How do you explain to your 6 year old that you're dating her father?

Avari had been sat in front of me waiting for an explanation as to why she couldn't just go play with Gracie with her bowl of fruit.

Truth was, if she wasn't happy... Then what I hoped for? A relationship, a proper family? That would have to wait.

"Are we leaving again?" She asked picking up a slice of apple and crunching it down.

"Um, no. That's one thing we aren't doing. Baby, I need you to know, that if you are ever unhappy, then it's okay to tell me."

"I'm okay mommy. Can I play with Gracie now?"

Zak came in slowly sitting down beside me to be part of this. "Hey pumpkin."

Avari smiled swinging her legs gently "Zak mommy said if I'm unhappy, I should tell her, but I'm not, I'm happy."

"Well that's good, hey come here a second.."

Avari slipped off the chair and came over sitting on his knee.

"What mommy is trying to tell you is, I want you both to stay here, with me."

She frowned "We are."

"Forever. I know you've seen your toys are here and your wardrobe is full of your clothes. But that's not all we want to tell you." He smiled letting me lead.

"You know how Kristoff and Anna fell in love..." I began causing Zak to look over at me as I dropped the 'L' Bomb.

"Yeah."

"Well, me and your daddy, we... We like each other very much."

"Like Kristoff and Anna?" She asked.

"Almost." I smiled hoping she was understanding.

"So, what we are asking.. is if you would mind? Me and Mommy being like Kristoff? Yeah Kristoff and Anna?"

"And be in love? Forever and ever. Cause they are, they live happily ever after."

"Which is what we want. For us to all live happily ever after." Zak smiled.

"With-"

"With Gracie." He added making her smile.

"So....? Is that okay?" I asked mentally crossing my fingers.

"Yeah! I like living here, but..."

"But what sweetie?" Zak asked tucking a piece of hair back from her face.

"Is Holly coming back too? I don't think she likes me."

Before I could answer her worry, Zak replied "No pumpkin, Holly won't be back. Holly has gone away, that stuff you found? Well it makes people ill. So she's gone to get some help."

Her little face crumpled with thought and concern before she answered "I hope she feels better soon."

I smiled proudly at Avari "So do I."

After we finished our little talk, Avari got up and took her empty bowl into the kitchen. After washing her hands, she went out to play in the sun with Gracie.

Sitting on the couch, I watched the world go by and my daughter fend off the evil trolls that threatened to riot upon the fairy castle, all with her trusted companion, Gracie.

"That went well." Zak spoke putting his arm around my shoulders.

"Yeah." I smiled gently. "Yeah it did."

I set the phone back into its receiver after finishing up my call with the rehab centre regarding Holly.

"So?" Zak asked stood at the bedroom door awaiting news.

"Checked in and things are going well."

"But?" Zak questioned sensing my absence of content.

I sighed placing my hands onto my lap "Are we that bad of people to cause someone like Holly to do that?"

His shoulders fell gently, crossing the room he sat beside me taking my hand. "If this is on anyone's head? It's on mine. I seriously screwed up Lettie. I'm mean, really screwed up. I should have been honest from the start, I shouldn't have gave her hopes for a baby or a relationship. I still messed around you know? We both did. She had her hookups, I had mine."

"Hmm." I hummed lifting my brow.

"But that's changed now, you know that. This? All this is on me. I made her the way she is. If there's any bad... then it's me." He finished.

"Why?" I asked him.

"Because it's my faul-"

"No. Why did you have a vasectomy? Why did you have one after I left?" I asked. It had been in the back burner for a while and now seemed the time to throw it out.

Zak's brows twitched thinking of the words "Well, I never wanted kids. As you know, I could never imagine having a child, I'm too selfish."

I opened my mouth to speak but he stopped me by lifting his finger. "I am. Don't try and defend me on that. I know that I am too, I treated you awfully, I treated Holly just as bad. I thought of myself, my manhood did the thinking for me and a lot of people got hurt because of that. But I guess the push I got was when you left... I relied upon you for everything, most things, I was just too lazy to do. Like picking up my contacts, making an appointment or even taking Gracie to the groomers. So in my mind I thought you would always be there for me, I took you for granted. Just presumed that no matter how much shit was rising, you'd be there to pull me out and fix it all. Then you left, I got Cece, I took most things myself, and because I lost you, I took that frustration out on Holly. I never physically hurt her, emotionally? Without doubt, it sickens me to think I did. Anything she wanted, I have to her in the fear that she would leave too."

"Holly wouldn't have left.. Her addiction would have got worse."

He nodded. "I expect I paid for half the shit she sniffed up her nose too."

"I don't doubt it.. But it's not your fault. Holly made that choice." I confirmed making him shrug in indifference.

"Where's Ava?" I asked changing the subject.

"In bed. You weren't joking when you said about a lavender bath."

I smiled knowing that lavender was her Achilles, with a warm bath and lavender, my little girl would be asleep in under an hour.

"Since she was a baby." I replied.

Zak frowned looking away to hide the look but I caught it.

"What was that for?"

"Well I missed out on that. Her as a baby. Her first words, steps.. She calls me Zak instead of Daddy." He muttered.

"Only because she is still getting comfortable with the idea, you said you didn't mind?"

"Well I can't demand that she calls me daddy can I? If I had been a dad then maybe she would feel inclined to call me one."

"You are now-"

"5 years too late Scarlett, if you just..." He clenched his jaw closed looking away.

"If I what? If I stayed? If I stayed and made you talk? If I pushed my way into your home and demanded to speak to you? I- Do you resent me for this?" I asked him.

Zak grumbled before standing up "Ignore me. I'm just tired."

"You did-"

"I'm taking a shower." He butted in before walking away.

.....

As soon as I heard movement in the room, my eyes opened. Zak had been in the shower for the past hour and in that time I had hopped about and got myself ready for bed.

Laying between the sheets now, I planned to tackle him and not in the romantic concept.

Within 5 minutes he was pulling back the bedding to slide in when he paused.

"What the-?"

I rolled back. "A pillow wall. Oh and that is a file. With your next lockdown in. You leave tomorrow."

He blinked before looking at it. "T-tomorrow? But I don't want to go tomorrow, I thought I was here looking after you and Ava-"

"Everything is sorted. Her school, my appointment, everything. Bacon is collecting you at 11am."

He tossed it on the bed "Is this because of earlier?"

I rolled over and sat up against the headboard. "Which bit? The snapping at me? Or resenting me for what I thought was the right thing?"

He sighed "I don't resent you, and I don't want to argue.."

"You do, you said it yourself. You hate that she doesn't call you daddy and that's because I took her away thinking it was the right thing to do. You resent me for it."

"I don't resent you Scarlett, I don't think I could! I was just annoyed, you're right, it's because I'm only now getting to be a father but I wish I had the chance to see all those things-"

"All those precious moments that I have and you don't because I left."

"Why are you firing off at me? It sounds like you're trying to rid your own guilt here."

I glared at him before folding my arms and looking away. "Why do you think I filmed everything? Because I knew if this day would come then I would have it all. And I know that's not good enough for you. I wish I could turn back time and speak to you face to face but at the time I was so upset and shocked that I was pregnant, in a fucked in situation of being... of being a fuck buddy to my boss who was suppose to be dating another woman. I never wanted to raise a baby that way. I wanted to be one of those parents who had a husband who helped with night time feeds, with winding, changing diapers, colic, with her vaccinations cause they made me cry as much as her. Who would have just taken her when I was so tired that I almost left her in the hospital just because I wanted to escape. Just for 5 minutes and not feel like a cow with a calf attached to its udder. So yeah, I hold guilt and a whole lot more. I just didn't expect you to throw it in my face so quick." I finished shuffling down the bed and facing away from him as a tear rolled down my cheek.

I heard Zak sigh and the file was picked up off the bed. "You seriously want me to go?"

"Do what you want Zak. I was just giving you an opportunity to escape and get your head together, because a part of me is thinking you don't want this after all." I answered trying to hide my scarred heart.

I felt the bed dip and Zak eventually laid down. "You really feel like that?"

"I don't know what I feel." I muttered stating at the moon from the small slice in the curtains.

He removed the pillow wall in seconds "That's a ridiculous idea, you know full well I'll scale that anyway. So I might as well do it now and face your wrath..."

"I'm too tired to care."

"That's good to know because...." He moved across the bed and pulled me back against his body. "Because I want to hold you, not lay like we're a million miles apart. I'm sorry okay. I said it because I was hating on myself and in the process upset you too. I don't resent you for what you did. I admire your strength of doing this alone for so long. Lettie I will take the lockdown, but here's why.. because I'm a workaholic, I can't say no. Two because it's all organised. And three? Well I think you probably want to get rid of me. Don't you?"

I shook my head. "No."

"Then why are you pushing me away?"

"Because I don't want to be hurt again." I whispered feeling my emotions dance under my tear ducts.

His arm around my waist tightened "I won't. I promise. You believe me.. Right?"

I nodded slowly even if I didn't feel it in my heart.

"Stop building those walls Scarlett."

"I'll try." I mumbled.

His lips kissed my bare shoulder before he settled in comfortably behind me. "Goodnight."

"Night." I whispered turning my eyes back to Mr Moon.