(Watch novelas)
*watching a role play* *gasp* Tina you slut!

(Ask his grandma for blessing)
(Me) hey grandma, can you bless me?
(Grandma) sure thing Níno! *prays for an hour*
(Me) 😅 thanks!

(Eat bread with butter, and nothing else)
*eats bread with butter but adds a salami*
(Cops) *attack me*

(Buy a lot of adobo)
*gets garlic salt instead*
(Me) f**k adobo... (Damn it feels good to be a gangsta)

(Mom) yeah I'll get some tortilahs...
(Me) *teleports over there* it's TOR-TEE-YA, hijo de puta!
(Mom) *sends me flying with a slap*