Shuichi's POV

Throughout the entire time I was in the mall with Denki and Rin, I was basically a distracted, aimless, wandering idiot. Rin kept showing me an organized list of the stores he normally bought heat-correcting clothes from here, but I kept forgetting the names and getting distracted at bright, neon lights in store windows or video game store displays. But Rin was oddly patient.

I felt bad. Normally, I'm never this distracted.. yeah, I get side-tracked often, but it never lasts this long and to this caliber. It's like I just completely forgot we were here to buy me things and I was being distracted b- heehoo shiny video gameeeee-

nO, FOCUS.

I can't even think straight. Why am I all of a sudden such a mess?

Is it the crowded area? The bright lights? After living do long in shadows and run down buildings, is this just catching my attention? Maybe it's the fact I finally feel safe enough to be myself in front of these two? But that doesn't make sense, we're surrounded by strangers... is it the opportunity of finally getting to do what I want to do???

I have no idea. Maybe it's all of them at once? Then what's the biggest factor here?? Wh-

Hheeeheehoo shiny light it's PINK!

dammit.

I feel like such a nuisance. I'm a grown man! I shouldn't have to shackle down these two, they shouldn't have to keep snapping me out of my distracted trances so often!! God, they probably hate me. Why can't I just pay attention? What is wrong with me?? I keep almost dropping my bags because I just forget that I'm holding them. How fucking usless.

"We're at the store, Shuichi!" Denki smiles and basks in the glory of it. It was a place that specialized in autumn clothes, y'know, stuff you would find on Pinterest.

"This place is one of my favorites. The sweater I'm wearing right now is from here, actually." Rin smiles while slightly pulling on his mint green wool sweater. The threads were knitted together in such a way that they looked like bumpy yet smooth scales, the exact kind Rin creates on his skin. Just looking at it makes me want to reach out and pet it.

Wait, I'm getting distracted again.

"-ree to look around to your heart's content, anything you want we can buy." Rin gives me a thumbs up.

"Thank you... but would you both mind looking around with me? I'm really distracted for some reason and I don't just want to wander out of the store." I say with a nervous smile and Rin nods understandingly. I still can't believe I'm resorting to asking help from a couple of teenagers... there's nothing bad with it in concept, it's just that I've had more time to mature... I should know how to handle myself! Yet I don't even know what's going on with me!! It's really starting to fucking piss me off.

"Sure thing, Shu!" Kaminari pats my back and I walk into the store. As well as me looking around myself, as they stuck by my side, they pointed out a few things they thought might interest me. It was nice to have a couple of helpers.

"They have this really cool pink sweater, it matches your eyes!"

"Yeah, and this maroon sweater matches your edgy aesthetic."

"Shut up."

"No." Kaminari says and proceeds to throw the sweater in my face. I take it off with a smile and hang it over my arm, doing the same with the pink sweater Rin pointed out to me. I saw a Deadpool Christmas sweater, I took it with a smile, instantly being reminded of Jin.

Speaking of Jin, I should get him something.

Maybe a lighter, or a ring, or a necklace. Something sweet.

Actually, a bracelet. Bracelets are nice.

As my thoughts of what to get Jin went on, I picked up nice shirts, pants and sweaters I saw off the racks. It felt... wrong. All these clothes. Something inside me was screaming at me to put all of them back, that I shouldn't wear them. It wasn't the fact that I was unworthy of new clothes, it was... something else. Something I couldn't pinpoint.

Rin and Kaminari were currently in two seperate isles, both looked content. Small smiles on their faces as they pulled out potential options for me to wear. It was nice, but seeing what they picked out... it felt so much more right than what I did. Dark browns, blacks, dark reds, whites and greys. While I had pinks and blues and purples...

Were the colors the issues? Seems like such a stupid reason.

But.. wait.. was the only reason I grabbed these because of the color? It could make sense, all day I've been distracted by bright colors... from everywhere around me.

That still doesn't understand why it felt wrong.

"Fucking pay attention to me when I speak to you. How disrespectful can you be?"

...the voice of an angry and pointed woman rang through my head and reverberated in both of my ears.

..what was that?

"I said stop staring at your goddamn shirt! LOOK AT ME!"

...was I staring at my shirt?

I stood staring at the colorful racks while I disassociated.

-----------------------------------------------------

"Mommy, I'm sorry! I can't help it!"

"You'll learn to help it in my house!! Why are you like this?? Mever paying attention to me, or your father, your teachers and sisters and brothers... why do you show no respect to any of us? After everything we've done for you?!"

"Mommy I-!"

"I don't want to hear your sorry excuses!! You need to learn be more appreciative of everything we do for you! Your teacher spends time teaching your sorry ass, your siblings don't bother you, your father and I do everything to keep a roof over your head!!! Why can't you at LEAST pay attention to us when we speak to you, you sorry piece of shit?!"

"...M-Mommy I don't know.."

SLAP

"I DON'T KNOW ISN'T ACCEPTABLE ANYMORE!! YOU EITHER HAVE AN ANSWER, OR YOU DON'T! YOU'RE A WEAKLING, SCRAWNY AND TINY COMPARED TO YOUR SIBLINGS, WITH THE WEAKEST QUIRK OF THEM ALL. HOW CAN YOU EVER HOPE TO AMOUNT TO ANYTHING IF YOU CAN'T SHOW BASIC RESPECT TO YOUR SUPERIORS?"

I'm crying. I can't speak.

Mommy kneels down to my height.

"...You're weak, but if you listen to me and your father, we can protect you. We love you and we don't want anything bad to happen to you, baby."

"I-If you l-love me.. wh-why hit me, Mo-Momm- Mo...m..."

"To teach you what can happen in the future if you don't listen, baby... I would never hurt you... I would never hit you if it didn't help you in the future..."

"..H-Hitting.. helps..?"

"Of course.. the more I hit you, the stronger you get. The more you can take... I'm making you stronger... you know those bullies? The more they hit you, the less it will hurt, the more I hit you, the less it will hurt." She smiles and kisses my forehead. I'm... strong! I'm strong!!

"..hit me again mommy! I want to be strong!! Just like you!!!"

"Of course, baby...

It would be my pleasure."

-----------------------------------------------------

There was no color left in my life. All my shirts were white and grey and black, no colors in sight. Mom said the colors distracted me too much, got my attention too much for her liking... everything was too much to her.

I played video games and that was it, the rest of the time I would be at school, where everything was black and grey. I walked to school with my 2 brothers and 2 sisters. They looked happy as they walked... not a bruise or cut in sight, bright clothes. My sister wore a yellow dress, my brother wore a blue vest. My sister had green shorts, my brother had a red cap.

And I...

Had grey everything.

My siblings didn't like me. They always hit me during, before and after school. I cried, but it made me stronger. I didn't care, I was happy they were thoughtful enough to make me strong. I cried tears of joy... I swear, they were tears of joy.

My scales were hard as diamonds... I didn't feel anything anymore!! I must've had scales inside my body, too, because it didn't hurt my feelings when they hit me! I never shed a tear, never whimpered... I didn't even scream when my brother shoved my arm on the stove burner!!! I was strong!!! I was strong!!!!!

I love him so much!

My sister shoved scissors through my hand.

Everyday I thank her!!

My brother hit me with our parent's car.

How I love what he did!

My sister tied stones to my joints while I slept, I woke up near the bottom of the river this morning! I swam all the way to the top, all by myself!

How can I ever repay her?!

I wore a smile on my face as the kids who called me "lizard freak" at school beat the scales off of me. They plucked off my nails, threw boiling water on me, tied me to the swings and pushed me all the way to the top, until I feel onto the bars above!

They scraped my arms and legs as I skidded quickly across a rocky road! I bled out without making a sound!!!

7 missing teeth! Plucked of half of my scales!! Left a boiling, fleshy mess on the hot road during summer! I cooked alive! I bubbled and I bubbled! My hair was torn! I was stabbed through the arm!

I never cried!

I smiled!

Everyone's so proud of me!

I'm so proud of me!!

I hope they love me like I love them!!!!

-----------------------------------------------------

...as it turns out, they didn't love me like I loved them.

The softness of the bright yellow sweater in front of eased the phantom pain spreading across my entire body, the non-existant hairs standing on end.

The memories didn't hurt anymore. I now realize what they did to me was wrong, I realize everything I knew in life was wrong.

How could I ever believed this? How gullible was I?

As much as I resent the memories, and my siblings.

The memories never brought me to tears.

Not even close.

I was numb to them. They got what they wanted.

Everyone fucking got what they wanted.

Except me.

Well, fuck them. I'll get what I want by myself, even if it kills me.

I have wonderful friends, an incredible family, a literally perfect boyfriend.

I'm going to wear this bright yellow sweater, I'm going to wear the bright red pants and the powder blue shirt. Even if it distracts me.

"Shuichi! What do you think of this?" Rin held up an auburn-orange tank top. It was heat-correcting.

"Gorgeous!"

"What about this, Shu?" Kaminari held up a pale pink hoodie.

"Stunning! Toss it over to me!"

We paid for everything, I did it with a triumphant smile on my face.

As we left the store, I couldn't help but feel as it the people passing by were judging me... the mutant freak, gullible piece of shit that was tricked into abusing himself his entire life, only just now realizing how absolutely SHIT his life was up until this point, the bitch with a weak quirk that only makes him stick to walls, stayed inside and played video games all day, learned swordsmanship to cope with how his life was spiralling out of control at every twist and turn he took.

Guess what?

I'm proud of all of it. Well... almost all of it. I'm not dead, and I managed to have a pretty a-ok family at the end of all of this, so fuck what anyone says.

It's alright, It's okay, I'm not a disrespectful monster, I'm not a mutated freak.

I'm me.

And, right before we leave, I'm buying this matching set of silver bracelets for me and Jin.

Since he's the other half of me that makes everything alright.

I'm alright, I'm okay.