ACT THREE, chapter forty—three :
the mother made us a savage daughter
who never begs for forgiveness

ϟ

By November, things had gone simply from bad to worse.

The weather was turning wretched, Lili's nightmares were getting more vivid, and poor Hedwig had been attacked on his way back from London. But at least there was Quidditch.

Good ole Quidditch.

For the past five years, Lili had only attended the matches for Harry's sake, and now for Ron's as well. Just... Ron wasn't doing so well, not at all. In fact, he was doing rather terribly as the team's new Keeper — which was stressful for everyone involved (Lili and Hermione included). And of course the Slytherins weren't exactly doing anything that helped matters with the cruel song of 'Weasley Is Our King' ringing in everyone's ears.

Gryffindor won, of course.

Being a girlfriend of a player had its privileges, and so as soon as the whistle was blown, Lili raced onto the pitch and threw her arms round Harry's shoulders right when she had a chance.

"You were amazing!"

Her boyfriend laughed and swung her round so her feet were off the earth, flicking mud in every which way. She gave him a celebratory peck on the lips, and basked in the radiance of his happy grin. At least Quidditch was good for something. She was so concentrated on Harry that she barely noticed Draco's taunts.

"Did you like my lyrics, Potter?"

Neither Harry nor Lili bothered to answer. Instead, they turned to the rest of the team, surrounded by the yelling and cheering and shouting in triumph, except for Ron of course. Looking obviously depressed, their poor redheaded friend slouched off to the changing rooms (and Lili swore she saw Hermione following to comfort him). She was so distracted with celebrating until she heard Draco shout:

"—But you like the Weasleys, don't you, Potter?" Oh no. Oh bloody no. "Spend holidays there and everything, don't you? Can't see how you stand the stink, but I suppose when you've been dragged up by Muggles even the Weasleys' hovel smells okay—,"

George launched himself forward, and Harry barely managed to restrain him while Lili, Katie Bell, and Alicia Spinnet desperately tried to stop Fred from pouncing on Draco who was cackling (like an absolute ejit). Where were the f—cking adults when one needed them?!

"Or perhaps," Draco sneered while he backed away, "You can remember what your mother's house stank like, Potter, and Weasley's pigsty reminds you of it—,"

Oh, that's it.

Lili released Fred at the same time Harry took his hands off George to sprint at Draco. Lili watched in something between utmost fascination and mild horror while Harry drew back his fist and hurled it hard into Draco's stomach. George was just behind him, and he pounced just as readily onto the Malfoy boy who was screeching rather like a hippogriff.

Honestly, this was a long time coming.

And honestly, Lili didn't know how to proceed — to intervene or not to intervene...

While she was preoccupied with a moral debate (who to help: recently—short—tempered boyfriend or deserving—a—punch cousin), there were rather a lot of teenagers screaming, Draco yelling, George swearing, whistles blowing, and the bellowing of the crowd until someone intervened with the Impediment Jinx, throwing everyone every which way. Hm. While Lili was busy with choosing who to assist, it seemed that everyone had gotten rather beaten up.

Oops.

"What do you think you're doing?!" Madam Hooch screeched, "I've never seen behaviour like it — back up to the castle, both of you, and straight to your Head of House's office! Go! Now!"

Still seething, Harry and George marched off the pitch, both panting, neither saying a word to one another.

Still shocked in the aftermath, Lili could do very little but chase after them. The jeering of the crowd grew quieter 'til she reached the Entrance Hall, where she could hear only the sound of her rapid footsteps. By the time she reached Professor McGonagall's office, the door was already closed and she knew her fellow Gryffindors were getting the scolding of their lives on the other side. Sighing, she sat down on the stone floor, leant her back against the opposite wall, and settled in for a long wait.

It felt like at least a half hour had passed by the time the heavy door swung open.

Still soaked to the skin and covered in mud, Harry slowly stepped out of McGonagall's office — looking rather shell shocked with huge eyes and pale cheeks.

Lili pushed off the wall and cocked her head, "Harry? Love, what happened?"

He blinked at her, dazed and confused. "She... Umbridge kicked me and the twins off the team. I've been... given a lifetime ban."

"A... A lifetime ban? Is that even a thing? How could that possibly be allowed?!"

Harry just stared at her, looking quite stunned.

"Everything's gone wrong, everything, but at least I still had Quidditch. It was all I had left."

Lili hissed through her teeth and quickly drew Harry in for an embrace, sweaty and muddy and all. He dropped his face into her shoulder, arms hugging her tightly. She cradled the back of his curly head and pressed a kiss to his temple. Needing to comfort him, she put her hands on his shoulders and lightly pushed him back to press her lips to his.

"Detention, Miss Snape!"

Lili and Harry whipped round, shocked at the sudden appearance of their absolute least favourite person on bloody earth. Dolores bloody Umbridge. The woman was tutting in disapproval, though her eyes seemed to smirk meanly at them. Oh, this was beyond personal now. First, she went after Harry, and now she was going after Lili. What a b—

"For what?" Lili demanded, brow furrowed in disbelief.

"For conduct extremely unbecoming for a young lady," Umbridge scolded cruelly before blinking with faux innocence, "You shall serve it tonight — in ten minutes time, I should think."

"No!" Harry suddenly belted out, "No, it was my fault— I—I'll serve her detention, it was my conduct,"

Lili shook her head, "Harry, it's fine—,"

"No! I want to serve the detention in her place!"

Umbridge pursed her lips and simpered, "Oh, how chivalrous you are, Mister Potter, but I'm afraid that's now how it works. Miss Snape committed the crime, now she shall serve the time."

"And I'm more than happy to do it, Professor," Lili sneered back, grabbing onto Harry's wet arm, "Now if you'd excuse us, for ten minutes."

She marched them away, and he stumbled numbly after her.

"Harry, I'll serve the detention and it'll be over and done with." She was issuing orders, and he was barely paying attention. "You should go to the dorm. Take a warm shower. Get in comfortable clothes. You've had a wretched day, okay?"

But Harry could hardly speak, clearly wracking his brains as if still thinking of a way to somehow get her out of it.

"Harry," she turned his face towards her, thumb rubbing at blood smeared on his cheekbone. "Harry, it'll all be over soon."

Then, she turned and started down the corridor with her head held high.

"Lil?"

Lili turned back to see Harry's face blanched a milky white, and she was almost afraid he'd pass out if any more blood rushed from his head.

"I'll... I'll be there. When you come back. We'll talk, and I'll be there. Okay?"

Lili gave him a strange sort of look, sad and smiling. Taking the few steps that separated them, she pressed a sweet kiss to his lips and pushed his fringe back from his worried green eyes.

"See you later."

I must not be a slut. I must not be a slut. I must not be a slut.

Over and over again.

Writing this hurt, of course it bloody did, both the method and the words. I must not be a slut. Lilium S. Snape had been called many terrible things in her short life; a 'slut' had yet to be one of them. The scent of iron was thick in the air, mixing with the sickly sweet scent on the tea steeping on the desk a few feet away.

The DADA office was an assault to the eyes, garishly pink and teeming with cats painted on plates which apparently was a collector's item of some kind. As she wrote her lines, carving into her own flesh, she fantasised about yanking each of the plates off the wall and smashing them into a thousand pieces. It was quite a satisfying image, and it managed to get her through the last twenty minutes of her detention.

When it was finished, and her professor thought the message had appropriately 'sunk in', Lili hiked her bag onto her shoulder and was halfway to the exit when Umbridge's sickening voice chimed behind her:

"I hope that makes you remember your place, young lady."

Very slowly, the girl swiveled back round to pin the woman with a black and frightening gaze, "You think a little blood and some scarring are going to scare me? No way. No way in hell."

"You are quite dismissed, dear." Umbridge waved a thick hand and turned back to her tea cart, "Do try to find the exit."

But Lili wouldn't bloody budge.

"I know Harry and I aren't the only ones. I know we aren't the only ones you've tortured!"

That, at the least, made Umbridge pause. Now, she turned round to glower past that simpering mask of faux sweetness.

"Torture? Oh no, dear, certainly not—,"

"What do you think making children bleed is?" Lili hissed through bared teeth.

"I think it is merely the taming of school children with wild adolescent fantasies about supposed resurrected madmen and foolish rebellion against their elders." She held herself taller, head tilted and nose up, "The Ministry is simply doing what needs to be done to keep you children in line."

Lili's boots thunked quietly when she took a few threatening steps closer, "You've kept us silent and isolated, too scared to come forward, but no more. We're finally going to make some noise."

Umbridge's beady blue eyes narrowed in little slits. "Children should be seen and not heard."

"Oh, I'll make sure they hear me. I'll make sure everyone bloody hears me! You won't silence me. I'll tell everyone what you've done. What you really are."

So sweetly, Umbridge smiled, but Lili could see the evil bleeding underneath.

In that horrible high—pitch squeak, she asked, "And what am I, Miss Snape?"

Magic swelled up within Lili, along with her anger, and she seethed:

"You're a f—cking monster. And I'll make sure you rot if it's the last thing I do."

The girl quickly crossed the last few steps and slammed the office door behind her on the way out.

Lilium S. Snape couldn't fight the Dark Lord, she couldn't fight the Death Eaters, but she could do this.

But for now, the bleeding on her hand needed to be treated. She couldn't go back to Gryffindor Tower, not when it would only completely freak her friends out, not with what was written on her hand. Hermione would only worry. Ron would get ten times angrier. Harry... well, Harry would lose it completely. He was fine being hurt, he let himself be hurt, but if it was ever anyone he cared about...

No. She couldn't go to Harry. Not yet.

So, Lili went to who could help her the most.

Once more, she showed up at the entrance of her father's office, and she was bleeding. She clutched at her arm close to her stomach, blood slithering down her flesh, dripping warmly on the concrete. Lili's eyes were impossibly huge, and dark as coal, glittering like embers when Severus sharply opened the door.

For but a moment, the father and daughter stared at one another.

"Sev," she croaked, "I—,"

"Stop."

Severus cut her off before she could say anything more, immediately wrapping a too—tight arm round her shoulders to quickly usher her inside. With a wave of his ebony wand, the door slammed shut and he moved so fast that she could hardly keep up.

"You do not have to worry," he murmured softly but quickly in her ear. "I shall tend to it, just like always. Was it a blade or an iron?"

"Neither..."

Severus didn't dare push for more. He guided her through the bookshelf door and into their flat, fairly pushed her onto the sofa, and immediately went about gathering familiar vials round their home. Without even needing to see, she could guess what they were: Star Glass Salve and Murtlap Essence and Wiggenweld Potion.

"Sev, listen—,"

"You do not have to explain—,"

"No, I mean, I do, I really do. I wasn't trying to take off the Mark, not again. It's, well, I..."

Finally, Lili stopped clutching her bleeding hand, and she waited. Frowning deeply, he gently picked up her wrist and turned it better towards the light of the fire. His entire body went rigid while his eyes took in the sight of 'I must not be a slut' carved into the soft skin on her hand. He was properly speechless, Severus was, opening and closing his mouth a few times in horrified shock.

"Harry..." Lili's voice was but a croak, and she cleared her throat before managing out, "He didn't say anything, but.... It happened to him a while ago, too."

"Who the f—ck did this to you?"

His voice was hushed but impossibly deep, so deep there wasn't a bottom.

"Umbridge." Lili's own voice was shaking, but she was clearly fighting it, "Though I did technically do it to myself because of the blood quill—,"

"I will kill her."

Now, Lili sounded strangled, "Sev, don't!"

He'd go to Azkaban. He'd go to Azkaban and she'd lose the only parent she ever had and she'd—

"Blood quills are forbidden — for — a — reason, Lilium. It is a Dark object, forbidden to use against students. Or anyone... for that matter."

Lili had nothing to say in response to that. Jaw clenched so tight it looked painful, Severus cast a spell to clear it of blood before applying the potions to her wounds. The pain eased after a moment, the burning sting turning to a dull ache. A soft breath of relief escaped her, and she blinked hard to clear her eyes of the humiliating tears.

"Umbridge said Harry is lying. About the Dark Lord's return." Severus tensed and Lili quickly went on, "Anyway, he refused to take it back."

"And what led to this?" Severus asked, adding on the Star Glass Salve which should help with the scarring.

Likely not against the scars resulting from a Dark object, of course, but she appreciated him trying, all the same.

"I... I was caught, comforting Harry after the match. He's been kicked off the team and I was hugging him..." Lili held her breath and confessed, "I—I kissed him."

Severus paused, cheeks turning an embarrassed pink, and then continuing with his treatment.

"Am I..." The girl swallowed hard, afraid to meet his eyes. "Do you think that means...?"

"No." His grip suddenly tightened, not to the point of pain but bordering just. "You are many thins, my girl, but 'a slut' is far from any of them." His voice dropped when he mumbled obscenities under his breath, "A detestable word. F—ck's sake. Complete sodding nightmare. Despicable woman."

Instantly, Lili squeezed her eyes shut in relief. He did not think less of her. He did not think of her any differently and he did not think such a word belonged to her — even if it was now carved into her skin for the rest of eternity. She swallowed hard, desperately fighting against the tears building behind her eyelids. She felt a coarse finger and thumb pinch her chin, forcing her eyes open to meet her father's.

Severus hissed, "She will not... get away with us."

"If you tell him, will Dumbledore even do anything? He's ignoring Harry, he's ignoring me."

Her father didn't respond to that, though what could he say? All he could do was agree that Dumbledore had become utterly complacent in recent months. Then again they were all trapped under the Ministry's thumb, unable to do a single d—mn thing. Finally...

"Then — I — will make sure she won't get away with it. Trust in me."

"I do."

Severus' dark eyes flicked up to hers, and Lili nodded once. She was rigid with surprise when he leant forward to brush his dry lips against his forehead. A fleeting comfort, but it meant the world to her just the same. He would get revenge, even if he couldn't get it to stop.

Eventually, Lili returned to the common room only a few minutes before Fifth Year curfew, and found Harry, Hermione, and Ron waiting for her, their faces grim. Harry stood the second he saw her enter, the portrait swinging shut behind, and Lili swiftly tucked her bandaged hand into the pocket of her robes.

"So." She tried for levity, "What's new with you all, then?"

Harry didn't say anything, jaw clenched so tight that nothing could. In fact, it was a miracle none of his teeth had cracked actually. So, it was Hermione who spoke up with big, soft eyes and tears threatening to break loose.

"Harry told us you were assigned detention with Umbridge."

Lili felt her heart skin a beat, as if that hadn't been obvious already. A sudden and panicked flush made her head spin, and her wounded hand stung worse than ever. The words demanded attention: I must not be a slut, I must not be a slut, I must not be a slut.

Lili barely managed to croak, "I'm okay..."

And then Harry was rushing towards her, cupped her face in one hand, and used the other to grab her own. "If I hadn't gotten in the fight... if I hadn't let you comfort me..."

"Harry, don't be ridiculous," she replied dismissively, suddenly feeling outrageously tired. "This isn't your fault; it's no one's but hers—,"

Hermiome was there suddenly too, unwrapping the bandage on Lili's hand against her protests. Then, her best friend gasped, utterly horrified — just like she knew she would be. With a sharp inhale, Harry had gone rigid, his spine like a broomstick, eyes locked on the words carved into his girlfriend. And so of course Ron felt the need to rush over, as well.

"Oh, f—ck," said Ron, shocking them all but still no one addressed it.

"It's..." Hermione choked, "This is horrible, Lili. The blood quill is terrible enough, but—but what she's made you write..."

"It's all right." Lili swallowed hard, wiped dried tears from her face, and croaked, "I'm gonna be all right, guys..."

Harry's hands were fisted at his sides. The words written had done their damage on him too, leaving him raw and exposed and so, so guilty. With a long shuddering breath, her boyfriend suddenly turned and stormed off to the other side of the common room so he could glare out the window.

They watched him go.

"You're bleeding again," Hermione's voice was quivering slightly.

Lili looked and found her best friend was right. Her bandages were stained with beads of crimson pressing through to trickle down her fingers. The girl couldn't help but wince again as she pressed fingers to her hand, trying to quench the flow. Hermione sighed and conjured a handkerchief into a gauze bandage which she used to press down.

Ron tilted his head, "Are you okay, Lili?"

She glanced up, brow furrowing at the fear she saw lurking in her familiar brown eyes, "Okay other than the words carved into my hand? I think so."

"I'm serious." Ron tousled her fringe before fidgeting and lightly tugging on one of her messy plaits, "Is... Everything's all right between the two of you, right?"

Hermione wrung her hands.

"Me and Harry?" Lili blinked, his concern clashing strangely with her confusion. "Of course. Always. Why would you ask?"

"He just... hasn't been himself lately." She could sense the seriousness in her friend's gaze, and she could feel the heaviness in his tone, "I worry about him, and you too, Lili."

The colour drained from her already pale face. Her worry was glinting. Ruthless in her chest. Like a blade plunged into her stomach. Softly, she whispered, "Me too."

Lili followed Harry.

He hadn't gone far, just far enough to put some space between him and his anger but close enough to still torture himself by watching Lili keep bleeding. She walked up behind him with a quiet exhale, knowing he could feel her presence by that same strange unearthly sense. An invisible thread tied her to him, an impossible gravity pulling him into her orbit.

She loved it. She hated it.

Lili pressed herself into Harry's back and wound her arms around his front to hug him close. He was rigid in her arms at first, stiff and unyielding, but she didn't let go. She never would. She knew him too well. And of course, after a few moments, his tensed shoulders slumped and his hands raised to rest over hers.

"It wasn't your fault."

"Umbridge would say differently."

"Umbridge would be wrong."

He turned in her arms to face her, dipping his head so his lips could quickly capture hers, desperate and intense. His teeth accidentally scraped against the scar on her bottom lip, forcing her to pause for a startled breath. He paused just the same across from her, kisses hesitating, mouth stilling against hers before she gave permission to continue.

But he didn't. Instead, his calloused thumb gently swiped against the dried mud on her cheek, more so smearing it rather than cleaning it. It didn't matter. He pulled her closer, wrapping his arms around her so tight that it felt like her pieces were falling back together.

His voice shook in her ear, "I never meant for you to bleed for me..."

"I mean it, Harry, it wasn't your fault."

"And yet you're still bleeding."

"We're going to bleed a lot more before this is finished, Harry."

Her tremulous voice was muffled against his shoulder, and they stayed like this for a few minutes, Lili with unsteady breaths and Harry rubbing her back. She kissed his collarbone, unable to bear the guilty look on his face anymore, unable to think that they could lose each other some day.

A sick feeling churned in her stomach and she squeezed her eyes tighter closed.

Blood. So much blood.

He held her close. He didn't let her go.

"I don't want to lose you." Harry's voice was close to soundless, but his green eyes were louder than ever. They beat furiously in their sockets as he tenderly kissed her temple, "I'll do anything but lose you."

Lili nodded, but needed to hear their words, their very first vow.

She whispered, "Together?"

"Always," he promised.

ϟ

EDUCATIONAL DECREE NUMBER 35:

Boys and girls are not permitted to be within
eight inches of each other at any time or place.

ϟ

Hours later, Severus' heart was still pounding with rage.

Only, he could not release his anger upon Lilium when she told him the night before. No, she didn't need that from him, neither did Potter. He would release it upon someone more deserving; he would unleash his fury upon the son of a b—tch who dared to do this to his—

He was at a staff meeting, and he was considering tearing Umbridge to pieces. A Blood Quill, a f—cking Blood Quill. It shouldn't shock him that someone from the Ministry would be so brazen to do something such as this. Whatever faith he had ever had in the Ministry of Magic was lost long ago, but he would not forgive this. Nor would he forget it.

And of course Albus was nowhere to be f—cking seen.

"Good morning, Severus," Charity greeted him overtop her Muggle newspaper, taking a sip of her tea.

"Mm," he murmured, more a little distracted, glaring at the door as he waited for the wretched woman herself to arrive.

"Something on your mind, Severus?" squeaked Filius, "You look quite grim."

"I believe that's just his face, Filius," Minerva needled with a thin smirk, but even she could not get his goat, not now.

He had his sights on Umbridge the moment she opened the door and strode in as if she owned Albus' wretchedly decorated office. Her arse hadn't even fully lowered itself into her chair when Severus slammed his hands onto the table and shoved himself upward to jab a finger into her smiling, simpering face.

"If you ever again draw blood from another student, I will make you regret it."

The other professors looked utterly appalled.

Gasping, Pomona sat straighter in her chair, "What's this, Severus?"

"It's exactly as I've said," he spat the words, never once taking his eyes off the odious person before him. "This woman," his contemptuous eyes looked her up and down in clear disgust, "has been 'disciplining' students with a Blood Quill."

Gasps echoed from around the table of professors, but Umbridge merely raised her thin brows and replied in a sickeningly girlish voice:

"Surely this is a misunderstanding, Severus."

Snarling, Severus very nearly ripped her throat out with his teeth, "Oh, it's not a misunderstanding when I've seen the evidence of it carved into the back of my own daughter's hand!"

Minerva had taken a stand now as well, hand gripping tight to her own wand. Thank f—cking Merlin she finally noticed, Severus hissed unkindly in his own mind. Umbridge paid none of the outraged professors any mind, simply and calmly pouring herself a cup of tea, scooping up copious amounts of crystallized sugar, and loudly clinking the spoon against the pink cup.

"Hm." She finally responded — though with a mere hum, stirring in the sugar and then adding milk. "Then an accident, I'm sure, such an instrument must have been switched for the normal one I certainly intended."

"Indeed?" Severus growled, "With the ink missing? With blood as a substitute? These rules against corporal punishment were enacted by the Ministry of Magic decades ago, and any and all usage of a Blood Quill is illegal and further use will be reported."

"Reported? But to whom, Professor Snape?" Umbridge blinked with wide eyes, glancing round the room as if looking for an answer, "After all, I represent the Ministry."

Much like his fellow professors, Severus was definitely about to combust. That or commit homicide. Unfortunately, going to Azkaban would help no one at this point.

Umbridge sighed heavily over her cup of tea, taking a long slurp before informing him, "However, I certainly hope you were not so presumptuous as to threaten a Ministry employee, Professor Snape."

"Hope what you will." Severus sneered before leaning but an inch from her ugly pink face. "I say only this: if you ever harm my daughter or any other student again, I will personally ensure that not even the most skilled of Aurors can — ever — locate — your — remains."

Her eyes were so incensed, so focused on his face that she never noticed the brief flick of his ebony wand nor the special ingredient now subtly added to her tea. Then, without another word, Severus spun away and slammed the door behind him on the way out.

For what that woman had done, words and warnings were not enough of a punishment. It was a good thing he didn't stop just there, then. What he'd done certainly wasn't enough of a punishment to inflict, but it would have to do for now. Because really, his rage could not settle, and though he was still absolutely furious, he did feel a bit better by the end of the day.

Two days later, after his last class with particularly dunderheaded Second Years, he was on his way to his chambers when he heard a rather annoying shout:

"Snape! Hey Snape!"

With an overly affected sigh, Severus turned his head just enough to see Lilium and Potter jogging toward him, their robes swirling round them. He curled his lip in forced distaste, "Surely you could not be speaking to me, Mister Potter."

Red—faced and panting, Potter still managed to give him cheek by rolling his eyes, "Fine. Professor Snape, then. Did you hear about Umbridge?"

"Hear what about her, pray tell?"

Lilium's lips quirked into a funny little smirk, "Oh, so you haven't heard? It seems she's come down with a rather nasty case of Scrofungulus."

"Has she, really?"

"Mmhm." His daughter hummed and locked her hands (bandaged and not) behind her back, "Did you know Scrofungulus was a result of ingesting a fungus called clathrus archeri? It's also known as 'Devil's Fingers', and I only know that because I happened to see it in your personal stores ever since I can remember, Professor Snape."

"I'm not sure I quite understand what you're implying, Miss Snape." Tutting in disapproval, Severus merely raised brows, "Certainly you could not be accusing me of such a... devilish — crime?"

"Nevermind." Potter grinned while Lilium snorted, "We were just thinking, you know, Umbridge might need a Potions Master to brew her a cure...?"

"Indeed?" Severus blinked in faux surprise, "How — unfortunate — for her."

Then the Potions Master turned in a swirl of robes and strode swiftly back into the dungeons, smirking at the peals of laughter he heard echoing behind him.

ϟ

As the DA's mission continued, Lili began a mission of her own.

Teaching the students how to protect themselves was essential, but doing away with their attackers was just as important. That being said, Lili needed to figure out the name of every student who had received detention with Umbridge. She couldn't rely upon the Heads of House for this particular mission, not when they were so helpless to fight against Umbridge. No, this was in Lili's hands.

So. The fifteen year old quickly became acquainted with every Gryffindor in the Tower, from First Year to Seventh, from those who believed Harry about the Dark Lord to those who didn't. None of that mattered, not now. With shaking hands, she wrote down every single name on a roll of parchment that she charmed only to open to her touch.

Then, it was time to move onto the next House.

It was pure luck that she happened upon a certain blonde girl on her way out of the dungeons, and she wasn't about to let the chance slip away.

"Luna!"

The Fourth Year looked up with wide blue eyes and a smile, "Oh. Hello, Lili!"

In her hand was a small purple bag that smelt quite rancid, and even Lili (who was a Potions Master's daughter and had smelt an infinite supply of terrible things in her lifetime) was forced to pinch her nose shut.

"Merlin's teeth, Luna! What — is — that?"

"Oh, a fair mixture of wartizome, bloodroot, and skunk cabbage."

"Ah, that would explain it," Lili's voice sounded quite nasally, but honestly, she didn't even care. "What is it in aid of, exactly?"

"For the Umgubular Slashkilters," Luna replied lightly, not seeming to mind the stench at all. "They can get rather dangerous if not fumigated quickly."

Lili was trying to figure just what the hell an Umgubular Slashkilter was when the Potions door whipped open, and Severus' pale face appeared to scowl fiercely at them.

"What do you think you two are doing?!" Her father snapped with his usual vitriol, "The corridor outside my classroom is not a common room, and as I have informed you many times, Miss Lovegood, you are not a Slytherin and if I ever find you unnecessarily in the dungeons again, I will take so many points that your Housemates will kick you straight out of Ravenclaw."

Then Severus slammed the door shut behind him.

Well then.

Tentatively, Lili glanced at Luna. As a general rule, most people did not like Severus Snape nor tolerate his mood swings of general unpleasantness and frightening rages. But amazingly, wonderfully, Luna didn't look at all offended or annoyed or surprised or anything at all, really. Just like how she wasn't bothered by the stench of the fumigation bag. Relieved, Lili allowed herself to smirk like she'd been wanting to.

"Don't mind him. If he really does take points, I'll just pester him 'til he puts them back."

"That's nice." Luna smiled lightly before her tone grew serious, "I suspect it's the Umgubular Slashkilters. A little known fact: besides burrowing in stone, they have a tendency to make people very grumpy. I suspect Professor Snape has a nest in his office; I've asked, but he won't let me check."

Lili smiled slightly. She'd liked Luna since last year. She was odd and kind and full of interesting information that Lili didn't really believe in, but there was a gentleness to her character that made her easy to be round — especially since most people have been so unbearable this year.

"How about I offer you a deal?" Luna cocked her head curiously, and Lili got down to business. "I want to protect the students from Umbridge, so if you help me, I'll help you get into Snape's office."

"No." Luna interrupted firmly, "I'll help you for free."

"All right. How about we just call it a favour for a favour, then?"

"Anything."

Lili smiled, grateful. Then, "Would you collect the names of everyone in Ravenclaw who has been hurt by her?"

"Oh, yes." Her big eyes gleamed a bit wildly, "I would love to hurt Umbridge right back."

You know, Luna Lovegood could be a bit frightening when she wanted to be.

After Potions on a Monday, Lili set out to get her answers from the next House. Slipping away from Harry and Hermione (and ignoring an annoyed look from Ron), she dodged a rather offended looking Draco (how he hated to be by—passed) and jogged to catch up to none other than Theodore Nott as he strode to his next class.

"Theo?" Lili slowed to a casual walk at his side, shrugging one shoulder, "Well done with the Hair—Raising Potion today."

Theo arched one thick eyebrow, "I am aiming to get into Professor Snape's NEWTs class. The competition is tough."

She sighed with mock heaviness, "Oh, isn't it just?"

"How would you know, Lili? You're top of the class, and have been since First Year."

Momentarily distracted, her black eyes narrowed, "If you're implying that I receive preferential treatment—,"

"Hardly. Professor Snape would sooner decapitate you than give you preferential treatment."

"Thanks terribly. How have you been feeling since our meeting?"

This time, he shot her a long look from the corner of his eye. "Much the same as you, I'd expect. Now, what did you really come to talk to me about?"

This is what she liked about the House that belonged to almost all of her ancestors, the Prince's. They most expertly saw through any and all mind games, even if they liked to play them. So.

"Have any Slytherins had detention with Umbridge?"

Theo blinked. "It is possible. She's a right b—tch."

Lili snorted, choked, and then laughed so hard that her eyes started to sting with tears.

"Merlin." The Nott boy stared at her like she was a mad woman, sounding almost concerned when he asked, "All right?"

"Fine, fine. I just suddenly thought we should start calling her Umb—tch instead," she snorted again, cheeks flushed with amusement and embarrassment. "Sorry, nevermind me."

Theo's lips quirked despite his best efforts, and Lili sighed out another soft laugh before shaking her head.

"Anyway. Would you mind quietly asking round your House and gathering a list of names for me?"

He arched a testing brow, "What's in it for me?"

Ah. Very Slytherin. Truly, she should've seen this coming. Let's see now...

"I happen to have a close personal connection to a certain Potions Master," she replied, hardly missing a beat. "I might be able to use my position as his favourite daughter to grant you an extra hour of access to the potions lab each week 'til Yule."

He considered this. She waited. Amongst Slytherins, bartering was to be expected.

"Twice weekly."

"Once weekly. I'm afraid this is non—negotiable. Do you see anyone else enjoying this particular privilege, Theodore Nott?"

He hummed and his own eyes narrowed while he considered. That was fine. Lili could be patient for the time being.

"Fine. You've a deal."

"Shake on it?"

They shook and safely parted ways before a relieved smile bloomed on Lili's face... All she had to do now was convince Snape of her plan. F—ck. Oh well, a problem for another time.

Finally came the group she was dreading the most. The Hufflepuffs. In truth, she had nothing against this particular House. In fact, she quite admired them for being many things that did not come to her naturally — they were kind and honest and fair, but what terrified her was this: they belonged to the same House that Cedric Diggory did.

Lili dreaded it for days, hours upon hours of feeling nauseous with anticipation. She thought of all the ways it could go wrong and all the reasons she had to feel guilty. Yes, she knew she needed to do it; that this was far more important than her stupid fears, that to do nothing would be the height of cowardice. She planned to go to a Prefect, someone she knew in the DA, someone she could hopefully trust. She could only hope for the best. So, on the way to the Great Hall, Lili finally worked up the nerve.

"Abbott. Hey Abbott!"

Nearly at the big doors, the blonde Hufflepuff girl turned round with surprise flickering across her dainty features. "Snape? What's—?"

It was fair that she was surprised. They didn't often talk, and for this particular reason. The same reason that she avoided Cho Chang since the Tournament. Unfortunately before she could dive into her plan with Umbridge, Lili knew they had to discuss the hippogriff in the room.

"I am... I'm sorry about Cedric."

Lili felt so impossibly guilty, too guilty to ever fully put into words. Her own step—father killed Cedric Diggory, the boy who asked her to the Yule Ball, the boy who was kind to her, the boy who helped the first and only boy she would ever love.

Abbott tightened her hold on the books to her chest, looking uncomfortable. Then, after a moment, "He liked you. Everyone knew it."

"I knew it too. And I liked him back. Just not in the way that he would've wanted." Lili bit her lip and struggled to breathe the words to life, "But he was good, and he was kind, and he understood how I felt. I hope, as a member of his House, you can too."

Abbott pursed her lips and eyed Lili for a minute more. Then, she nodded. "What can I help with, Lilium?"

Lilium. It felt a bit like forgiveness. She didn't know how amazing it would feel 'til just now.

"Hannah." She tried it out... It worked out just fine. "Umbridge has been giving out detentions like Dumbledore gives out sherbet lemons. She's hurting the students, she's hurting them badly. And I'm going to do something about it. So. If you can tell me the names of everyone in Hufflepuff who has received detention with her, that would... help. Quite a lot."

Slowly, Hannah Abbott smiled. "You got it."

Over the next few days, the names started flowing in from the other Houses. Lili marked down every single one, keeping a tidy log, until she had a finalised count that churned her stomach. It came down to this:

Eleven Gryffindors
Five Ravenclaws
Seven Slytherins
Three Hufflepuffs

Oh yes, someone was going to pay.

And that someone had a name: Dolores Jane Umbridge.

ϟ

Lili was late.

Harry didn't like that. She was never late, like ever. It was a bit of a Snape thing, he was sure. In fact, his girlfriend always had a knack for being nearly five minutes early to everything. Her punctuality was what made her so good in her classes, after all. He tried not to let it worry him. In the low hum of the Room of Requirement, their crew — minus Lili — poured over lesson plans and books and ideas for the next meeting of the DA.

Finally, finally, Harry's eyes darted up to the opening door.

Lili.

Something was wrong with her, Harry could tell instantly. She was moving carefully across the bar, stepping carefully to avoid the jiggering spell dummies, but looking as if each side—step pained her. She had her hood over her head, hands buried in her pockets of her long robes. When she finally reached them, the girl dropped herself rather gingerly into a seat on the opposite side of the table, seemingly purposefully away from everyone else — and away from the seat left empty next to him.

"You're late." His voice was way harsher than he intended. God, why was he so angry all the time?!

"Am I?" She licked her chapped lips, the parts that were visible, "Hm, what did I miss?"

Her hair was out of her usual braids, draping haphazardly over her back and shoulder, hanging partly in her face, just over her left eye. Harry's brow twitched, gaze trailing over her familiar body, noting all of the changes he saw within her.

"Thinking about the lesson tomorrow." Ron explained to Lili as if nothing was wrong, yawning and pointing to the books spread out across their table, "Harry thought we could do a bit of an end of year review before the winter hols."

"Which spells do we think everyone needs the most help with?"

Everyone looked at Harry. Harry didn't speak.

After a beat, Hermione cleared her throat, "Harry suggested perhaps a short practise of the Impediment Jinx, and then maybe we'll fetch the cushions and try Stunning again?"

"Good idea." His girlfriend nodded just the once. "Colin had the Impediment Jinx mastered after only three meetings, and if Parvati's success at the Reductor is any indication, we can likely give everyone a few more tries at that?"

"Oh yea," Ron replied grouchily, "Ginny hasn't been able to shut up about trying it again."

Fred sighed, "It's just like the Bat—Bogey Hex all over again, isn't it?"

"Yea, talk about obsessed, that one—,"

Hermione tutted in disapproval and they began squabbling amongst themselves, but not Lili, not Harry. He stared at her, and she pretended not to notice.

Once they quieted down (and apologies were made by Ron), Lili leant forward and both hands tapped at the papers, "If we give Neville even a few more tries, I'm convinced he can manage a successful Expelliarmus—,"

Harry couldn't keep it in anymore, blurting, "Where were you?"

Everyone stopped. Hermione raised an eyebrow and Ron blew a sigh as he dropped heavily back in her seat. Clearly, they would not be moving on until this was discussed.

"Around. Lost track of time." Lili's black eyes darted up to his, sharper than before, "You know how it is."

Her agitation was obvious.

"I do." Harry replied evenly, "But that's not how it is for you."

He knew her too well. She hated it. She loved it.

Harry sat studying Lili with critical green eyes and a frown on his pursed lips. Her own lips thinned. In a sharp exhale, her indignance had left her and she was overwhelmed with bright pink embarrassment, her hands on the table slowly curling into defensive fists.

"Harry... Leave it."

Their bodies were welded to the ground, eternally stuck across from one another, unrelenting and unmoving. Stillness was shackled to their bodies, stubbornness streaked across their faces. They watched and waited each other out. Everyone else could do nothing but observe. Finally, Lili sighed. Harry had won. He could practically hear her d—mning his Gryffindor stubbornness. She ran a trembling hand through her coal—black hair, smoothing it away and revealing her face to them all.

Her left eye was swollen and deeply bruised, a wide cut across her brow with a busted lip to match.

The reaction around the table was immediate.

Harry breathed, "Oh my God..."

"Lili!" Hermione gasped.

Ron's expression stretched, "Holy..."

"Wow, Lili love." Fred's eyes rolled over her, "You've had the shite kicked out of you."

Harry had rushed to her immediately, wrapping one arm round her waist and his hand gently cupping her cheek. She put a hand on his chest but didn't let him tend to her, turning her face slightly away as if in shame. At Fred's words, Lili's expression fell further and she slouched deeper into herself.

Brilliant red anger flushed through Harry, his free hand fisting against his thigh. His shoulders hunched and he crouched for a better look at her face, voice agonised, "Who?"

"It doesn't matter."

"'Doesn't matter'?" Ron repeated in outrage, halfway to his feet already.

Harry honestly was ready to go with him, but Lili's shaking voice hooked painfully at his throat.

"I don't know who. I got jumped, all right?" The glittering hurt and anger was thick and unnerving, but she toiled through it, harshly wiping what might have been tears from her eyes, "With the school the way it is right now, it's really not so shocking. I'm fine."

Hermione was already trying to use her wand to heal what she could, murmuring 'Episkey' over and over. Her worried brown eyes levelled on her best friend's face and she whispered, "Lili, we should tell your dad..."

"And what can he do about it? No one can do anything with that pink toad in charge."

Harry's chest felt like a clenched fist, lungs squeezed tight within it.

Ron's shoulders sank with a sigh, "I hope you at least got a few punches in, Lili."

Her lips quirked, "You should see the other guy."

"Look what I found!"

George suddenly waltzed in the Room of Requirement, startling them all when he dropped a tray with small glass cups and a massive bottle onto the table, filled to the brim with crackling amber liquid. Firewhiskey, Harry recognised very distantly.

"Holy shite, Snapelette." George blinked big eyes at her, "Who broke your face?"

The girl groaned and promptly poured generous measures of firewhiskey into each cup before raising one high, urging the others to do the same.

Lili licked her bottom lip, smearing blood before she toasted, "To getting a few punches in."

The Weasley brothers laughed, voices joining in agreement, "To getting a few punches in!"

Harry stared at her from across the table, unable to drink yet, a weight settling on his chest. They all knew who did this to her — the Inquisitorial Squad. How could they not know? How could Harry not? It was his fault, after all.

Hermione hesitated, too, to drink, probably thinking of her Prefect status. Still, Harry forced his cup to clink with the others and the moment he raised it to his mouth, he was bitten by the fizzy and burning taste of Ogden's finest brew. First, a gag and then a strained shot of laughter followed from all of them, each drawing their sorrows in the taste of a gloriously strong fire whiskey. Harry's mouth was dry. Bubbles prickled his stomach. He felt the warm sting of pins and needles inside him. He wondered how much of this was from the alcohol and how much was from guilt.

At one AM, using the Marauder's Map, Harry carried Lili undisturbed back to Gryffindor Tower.

This was the first time they'd been drunk, and apparently Lili would not be well—known for holding her alcohol. Not tonight, at least. She might have had a little too much tonight. Her clunky boots bounced against his hip and her unbraided hair draped over his arm like a black flag, her whole body rather limp in his steady arms.

None of the Golden Quartet could tell whether she was happy or sad or both.

Occasionally, Ron would test the waters by cracking a joke and they would hear a muffled laugh into Harry's chest. But then a few moments later, Harry would feel tears wetting the front of his shirt, and suddenly her shoulders would shake as if she were crying. He just held her tighter.

As soon as they entered the empty common room, Hermione let her fretting loose, "You sure you don't want to take her to the girls' dormitory, Harry? I can take care of her there."

"No." Harry said firmly, "I'll look after her."

"Okay." The bushy—haired girl sighed deeply, eyeing her best friend worriedly. "Then have her drink one of her pain relieving potions; it should function the same as Aspirin. Then she ought to drink lots of water and eat avocado on toast. My mum swears by that."

So, with numerous worried backward glances, Hermione left them, and the boys trudged up to their dormitory. The others were sleeping when Ron opened the door for them, and Harry stepped inside with a slight spin, twisting on his heels with Lili in her arms. She laughed genuinely now, sniffing only a little before he swung and set her onto their bed. It felt like theirs, anyway. Sometimes, it felt like she slept here more than her own bed.

Between her knees, Harry knelt and extended a hand to her boots, "May I?"

"You may." Lili batted her lashes like the proper young lady they all knew she wasn't, only proven further by the slight drunken slur to her speech, "Why, thank you, my dear s—sir."

With a soft snort, Harry rolled his eyes and undid her laces before gently pulling off her boots. She didn't tense under his touch anymore. She trusted him. Lately, he wasn't so sure he deserved it. He tucked her shoes beneath the bed, lingering between her legs to peer up at her through his lashes. His girlfriend leaned back on her palms, arching a singular brow when she smirked at him. He smirked back. Still cradling her right ankle, the tip of his nose slowly trailed up the inside of her long leg until he could softly kiss the inside of her knee.

Ron groaned from his bed, flopping over to give them his back, "You two are unbearable."

Lili and Harry quickly shared a look, each snorting in guilty concession, before the former groaned and held her dizzy head, "How come neither of you feel this way?"

"We're bigger than you."

"Mm," she did not appreciate this, still slurring a bit, "I'm so small and... and, what else?"

"Drunk," Harry offered.

"I am not drunk." She reached out and tapped the tip of his nose sweetly, "You're drunk."

He raised a brow, took her hand, and gently held it to his chest, "Let me have a look."

Lili sobered immediately. With a final reluctant sigh, she let him slowly inspect her, directing him to healing bruises and scrapes that still covered her skin. No matter how pink—cheeked it made him, Harry would confess that he was beginning to know Lili's body rather well by now. He knew her every scar, every fading mark, what parts of her usually ached. He could tell what was fresh and stood out amongst the rest, but he listened keenly for her words all the same.

Finally, "And your mouth?"

The old curse scars surrounding her mouth sometimes ached to the touch and he seriously doubted an ambush in some dark corridor could have alleviated that in any way.

Lili stiffly shook her head, "Nothing new."

Harry understood immediately. He wouldn't ask anything more.

He lifted up her shirt halfway, giving her at least some sense of privacy with the others in the room. Harry's expression tightened minutely at what he saw beneath. Lili kept her gaze on the curtains. The entire left side of her ribcage was swollen, already discolouring into a terrifying smear of blacks and purples and greens. His fingers were featherlight and careful, but the healing spells were already doing their magic.

"Anything?" Ron asked from the other bed, eyes pointedly on the ceiling.

Harry shook his head but then explained when he remembered his best friend couldn't see, "Nothing broken. Bruised like hell, though."

"See? What did I tell you?" Her voice was far too casual, "You worried for nothing."

Harry was unamused. Lili smiled pleasantly at him.

Finally, he sighed, "You should sleep if you want to go back to classes tomorrow."

Lili gingerly laid back on the bed that really didn't have enough space for the pair of them. Of course, they were more than happy to make it work. Harry carefully eased himself on top of her, his knees outside her thighs, bracing himself with hands on either side of her head. She wouldn't meet his eyes so he distracted himself by stroking her long hair from her scarred face down her side, fingers tangling in the black locks in a mesmerising rhythm. After a few minutes of this, Lili softly trailed a hand along his jaw and her palm cupped his cheek to recapture his gaze.

"Harry, I'm..." The word obviously tasted bitter, she had a hard time getting it out, "Sorry."

Harry's lips pursed, brow furrowed low, "You tried to hide it from me. Why?"

"I was... ashamed. He came out of nowhere, and I couldn't stop him — not for a while. And I... I hated that. I don't ever want to let anyone hurt me again. Never again." He opened his mouth to respond, but she spoke again before he had the chance, waving a hand at her half—damaged face, "Still think I'm pretty like this?"

Her voice was light, obviously teasing, but he could sense the tinge of worry lying beneath her words.

Harry smiled, softly, "I'd think you were beautiful if you had fangs."

Lili scoffed a laugh and shook her head before her voice dropped to a whisper, "Come to bed."

"I cannot be hearing this," Ron groaned in irritation.

"To sleep!" She laughed again and bit her lip, "Come to bed, Harry, just to sleep..."

Then, to mess with Ron, and then tease Lili a bit, Harry let himself say:

"Just to sleep?" He joked with a funny smirk, leaning that much closer, lips just brushing against hers, "I can think of a few other things that we could do in this bed..."

Ron growled, "I will kick you out on your arse, Harry."

Harry and Lili laughed loud and short, but nearly immediately, their expressions grew serious in time with each other, their smiles fading and eyes locking.

"I'll be okay," she whispered, "We'll both be okay."

Harry sighed and curled up beside her, knowing he could only hope she was right.

ANNIE SPEAKS

ϟ

ahhh! so so much happened this chapter, and it was a lot to get through, but i hope you enjoyed it! lili is really going through it right now, and it's only going to get worse. having umbridge force lili write that on her hand was really gross for me to write, but she's gross so i guess it fits :/ and if that wasn't bad enough, NOW lili is being attacked?? not good. who do you think attacked her? why would they do that? any good theories? also, did anyone else love the protective dad!snape moment? i love when he gets like that. oh, and harry and lili were getting a bit saucy, yikes, lol, poor ron. 

in other news, i have a very exciting announcement... next chapter, you FINALLY discover what the 's' in lilium s. snape stands for!!!! stay tuned!!

CHAPTER FORTY—FOUR :

"All right!" Ron suddenly burst, "I can't stand it anymore."

Everyone very nervously looked at Ron. With a shocking air of finality, the youngest Weasley boy dropped his hands on the table and leant in close to her father.

"Professor, what is Lili's middle name?"

Of all the things she expected him to say, that was not it. Feeling a frightening bolt of panic, Lili's eyes went wide, "Uhm, Ron, I really don't think—,"

But then smirking over the lip of his wine glass, Severus revealed her deepest, darkest secret with casual cruelty, saying....

FIND OUT NEXT CHAPTER!!  LOVE U

aaaand my usual meme:

love these guys