Chapter FIFTEEN

The house was big, had a two car garage attached, with a long walkway leading up to the porch. It was a beautiful neighborhood, one that I had walked through often.

   I knocked on the front door, but immediately wondered if that was the right move. The door opened, and a tall, pretty woman with wild red hair stood in front of me.

   "Hi," she said happily, looking me up an down.

   "Hi... I was just looking for Kane. And Trenton?" I said slowly.

   "Of course, come on in honey!" she smiled, stepping back to let me into the house. "I'm Tracy, Trenton's mom. We are an open-door household. Come and go as you please, you're always welcome. The guys are in the basement." She pointed towards a door. She didn't look old enough to be Trenton's mom, but I smiled at her and then headed down the stairs.

   The basement was like a large living area, with a huge TV mounted on the wall, two sofas and a table with chairs. I saw Kane right away on one sofa, looking down at his phone. Trenton stood up when he saw me, taking a few steps towards me.

   "Hey," he said, holding out his hand to me. "Trenton, welcome."

   "Thanks," I said, shaking his hand. "I'm Marley."

   Kane looked up, his eyes wide. Maybe he didn't really think I'd come. Trenton went back to playing the video game that he was playing; Kane motioned for me to sit beside him. His eyes were dull, tired looking, I noticed when I got closer. But he smiled at me and I felt a bit better.

   "Hey Marley," he said.

   "Can we talk?" I asked him. He nodded, closing his eyes for a second. "Is this where you were last week?"

   He nodded again. "Trenton and I go way back. His mom is so chill, I've spent a lot of time here."

   "Okay. So, how are you though?"

   "How am I?" he asked back, so seriously. "I'm drunk on a Sunday evening."

   "Kane," I said plainly. "I know that you think that you... maybe you could have..."

   "No," he waved his hand at me. "I am done talking about my feelings about that. My dad tried, it didn't go well."

   "Okay," I said, but added, "but I want you to know, no one blames you."

   "Except your parents."

   "No, they don't."

   "You sure about that?"

   I stared at him, really looking at him. His hair was messy, and now I noticed his eyes were red. I glanced around the basement, finally landing my eyes on a glass pipe on a desk, against the wall. Along with two open bags of potato chips.

   "Are you high?" I asked, quietly. Not that it would be a secret.

   He shrugged. "I was. I am just sick of feeling like shit."

   "Okay." I didn't know what else to say.

   "You can go, if you want. I know this probably isn't what you were expecting."

   "I..." Weirdly enough, I didn't want to leave. I felt better than I had in awhile, just sitting there talking to Kane. "I can stay awhile longer."

   He smiled, and I knew that was what he was hoping I would say.

Somehow, for some reason, at school the next day, I found myself gravitating towards the back gym doors, where the "stoners" usually hung out. I'd never felt the desire to walk out that way before, but I just had a feeling. And I was right.

   Before the morning bell, instead of meeting Kaylee and Georgia by my locker, I wandering around to where I figured Kane would be. I couldn't even explain it, it just felt right. I texted Kaylee to tell her not to wait for me to walk to English, then walked up behind Kane.

   "Hey," I said, coming up beside him.

   He didn't even look surprised to see me now. He just smiled, half nodding. Trenton was smoking a cigarette and waved when he saw me.

   Just like that, I fit in with them, like I'd been there all along. A short girl with curly, dark hair and thick glasses strolled over one minute before the bell rang, grabbing Trenton's hand and giving him a kiss.

   "My stupid brother was in the shower for forty-five minutes this morning. I can't believe I made it-" she was saying, but saw me and stopped. "Hey. I'm Jessie."

   "Marley," I said, just as the bell rang.

   "Hey," Kane said to me as Trenton and Jessie walked towards the school. "Text if you need me today. I think Kyler is back."

   I nodded, then he ducked around some people and was gone, not even bothering to walk inside with me.

   In English, I sat next to Kaylee, trying to focus.

   "Where were you this morning?" she asked casually, doodling on her notebook.

   "I was just late," I lied. "I barely made it in at the bell."

   I couldn't tell if she believed me or not, but she didn't say anything else about it. It wasn't like she had any reason to believe that I would lie to her.

   In second period History, with Georgia, things were actually pretty good. Mr. Baker was a fun teacher and let us work in pairs for our worksheets from the reading the night before, so Georgia and I worked together and got through them easily.

   Somehow, I had forgotten my lunch in the fridge at home, which was something that rarely happened. I had to head down to the cafeteria at lunch to buy some pizza so I didn't starve, and after telling the girls I'd meet them outside, I went down alone. It was getting chilly outside, but there was no snow yet. We ate at our lockers over the winter, but that picnic table in the back field was our spot for lunch until it was too cold to sit outside. Down in the cafeteria, I waited in line, paid, and then passed some tables of freshman before heading back out. Back in the staircase, I saw Mandee and Gibson coming towards me. For a moment, I wanted to turn back. But Mandee spotted me first.

   "Marley, hey," she said, forcing a smile.

   "Oh, hi," I said back, not even bothering to fake it.

   "How're you doing?" Gibson asked next.

   What a strange question. I felt fine. I wanted to be fine, but so many things kept reminding me what had happened. I had to find a way to move past it all.

   "I'm okay."

   "Kyler is back, but he won't be anywhere near you. Don't worry," Mandee told me.

   "I'm not worried," I told them, then continued walking on my way.

   But, of course, I was worried. And I was scared.

   I sat down at the table where Kaylee, Ryan and Georgia were eating. I didn't feel like eating, at all. I dropped the pizza onto the table in front of me. My stomach was turning. I glanced around me, looking back to the bench by the football field where Kyler used to always be, but the space was empty.

   I bit into my pizza, so my friends didn't think anything was wrong. But my mind was racing. How did they know Kyler would stay away from me? What if I went to the bathroom and he was there, waiting for me? My heart started pounding. My face felt hot, and I blinked hard.

   "That looks so good," Ryan laughed, spinning his apple on the table. He was pointing at my pizza.

   "You okay, Mar?" Georgia asked me. "You look kind of -"

   "Uh..." My hands were shaking. "Yeah... I just have to..."

   "Marley?" Kaylee said loudly.

   But I was already walking away, leaving my pizza on the table. I felt like I might pass out, but I kept walking until I was on the other side of the school, by the back gym doors. And there was Kane, leaning against that big tree, laughing. I liked that I knew where to find him, now. Trenton saw me heading over, and nudged Kane, who looked and raised his eyebrows at me.

   "You okay?" he asked as soon as I was close enough.

   "I am. But I kind of freaked out. I just keep thinking about... what if, I run into him," I said, quietly. "I just need to calm down."

   Kane stared at me, thinking. We were still new to this - being friends. I had no idea what he was thinking. Jessie giggled at something Trenton had said. Another guy in ripped shorts was smoking, a few feet away. This was not the crowd I'd ever thought I'd be hanging out with, but it truly felt better than anything else.

   A moment later, Kane leaned over to whisper something to Trenton, who smirked, reached into his coat pocket and then put something into Kane's hand. Kane then turned back to me.

   "Come on," he said, already walking.

   I started following him, unsure of what he was doing. He stayed a couple of strides ahead of me, though I tried to catch up. We were heading back across the field and I was afraid that Kaylee and Georgia would see me. I pulled my hood up as we crossed by to the parking lot.

   "Get in," Kane said, motioning to his car.

   "Uh, why? We have fifteen minutes left of lunch," I told him.

   He ignored me and got into the driver's seat, so I opened the passenger door and got in beside him. He rolled down his window half way, then held out his hand flat so I could see what Trenton had given him.

   "Do you want to try?" he asked simply.

   It was a tightly rolled joint. I was unsure once again, but I really just wanted to stop being afraid. Kane took a lighter out of the cup holder between us, then lit the end, putting the other end to his lips. He sucked in, held it for a second and then blew it out the window. I wondered then when Kane had started this. I was realizing I didn't know much about him at all.

   "Up to you," he said, waiting for me to answer. "If you want to relax."

   I wanted to be able to relax. I just wanted to feel calm. Kane held it out to me between his thumb and index finger, so I took it and mimicked what he had done. I coughed, then blew it out. When I blinked, my head felt fuzzy, like after two beers. I took another hit.

   "Alright, give it back," Kane laughed. "How do you feel?"

   I looked at him, right into his eyes, then closed my eyes for a moment. I felt good, and I hadn't been able to say that in awhile.

   "I can't feel my arms," I told him instead.

   Kane laughed, his hair sort of falling into his eyes. "Oh boy. I guess we're staying here for third period."

   "Here? No, I have Health. Kaylee will worry," I told him, shaking my head.

  "She'll worry more if you tell her that you can't feel your arms."

   I laughed out loud, snorting at the same time. He grinned and passed the joint back to me. "We should have done a trial run of this before I got you high at school."

   "Do you go to class high?" I wanted to know.

   "Yeah. Sometimes," he shrugged.

   "Since when?"

   "Marley, I've been smoking pot since I was fourteen."

   I didn't know what to say to this, so I left it alone. Suddenly my mouth was so dry and I couldn't think straight, and all I could think about was that slice of pizza I'd left on the picnic table.

   "You okay?" Kane asked.

   "Yeah, I feel good," I said. "Do you have water?"

   He laughed again, reaching into the back seat. Passing me a full bottle of water, he smiled, showing his teeth. I hadn't seen him smile like that in years. I took the water, even though my arms still felt weightless. From the distance, I heard the bell ring. Lunch was over. I had so much more I wanted to say to Kane, but instead I closed my eyes, enjoying feeling like I had no cares in the world.