Chapter TWENTY ONE

I put on my make up and then checked my phone - 6:20 P.M. I was feeling hungry, but I mostly just wanted to get to Trenton's. I was anxious to even attend a party, so I kind of wanted to get it over with. 

   What time? I'm with Jessie, I sent a text back to Kane.

   I'll be there by seven. See you soon? he sent back.

   Yep.

   On our way back out the door, my dad stopped us, to talk. I just wanted to run.

   "Be safe," he said, like he did every time I left the house.

   "I know. Mom already -"

   "Will Kane be there?" he went on.

   I glanced at Jessie, then back to him. "Yeah, I guess. Maybe."

   "Okay, have fun," he finished, but I saw the worried look on his face as I turned to leave.

   The hour from when we got to Trenton's house and when people started showing up felt like a minute. In the basement, we sat, smoking a joint, then Kane and I sat together, remaining mostly quiet, while Trenton and Jessie made out on the other sofa for awhile. The fact that this was normal now wasn't even strange to me.

   "So, the plan went into action?" Kane spoke, breaking our silence, and for a minute I had no idea what he was talking about.

  "Oh, yes, I think Jessie's mom actually liked me," I told him. "She agreed to let her hang out at my house tonight."

   "But you're not at your house," he laughed.

   "No, we are not."

   The party was small, at first. And that was just what I needed. I mostly sat in the kitchen, drinking a beer, people-watching. There were people I didn't know, some I recognized from school. But I was quickly realizing that Kane knew everyone. It amazed me that he could be high, drinking, but also friendly, interacting with everyone, and happy. I was high, drinking and lying to my parents, fighting with my friends and unsure about anything. I liked being high and a bit drunk. It made everything feel just a little bit better.

   But by two hours into the party, Kane appeared by my side. He didn't say anything, but he glanced at me, then walked towards the basement door. I waited until he was out of my sight before I got up,  then went in the same direction.

   "How are you?" he asked me, sitting down on the sofa. I'd just gotten to the bottom of the stairs. It felt so quiet down there.

   "Fine," I said, only walking a bit closer.

   "Obviously you're not."

   "What?" I asked back, surprised. I took a few more steps and then sat, somewhat close to him.

   "I can tell when you're upset about something, Mar."

   I took a deep breath in.  He could read my face. "I ran into Kaylee and Georgia at the mall earlier."

   "Oh. And?"

   "And they want me to apologize for what I said, but it was so long ago, and now I'm..."

   "Do you miss them?" he asked, interrupting.

   "Of course. But it's complicated with them. With you, here, it's... easy."

   The words came out before I knew what I was saying, and Kane was just staring at me. His eyes were a bit glazy and his hair was falling forward into his eyes. I couldn't tell what he was thinking at first, but then, without warning, he was kissing me. His hands were at my face, his lips pressed against mine. For a moment, I thought maybe that this was okay. But the next thing I knew I was pushing him back and running towards the stairs.

   The party was still going strong, maybe even more people than before I'd gone downstairs. It felt like I'd only been down there for a minute. I tried to keep it together as I hurried through the kitchen and to the front door. I had to get out of there.

   "Marley?" Jessie called to me as I ran by. "Everything okay?"

   I was stepping outside, so she followed me, with two beers in her hand. We sat on the bench seat, on the porch. I felt like I couldn't breath. She said nothing, but she just opened both cans and handed one to me.

   Finally, I looked at her. "Kane just kissed me."

   She didn't look surprised. Like, at all. This confused me. She touched my arm, taking in a breath. "You really don't know?" she asked.

   "What?"

   "Kane has been in love with you, for a long time."

   "What?" I repeated. "Uh, no. You don't know what you're talking about."

   "I've been friends with him for two years. He's been with plenty of girls, but he's just so different with you."

   "Stop," I said, shaking my head, then I chugged the cold beer in my hand. "Let's go back in. I'm fine."

   "Good. It's freezing out here," Jessie said, then laughed.

   I stuck near her for awhile, trying to enjoy myself.  We laughed, danced and drank some more. And the more I drank, the better I felt. I didn't even care when Kane appeared again, standing near me.

   He was finishing off a beer; his eyes looked heavy. For a second, he looked like he was trying to figure out what to say to me. But then he just dropped the empty can on the island, and it hit it with a bang.

   "It was nothing, okay?" he said loudly. Everyone in the kitchen looked over. "Look, I can kiss Jessie, too." He pulled her towards him and kissed her right on the mouth.  She was surprised, and pushed him back, but laughed. Kane stumbled a bit, looking embarrassed.

   "Dude, please don't kiss my girlfriend," Trenton said from across the room, but then he was laughing, too.  I smiled at Jessie, pretending this was fine. Kane glanced at me, then turned and walked away.

   I wanted to follow him. I wished he would just talk to me instead of acting like a child. But I was drunk and now I stumbled when I went to take a step. Trenton caught me.

   "Girl, you need to sit," he told me, pulling over a stool.

   So I sat. For an hour or more, I struggled to keep my eyes open, the room mostly spinning. I wanted to lay down. I'd drank too much, I knew this now, and I needed to either call my dad for a ride or find somewhere to sleep. I took out my phone, but I couldn't focus on it, so I put it down on the counter. Finally, Jessie was near me, and I saw her holding her phone to her ear.

   "Okay, mom. Yes, I'm good. I'll be home soon," she said into it, then sighed as she tucked it back into her pocket.

   "How are you getting home?" I asked her loudly, pulling her arm.

   "I have no idea," she laughed.

   I laughed too, because I was drunk.

   "Thanks," she said to me.

   "For what?" I asked, squinting my eyes to focus on her.

   "You're a good friend."

   "I'm not really," I shrugged.

   Jessie smiled. "Yeah, you are."

   Out of the corner of my eye, I saw someone run by, just a blur. But I had a bad feeling immediately, in my stomach. Some sort of intuition told me to get up and go see who it was. The front door opened and slammed shut again.

   I went outside, and this time it felt every colder. I looked around, feeling a little crazy until I saw him on the sidewalk. It was Kane, and he was staring aimlessly.

   "Kane!" I shouted in his direction.

   He looked over, but then started walking further away, down the sidewalk.

   "Hey!" I said again, trying to follow him. "Stop!"

   "I can't, I have to go," he yelled at me.

   "Kane, you can't drive," I told him, as he stopped near his car. 

   "I have to," he said again.

   "No, you don't."

  "My dad was in an accident," he snapped.

  My heart sank immediately. I felt my pocket for my phone, but then realized it was still on the counter, in the house. I couldn't think of any words to say to him, and we just stared at each other, frozen, lost, unsure. And then, Jessie was running down the sidewalk, holding out my phone.

   "It's been ringing," she told me. I took it. "You guys okay?"

  I checked my phone; two missed calls from my mom, as well as some texts, telling me to call her back. Now, I was too aware of how drunk I was and too nervous to to let my parents find out. Kane unlocked his car and got in. Jessie was watching as I got in beside him.

   "How much have you drank?" I asked, my hands shaking.

   "I have to go," Kane said, not looking at me.

   "Kane, how much?" I repeated.

   He dropped his keys into his lap. "Way too much."

   "I'll call a cab, okay?" I said quickly. "Where... where do we have to go?"

   He took a breath in. "Carla just called. She said he was just taken to St. Owen's Hospital..."

   I looked at my phone, blinking. I found a number for a cab and called. As we waited, I just stared out the window, not thinking at all. And then my phone was ringing, which snapped me back to reality.

  "Mom," I answered.

  "Jesus, Marley, where are you? It's after twelve, and -"

   "I'm with Kane. I just called us a cab to the hospital," I said, as normal as I could. None of this felt normal. It all felt very, very wrong.

   "Oh, honey. Your dad is on his way there as well. Are you sure you want to-" she replied, sounding worried.

   "I'm staying with Kane," I said quickly.

   She sighed. "Okay, please call me when you know anything."

   "I will," I finished, then ended the call and dropped my phone into my lap.