Chapter SEVENTEEN

I made it through the rest of the week at school, mostly feeling good. I had gone back to hanging out with the girls in the morning, so they didn't get suspicious of who else was hanging out with. I hated to lie to them, but they couldn't know what I was doing.

   At lunch, I sat with them, ate quickly, then made an excuse to go to the bathroom, or my locker before they were finished. Instead, I headed around to the see Kane. Those fifteen minutes of standing there with him and Trenton, Jessie and a couple others, became the only thing I looked forward to in the day. We rarely even talked to each other; Kane would just smile at me, happy that I was there, and I'd listen to Jessie's stories - she was always telling a story - or Trenton would be playing a song on his phone. It was just so nice to be included without question. I didn't see Kane outside of those fifteen minutes each day, but that was okay with me.

   I also had not run into Mandee or Gibson all week, and I hadn't seen Kyler at all. Somehow it felt like they were completely avoiding anywhere I might be, which was a huge relief. I had one more counseling appointment with Mr. Cole, Thursday after school, where I told him about hanging out with Kane, how Kane had completely ditched the popular crowd (and didn't care), and how I felt good, and safe. Mr. Cole seemed relieved that I was doing well, and suggested that I keep doing what I was doing. He also told me that Kyler was to go to class, eat lunch in detention and leave the school property immediately after school. So far, it seemed he had done just that.

   Thankfully, I felt good about school again. I felt good, in general. And I was glad about that.

   On Friday, at lunch, Kaylee and Ryan were talking about a party that weekend. Over the past three weeks, I hadn't once thought about parties, or drinking or having fun really at all. I was barely surviving - I was not ready to put myself in that environment. The last party I'd been to was when Kane had punched Kyler in the face. And I really didn't want to think about that.

   "It's actually at Nolan's girlfriend's house. Her parents are away this weekend," Ryan was saying.

   Nolan played drums in the school band, Ryan played the cello. Nolan was a nice guy that I had known since seventh grade, but we weren't really friends.

   Georgia wasn't interested in parties, plus she usually had to babysit her sisters on the weekends when her parents had to work.

   "You want to go, Marley?" Cassie asked me cautiously.

   I thought about it for a minute, but I didn't want to be a third wheel to a party, and I really wasn't looking to meet people at this point. Getting drunk by myself at a house party with people I barely knew seemed like a horrible idea.

   "I'm actually not back to house-party level of comfortable-ness, yet," I laughed. "But thank you for the invite."

   Kaylee looked disappointed, like she'd expected me to say yes. She even looked even more upset when I packed up my stuff a minute later and excused myself, saying I'd left my water bottle in my locker. I walked to the back of the school, letting myself smile as soon as I saw them. There was only ten minutes until the bell. Trenton and Jessie were making out, something I'd gotten used to seeing now, and another girl and guy were looking at something on one of their phones. No Kane. I stood there anyway, leaning against the wall.

   "Hey babe," Jessie said to be, pulling away from Trenton. "Kane thought you weren't coming today, so he went to his car -"

   Trenton elbowed her.

   "Oh, it's fine," I said, shrugging.

   It wasn't just Kane that I liked about being there. I somehow felt like I fit in with them, like I belonged there. And I liked feeling like I was a part of something. The bell rang, and Kane appeared behind me. His eyes were squinting, but he smiled.

   "Didn't think you were going to show up today," he said.

   "Kaylee and Ryan were talking about a party tomorrow... I didn't realize -"

   "Hey, it's cool," he said, still smiling. "Sorry I missed you."

   And then he was gone, up the back staircase to whatever class he had for third period.

   Kaylee and Georgia were both in my Geography class, and they sat down on either sides of me, since I had gotten there first. Georgia seemed to be pulling out her binder and books right away, but Kaylee dropped her bag on the table with a bang. I looked at her, confused.

   "What the hell are you doing?" she asked me, looking annoyed.

   "Uhh, what?" I was confused.

   "Why are you ditching us at lunch to stand with the stoners? We saw you today. I mean, we've been confused all week, but -"

   "Oh, that," I said, then shrugged. "I didn't want you guys to be mad."

   "We're not," Georgia said quickly. "But why?"

   "I know this week has been hard, and you're making sure you avoid... you know, but -" Kaylee was saying.

   "Kane ditched the popular group, completely, after what happened. He has been hanging out with Trenton, and..." I didn't even feel like explaining myself to them now. How could I tell my best friends that I felt like I fit in better with a different group?

   "Who's Trenton?" Kaylee wanted to know.

   "Kane's friend. They are all seniors, but -"

   "Maybe you should stick with us... and, like, juniors?" she suggested. It was not meant as a rude comment, I knew that. She even gave a laugh afterwards. But I was not prepared to hear this from her.

   "Maybe you shouldn't tell me who I should hang out with?" I snapped back.

   Kaylee froze, surprised by this, then looked away. She pulled out her book, ignoring me for the rest of the class. I felt bad right away, but what was done was done. I glanced at Georgia, who immediately looked down at her textbook, open in front of her. I hadn't meant for this to happen. I felt like all of this was actually completely out of my control, like the universe was just deciding what was right.

   I strolled up behind Kane after final bell, trying to look like I wasn't freaking out, once again. But I hadn't made an effort to find him after school all week, so he knew something was up.

   "You okay?" he asked, like practically every other time he saw me.

   "Oh, yeah. I'm fine," I said, not wanting to tell him that I was upset because Kaylee was mad at me.

   "So, you're going to a party tomorrow?" He threw his bag over his shoulder and started walking.

   "No, I'm not," I told him, following.

   "Oh. You said Kaylee and Ryan were-"

   "They invited me. But... no. I'm not going to go."

   He left this alone, and kept walking towards the back doors. The halls were packed and kids were talking loudly, end of the day on Friday was always the same. Everyone wanted out as fast as they could. As we crossed the field, I saw Kaylee getting into her car. She glared at me, then slammed the door, knowing I was watching.

   "What's with her?" Kane laughed. I just shrugged. "Well, you want a ride?"

   His car was familiar now, and smelled like weed still, from his lunch break. I hadn't really thought about doing it again, until now. I put the window down and the cool air hit my face. I closed my eyes and took in a deep breath as he pulled out onto the street, to take me home.

   "Is this what you want?" Kane asked me, making my eyes open. I didn't know what he meant. "This, hanging out with me. Or are you just doing it because you think I..."

   "What?" I looked at him.

   "I just mean... I know you liked parties, and your friends. And you liked having the popular kids to hang out with. And now -"

   "That was a mistake," I said quickly. "I was temporarily misguided into..."

   "Marley, I was just asking... you're not hanging out with me now, and Trenton and Jess, for me, are you?"

   "For you?"

   "Nevermind," he said, shaking his head.

   "Didn't I tell you I like hanging out with you?" I told him.

   "You were high," he grinned.

   "It was still true."

   He smiled at me, then went back to focusing on driving. When he pulled into the driveway behind my dad's truck, we sat there for a minute, my mind racing, wondering what he was thinking. I was thinking about how strange this was, that we had made our way back together. Finally, he looked at me.

   "Text me if you can go out later. I'll be at Trenton's."

   I nodded, then got out of his car.