Came back home at midnight

thinking about what I could have done wrong

"I've lost her", I thought, "I've lost her forever"

my mind kept playing this torturous song.

"How could she? This is definitely a jest!"

A nervous smile 

a fearful look

a heavy heart

a running mind 

trying to calm myself, I did my best 

She had once spoken about the stages of grief,

from denial to acceptance, we go as we speak

but was that theory universal, I ask

"WHY DID SHE GO!?", this time it's a shriek.

Anger had definitely followed the denial

"If only I had loved her more!"

Alas! Here's the bargaining sign.

"There's nothing left to live for anymore,

why did you have to go to a far away shore?"

I feel empty,

I feel void,

I feel futile,

I feel nothing. 

I wish to feel something, 

even if it means ending everything. 

Depression came soon engulfing my thoughts

hollow and barren life soon became

Monday mornings never came

no hand to feed me those half cooked meals

no smile to greet me after silly mischiefs

no eyes shining after that favourite movie

no hugs to hold me after life hits.

nothing. 

When's the last stage of grief going to come?

waiting for it, grey I've become

"Acceptance! Do you hear me?", I shout

hoping for it to see my tears

It asks me to climb the stairs of hope

I do... only to find a hanging rope

"why is it circular?", a blank thought rows

The endless noose of grief it shows.

I've lost her... forever. 

*-*-*-*-*

A/N:

I recently read about the Kübler-Ross model again, which talks about the five stages of grief - denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. However, I feel like acceptance is something that not all people going through grief can every truly feel completely. While this is said to be the "changing curve", I think that it might end up being an infinite circular loop for some too. This poem aims to encapsulate exactly that. Will love to hear your thoughts on it!