I never thought I would need to know how to climb onto my roof. But here I was, watching the stars, cigarette in my hand, on the roof of my two story house.

Lisa once told me that I needed a certain place all to myself, a place I could use to get away. To escape all the other things in my life. I realized she was right, I did need this. So I learned how to get on my roof.

It was relaxing. Cold as hell. But still relaxing. Not to mention that the tobacco I was inhaling helped a bit.

I thought back to the beginning of this year. Just six months ago. But it seemed so far away. So much had changed.

I saw a hand reach up and hold a plastic mug to me. I took it and the second mug handed to me and then Dixie made we way on to the roof. "Hey, you." I greeted with a smiled and handed her mug back to her when she was situated on the roof.

"I hope you don't mind my coming up here with you."

I shook my head and sipped my hot chocolate. "Nope, you're welcome here."

We sat in silence for a moment before she turned to me, "I'm really proud of you. I mean, you've been through so much, and you've gone so far. Even with all the bad things that have happened-"

I cut her off, "no. Don't say you're proud of me for overcoming everything. That's not what I want. I'm not a victim."

"Yes, Kennedy, you are. You were abused. That makes you an abuse victim."

"No. I refuse to be a 'victim.' When you're a victim people pity you and I don't want pity from anyone. Yes, I was abused, molested, raped, and abandoned. But that doesn't make me a victim of any of those things."

"I don't understand what you mean, Dee." she leaned over the edge of the roof and dropped her empty cup on my balcony.

"I don't want to be defined by what has happened to me. I want to be Kennedy. Not Kennedy The Abuse Victim. I want people to look at me and say 'wow, she did great things.' not 'wow, she did great things for a rape victim.' And I really don't want people to tiptoe around me to be extra careful of not setting off my triggers. When was the last time you bought me subway?"

Dixie looked confused. "you don't like subway because of him..."

"Exactly!" I shouted. "But I love subs. And don't think Quiznos is a good replacement. It's not."

"I don't understand what you want, Kennedy."

"I don't either." I pulled my knees up to my chest, wrapped my arms around them, and burst into tears. "I just want to be normal. I don't want teachers giving me extra time on assignments just because they feel bad for me. I want to be treated like everyone else. People go out of their way to make things easier for me and that makes it hard for me to feel like I've accomplished anything."

"You are normal. babe." Dixie wrapped her arms around me and kissed my hair. "Fuck what everyone else does. You do you, girl."

I sniffled, "Would you have worked so hard to get me if I hadn't pushed you away?"

She looked at me like she couldn't understand a word that was coming out of my mouth. So I explained, "'you want them when they don't want you,' to quote a wise man. Would you have cared about being with me so much if I had cared about you like that from the get go? Would you have cared about me if I weren't some sad girl to fix?"

Now she looked like I disrespected her cow. I could never win with this girl and her many facial expressions. "Kennedy, baby, I love you for you. Not for the challenge you are. And not for what happened to you. You aren't a charity case for me. It was never a thought in my mind to fix your depression and anxiety. I know that, as much as I wish I could, I can't. When I said I would fix it, I meant your unsure feelings about love. I meant I would prove that not all relationships end in pain."

She started crying and then I was crying again and it was a big emotional mess as we clung to each other until we heard my fathers on my balcony arguing.

"No, Kixie sounds stupid."

"It does not! It's cute. Lemme hear you come up with one, Dean."

"How about... Deed? Cuz Dee plus another 'D' for Dixie."

"I don't know. Reminds me of that ACDC song... y'know, dirty deeds and the thunder chiefs."

"What the fuck, Cas? It's not thunder chiefs. it's dirty deeds and they're done dirt cheap."

"Goodbye, dads!" I yelled down to them and I heard their arguing heading into the house.

Dixie laughed, "do you think we'll be like that when we're older?"

I laughed with her and leaned closer into her chest, "I sure hope so.."