We are two weeks into the new year (2024, wow) and I thought it would be good to actually pin down my goals.

1. Update my apply fics once a week (each)

2. Update whatever the current fanfic I'm working on Tuesdays and Thursdays.

Here is my predicament, where I am asking for help. See, I have this rotten habit of creating sequels for books, and then never writing them. I am 35K into a Lowborn sequel (which was only like 50K), I'm 8K into a prequel to Purify and I've had a sequel milling around for that for years. And now, I've just added a book to Clandestine, which was supposed to be a duology and is now a trilogy. AND!! I am not emotionally done with Banality. It needs a sequel. Fuck, I'm not emotionally done with Volatile, and every month I feel like I could go back and add more to that world, or retcon and revisit the ending and change things. AHHHH!

Here is the problem. I write better books when I binge write them. Obviously, my writing has gotten better over the years, but Banality was so good because I wrote it over four months, and it was like 120K or something ridiculous . (Editor's note: checked and its 170K. The sequel is about 120K) I also feel this way about Defeatism. I like Perverse (actually, I love Perverse) but the story wasn't as tight as Defeatism. I don't want that to happen to Clandestine and its sequels, or to Deterrent and certainly not Overboard which I haven't begun yet even though I yearn for her every day.

So basically, I need help. Probably, I'm seeking out the wrong crowd, since like I don't know many people who finish their books. Or who like, commit to the bit in the same way I do. My fingers type and type and type. I wrote 8K yesterday for something I'm never going to publish. It's devastating.

Basically, I'm screaming into the void. AHHHH. Ahh.

Does anyone have motiation for like, committing to projects? My ideas are spread out too thin. My usual rule is one fic and one apply fic at the same time. And, I have been good about keeping that, but I'm really and truly pumping out Deterrent as best as I can. It honestly consumes so much of my brain power, you have no idea. 3rd person omniscient is literally impossible. I hate it. But, I love the book and the characters. And like, Clandestine will not have a fourth book. 

490, 340 words. In just my completed apply fics.

At least 1.5 million words of fanfic. So like, 2 million words on this account. Technically, even more in what hasn't been written. Actually, physically insane. Like, I can't even conceptualize that many words. Holy fuck.

But yeah. Someone staple me to completing the series I'm currently working on, pretty please.