for the longest time I thought
I love you so much that it scares me
you asked me what I meant
but I couldn't explain

I realize now
what I'm truly scared about
is not how much I love you
but that I think you don't know how much I do
and that you don't love me nearly as much
maybe not at all

I think you like me well enough
and enjoy spending time with me
but I don't think you truly love me
the way you loved others before
and because there were quite many
maybe there is not enough room left in your heart
after all the times it was broken

I cannot compete with your past
and yet I desperately chase these ghosts of yours
I guess I am just what you settled for
perhaps because you think you can't do any better

and perhaps you genuinely wish you could love me
but I'm not sure you do

you should know that
when I look at you, my heart somersaults in my chest
when I hear your laugh, I feel my spririts lifted
when I touch you, I yearn to be touched by you
and when you do, my skin is set on fire

I spend my day thinking of you
and it breaks my heart when you don't seem to
miss me near as much
or miss me at all

and I cannot tell you any of this
because I'm too scared of asking for too much
and of losing you
even if you don't love me at all