Here's the cruelty the world has shown me,
The world that made me forget what love is.
Guide me through the sweetness I haven't seen,
Or let me taste you, you define it.

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Warning: Mentions of suicide and sexual assault

Lan Wangji's POV

"So you dated a girl?" I ask, trying my best to not stress on the last word.

I don't understand why, but that question hurt him. There was loneliness all over his face, an expression of desperation, carving to be understood. He looks up at the sky and says nothing.

Maybe he's asking me to take it as an answer.

"You did," I mumble.

"Do you believe it, that I killed her?" He asks, still gazing at the sky.

"I don't," I answer honestly but he scoffs.

At that time I realize how unconvincing I sounded. He must have gone through the same situation so many times. He must know better than to believe a simple answer as such.

"Then why are you here?" he asks. "If you don't believe it, why did you come up here?"

I know the meaning behind that question. He knows that I come here to ease my burdens. "Because I thought that you..." I trail off unable to complete it.

Ever since I got to know that the person next to me exists, I was drawn to him in a way my younger self couldn't explain. He made me accept friendship which I always refused. Each time I tried to be a cold hard rock, he easily warmed my heart. But now, as I'm back with him, much more mature, I understand.

I'm extremely in love with him.

But when a dubious incident takes place, like today, my confidence wavers.

Because I'm afraid. I'm afraid to love, to bring someone into my life. I'm afraid of losing what I'm familiar with. I'm afraid that I'll what I already have if I push too hard.

I'm a man with fears, I still don't know how to face them.

That's why I'm here, in the place where the familiar friendship bloomed, to tell myself to forget what I heard and believe what my heart said.

But that's awfully long to explain.

I take a deep breath and speak more hoping it will get through him. Nothing but the truth. "Wei Ying, I have never believed anything I haven't seen with my eyes. But I've seen you. I know you're not a person who would kill someone you love. I know you better than that" He stares at me when I speak those words.

"You really don't believe it?" his words were a whisper.

"I don't" I reply, sternly.

When he hears it, a tear escapes his eye, but immediately his face is decorated with a smile. "Those words," he says, "you don't understand what they mean to me."

"Can you tell me what happened?" I ask, because if I can't be the person who comforts him, at least I want to understand his pain.

Wei Wuxian's POV

I hate being reminded of that day, but there's nothing I want to hide from Lan Zhan. I want him to know all of me. So I begin the story of the worst day of my life.

"When I was in high school, I used to play around with a lot of people's feelings. I never was in a relationship, I didn't care about such things, I didn't take things too far either. I was so full of myself that I never realized how much it affected others." I smirk recalling what an idiot I was.

"There was one of these girls who liked me who wanted to go out for dinner with her. Me being a reckless ass agreed. We had dinner and talked for a while. That's all, she was too shy to even hold hands. When it was time to go, I offered to walk her home, but she refused. So we went home on our own.

"Next day, she didn't come to school, I didn't think too much about it. But she didn't show up for almost a week. Then small gossips started because she has posted about our 'date' everywhere.

"After about a month, she met me after school. She told me that she was pregnant asked me to take responsibility. I couldn't understand anything, I mean, I was sure that it's not possible. I refused, and she left, just like that. I thought the whole thing was some sort of a twisted prank.

"Then I got to know that she's spread it around the school. It was stupid. I couldn't understand why she was doing it. I kept on trying to figure out what I did wrong, to find a reason. But I couldn't find any. It didn't take long for people to call me a man-whore.

"One day I got a text from her. She asked me to come to the rooftop of the school building. When I went there she was standing on the edge. I didn't dare to go near her. I was scared. I thought she was trying to prove something. She told me that she was sorry for doing it, that she has to go. I didn't understand what she was trying to say. Then... she jumped off. When I ran to the edge she was falling meters down. I was frozen there, looking at her, unable to do anything, till she hit the ground."

My voice was broken. This memory still haunts me, becoming most of my nightmares

"Then the rumors changed. They said that I pushed her off. Her parents got to know about it and sued me. The investigations proved that it was a suicide and the DNA tests proved that I wasn't responsible for the pregnancy. But I couldn't get away from the rumors, they said that I got out clean because of Madam Yu. She might be a recognized lawyer, but there was no way she can get me out from a case like this. It was news on fire for weeks. So I had to change schools."

Lan Zhan was staring at me. He looked enraged, but not even a bit of pity was shown in his face. I appreciated him for it, for not making me feel small, crushed. For not looking at me like I'm a pitiful creature.

I continue. "A few weeks later I got an audio file." I find the track on my phone with trembling fingers. I don't know if I can listen to this again, but since Lan Zhan was here, I felt oddly confident. I take a deep breath before pressing play.

"Wei Wuxian," her soft voice said. "When you get this, I wouldn't be around anymore."

Tears were already flowing down my face. Lan Zhan pulls me close to him, holding me as the two of us listen to it.

"I don't know if you will believe me anymore. But please, I want you to know that I didn't mean anything I did to you. I know it was wrong. I regret it. I regret it with my life." We could hear tiny sobs. "That night, I met a senior from our school on the way home. He was drunk. And he-... he... Something bad happened to me." More crying.

"When he got to know that I was pregnant, he threatened me with a clip of it. He told me to put the blame on you, and if I don't that he will post it. I'm sorry Wei Wuxian. I know I should've done what I did earlier than this. I'm sorry for not doing it. I'm sorry for dragging you to this. I'm sorry that you had to witness it. I really am. I will not know if you accept this apology or not. But if you do, I'll be happy. I'm sorry."

The track ends, but Lan Zhan doesn't let me go. Instead, he tightens his hug and stays with me in silence. That was exactly what I needed.

He holds me that way for a long time.

Lan Zhan believed me for who I am, without me having to prove myself. How can he be this very person whom I thought didn't exist.

How can I not fall in love with him?

Extra:

Here's Wuxian's past for you...

And I've got some news
I'll start updating twice a week again, and I hope it'll be that way till the book ends. So the next part will be up on Tuesday of Wednesday. ( ◜‿◝ )♡

Till next time...