Iniisip ko na ang mga sasabihin kay Gwyneth habang nagmamaneho. Sandaling nawala sa utak ko ang break-up dahil tinaob ng mga nangyari kay Davina.

Humigpit ang kapit ko sa steering wheel nang maalala ang gabing iyon. I lost it. I almost brought the man to his end. Balita ko'y nasa ICU pa siya ngayon at wala akong balak bisitahin siya. Bakit pa? She hurt my woman!

Kung hindi ko lang narinig ang sigaw ng tulong ni Vin noong galing akong cr ay baka ano na ang nangyari. Surely, I would have been put behind bars had that man succeeded in his intent for my Vinnie. Magkakamatayan kami bago niya magawa iyon.

Well, hindi na niya magagawa dahil sisiguraduhin kong siya ang malalagutan ng hininga sa amin!

But Vinnie doesn't want me to hurt other people. I don't think I wouldn't be able to do what she asked especially when those people have wronged her. I would definitely hurt for her.

And I am going to. Right now.

Pinagbuksan ako ng driver nina Gwyn hindi pa man ako nakakalapit sa kanilang gate. Bago ako huminga niisang salita ay inunahan na ako ng nanunuri niyang mga mata. She could always tell that something's wrong.

She's smart, I'll give her that. That's why I'd liked her from the word go.  Alam kong ramdam niyang may nag-iba na sa relasyon namin nitong nakaraan. It got even worse when I forgot her birthday. I was busy being under Davina's mercy.

Tahimik man ang pag-upo niya sa kanilang upholstered sofa ay nakakabingi naman ang ingay ng kanyang panlalamig. I remained standing. Ang kapal ng mukha ko kung uupo pa ako na walang nagsasabi tapos makikipag-break lang pala.

Mas kakapal ang mukha ko kung manghihingi pa ako ng meryenda.

I couldn't quite grasp an understanding on how I struggle trying to make this ending possible unlike breaking my past two relationships. Maybe because I was young? And things just seem easier when we were young. The break-up was mutual on top of that.

While this...

"Saan ka natulog noong isang gabi?" panimula niya. Her accusatory tone was deeply rooted to the core. "I called your house to check if you have gone home safe. Pero ang sabi ni yaya Prising hindi ka umuwi. Denver told me the same thing. So where were you two nights ago?"

If I wanted to be given a piece of my mind, I would call my mother. Not Gwyn. She's beginning to sound like Mom.

Mas binaon ko ang mga kamay sa aking bulsa at nakayuko siyang hinandugan ng tingin.

"Davina was being assaulted—"

"Davina, Davina, Davina!" Marahas siyang tumayo at tinaas ang mga kamay tanda ng frustration. "Bakit palagi na lang si Davina?"

"Gwyn, she was hurt nights ago so please, spare this argument and give me a piece of my mind about other things."

May dahas ang pagtapon ng buhok niya sa kabilang balikat nang nilingon ako. She's fuming mad.

"So, kay Davina ka natulog?" akusa niya.

"Gwyn..."

"Magkatabi kayo? Huh?" Naghahamon niya akong nilapitan. I stayed on my ground. Hindi ako umatras. I have my bullet answers against her firing accusations against me.

"May nangyari sa inyo, Jaxon? If you're here to say your piece of sorry, well it would take time for me to forgive you." Mariin niyang dinuro ang hintuturo sa dibdib ko. "You slept in another woman's bed!"

"Walang nangyari," tanging nasabi ko. I'm not a taciturn man but at this kind of situation, wala akong dapat ipaliwanag.

She scoffed then turned her back on me. Bakit pa siya nanghihingi ng sagot kung hindi rin naman niya papaniwalaan? I don't really get it.

Tinalunton ng mga mata ko ang haba ng maalon niyang buhok. Ano kaya ang itsura ni Davina kapag ganyan kahaba ang buhok niya? Maalon rin kaya? Or straight? Maganda pa rin siguro siya kapag magulo ang mahaba niyang buhok lalo na kapag...

I shook my head to shake away the distraction taking place. Ano ba!

"I'm not here to apologize," I said. "Wala namang dapat ikahingi ng tawad dahil wala ngang nangyari. I'm not guilty or way beyond that."

Hinarap niya ako. Nagkrus ang mga braso niya sa kanyang dibdib. Her pretty mestiza face molded into a strict and cold form.

"What you're here for, then?" she demanded.

Nag-iwas ako at binigyan ng segundo ang sarili sa isang buntong hininga bago siya muling tinignan.

Here I am, Davina. Breaking my shackles. Each drop of words from my mouth are keys unlocking one by one for my freedom. Wait for me, Vinnie.

"I'm here to break up with you."

We both know that we like each other and have maintained to cement this relationship for our own convenience. I don't know if a much deeper feeling has leaked out from her. It never has to me that's why I'm ending this.

Kesa naman na hintayin kong panungahan ako ng mga galaw ko at maisagawa ang kasalanan. I am never in favor of cheating so while my heart and mind are debating for me to act on it, I have to put a stop before the situation decides to hit the fan.

For I thought it's going to work out, it's not. My attraction towards the other one is the sole evidence and reason. Ayokong mas paigtingin ang pagkakamali ng atraksyon ko sa iba kung ipagpapatuloy ko pa ang kauganyan ko sa una. 

Kita ko kung paano nalaglag ang panga niya. The expected shocked reaction never failed to outgrow the pain. Sa isang kisap-mata lang ay naglaho ang nakita kong sakit na pumaraan sa mukha niya.

"Sa tingin mo masasaktan si Gwyn? Maybe her ego but her feelings would remain untouched. I bet all my money she won't cry for you. Angry, yes. Pero ang iyakan ka? Tears be damned to her."

That was what Riley said that I brought with me all the way from their house. I had actually consulted him before going here.

Umiling si Gwyn sa nakaawang pa ring bibig. Binasa niya ang labi at ilang beses kumurap bago tumawa nang walang emosyon.

To be honest, I really don't know what to feel. I'm not a bit hurt. Awkward, maybe. I don't know what that makes me.

"Jaxon, I only said it would take time for me to forgive you. Three days would be good or one week. I didn't suggest to you about breaking up. Have you lost your mind? You're smarter than this!"

Yeah. I know I'm smart that's why I'm doing this. Bobo ako kung hindi kita hihiwalayan, Gwyn.  Gago, for the lack of a better word.

Napaigtad ako sa malakas na lagapak ng tsinelas niya sa madulas at makintab nilang sahig. Her breathing is rapid and harsh. Sinuklay niya ang buhok ng mga daliri niya, parang kinakalma ang sarili.

"Tell me, have you been drinking with your cousins again?" aniya sabay harap sa akin. "Nilalasing ka na naman nila? They never were good influences to you."

Now I see why Denver doesn't like her. And I'm beginning to...join forces with him.

"Hinahalikan mo ang bawat dinadaanan ko Jaxon. Now, what's happening?" she exclaimed her hysterics.

Yumuko ako. "Pagod na akong halikan ang bawat dinadaanan mo. Kaya ibang daan ang hinahalikan ko."

Ewan ko lang kung narinig niya iyon sa sobrang hina ng pagkakasabi ko.

"You. Cheated. On. Me." She gritted her teeth pressing every single word. 

I guess I did. Maybe I do. Because while I'm with you, I'm in love with another girl. I'm doing this for her. I'm sorry that I'm willing to hurt you for her, Gwyn.  If ever hurt is possible to you right now since you looked more mad than in pain.

You're just in my mind, Gwyneth. While Davina is in my heart. That's cheating, right?

Ayoko mang aminin but I think I really did cheat. Wala man kaming ginawa ni Davina na maitatawag na pagtataksil but the fact that I'm in love with her while being in a relationship with Gwyneth can be considered as that.

"You cheated on me!" Sinugod niya ako at sinuntok ng babae niyang mga kamao. Her breathing of anger just told me the extent of her igniting emotion. "Anong ginagawa niyo habang wala ako? Anong ginagawa niyo sa tuwing pinupuntahan mo siya?" sigaw niya.

"Wala, Gwyn." Pinigilan kong hindi siya sigawan pabalik. "We did not do anything dahil may respeto pa rin ako sa relasyon natin. The only thing I did that made even myself say I'm cheating on you is that I fell in love with her. Iyon lang, nagmahal lang ako ng iba habang tayo!"

Me and my goddamn mouth.

Kinagat ko ang labi ko sa narinig na singhap mula sa kanya. Tinakpan niya ang bibig sa akmang pagtakas ng hikbi. Tears beginning to battle against the bars of her control to not let them escape.

I could hear it. She's about to sob over this. Ewan ko kung bakit pinipigilan niya.

"Am I really that bossy and...demanding?" Lumiit ang boses niya. Gone is the alpha Gwyn. "They said inaalipin kita masyado. 'Yon ba?  I was just testing you, Jax. I have proven it so I laid my yes!"

"Why after four years?"  I asked. Baka kasi iba na ang sagot niya sa palaging uunahin ang priorities. She has been a priority to me too but for once, naging una ba ako sa listahan niya bilang prioridad? I would say no. Never.

But that reason never got to me. The supposed to be hurt that I should be feeling for not being a prirority was smoothened by understanding.

With that, I realized that maybe falling out of my liking for her took place a long time ago. I admired her with her insight. I like her physically. That's all. Didn't get down deeper to the pit of my bones. Didn't even get past into my heart.

Wala lang akong mahanap na gugustuhing ibang babae kaya hindi ako bumitaw. While she was there. Constant and stable and being the epitome of my standards. So I thought I would settle for her. And I was content with it for the nonce.

Then Davina came and she ruined me for everyone from the past and to the future. Without intending to do so, I learned how to jump on the risk, and fell with the consequences. I learned how to yearn for something deeper. I learned to cast myself away from adoring the superficial and look for something more profound.

Something deep, intense and heartfelt.

"I told you too many times before. I have my priorities. I care about my reputation dahil kilala ang pamilya namin. Nursing may not be a high class job and that's according to my parents, so I have to compensate it to my being one of the Dean's list and being a top notcher!  So there. Now, why are you breaking up with me?"

Umiling ako, hindi dahil sa wala akong masabi. I just don't want to explain. Magpapaliwanag ako tapos hindi naman pala niya tatanggapin. It would fall into being void no matter how I sweat trying to find the right words to say.

She should not expect breaking up contains a bunch of beautiful words and a happy farewell. Tss. Saan ka nakakakita ng nakikipag break na masaya?

"Call me any names, Gwyn. Jerk, asshole, bastard, prick, but I'm done here. Kung magtatanong ang daddy mo, just tell him that I'm the one who broke up with you. That would save you from his reprimands."

Nagulat ako nang tumawa siya. I have never heard her laugh like that before.  When she looked at me again, her eyes were moist from unshed tears.

I winced by the thought that I must have probably hurt her. Kahit kirot pa iyan, nasaktan ko pa rin siya.

It makes mw wonder kung meron bang walang nasaktan na hiniwalayan. Kung meron man, masama na nga siuguro akong tao kung gumaan ng kaunti ang loob ko, dahil sa katotohanan na maaaring meron ngang ganoon.

"No, Jaxon. I'll tell them and the whole world that I am the one who broke up with you because you're not worth it at all!" Every drop of words are filled with abhorrence. "For four years of wooing, you're not worth my yes!"

Pinakiramdaman ko ang sarili lalo na sa kaliwang parte ng dibdib ko. Bakit hindi ako nasaktan?  My ego was shaken a lil' bit but definitely unharmed.

Tipid akong tumango.

"Okay. That's your call. But this, this break–up is my call, Gwyn," mariin kong sabi. "I don't care whatever false stories you're going to tell them about this break-up as long as this ends with me being done here. Sabihin mo pa sa kanilang naging gago ako, then go! Spread the word. But I'm done here. That's what matters to me."

Umigting ang panga ko. Please let me go now. My feet are itching to run and see Davina. It's been days.

Matagal niya pa akong tinitigan, marahil nag-iisip kung paano ako isusumbong sa daddy niya. Her dad looks scary as shit! The kind of where you could shrink your balls kind of scary. But fear from me is an outside chance. 

"You can't even kiss me on my lips, Jax. Puro sa noo. Ano ako, lola mo?"

Pinigilan kong hindi paikutin ang mga mata ko o irapan siya. Seriously? Pag-uusapan pa ba namin ito? I just said we're breaking up and she's talking about how I haven't kissed her on her lips? My Goodness!

Is she expecting a farewell kiss, then? My apologies but, she won't be having any. A hug would do, though.

"Are you gay, Jaxon?"

"What?" Hindi ko napigilang isigaw iyon! Naatras ko ang ulo ko sa akusasyon niya. What the hell?

"May labi ako. Ba't hindi mo mahalik-halikan ito?" Sabay turo sa labi niya.

Sino bang nagsabing wala siyang labi? She doesn't have to state the obvious. I know she has one fine rosy lips but that's Not.The. One. I. Love to kiss!

I love to kiss the lips of this woman in my dream. I love to kiss the lips of this someone with a veiling black color which chained me tortured with my imagination on how plump and soft they are.

"It's because I can't..." Umiling ako. Bigo ko siyang tinignan bago binaba ang paningin. "I can't..." I whispered, this time, saying this more to myself.

"I haven't caught you look at other girls or flirt with them."

Ngayon ay nalilito na talaga ako. She wants me to flirt with other girls? Gusto niyang magtaksil ako? What the fuck? Women! God!

"So maybe you're gay." Nagkibit siya na parang sigurado siya sa hinala niya. I can't believe this! I can't believe her! "Your waiting for me is probably part of your charade to keep your secret."

WHAT.THE.FUCK.

Kinulong ko ang aking ulo sa mga kamay ko na parang pinipigilan ang matinding pagsabog nito. What the hell is she thinking?

Tumingala ako. Nilibot ang paningin, naghahanap ng altar.  I'm asking God to give her a shred of enlightenment!

"I'm not gay, Gwyneth!" Hindi ko na napigilang sumigaw. "So what if I don't look at other girls?" Except Davina. "That's gay to you? Hindi ba pwedeng ayaw kong magtaksil sa 'yo? I had that relationship with you and you want me to flirt with other women?" Except Davina.

I just told her I fell in love with someone. Into where did she dispose her logic for her to think that I'm gay? Goddamn it!

"Then why won't you kiss me?" ganti niyang sigaw sabay dabog ng paa sa sahig. Namumula na siya sa galit. 

What the? Mamamatay ba siya kapag hindi ko siya mahalikan? Did she make a bucket list and wrote 'to kiss Jaxon' beside a bullet point?

"It's just a kiss Gwyneth! Why does that matter to you?"

"Exactly! It's just a kiss! I'm not asking you to fuck me! I'm just asking for a kiss! Anong mahirap sa halik?"

Naiwaglit sandali ang tuon ko sa narinig na pagmumura niya nang maramdamang may nagmamasid. Bumaling ako sa kusina nila. Ayun! Iyong katulong nakikinig. Agad ring nagtago nang mahuli ko.

Hindi pa ako kumalma sa hingal ko nang biglang kinuwadro ni Gwyn ang aking mukha at pinilit idikit ang labi ko sa kanya. Mariin kong tinikom ang aking labi kasabay ang determinado kong pag-iwas. Hinawakan ko ang palapulsuhan niya upang alisin ang kanyang kamay sa aking mukha.

She drastically pulled her hands away and slapped me before I could even brace myself. Umigting ang panga ko sa ngumungutngot na hapdi. I didn't expect that.  I'm not surprised either.

Hinayaan kong tumagilid ang aking ulo at naisipang huwag tagpuin ang mga mata niya.

"Hindi sapat ang pagkagusto ko sa'yo upang hayaan ang sarili kong magtagal sa relasyong ito.  I'm sorry, Gwyn. This is what I'm here for. I'm sorry."

Umalis ako bago pa niya ako mapigilan. I knew she was stalling me back there to keep me from leaving and probably plotted an aim of changing my mind.

No poetic words from anybody can make me stay at this relationship any longer. But just one call of help from Davina, kahit anong klaseng daan pa 'yan ay tatawirin ko. Kahit may sirang daan ay aayusin ko makatawid lang at mapuntahan siya. 

Nakalabas na ako ng gate nang marinig ko ang mga pagbasag sa loob sinabayan ng nakakabinging sigaw ni Gwyneth. I think she threw something outside aiming to hit me.

Hindi ko na nilingon kung ano iyon. Pumasok na ako ng sasakyan at umalis.

I ended a relationship. It's time to end another one.

Friendship.

Was I being an asshole? Dapat ba pinigilan ko muna ang nararamdaman ko sa iba habang kami pa tapos pagaganahin ulit kapag oras na naming maghiwalay? No. Hindi ganon. That's not how it works.

Sometimes we tend to question our life choices. Bakit si Gwyn ang niligawan ko? But then it would lead us into questioning the natural circumstances. Bakit ngayon ko lang nakilala si Davina? Bakit hindi noon bago ko makilala si Gwyn? I could have made a better choice in my life had I met her first by the way things have been lately for me when I'm with her. By the way I feel about her.

Because our decisions hinges on the natural event. Kung una kong nakilala si Davina, then hindi ko madedesiyunang ligawan si Gwyneth. What if the circumstances were turned around? Would I have had decided differently?

Or not. What if ganito pa rin pala ang mangyayari? Iyon lang, si Davina ang magugustuhan ko habang si Gwyneth naman ang mahal ko.

If that would have been the case, well Alleluiah for I am here and not on the 'would have been'.

If this would turn out to be a wrong move, I'll indemnify through saying that wrong choices sometimes could lead us into the right fate. I was lost and got stuck with Gwyneth. I wander on the wrong path but I was still able to find the right destination. Davina.

And this love, hindi ko alam kung kailan nagsimula at kailan mawawala. Was it my fault to fall in love for another? I'm questioning the natural circumstances again. It's not my decision to love another person. Love is a natural phenomenon. I let myself be engulfed with it. By that storm. But it's my decision to stay with her. I ratified the naturalness of the feeling through staying in love with her. Through choosing her rather than the person I am committed to.

Now guilt has finally set me free to love her without the shackles of my false bound duty.

Naging abala ako sa school kaya hindi ko agad siya napuntahan. I fought about texting her. Sa huli ay hindi ko ginawa. Ayaw kong malaman niya na ako ang nagbayad sa bills niya sa check-up at iyong damages ng resort.

I also talked to the police regarding the case. Turns out, Davina didn't want to file a case against her rapist ex-fling in exchanged of me being unharmed for beating that asshole hollow. I still filed for restraining order on the off chance of their vengeance.

Ako:

Where you?

The tattoo parlor is closed, so I went to her house. Kanina pa ako kumakatok pero walang sumasagot. Sinubukan ko rin katukin ang bahay ni Angelov pero ganon rin.

Sumilip ako sa bintana, walang senyales na may tao. I couldn't smell her lavender scent so she must be somewhere.

Kung nagsama man ang dalawa, mas lalong dapat kong puntahan si Davina! May itsura pa naman ang adik na Angelov na iyon.

"Tsk." Inip akong makita na hindi pa siya nagrereply. Nasaan ba kasi siya? Ang tagal mag-reply!

Ako:

Please text back.

Umupo ako sa tapat ng pinto ng bahay niya at sumandal. Nilingon ko ang mga paso na may patay na mga halaman. I see, she's not into plants. Tatandaan ko iyan. I won't give her flowers. Pangalan at apelido ko ang ibibigay ko sa kanya. At pangungunahan iyon ng Mrs.

Mrs. Davina Roux C. Montero.

I smiled at that thought. Ipa-tattoo ko kaya iyon? Pussy, Jaxon. Get a hold of yourself, young man! Wala pang kayo!

Isang vibrate lang ng phone ko ay agad ko nang sinilip ang reply. Nanginig ang mga kamay ko. Kinuyom ko iyon at binuksan at napailing na lang. What a reaction for just a text message.

Vinnie ko:

SRP

Anong meron sa SRP? Ah, siguro nasa Baywalk siya. Iyong pinuntahan namin dati. Iniisip ko na na naghihintay siya sa akin doon at iyon lang ang nasa isip ko sa buong magdamag na biyahe.

My expectation left me with a bang as I witness the long line of cars and crowd at the middle of SRP road. A car race? Naalala kong binanggit 'to sa akin ni Denver noong isang araw pero tumanggi ako nang inaya niya.

Agad kong niliko ang Tesla nang mahagip ang Tacoma pick-up ni Denver. Kung nandito ang sasakyan niya ay siguro hindi rin siya malayo mula sa pinagparkingan.

Mahirap silang mahanap dahil medyo madilim. And the flag girls looked so distracting with their skimpy outfits! Goodness!

I did a double take at a familiar Korean-looking guy. Pinaningkitan siya ng mata ko upang mas matitigan nang mabuti. Masayang nagtaas-baba ang ulo nito habang sinusundan ang pagsampal ng bill ng pera sa palad niya.

Tumungo ako roon at mukhang nagkakasiyahan na. I finally saw Denver and...Davina. Bumagal ang mga hakbang ko sa mga pagtatanong at pagtataka. Tuluyan akong huminto sa sunod na nangyari.

My blood turned cold as I am eye to eye with the object of my jealousy. I looked at them with a death glare. Hurt and anger immobilizing me at my ground.

She didn't even resist! They both basked in the cheers of Denver's friends. Ang sarap lang din pag-uuntugin ng mga ulo ng mga nag-cheer sa kanila! For fuckness sake!

Those lips that I have been longing to kiss...now being touched by another man. And I'll go as far as to deny that man as my cousin when he is about to own my valuables.

Tinalo ko ang aking kontrol at sinugod sila. Ilang pagpapalitan ng mga salita bago ko hinigit si Davina paalis doon. Sa galit ko'y hindi ko siya kayang kausapin. I'm just going to shout and curse at her. Ibinunton ko ang galit sa mabilis na pagmamaneho.

"Slow down, Jaxon!"

There you go. Ganyan nga. Sigawan mo ako! But I won't slow this down until I calm my ass down, too. I am just so mad! So so mad I have to close my eyes to shut that image of him kissing you, Vinnie. I could hear the own rush of my angry blood deafening my ears.

Sana hindi ka nahulog sa mga halik ng malanding pinsan kong iyon, Davina! You don't fall on kisses alone, right? Not on anyone's kisses but mine, Vinnie. Mine.

"Porket malaya ka Davina ay ganon ka nalang magpapahalik sa iba?" Nanginig ang bibig ko. Hindi alam kung dahil pa ba sa galit o sa laman ng mga salita ko. I don't want to accuse her, pero iyon ang gusto kong sabihin.

"E 'di hiwalayan mo si Gwyneth para hindi ka mainggit. Para makahalik ka rin ng iba!"

Oh believe me, babe. I already did. I broke up with her. That's why I'm here.

Mariin kong kinagat ang labi ko na ramdam ko ang pagdurugo nito upang pigilan lang aminin sa kanya. Hindi pa. I mean to break it to her gently, not amidst of a heated moment.

"You can have a girlfriend while I can't even kiss a guy? Fuck shit lang, Jax! Magpapahalik ako, at hahalikan ko kung sino ang gusto kong halikan!"

"Bakit hindi ako ang halikan mo? Huh, Davina? Hindi si Denver! Hindi kung sino! Ako!"

Humigpit ang mga ugat ko at ang dibdib ko sa nakikitang gulat niya. I don't know...maybe I'm amazed? Sa nakatakip na kolorete sa mukha niya atat akong makita ang iba pa niyang mga reaksyon. Lalo na gawa ng bilugan niyang mga mata na alam kong maganda kung wala lang ang itim na make-up na iyan.

"Baliw ka na, Jaxon."

Nilamon ko ang kaunting distansiya. I want to see more of your facial expressions, Vin. They break and make me altogether at the same time. You just brought within me a beautiful destruction.

"Siguro nga. Nakakainis, nakakabobo, nakakabaliw ka Davina!"

"Hindi kita hahayaang pagtaksilan mo ang girlfriend mo!"

"I broke up with her," I blurted flat out.

Kita ko kung paano siya nanlambot sa sinabi ko kaagapay ang gulat. I took her silence as an opportunity to step forward until air is remotely possible to pass through between us.

"And what I saw...you kissing him, that was the last straw, Vin.  I am so jealous. Nakakabulag...nakakabulag ang pagseselos ko sa puntong nakalimutan kong magkadugo kami." Muling nangatal ang boses ko sa sobrang diin at panggigigil.

Mukhang dinala ang utak niya sa kabilang mundo sa tagal niyang magsalita. Did I hurt her? How?

Pinadaan ko ang aking dila sa nanunuyo kong bibig bago hawakan ang pisngi niya. Can I kiss her now? Would she allow me? Pwede na ba?

"Vin, say something..." I whispered, that's the closest thing to a soft tone I could ever afford. To tame her. For a reprieve for what is about to come. She might punish me with her rejection and I can't take that. I can't.

"Anong gusto mong sabihin ko?"

Muntik ko nang ikinangiti ang kaba sa boses niya. May epekto ba ako sa 'yo, Vinnie? Are you still stuck on liking me? Because what I have for you has gone way past beyond that.

I. Don't. Like. You. At. All. And I don't like to just 'like' you. I would love for me to love you, and I do. I hope you do, too.

Gusto kong pumikit at lumutang sa saya kung ganunman.

"Kahit ano, or just kiss me..."

Come on, feed my desperation now, Vinnie. It's been starving. Mapili ang desperasyon ko at halik mo lang ang bubusog nito. Just one kiss. Please, babe. I'm dying here so save me through letting me taste those lips now.

Ngunit parang tinanggal niya lang ang puso ko at ilang beses inapakan ng boots niya nang humindi siya at tinalikuran ako. Isa lang ang gusto kong gawin ngayon.

Humanda ka, Denver.

"Oi, Jax! Tamang-tama! Denver won the bet. He's...ayos ka lang?" Salubong sa akin ni Riley pagkatapos isampal ang pinto pasara.

Hindi ko naipark nang maayos ang sasakyan sa pagmamadaling masugod si Denver. I know he's here. Malamang! Hindi iyon pupunta sa bahay namin. Kapal naman ng balat niya kung ganon.

Sinundan ako ni Rai sa malalawak kong hakbang. Handa na ang kamao kong nagliliyab. Kung posible lang talaga ay matagal nang naglalabas ng usok ang ilong ko.

"You're about to kill someone, Jaxon."

"And his name is Denver Blaze Montero. Where's the asshole?"

Mariin ko iyong sinabi na hindi siya binalingan at nagpatuloy sa paglalakad. Hinihingal na ako sa inip at iritasyon. Bago pa niya ako masagot ay alistong hinila ng atensyon ko ang sumabog na tawa mula sa garden.

Binilisan ko ang mga hakbang ko papunta roon. Magsisi kang nagsaya ka ngayon.

"Not again...Hey!" Habol ni Riley.

Nanlaki ang mga mata ni Denver nang makita akong tutok ang agresibong mga hakbang sa kanya. With my all ready fists, red angry face and wide strides with a purpose, I know he knows what I am about to do.

Umatake na ang kamao ko sa panga niya bago pa siya makabulong ng salita. Muntik nang mabuga ni Evan ang ininom na beer sa nakitang ginawa ko. Hinila ni Riley ang aking braso bago ako makadagdag ng suntok.

"Fuck!" Sapo ni Denver ang panga at nalilito akong nilingon. "What the fuck is your problem?"

"She's mine, Denver! She's mine!" sigaw ko.

Isang patak ang idinagdag ng iritasyon ko nang pinaikot niya ang kanyang mga mata.

"Yet you chose another woman over her. So technically, Gwyneth's yours. Not Davina! You can't keep the both of them, Jaxon. I don't wanna blame the girls here.  This is all on you. Ikaw ang kailangan may piliin and I'm sure you have chosen the wrong woman!"

"You kissed her," balewala ko sa mga sinabi niya. That's not the issue here. "You fucking kissed her Denver! You flirted with her. Kung alam mong gusto ko siya, bakit mo siya nilandi?"

Ngumisi siya. Pinadaan ang dila sa ilalim ng pisngi. Nanunuya at arogenteng ngisi. Puno ng kayabangan. An asshole-eating grin. Bawat pulso ko ay tila mga bombang handa nang sumabog.

"I like her, Jaxon. Hindi mo ba pansin? Siya lang ang babaeng hindi ko iniimbitahan sa kama."

Nasa unang baitang na ako ng hagdan paakyat sa paggawa ng kasalanan.

"Don't you dare..."

Lumawak lang ang ngisi niya at nagawa pa akong hakbangin. His dauntless taunting steps intimated Riley's call for him to stop him.

"Magloloko ako hangga't sa hindi pa ako nagmamahal. At kung magmamahal man ako ng babae, hindi na ako magiging si Denver na kilala niyo. Kaya ikaw, manginig ka na. Dahil mamahalin ko si Davina..."

"Walang trayduran, Denver!" Susugurin ko na muli siya ngunit pinigilan ako ni Riley.

"Trayduran? Bakit? Kayo ba? Hindi naman, a? Saang parte na tinatraydor kita, Jax?"

Siniko ko si Riley dahil ayaw niya akong bitawan! Nang makawala ay mabilis ding naibalik ang pagpigil niya sa akin.

"Tama na, JAxon!"

Inis ko siyang hinarap at patuloy sa pagpupumiglas. I'm about to punch him, too!

"What? What did I do? I didn't do anything to him yet!" sigaw ko sa depensa ko. Palitan mo si Denver nang ikaw ang masuntok ko, Riley.

"Yet? You already did blow his face and you're about to do it again! So calm your asses. Both of you!" sigaw niya.

"Ako ang kalmado, Riley. Tanong mo sa isa diyan."

Parang wala lang akong ginawa sa kanya, tamad akong tinitignan ni Denver habang nagku-krius ang mga braso sa dibdib at tinataasan niya ako ng kilay. Mas lalo kong gusto siyang patumbahin sa postura niyang iyan.

Tumalikod ako at naghanap ng pagbubuntungan ng galit ko kung pipigilan lang naman pala nila akong sumuntok. Marahas akong napahilamos sa mukha saka sinuklay ang buhok ng mga daliri ko. Hindi napakali at tinadyakan ko ang pinakamalapit na paso. Hindi isa kung 'di hanay ng mga paso.

"Those are my mother's plants!"

Aawatin pa lang ako ni Riley ay inangat ko ang kamay ko upang bigyan niya ako ng distansiya. Like my hand has some invisible powers, Riley stepped back.

"You don't want to do what your father did. But guess what? You're already doing it, Jaxon."

Nilingon ko si Denver sa sinabi nito. Hindi pa ako pinakawalan ng galit ko. I still want to punch him. He still has that taunting tone. 

"You think Gwyneth is a responsibility because she's your girlfriend, pero iba naman ang gusto mo. Katulad lang din ng daddy mo. Inuuna lang niya ang responsibilidad niya sa ibang tao bago ang pamilya mo." Dumura siya sa lupa at sumenyas akong lumapit.

Bago pa kami muling pagitnaan ni Riley ay tinawag siya ni Evan at inilingan.

"He's blowing a fuse! Hahayaan mo silang magsuntukan?" paghihisterya ni Rai.

"They're boys, Riley. We are boys. We vent anger through violence, sex and games. So let them be," ani Evan at tumungga ng beer. Sa harap niya'y apat na walang mga laman na bote. Lumunok siya at tinanguan kami. "O ano, sabihin niyo lang kung anong kailangan niyo. Kutsilyo, baril, samurai..."

I don't need those. I have my fist and anger with me as weapons.

Humakbang ako at hindi pa man nakakalapit ay tumagilid na ang ulo ko sa tama ng kamao ni Denver sa aking panga. I almost forgot that he's a bigger man than me! I cracked my jaw. Gumaan ang ulo ko sa suntok niya at muntik na ako nitong pinahandusay.

"Una pa lang Jax, halata ko na. One fine afternoon in the tattoo parlor, you were already eye fucking her. There's already a sexual tension! Yet you resisted because of Gwyn."

Hinayaan kong pahupain ang hilo habang nagsasalita siya. I'm nursing my affected jaw, opposite to where Gwyn slapped me days ago. Pinagdikit ko ang mga ngipin ko upang siguraduhing matitibay pa ang mga ito at intact pa. 

I'm gaining my strength back. Hindi ako uuwi hangga't hindi ako nakakadalawa o tatlong suntok. I'm going to vent not just my anger but the pain, weakness and rejection as she walked away from me. And Denver was the perfect candidate to take the punch.

"Nagagandahan ka lang kay Gywneth, eh," patuloy niya. "She's...let's say outstanding. But she's just the kind of woman that you would settle for a hug. But with Davina, she's the kind of woman that you want to make love with."

Fucking truth.

"And you know what? I like her so so much, Jaxon. I already told you that."

Damn you.

"Fuck." Hindi ko alam kung si Rai iyon o Evan.

"And not until the smoke clears, I'm not gonna lay off hitting on her, cousin." Ang laki ng ngisi niya. The devil!

"Then start giving up on her now or else..."

"Or else...?" Nag-angat siya ng kilay, parang sinasabi nitong handa siya sa hamon ko.

"Guys, come on. Settle down." Nagmamakaawa na si Riley.

"Kakalimutan kong magkadugo tayo," matigas kong sabi.

"What the fuck, Jax?" Si Riley. Humalakhak si Evan. "Ano ba, wala ka bang gagawin? Tulungan mo kaya akong pigilan ang dalawang 'to?"

Denver raised his hand in surrender then shrugged. "As long as you're not going to get back with Gwyn. God! Every living cell in my body is screaming their hate for her."

"I'm not. Because we're done. And Davina's mine, Denver. So Lay. Off."

Ngumisi ang gago. He still had kissed Davina. I still hate him for that.