sports, for example. I'm not athletic in the terms of what would make a gym teacher happy, so there's no point in trying out for any sports because I wouldn't be good enough anyway.

This perfectionism has been very problematic for me. It has led me to be fearful of the future to the point where it's nearly preventing me from doing anything. I'm scared of being wrong about what I should do or shouldn't do, and I'm scared that I'm not good enough. This overwhelming fear of mine worries me deeply. It's only one of many things that have finally led me to seek help.

The other occurred about two years ago, when my grandfather died. He didn't live nearby, but we were very close despite the distance between us. After his death, I became more in-tune with my emotions. After I fully made peace with his death, though, there was a feeling of hopelessness and sadness that remained. It has nothing to do with my grandfather, but everything to do with my outlook on life. Many things that used to bring me joy no longer do so. In terms of things that I attempt to do regularly, creative writing is the only thing that I can identify as truly bringing me joy. However, even that has been difficult, and I've had writer's block with most, if not all, of my stories, for months.

I've sought help, and after attending a therapeutic session before Christmas, I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety. I am now a month on Prozac. With the combination of my prescription and the therapy, I am already seeing positive results, but I have a long way to go. My therapist believes that my overarching issue is rooted in my perfectionism that was fostered so early in my life, and she also believes that the depression is part of what is acting as a creative block for me. I want every word I write to be the perfect one, and no matter how much I attempt to combat this, it never seems to be of use. For example, the main reason I haven't updated The World Will Know for over two months is completely because I haven't thought of the perfect newsie name for a character. In my mind, the story hinges on that name, which has led me back to the blank document. I just can't get past it.

This is the best explanation I can give to explain why I haven't been writing. I just wanted to be honest with you all about what's going on. I hope to write more soon, but I can no longer make any promises that anything will be updated on a regular basis. I will be trying my best, though.

If you actually read all this, thank you.