Where We Belong

Prologue

Kane Bryant was the type of kid that everyone loved to be around. He was adorable, hilarious and smart, and could be - and was - friends with everyone. He was a year older than me, and growing up with him was pretty darn amazing. I'd always considered myself lucky to be his best friend. My dad and his dad, Bruce, had been best friends since high school, Best Men at each other's weddings. Our moms were good friends too, until Kane's mom, Janice, died from an aneurysm, two months after he was born. My parents helped take care of Kane while Bruce grieved - my mom was pregnant with me.

   I attended every birthday party of Kane's, even his first birthday party, three weeks before I was born, in my mom's belly. Kane attended all of my birthday parties as well, no matter what. My family had dinner with Kane and Bruce every Sunday, growing up. Those dinners went from us being babies in high chairs, toddlers in the sandbox, then kids riding bikes together after dinner. Kane and I didn't go to school together, as they lived forty minutes outside of town. But every Sunday, we played together, teased each other, and we didn't know any different.

   My mom got pregnant when I was eight, which totally rocked my world. I prayed for a sister, but we got Andy, an adorable little bundle of joy, who turned my world upside down. He became the focus of the Sunday dinners, while I wished I was anywhere else. But Kane loved Andy from the moment they met.

   It was when Kane started middle school, at twelve, that he started to change. I mean, I was changing too. I was getting boobs, and I cared about what my hair looked like, and what clothes I wore. I was eleven. But still, Kane came to my house every Sunday for dinner, now mostly ignoring me, playing on his handheld video game or running around with two-year-old Andy. I missed him then, wishing things could just be the same as they were before. But we were different, Kane and I, and it was obvious.

   I knew my dad and Bruce always wanted me to be a boy, which just made things worse. I'd even heard them talking about it, more than once.

   "It would have been so perfect," my dad sighed, sipping a coffee one Sunday evening after Bruce and Kane had left. "Now they are growing apart."

   "Even if they were both boys, it doesn't mean they'd be best friends forever," my mom had reminded him.

   The next summer, when Kane turned thirteen, I didn't get an invitation to his party. It was early June, and I'd come to expect the invitation, but it didn't come. Of course, my dad asked about it at Sunday dinner, a week before his birthday.

   "Oh, Kane was supposed to tell Marley... he's having a paintball party with some boys from school," Bruce told us, looking apologetic.

   "It's fine," I said quickly, embarrassed.

   But I was offended, even though I knew I would have hated paintball.

   His previous party, when he turned twelve, was awkward enough - a swimming party at his house with mostly other twelve-year-old boys, and me. Kane's friends all knew me, but they didn't talk to me much. Kane ignored me the entire party, as well. I had gone home and told my dad that the party was great, even though I'd hated every moment of it. I never wanted to hurt my dad's feelings.

   A month later, a told my mom that I didn't want to invite Kane to my party that year, either. She wasn't surprised.

   I specifically remember this party, not for the theme, or my gifts, or how fun it was, but because my friends spent the whole party asking about Kane. They were apparently looking forward to seeing him and were bummed he wasn't there. I was so irritated that Kane could ruin a party that he wasn't even invited to.

   He missed his first Sunday dinner in September, after he started high school. He was fourteen, I'd just turned thirteen. Now, Kane and I were more like acquaintances who had weekly dinners together. It was hot that day, and Andy and I were in the pool. Bruce showed up, with his new-ish girlfriend, Carla, but no Kane.

   "He's just not easy to be around these days," Bruce sighed, to my dad. "He just wants to play video games and hang out with his friends."

   And even though I knew it would happen eventually, I was surprised. Even though he made me mad, or mostly ignored me, I missed him. After he'd skipped three Sunday dinners in a row, he would come to one, then miss a few more. By that Christmas, he was only showing up to one dinner a month, if that.

   "I miss seeing that boy of yours," my mom told Bruce, a week before Christmas.

   Bruce looked truly defeated. "I know. It's not worth the arguments, though. He's so stubborn, and -"

   "We got him a gift," my mom went on, handing him a wrapped present with a red bow.

   My mom had taken Andy, four, and I to the mall to pick out something for Kane for Christmas. I had no idea what he liked, besides video games, but we ended up with a cool remote controlled car.

   "Thank you," Bruce smiled.

   Seeing Bruce and Kane on Christmas was tradition, as well, but that year Bruce just stopped by to drop off gifts for Andy and I. And I knew things were really different. Kane did stop by a week after Christmas, to thank my mom for the gift, which surprised us all, but then we didn't see him again for awhile.

   The following spring, we got a invitation to Bruce and Carla's wedding, which was to be that July. It was the weekend of my fourteenth birthday, which surprised my mom, to say the least. Our Sunday dinners continued, but it had turned into the four adults chatting and drinking wine, while Andy and I ate dinner. Kane rarely showed up, and when he did, he played on his phone or interacted with Andy only.

   Graduating middle school was a big deal, and Bruce and Carla sat with my parents at my graduation. I liked Carla, but even I thought they were rushing into getting married. I knew for sure my mom felt the same way.

   That summer was spent swimming with my best friends, Kaylee and Georgia, looking forward to high school, and babysitting Andy, now five. I only saw Kane once that entire summer, and it was at his dad's wedding.

   It was a gorgeous day, an outdoor ceremony and reception inside a large hall, decorated beautifully. Everyone had a great time, ate amazing food, and danced the evening away to the music of the live band. I felt so much more grown up that night, knowing how close high school was and, that my fourteenth birthday was the very next day.

   But when I saw Kane, alone, sitting at a table in the corner of the room, I knew everything was not okay. Not for him.

   "Hey," I said, walking towards him. This even surprised me, since I hadn't initiated conversation with him in months.

   "Hey," he said back, then sipped a drink, in a clear plastic cup with a tiny straw.

   Kane was tall and lanky, you could tell even when he was sitting down. He had too-long messy brown hair, but the same freckles spread across his nose that he'd had since he was a kid.   

   "What are you drinking?" I asked him, curious.

   "Rum and coke. You going to rat me out?" he asked back. I shook my head, pulling out a chair next to him. "What are you doing?" he wanted to know.

   "Seeing if you're okay," I told him, tucking some hair behind my ear.

   "Okay? I can't stand the woman my dad just married," he said, probably too loudly.

   "Sorry." I didn't know what else to say.

   "So, you ready for high school?" he changed the subject, his eyes dark.

   "I guess so," I nodded.

   He looked around, finishing his drink, ignoring me again for awhile. I stood up, feeling awkward all of a sudden, and pushed the chair back in.  If he wasn't interested in talking to me, I wasn't going to sit there anymore. 

   "Hey, Marley?" Cane called out, as I started to walk away. I looked back. "Happy birthday."