ACT TWO, chapter twenty—four :
your mind is restless,
they say you're getting better
but you don't feel any better

ϟ

Lili couldn't bloody dress herself.

Like a d—mn toddler.

The first day of classes, the Snape girl's friends were waiting in the common room, and the other girls weren't paying attention, and she couldn't get the bloody tie over her neck. Staring at her strange reflection, her shaking hands were on full display as they struggled to convince her brain she wasn't about to be strangled. It was just a tie. Not a rope. Just a bloody tie. And yet...

She couldn't do it.

She just couldn't.

Now feeling both terrified and furious, Lili bundled up the red and gold fabric, hurled it at her pillow, and stormed out of the dormitory with a swift billow of black robes. She hardly looked at her waiting friends when she emerged from the staircase, barely ate a bite in the Great Hall, and she was still feeling absolutely miserable when they finally marched towards their first period class:

Potions.

As if Merlin didn't hate her enough.

"Miss Snape."

Halfway down the corridor, Lili flinched at the sudden attention and the entire quartet whirled to find none other Professor McGonagall frowning down at them. Her friends immediately straightened under their stern Head of House's attention, and Lili swallowed hard.

"During the morning feast, I saw that you were not in proper uniform." Trust McGonagall to notice the missing bloody tie. "Would you care to explain why that is the case?"

"N—No. I wouldn't care to at all, Professor," Lili managed.

Hermione shot her an appalled glance. Ron frowned deeply. Harry shifted slightly (protectively) closer.

"Hm. Though you may not wish to explain yourself today, Miss Snape, tomorrow you will ensure you wear the tie representing your House as does every other student at this school."

Lili sucked in a sharp breath through her teeth, sounding like some hissing serpent.

She couldn't do it. She couldn't. She just couldn't.

"I'm sorry, Professor McGonagall, but I won't."

Her friends were horrified. McGonagall blinked in obvious surprise and she'd just opened her mouth to scold her when Snape suddenly appeared out of bloody nowhere — like usual. Everyone jumped at the sight of him, robes black and expression dark as if he'd been peeled out of the shadows themselves. Lili felt every muscle in her body tense in anticipation of a scolding of a lifetime. To disobey a professor, to say it right to their face...

Oh, Snape was going to skin her alive.

"Professor." Her father's voice was as smooth and soft as silk. "I'm afraid I must accept full responsibility for this lapse in attire. It seems I misplaced pieces of our luggage in transit. Tragically... it was some of the Gryffindor memorabilia that so likes to pollute my summer home. Who knows where it got off to? Perhaps lost forever..."

Then, Snape donned a sneering smile.

Ron burnt with outrage, Hermione was suspicious, and Harry looked mildly impressed.

Lili could only stare at her father in blatant shock.

The man was bloody saving her (again).

"Is that so?" McGonagall wasn't fully buying it, but she was willing to give in, sharp eyes darting between the father and daughter. "Very well, then, Severus. Ensure you replace the lost items of my esteemed House and we'll say no more about it."

"Why, of course, Minerva," Snape inclined his head slightly.

Still looking intrigued, the Transfiguration professor turned to the very shocked members of the quartet and arched a brow at them. "Well, off with you now. I believe each of you have class to attend, do you not?"

"Indeed, they do." Snape turned to the four kids, gaze sharp like a knife when he crooned, "Potions, is it not?"

Third Year Potions was unlike any before.

Upon entering the classroom, Harry was clearly cautious as he eyed the professor with obvious wariness. Lili was wary for an entirely different reason. For the life of her, she could not remember where Nott tended to sit in their Potions classroom and she had been gripped with fear all morning, hoping and praying and pleading that he did not sit behind her. Because, good shite, how was she going to be able to get through a single class if she had the son of one of her kidnappers breathing down her neck all the while? 

Lili stiffened at the sight of Nott sitting not three rows away.

Theodore Nott had been her classmate since First Year, and that wasn't going to change now. She would have to see him everyday, in classes and in the Great Hall. She would... She would just have to get used to it. As if knowing what she was thinking, Harry made sure she was nestled between Hermione and himself and almost entirely out of view of Nott.

During class, Snape, though still menacing, was almost... tolerable?

Of course he was still a miserable git, far from kind or remotely friendly, and he retained his usual cold and superior air when he called them all dunderheads in the midst of explaining the day's lesson. But something was different.

The quartet was still reeling from their strange interaction with him in the corridor, but this was even stranger. Draco (plus his gang of ejits) had great fun mocking Harry at every turn for his reaction to the Dementors on the Hogwarts Express. And yet... yet Snape hadn't said a single thing. All of bloody Hogwarts was aware that Harry had passed out on the train, and Snape didn't even mention it in passing. Either of the last two years, her father would've spent the whole of their Double Potions constantly humiliating him. But he hadn't...

Why?

What had changed?

Lili watched Snape scold Dean for almost poisoning everyone with toxic fumes, and she listened to him patiently explain (again) the nuances between chopping and dicing to the very annoying Pansy Parkinson. But then she watched in fascination when Snape (rather painfully) stopped himself five words into Neville's brutal reprimand for starting his potion wrong before he turned to Lili's best friend (of all people) and tersely ordered Hermione to help him fix it before sweeping away.

And interestingly enough, the general lack of malice in the classroom actually allowed the students round her to produce halfway decent potions — even Harry.

No, especially Harry.

Throughout the room, Lili could hear very, very quiet whispers about how Snape was an imposter under the guise of Polyjuice, and this was why he was being so bearable.

Severus Snape, a good teacher? Impossible, improbable, and yet — yes, here he was. 

It was just unfortunate that Lili couldn't appreciate any of it.

The girl's mind was far away, head feeling full of cotton, and it felt so hard to concentrate on what was usually her favourite subject. She knew she looked haggard, unkempt and untamed, and obviously underdressed. She couldn't focus on the instructions on the blackboard nor could she remember the process by heart like she usually did. Hermione gently took the knife from Lili's hands when they shook too much to properly chop through the toasted dragonfly thoraxes.

Snape didn't make any comment about that either.

In fact, he didn't look at her at all until the end of class when everyone was packing up and he called, "Miss Snape."

She startled, head jerking up to find his frigid black eyes on her.

"Stay after class."

"Oo," Seamus teased, halfway to the door, "Someone's in trouble..."

Lili wearily flipped a very particular finger his way, making Harry and Ron snicker while they filed out. In the wake of her fellow classmates leaving, she nervously bit her lip. Was this it, then? Were they going to talk about what happened in the corridor with McGonagall? Was he going to lecture her within an inch of her life? Only once all of her peers had exited did her father properly look at her once again.

"Come."

Frowning, she took a few steps towards his desk. His dark eyes narrowed.

"Closer."

Lili took a few more steps — apparently, just not enough. Looking annoyed, Snape said nothing, simply snatched onto her sleeve, and dragged her even closer. Confused, she did nothing to resist — just tripped over her own feet a little. Still perfectly silently, he straightened her sweater and smoothed her wrinkled white collar. Then, with a small wave of his wand, a glamour formed before her very eyes: a familiar red and gold tie, perfectly tied, perfectly nonexistent. Finally, Snape nodded in approval and pointed at the door, already looking back at his desk.

"Get out, Lilium." Her father didn't look up from the essay he was grading, his red—inked quill marring the parchment. "Go to your next class and bother people of your own sort."

The girl blinked a few times before muttering in half—mock indignation, "My own sort?"

"Irritating Gryffindor brats."

She made a face, swiveled towards the exit, and muttered, "You're so bloody weird."

Lili didn't care if Snape heard her, and she certainly didn't care if he saw her smirk either.

The Snape girl was halfway out of the dungeons when a hand closed round her wrist to yank her into the shadows. She had her yew wand out in a blink, viciously jabbing it into the jugular of her attacker with bared teeth. But then she placed the grey eyes and platinum hair and terrified expression which all amounted to:

"Draco?"

The taller boy rolled his eyes, shoved her wand hand from his neck, and then dragged her further into the shadows. He glanced right and left, and then leant close to her face to whisper sharply, "Are you all right?"

The girl blinked one, twice, and then, "Of course I'm all right, Draco, you utter prat. What's wrong with you, tugging me here and there like a—?"

"I heard," was all the boy said, a quiet interruption that stole the wind from her sails.

"You heard... what?"

"I heard what happened to you," Draco nearly stumbled over his words, looking both distinctly uncomfortable and strangely like he wanted to cry at the same time, "Over the summer."

Lili's face blanched and a nervous sweat broke on the back of her neck. She stuttered, "H—How did you hear about that?"

"Doesn't matter," Draco quickly shook his head, pressing, "Are you all right?"

"I'm... fine."

Her childhood friend's grey eyes narrowed in embittered suspicion, "It's connected to Potter, isn't it? I told you, you ought to stay away from that Gryffindor scarhead. He'll only put you in danger time and again—,"

"Merlin's ugly mother, Draco, it wasn't about him. They—They came looking for me. I think... it had something to do with my mother."

"Your mother? Holy sh—t."

Lili blinked, surprised at the swear. Normally, Narcissa Malfoy didn't allow for such language. It wasn't genteel or some such shite. It was rather impressive, actually. So, she wouldn't tell Auntie Cissa on the breach of her uptight rules. N All the same, he had no idea who her mother was and she wasn't about to explain it to him — even if it meant they were cousins. She just... couldn't get the words out.

"It has something to do with the Dementors, doesn't it? And the escape of Sirius Black, from Azkaban."

"It seems to be, yea, though he wasn't there when they... he wasn't there."

Draco looked thoughtful. Lili swallowed hard.

Finally, casting her a strange glance, he said, "You've heard what's happened to the Notts, haven't you?"

Lili stilled and looked up at him with an utterly blank expression. She rather stiffly shook her head, trying not to think of Nott Senior who threatened to haunt her nights and was now threatening to haunt her days as well. But it didn't necessarily mean anything. The Nott's were an influential family amongst the Purebloods, and if Draco was sharing gossip with her (gossip she couldn't give a shite about), then that wasn't anything new. She tried to take deep breaths to calm herself and bury it behind the glassy shields of her mind.

"His father's missing, vanished, the Aurors can find no trace of him."

Lili dragged in a quiet albeit shaky breath, trying to ignore the stone settling in the pit of her stomach. Draco's words filled her with pain: 'missing', not 'on the run'. She knew that there would be no justice, the Headmaster said so, that no one would pay for what had been done to her. Still, it hurt, threatened to burn the heart out of her.  She knew Snape hadn't killed Nott, or any of the others, so... what had happened? She pitied Theodore Nott, for the loss of his father, but she also felt a surge of foreboding. Just where the hell was he? And when would he strike next?

Though, really, Lili wasn't at all sure she wanted to know the answer to any of those questions, so she furiously pushed them to the back of his mind.

Instead, she demanded, "Dray, tell me. How did you hear about that?"

He pulled her even further into the shadows of the dungeons, and peered quite intensely at the contours of her pale, freckled face. Somehow he looked older, more mature, the way he looked when they were standing in front of their irritated fathers and they'd caused some sort of glorious mischief. This was more serious than she'd seen Draco in a long time. It worried her.

"Things are happening, Lilium, changing, I think. Just—just watch out."

She didn't respond. She didn't know how to.

When it became clear that she wouldn't, he changed the subject with a mean snicker, "How are things with the trio of dunderheads?"

She immediately went on the defensive with, "Listen, Draco, you won't insult friends and I won't insult yours, fair?"

A pair of older Slytherins glared as they passed. Lili and Draco immediately went silent until the other students were at the end of the corridor, and when they finally disappeared from view, they both breathed quiet sighs of relief. Any association between Gryffindors and Slytherins was not very well accepted. On either side.

"Fine." Draco finally replied, "That's fair."

"Good... Things are all right. How are things with yours?"

The blond boy rolled his eyes. "Crabbe and Goyle are as they always have been. Mindless bodyguards who follow my every move and order. They can be entertaining, but they're hardly intellectually stimulating. Things with the others..." Here he hesitated, "They're... They're all right, too."

Lili's eyes narrowed somewhat, "What is it, Draco?"

"The upperclassmen, my father, you know what it's like. We're all raised the same."

Lili wasn't, though. She hadn't been raised like Draco had, thinking that Muggles were lesser and fully supporting the Dark Lord. Still, she couldn't say that, now could she?

"We're starting rather early..." She swallowed hard, "Aren't we?"

"We are."

Their faces were grave.

Lili sighed heavily. "Will you really not call Hermione a..." She couldn't get herself to say it. "The M—word again?"

"I won't. I swear."

"Why?" The girl challenged, because she just had to. "Just to make me happy, or what?"

"At first, I thought so, yes... But you've made me think. You're smarter than me, Lilium."

She blinked once, twice, then, "Beg your pardon?"

"Don't make me repeat it, you twit." Draco snapped before levelling her with a serious stare, "I'm only saying, how could someone who is smarter and sneakier and funnier than me be any less because of blood? It hardly makes sense. Not to mention Uncle Severus..." His grey eyes suddenly widened in a panic, "But don't tell my father about this!"

She gave him such a Look.

As if she'd tell Lucius Malfoy anything after last year. 

He breathed a sigh of relief.

After a comfortable moment of quiet, Lili bit her lip and cast him a teasing look, "So... I'm smarter than you, am I?"

"Oh, shut up, Lilium," Draco shoved her and held himself that much taller. "I'm ten times prettier and at least a hundred times richer."

"Obviously."

The pair of old friends cackled.

Then, she confessed, "I missed you this summer."

It felt shameful for Lili to admit. Still, they had been spending parts of their summers together every year since they were four years old. It felt wrong to do it any differently after all this time.

Draco gave her a smirk, "Of course you did. How couldn't you?"

"Never mind," Lili groaned, "I didn't miss you at all."

The girl huffed, rolled her eyes, and felt an unfamiliar sting when her back hit the cold wall. Her old friend smirked a bit bashfully and leant into the wall at her side, peering down at his perfectly polished shoes.

"I know why I couldn't come visit this summer, though... Your father wasn't exactly pleased with me, after last year. I might've made a bit of trouble for myself."

"True, you did." Draco confirmed with as near a grimace as he'd allow, "But Mother says you're invited next summer whether Father likes it or not. And... And I want you to be invited as well."

Lili smiled, and then, slowly, Draco did too.

ϟ

We're just bored teenagers.

During their study hour, Harry and Lili were singing, under their breaths, perfectly in tune and timing. Both of their heads were lowered over their classwork but still bobbing to some Muggle 70's rock song that no one else could hear or know.

Looking for love,

Or should I say emotional rages.

Distractedly, as if he didn't realise he was doing it, Harry rapidly tapped his quill against his textbook like a drum while Lili sung the electric guitar part rather badly. Harry and Lili were many things, but musicians they were not. Of course this did not stop them.

Bored teenagers.

Seeing ourselves as strangers.

Hermione and Ron exchanged a confused look over their heads but ultimately said nothing.

Merrily, Lili and Harry's rock concert continued on.

ϟ

Lili coughed.

This incense was choking her.

It was a few weeks into term that the girl came to a startling realisation. History of Magic was no longer than her least favourite subject. Oh, Divination had taken the number one spot, for sure. 

Lili was trying not to suffocate on the perfumey stuff as she sat between Harry and Ron on fat little pouffes in a murky room, along with most of their fellow Gryffindor Housemates. She was bored. Beyond bored. Cheek resting on her chin, she watched their professor glide dramatically into view, eyes huge and bug—like behind enormous glasses.

She looked mad.

Lili wondered if Dumbledore was right, and maybe she was a Seer. That she had an Inner Eye warning her of the future, always moving and changing. She didn't want to believe it, not when Snape liked to say that divination and prophecy was a load of rubbish... Still, there was something about it that was intensely terrifying. And Lili did like a shiver or two.

But she was not like Professor Trelawney.

Merlin forbid.

Snape said the woman's experience included a series of pathetic death predictions (all of them false) and two (possibly) true prophecies.

"Welcome, my children!" Trelawney crowed spookily. "In this room, you shall explore the mysterious art of Divination. In this room, you shall discover if you possess the Sight..." The professor suddenly paused just in front of her, gasping softly, reaching out as if to feel the air. "Oh! I have a certain aura, don't you."

Ron and Harry buried their snickers. Prats.

"Do you?" Lili asked mildly, trying very hard not to sound rude and not at all succeeding. 

"Yes, yes, you have a touch of destiny about you, girl. Oh, it's pulsing, it's burning bright. Together, you and I have the power to cast ourselves into the future."

The boys glanced at each other in obvious confusion.

Lili said nothing, though her eyes were huge and her shaking hands were hidden in her robes.

"But know this, my children!" Trelawney mercifully turned to everyone else. "One either has the Gift or not. It cannot be divined from the pages of a book. Books only cloud one's Inner Eye..."

Then, a voice, right by Lili's ear, "What rubbish."

The quartet spun, shocked, to find none other than Hermione sitting on the other side of Lili with a deep disapproving frown.

Ron blurted, "Where'd you come from?!"

"Me?" Her brown eyes blinked innocently, "I've been here all along."

Then, when a very suspicious Ron had turned his head, Hermione winked at Lili who smirked but said nothing.

Trelawney's massive head of hair bounced when she twirled to face the Longbottom boy, "You, boy! Is your grandmother well?"

"I..." Neville blinked a few times, voice pitched high with fear, "I think so?"

Lili shifted uneasily, watching closely to make sure their new professor didn't mess with her friend. As far as the world was concerned, Neville Longbottom was under Lilium Snape's protection. So there. 

"I wouldn't be so sure of that." The professor very rudely freaked him out, making him peer wildly into his cup before gliding away, "The first term will be devoted to the reading of tea leaves. If all goes well, we will proceed to palmistry, fire omens, and finally... the crystal ball." Trelawney paused and cast a mysterious glance at Lili, "By the way, Miss Snape dear, beware a red—haired man."

With a soft put—upon gasp, Lili darted a dubious look at Ron and edged her pouffe away.

Her redheaded friend looked distinctly offended.

Harry chuckled. 

And, tragically, the odd Divination professor was far from finished with her strange 'prophecies'.

"Unfortunately, classes will be disrupted in February by a nasty bout of flu. I myself will lose my voice. And in late spring, one of our number will... leave us forever." As the class exchanged uneasy glances, Trelawney smiled brightly, "Well then. Shall we?"

After they exchanged teacups, Lili peered down at the cloud of leaves mutating strangely at the bottom of Hermione's colourful china. She frowned and consulted the symbols in the textbook — Unfogging the Future — at his elbow. Trelawney walked amongst them, robes flowing.

"Broaden your minds, my dears. And allow your eyes to see... beyond."

Merlin's sake.

Trelawney took Lavender's cup, peering inside with an airy hum.

"A five—leaf clover... You can expect to wake with a horrible rash tomorrow morning, dear." Then, almost casually, the woman added, "Mister Longbottom, after you've broken your first cup..."

And crash! Neville had fumbled the cup in his hands and the brittle crash of china is heard.

"Would you be so kind as to select one of the blue ones? I'm rather partial to the pink." Unfortunately, the professor then paused by their table, "What do you see in Mister Potter's cup, Mister Weasley?"

Ron (very uncomfortable) peered into the teacup with wide, confused eyes, "Yea. Um, well... Harry's got sort of a wonky cross — that's trials and suffering.  And that there could be the sun and that's happiness. So... you're gonna suffer, but you're gonna be happy about it...?"

Even while smirking, Lili face—palmed. 

The professor eagerly took the cup, peered inside, and belted out a small shriek.

Lili flinched and asked as patiently as she was able (which was to say, not very patiently), "Now what is it, Professor?"

Trelawney regarded Harry with a disturbing mixture of pity and fear, gasping out, "My dear boy, you have... the Grim."

Lili's heart did a peculiar little jump at that.

"The Grin?" Seamus shouted from the other side of the room, "What's the Grin?"

"Not the grin, you ejit," Lili rolled her eyes at him while scooting closer (protectively) to Harry, "She said 'the Grim'."

Dean scrunched his brows, "But what does it mean, Professor?"

"'The Grim...'" All turned to see Lavender bent over her textbook, "'Taking the form of a giant spectral dog, it is among the darkest omens in our world. It is an omen... of death'."

Hermione was thoroughly unimpressed and Harry looked mildly alarmed, but Lili just sighed heavily.

Of course it bloody was.

ϟ

Lili ran out of Dreamless Sleep far sooner than she should have.

Her main thought was this: Uh oh.

Because, really, Lilium Snape knew to be careful about potions such as these. The rules for Dreamless Sleep meant that she had to go without the potion occasionally, else it could become addictive. And yet taking it every day for the last week hadn't eased her fears of her nightmares; if anything, it just made her need the potions even more. Now that she was back at school, she knew she would be expected to go without. So, she was faced with two (rather unfortunate) options: no sleep or more nightmares.

So... Yea. The answer was: no. Lili wasn't about to accept either of those.

That decided, Lili decided to speak to Madam Pomfrey, and hope against hope that Snape hadn't told her how he'd finished supplying her with the potion. But, when the time came, her thoughts were still a constant mantra of:

I don't want to be here, I don't want to be here, I don't want to be here.

Snape basically had to manhandle Lili into the Hospital Wing, his hand like a vice on her shoulder, directing (more like pushing) her through the castle and finally through the big double doors. As soon as they crossed the threshold, Snape let go of her, closed the doors, and then spelled them locked nonverbally. He probably didn't want her running away just as much as he didn't want anyone coming in.

B—stard.

Mercifully, the place looked empty. Likely because Quidditch hadn't started yet. Soon enough, a whole horde of dunderheaded Quidditch—playing ejits would be sprawled across these cots with body parts crooked and blood flowing. Lili paused, remembered Harry, and took her rather ungenerous thoughts back.

After all, one of these dunderheaded Quidditch—playing ejits was hers.

"Now, there is nothing to worry about, Lilium," Madam Pomfrey assured her just kindly enough to make her nauseous. "We'll do a simple check up to ensure you are properly healing, and then you'll be on your way."

Lili couldn't help but glance at the mediwitch like she'd grown a second head. Still, she forced out a hoarse, "Of course, Madam."

"I shall conduct the examination as usual, and if it becomes necessary, your father will provide us with due assistance."

"Why?" Lili suddenly strangled out, half fiercely angry and half utterly terrified, "Do you think he'll need to hold me down?"

In truth, Lili knew she sounded rude, even petulant (which was embarrassing), but she couldn't help herself. She felt exactly the way she sounded, angry and terrified and wanting to run as far as she could. They had made her feel trapped and surrounded like a small animal with no way out. She didn't want to do this. All she wanted was Dreamless Sleep, why did she even have to be here, why did she even have to do this?

Pomfrey eyed her in obvious caution, lips pressed sternly. "Hardly, Miss Snape. The examination shall be quick and painless, and your father stated he would be more comfortable if he was present."

Snape arched a highly disapproving brow in her direction.

"Oh. Right..." The girl murmured, biting her lip, feeling even more embarrassed now.

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

What followed was a series of instructions Lili did her best to obey, no matter how shakily. Pomfrey began with the most familiar of charms and tests recording height, weight, pulse, strength of magical core, blood pressure, and magic usage pulse. The mediwitch read the results with an increasingly furrowed brow. As always, her weight was low and her height was near the very bottom of the growth scale. Shocking.

Then came the moment she most dreaded.

Lili dressed in a thin familiar gown, climbed onto the nearest cot, and slowly laid back. She was as stiff as a board and physically trembling, fingers tapping an irregular beat against her thighs, one foot bouncing at the end of the thin mattress. The mediwitch frowned deeply.

"Miss Snape, at least try to relax." Madam Pomfrey sighed heavily, "If it brings you comfort, do remember that I will not be touching you — I will only be using my wand."

Yea, that's the problem, Lili thought, hands spasming where they were hidden under her thighs.

Still, she tried to believe her, she really did, because she trusted Madam Poppy Pomfrey who had mended her wounds received at the Death Eaters' hands and healed her friends more times than she could count. But the minute Pomfrey took a step towards her, armed with her wand, Lili flinched back into a sitting position and protected herself with arms wrapped tightly round her chest.

"Lilium—,"

Lili couldn't stop herself. Logically, she knew that Madam Pomfrey had never hurt her a day in her life, and yet... yet she couldn't do this. No, she could not do this. Pomfrey reached out a hand, and the young girl jumped off the cot, skittered across the room, and ended up pressed to the locked doors of the Hospital Wing.

"Let me out," she pleaded, tugging uselessly on the brass knobs, "Please let me out."

"Lilium."

Her father's voice.

Holy hell. All of this for some bloody Dreamless Sleep. Snape's endless stern naggings and Pomfrey's endless pitying stares; Merlin, was this even worth it? Lili refused to turn round, pressing her forehead against the tall wooden door, hands beginning to shake on the doorknobs. I don't want to be here, I don't want to be here, I don't want to be here.

"Lilium. Come back to the cot, immediately."

If Snape thought his usual menace were going to work on her, it certainly would not. If there was anyone she did not want to speak to (much less take orders from), it was him.

"Please."

This startled her, forcing her round and her eyes upward. His tone was not quite gentle, but it was certainly nonthreatening, and his expression was calm and careful — not that cold, indifferent mask she'd grown so used to. His black eyes did not break their gaze from hers.

"Madam Pomfrey will not do anything, without warning you first." He paused and then, softly, added, "Of this, you have my word."

Lili got back onto the cot and closed her eyes.

Her body glowed a soft gold with the Diagnostic Charm, a strange but familiar tingling shivering from the tips of her toes to the top of her head. The sensation was over as soon as it began. Reading through the parchment that was produced, Madam Pomfrey's face grew tight and she tsked hard against the backs of her front teeth.

"I suppose we ought to be grateful you brought her back to me when you did, Severus. Really, you should have brought her to me immediately upon her arrival."

Snape cast Lili a sharp glare that made her squirm. 

"I certainly did try." Her father commented snidely, but then seemed to rapidly change courses as if it was embarrassing that he could not get his own child to obey his orders. "As it was, I did not detect any pressing issues that required immediate attention."

"Did you not, Healer Snape?" Madam Pomfrey snapped, sarcasm dripping from her tone. "As the one charged with her care following the..."

Here she faltered, just briefly, but long enough for Lili to notice.

"—Following The Incident," she uneasily decided on a term, "I should have been consulted immediately. Fortunately, the stress of encountering Dementors exacerbated only a few injuries that will cause minimal long—term damage."

In retrospect, Lili wasn't so much stressed by the Dementors but by Harry's reaction to them. Oh yes, that had been stressful, for sure. Snape startled her by suddenly inhaling sharply, apparently struck by Pomfrey's words, and when she cautiously peeked over, Lili saw her father standing rigid, hands clenched tight into fists and face paled with barely constrained anger.

"Damage," Snape stepped closer, body nearly shaking from how taut he was holding it. "What damage?"

"Quite a few of the worse lacerations have reopened despite our efforts, Severus, so they will likely scar. It also seems that between the jolt of the train and the Dementor attack, the hyoid bone in her throat has once again been displaced."

Lili winced, wanting to poke at it but knowing that they would both snap at her.

There was a small twist of the mediwitch's wand, a sickening grinding pop, and then it became infinitely easier to swallow and left behind only a dull ache. However, in muttered whispers between the two adults, Lili learnt that her throat would always be a weak spot — thus occasionally making it difficult to breathe (bad news), and would likely continue to cause problems for years to come. Brill.

"All right, now." Madam Pomfrey gave her a stern nod. "Stand up if you please, and turn around. I must see your back to run more charms."

Lili pushed herself upward, hesitating for just a moment. Her eyes darted to Snape, but she found no encouragement there. Only forced blankness, and she knew he was miles beneath his Occlumency shields, working feverishly to get through this. Madam Pomfrey, however, broke her stern exterior to give an encouraging smile. Lili finally drew in a deep breath and finally turned round, slowly and painfully.

"That's a good girl, dear. Please open the top back of your gown."

Numbly, Lili reached back to loosen the strings and, even more numbly, she felt them note the faded criss—cross curse scars that no spell or potion could heal. Some were years old, and some were from the end of summer. Madam Pomfrey wand—tip was cold when she pressed over the scars, and Lili couldn't help but flinch even after her warning.

"I'm sorry, dear," Pomfrey's voice was very soft now, and it made Lili want to sick up right there on the cot. Then, with another tingle up the girl's spine, the mediwitch had cast another Diagnostic Charm that, this time, made her release a muffled gasp. "Oh my, these are worse than before."

"As is common with many Dark curses," Snape supplied grimly, the words gruff and frightening.

When Lili tugged the sides of her gown back in place and hesitantly turned back round, Pomfrey's horrified expression had smoothed over with professionalism.

"Lilium, I will need to know exactly how you came by these scars."

"At the cabin by the seaside, obviously."

Pomfrey's lips thinned at the attitude while Snape cast her a stern scowl, "Specify, Lilium."

"Why does it even matter anymore?" The girl asked in a tone that she hoped sounded both mature and indifferent.

"Miss Snape," Madam Pomfrey always called her that when Lili was being what she called 'impossible'. "It is important that I am aware of the curse origins if I am to properly treat these wounds."

"I—I don't remember all the names," she was lying.

Snape knew she was lying, of course, so he warned, "Lilium."

"I don't!" She snapped half—madly. Finally, through gritted teeth, "There was—There was a shredding spell, meant to m—mutilate, I think Avery said."

The Hospital Wing was so quiet that all Lili could hear was her own fidgeting and Snape's harsh breathing. Run, run, run. Just get out. Just get it out.

Pomfrey's lips pursed. "And the scars there on your hip?"

Lili dragged in a quivering breath. "I—, that is, a burning curse," she finally managed, nearly inaudible, gripping tightly onto the bedsheets.

"I see." Her mouth was a tight line. "And I suppose these friction burns are from the ropes?"

"They dragged me round, under Imperius..."

"And what of—?"

"No more," Lili cut in, hoarsely, though she demanded, "Just... no more."

"Lilium—,"

Snape's voice was back to warning, but Lili shot him a furious, desperate glare, traitorous eyes threatening to fill with stupid tears. Really, how much more of this could she be expected to take? Her face must have lost its blankness because her father's expression shifted slightly, startling her with its sudden and brief softness.

Snape contemplated her for what felt like a long time before dipping his chin and glancing at Pomfrey, "She's done enough."

Thank Merlin.

"Of course..." The mediwitch trailed off briefly, but Lili was sure she heard her muttering something about 'those despicable men'. Then, Pomfrey softly sighed softly and went on business as usual, "You will be required to take a bone—strengthening potion with one meal a day for three weeks, at which point I will see how your hyoid is healing. It would also be remiss of me not to also prescribe more Burn—Healing Paste for your hip.

"A potion of altered dittany and maw will also help the injuries that have reopened or relapsed in the healing process. You should not experience any notable side effects with such alterations, but if you experience any aches or tingling, please notify me at once, Lilium."

Lili nodded and bit down on the inside of her cheek, averting her eyes.

"I would like you, Severus, to perhaps start a brew that might restrict the effects of the Dark Curses to their locations of origin. It seems the best we can do for now."

"Certainly."

Then, an awkward pause. Lili clenched her fidgeting hands in and out of fists, trying to get to the end of this with as much dignity as she had left. Forcing an inscrutable expression on her face, she glanced round at the adults completely impassively 'til it was only the tightness in her shoulders that gave any indication of her discomfort.

For a moment, Snape looked as though he wanted to reach out for her (touch her shoulder, maybe?), but then his own shoulders dropped and his facial expression shifted into blankness. "Yes. Well. I have classes, as do you, Lilium. I'd suggest we hurry, if you do not wish to be late."

Lili nodded indifferently, dropping her gaze to avoid his eyes that matched hers. Wait. Did he want to walk her to class? Was he offering? Was that what that was? Confused and more than a little stubborn, she said nothing. Snape's jaw twitched and then he swiftly swept away, robes in full billow. She didn't lift her head 'til she heard his footsteps disappear out of the Hospital Wing. In the silence that followed, Madam Pomfrey eyed her.

"Is there something else, Miss Snape?"

Lili bit hard into her bottom lip, making herself look as weak and pathetic as possible (not very hard these days, she thought bitterly).

Feeling very Slytherin, she searched herself for some explanation, some excuse, that would convince the mediwitch to provide her with Dreamless Sleep. Her doses from Snape were all but dried up, though she most certainly could not confess to that without confessing to some other much bigger problem. But if she had to face another night like last night, well... No, she could not face another.

"Madam, I— well, it's been hard for me, you see, after The—The Incident and everything. I was wondering if there might be something you can give me for sleep?"

Pomfrey seemed understandably confused. "You don't wish to ask your father?"

"I don't wish to worry him," the lies slipped free far too easily, worryingly easily. "I've put him through so much this summer, and I... I don't want to add any more stress, you see?"

"I do see..." The mediwitch regarded her for a long moment before smiling gently, "Well, all right, my dear. I will prescribe some Dreamless Sleep, to get you through the nights until you've adjusted. I understand how difficult it must be." All too easily, Pomfrey collected three little bottles of purple potion from the locked cupboard and pushed them willingly into her hands. "That should be more than enough, but you may come back to me, Lilium, if you feel you need more by the end of the week."

"Thanks ever so, Madam Pomfrey."

As she strode from the Hospital Wing, the potion vials clinked merrily in Lili's pocket like the sweetest music.

ϟ

Lili knew she had to be careful.

Even after everything that'd happened last year, and then what happened in the seaside cabin, she knew she wouldn't be able to resist the pull of an escape. Of any kind of escape at all. But to avoid addiction, or worse — overdose — one had to not become dependent upon the potion. And to avoid becoming dependent, one needed to not take it routinely. That meant, about every other day, Lili could basically chug as much Dreamless Sleep as she wanted.

So, that night, curled up in her bed, Lili swallowed another dose of Dreamless Sleep and her eyes had shut before her head had hit the pillow.

Tomorrow. She wouldn't take it tomorrow.

annie speaks

ϟ

hooray, wattpad let me post!! i was beginning to worry i wouldn't get this chapter out today, but whew, i'm glad i did!! 

so, about this chapter. this particular part in our story, draco is really facing some character development which i love to see. it's fun to see the effects that lili's presence has on the story and the characters. trelawney is an absurd but important character for me to really weave into lili's story because she kind of acts as a foil for our girl... do what you will with that information. oh, and lili has serious ptsd and now has a drug addiction at age thirteen, yayyyy! so many exciting things are happening!! 

as always, please please leave your comments about this chapter. they mean the world to me xx

CHAPTER TWENTY—FIVE:

"Firstly: chocolate." The girl looked up to see Lupin holding the candy bar in hand. "It always makes me feel better."

Lili frowned slightly, remembering when the professor gave some to Harry on the Hogwarts Express. Still, she let herself take the squares from the professor (making sure their fingers didn't touch) and cautiously took a bite. Hmm. The chocolate tasted both sweet and bitter on her tongue, and she ate it a bit more greedily. Of course it did nothing to ease the sting in her knee.

"Is this your preferred treatment for everything?" The thirteen year old wondered idly, not caring she was talking with her mouth full. "I thought this remedy of yours was simply for Dementors."

Lupin laughed lightly, head bowing in concession. "True it's often what I turn to first, in times of despair. I firmly believe that if the problem is not solved by a few bites, one simply does not have enough chocolate."

He had wanted to make her laugh, and she did, a little, which felt like a betrayal to Snape for some reason. With the professor's words swirling round in her head, Lili's black eyes trailed against her will towards his arms. Lupin's sleeves were rolled up to expose a tangle of scars marring pale skin, some fresh as a month ago and some as old as Lili herself, pearly white or angry red.

oooo some lili and lupin time coming up!! so exciting :) 

now, a lil meme for ya:

and she'd get away with it too