It has never been easy to say goodbye. Except for goodbyes to bad things you wish you didn't have to remember at all. It's been two years now that I've decided to leave everything behind and go overseas, to somewhere where nobody knows me. Not that I've done something to be ashamed of, it's just of what have been done to me. And overnight I felt that I didn't belong to that place. So at the age of 18, the only weak solution was to run away. Little did I know that running away is never a solution to any problem.

I have no explanation of how terrible that decision was back then. But I can't deny that 3 years of living abroad did me good in so many ways that I can't describe or explain, so maybe it wasn't a bad idea after all. However, the one main thing that I was running away from is the only thing that couldn't leave me and I couldn't forget about. At least not yet.

I was most known for the beautiful girl at school, all boys wanted to be with me and all girls wanted to be me. But also I was always considered as a stupid, clingy beautiful girl, a statue I wasn't proud of but it made me famous. Nobody wanted to be with me for who I really was and nobody wasn't interested enough to find out. I wasn't stupid that's for sure but for a while, I acted like it till I started to believe it myself, for the clingy girl I was I couldn't help being left alone or feel lonely. So the decision of walking away from that life was a huge step for me. Because of it, I discovered my adventurous, independent side. I like being on my own now. It's my Third year in college and I must admit that the whole experience caused me to grow up very quickly. And it's not a bad thing by any means.

If you knew me back in high school. You'll know that I was never the one who starts a conversation, knowing that everybody wanted to talk to me or just to be seen with me, I was never the one who makes an effort for anyone or anything. But now I know that if I don't run after something and chase it I will never get it. And for that, I need to be confident. Confident enough to just speak to people and do things I wouldn't normally do. I find that the conversations I have with people now are much more fulfilling as I have the confidence to start conversations with random people, such as the old women at the bus station, the boy that makes me coffee in my local coffee shop, or the couple in the library struggling over a class I took last semester. It's shame that I had to travel across the world to gain this confidence, but it's better late than never.

I realize now that going away was the only way for me to find myself. I wouldn't say I "found" myself, but I feel I am a lot closer to it than I would have been if I hadn't made that choice. At the very least, I feel like a better version of myself.

I made friends over the two years, but most importantly I made a best friend, that I'm very thankful to have her in my life, she showed me what true friendship is. Despite the awkwardness of the way we met. But I guess awkward situations makes permanent friends.