Chapter 31

When Jessie called me, another week later, I felt too much guilt to not answer. I was having a hard time, but I knew she was, too. I hadn't seen her at school during exam week. I didn't feel like talking to her - or to anyone - now, but I put my phone to my ear and whispered hello.

   "Marley, babe, hey," she said, trying to sound cheerful. I could tell it was an act.

   It felt like I hadn't talked in weeks. My voice was hoarse. My parents knew that if I spoke to them, it would be an explosive mess, which they hoped to avoid as long as possible. I hadn't even talked to Georgia, much. It had been a rough couple of weeks.

   "Hi," I said, my throat feeling scratchy.

   "I guess we are both having a shitty time right now," she said.

   "Yeah," I agreed, plopping down onto my bed.

   "I'm so sorry about Kane." These words hurt. I knew I should have expected them, but it still stung. "I mean, he told me that he wanted to marry you. I didn't see this coming," she went, and my heart jumped into my throat.

   I swallowed hard. "Well, I kind of fucked it up."

   Jessie was quiet for a minute. "Trenton's driving with him, next week, to move some of his stuff to Michigan -"

   "What?" I thought I hadn't heard her correctly, when she finally spoke again.

   "He got offered a late acceptance to U of M, and I guess he really wanted to be in that program..." she let her voice trail off, realizing that she knew more about this than I did.

   "He's leaving?" I spat out, suddenly feeling sick to my stomach.

   "I'm so sorry, Marley. I hate that things got so rough with you and him," Jessie finished. I didn't know what to say, so I was glad that she continued. "Do you want to hang out? I miss you."

   I swallowed hard, again. "Maybe, soon. I'll call you."

   "Okay, sounds good."

   I couldn't say anything back, so I just ended the call. I couldn't even breathe. And as much as I wanted to call Kane again, to beg him to stay, I didn't. I knew I had to let him go. It didn't matter if I was heartbroken and lost without him, he needed this. He needed to get away. From this place. From me.

   I tried so hard to pretend like I was fine, as the weeks went on. I pretended that I didn't hate my dad, for causing this. I tried to seem happy, and not a depressed mess, when I hung out with Georgia. But she knew. And I wasn't fooling anyone. I was a mess.

   I spent a lot of time at Jessie's house, and Trenton's, that summer. It was so very obvious that Kane was gone, but I tried hard to smile and continue on. As Jessie's belly grew, it became obvious that none of us would ever be the same. That year with Kane had changed me. Jessie and Trenton were going to have a baby, instead of going to college.

   Jessie's parents were livid, for weeks. They told her to get an abortion because they didn't think she was mature enough to have a baby, or because they didn't like that it was Trenton's. But she refused, and when Trenton proved he was in it for the long haul by proposing to her, they started to come around. It was early July when Jessie told me that her mom had invited Trenton to their house for dinner. It was a big deal, and I felt so happy and excited for them. It was a light shining in my gloomy time. I was so happy that they were going to be okay.

My birthday, at the end of July, fell on a Sunday. I told everyone I didn't want to acknowledge it at all; I just didn't need any more reminders that Kane was gone. But on Saturday, my mom made my favourite breakfast, blueberry pancakes, and that evening Jessie came over with flowers and a hug. Georgia brought me a birthday balloon the next day, and stayed to swim for a bit, with Andy and I. I let myself laugh, and have a good time, at least for a little while. And I felt okay, a month into this new, strange, not-at-all-what-I-expected summer.

   But, only an hour after I fell asleep that night, I woke up to something hitting my bedroom window. Slowly, I got out of bed and crossed my room, looking outside into the backyard. I expected to see a bird or a raccoon - but there was Kane, standing in the yard, tossing rocks at my window.

   My heart was pounding as I slid it up, not saying anything.

   "Hi," he said, his voice just barely loud enough for me to hear. "Happy birthday." I just shook my head in disbelief. "I left my apartment in Michigan eight hours ago... it should have taken four hours, but the traffic was... it doesn't matter. I wanted to be here for your birthday. I wanted to tell you how sorry I am... how much of an idiot I was."

   "Kane, you're really here?" I asked stupidly.

   "Marley, I love you. More than anything in the world. I have been barely surviving, without 

you -"

   I walked away from the window, back across my room and to the door, down the stairs and out the back door. It was after midnight, but he was really there, standing by the pool, a few rocks still in his left hand. As they dropped to the ground, I ran towards him, throwing my arms around him as soon as I could. I fit perfectly there, in his arms, and it was the only place I wanted to be.

   "I love you," I said into his ear.

   "I was really fucked up, when I left. I thought I was doing what was best for you. But I was so miserable -"

   "I have been more miserable than you can imagine," I told him, not letting him go. "I'm sorry I missed your birthday."

   He shook his head. "I'm sorry I missed yours."

   "Well, close enough," I shrugged, hugging him again.

   He kissed me, like he had never kissed me before. And it was all I needed to know that we be okay. We would make it work. It didn't matter if my parents hated him - though I knew that they didn't - or that he now lived four hours away. It took those few weeks of us being apart for us to realize it was worth it. We were worth fighting for, and that together was where we belonged, even if we had to do long distance during the school year.

   Kane moved back to Bruce and Carla's until mid-August, and we spent every awake minute - and a lot of asleep ones - together. We went on dates, we spent time in Trenton's basement, we got high, we had sex. And it the best four weeks of my life, even knowing he had to leave again.

   And when Kane did have to leave, to move back to Michigan for college, he kissed me in my driveway, held me for a long time, and promised he would always be who I needed him to be. He whispered in my ear that he wanted to marry me after I graduated high school, and that he would come home every weekend - and I knew he would. Because we were miserable apart, and we belonged right there, together.