Chapter FOURTEEN

There were months, even years, that I didn't really care if I talked to Kane or if he came to Sunday dinner at my house. He had turned into such a jerk, that it was sometimes better for my mood when he didn't show up. And I especially didn't call him, or sit around waiting, hoping he would call me back. But now, I just needed to hear his voice.

   I called him again that night. It went straight to voicemail. I left a message, asking him to call me. Then, I decided to try the landline at his house, which I had saved in my phone, but had never called before. It rang two times before Carla answered.

   "Hello?"

   "Hi, it's Marley," I said slowly. "Is Kane home?"

   "Marley, I'm sorry. We didn't want to cause any more stress... but Kane took off last night," Carla answered, then sighed into my ear.

   "Took off?" I didn't understand.

   "Bruce was upset that Kane got sent home from school on Monday, for fighting. He was here all day yesterday, but he and Bruce had an argument last night-"

   "He's gone?"

   "He hasn't answered his phone today," Carla said quietly.

   "Not for me, either," I said. My heart was racing.

   "Oh, honey. I'm sure he will be back soon. Clearing his head, I'm sure. Please don't worry."

   "Okay. Right. Thank you," I finished.

   But I worried. And I called him, then worried some more. And then I prayed, before I fell asleep, that he was okay.

   I left two voice mails the next day. And I sent a million more texts. I sat through a whole day of school, and a forty- minute counselling session with Mr. Cole, but I was only thinking about Kane.

   Finally, on Thursday night, my phone buzzed on my night stand. I was laying awake, thinking about where he was, who he was with. I assumed it was text from Kaylee, as she checked in often. But when I glanced over I saw it was from Kane, I couldn't open it fast enough.

   I'm fine. My phone was dead.

   You're fine? It's been three days!  I sent back, feeling annoyed.

   Kane: Why do you even care? It's not like I was there for you when I should have been.

   Me: Stop it. Where are you?

   Kane: A friend's. Just trying to work some stuff out.

   Me: Kane, please. Go home.

   A few minutes passed before he sent another text. How are you?

   I'm okay, I told him.

   He didn't text back, and didn't answer when I tried to call.

   The next day, at the end of the school day, he was in the parking lot, waiting near Kaylee's car. I just stared at him as I approached, frustrated with him, but also so glad to see him in one piece. He was wearing a blue toque, his hair sticking out the sides, and his black zip up hoodie with jeans.

   "Hey," he said. "I had to go in to see Ms. Campbell and Mr. Cole... so I just waited out here..."

   I was standing a foot away from him now, wanting to both smack him and hug him. He looked okay, and I was happy to hear he had gone to talk with our principal. But I was also furious with him, for ignoring everyone for three days and showing up like I was supposed to just be happy to see him.

   "Are you going home?" I asked him.

   "Yes. I can give you a ride?" he answered.

   I hesitated, but then nodded. Kaylee seemed unsure, but hugged me and then left me there, standing with Kane. I watched her get into her car and pull out of the parking lot, waving. Kane's car was just down the lot a little bit.

   I did up my seat belt, dropping my bag by my feet. Kane started the car, and turned down the volume on the radio. He pulled out of the lot, turning onto the main road a minute later. Everything felt wrong, yet I felt safer than I had in the past two weeks, there in Kane's car. It smelled like stale air and smoke, and there was an air freshener on the vent that was blowing warm, strawberry air at me. I did not want to talk about any of it, really, but apparently Kane didn't get the hint.

   "So, I beat his face in," he told me, heading towards my neighbourhood. "But I went to the police, first. I tried to get him arrested, so I didn't have to do it."

   I nodded. "I know."

   "Marley, he was at school on Monday. Like, trying to act like nothing happened. I had to watch him sit in fucking art class, flirting with the girl beside him. I just... I lost it. At lunch, I -"

   "Kane," I said, stopping him. He looked at me. "Thank you."

   We were almost at my house. He didn't say anything else. He didn't even say anything when we were in my driveway - he just stared out his window, waiting for me to leave.

   "I was really worried about you," I said, undoing my seat belt.

   Finally, he looked at me. "I can't forgive myself, Marley. I should have been there."

   I shook my head, but he wasn't paying attention. I wanted to grab him and tell him that this was not his fault. But instead I quickly said thank you for the ride and got out, leaving him behind.

   "Was that Kane?" my mom asked, as soon as I was in the door. She'd obviously been watching out the the window. Her long hair was tucked up in a bun, and it looked like she'd just gotten home from her office. I nodded. "Has he been home? I know Bruce and Carla have been so worried."

   "He was at school, talking to our principal," I told her. "He's going home now."

   "Oh, thank God. How was your day?" she asked.

   "It was fine."

   "Honey, are you sure?" She looked concerned.

   "Yes, I swear. I would tell you if I wasn't okay," I assured her, dropping my bag.

   She sighed. "Okay, good."

   And to be honest, I felt okay. I hadn't felt scared, or like I had to watch my back at school. There were even moments where I forgot about everything. But Kyler would be back next week. I really didn't think he would be stupid enough to come near me, and I was sure there would be measures put in place to make sure of it. But still, he would be back, in the same building as me again.

   The next afternoon, Kaylee and Georgia picked me and we went to our favourite pizza place for lunch. They distracted me for two hours, reminding me that I was a sixteen year old girl, with two awesome best friends. We laughed about something that happened a year ago, and listened as Kaylee went on and on about how great Ryan was. But then she had to go get ready for their date that night, and Georgia had to get home to babysit - and I was home again, alone and sad. It wasn't just my life that had changed. But it felt like I was the one being left behind.

   Being alone was the worst, now. Before, I didn't mind it. I would listen to music, loud in my room, or read for hours. Now my brain would never shut off. I thought about what I should have done to prevent this. I thought about how this had changed me. And I constantly asked myself why did this have to happen to me?

   Kane did not come to Sunday dinner that weekend. I didn't blame him, as he was probably not in the mood to hear about it from my dad, again. I ate my dinner quietly and reassured the adults I was doing fine, more than once. But after I'd left the kitchen to see what Andy was up to, I heard them talking. They obviously thought I couldn't hear them.

   "She does seem like she's doing well," Bruce said.

   "Kane is just not himself," Carla added.

   "I shouldn't have yelled at him," my dad admitted.

   "We've told him that he can't blame himself. But he does. He's really beating himself up about it," Carla went on. She sounded sad.

   "He really beat up that kid who did it, too," Bruce said, under his breath.

   "He did?" my mom sounded surprised.

   "Yes, on Monday at school. He got sent home, then took off to stay with a friend all week," Bruce explained.

   "This is..." my mom didn't even have words.

   "Not what we thought we'd be dealing with, with our kids?" Bruce finished for her.

   "Exactly."

   I plopped down on the couch in the family room, beside Andy, a few minutes later. He was supposed to be doing homework, but he was watching a cartoon. He was such a good little boy, always smiling and happy to see me. He had no idea what was going on in my world, and I was glad about that.

   "You okay?" he asked me, looking up.

   "Of course," I smiled at him. "Don't worry."

   He went right back to watching TV, so I pulled out my phone and sent a text to Kane. I probably should have been doing homework, as well.

   Feel like talking?

   No. He sent back a few minutes later.

   Me: Kane, please.

   Kane: I'm sort of drunk.

   Me: Oh. Okay.

   Kane: If you want to come, I'm at Trenton's. It's not far from your house.

   Trenton Collins was a senior, a stoner who I didn't really know. He had a sister who was a sophomore, but that I was all I knew about him. I'd probably seen him a handful of times at school, but I couldn't even remember what he looked like. And I did not know that Kane and Trenton were friends.

   I'm not sure if I should, I told Kane.

   Then don't. I don't care, he answered.

   For thirty minutes, I thought about it. I wondered what would happened if I went. I tried to convince myself to just leave it be, and try to talk to Kane in person at school the next day. But then I texted him back, asking for the address, and he sent it to me. And that was that.

   I told my parents I was just going out for a walk and I wouldn't be gone long. I threw on a hoodie and slipped into my shoes, then went out the front door. My phone GPS said it was a ten minute walk, and the cold air on my face made me feel good, alive. And free. I had no idea then how this walk to this house of this guy I didn't even know, would change absolutely everything.