Oh, I'm tired of the rationality. Just let me say I love you.

--------------------------------------

I always wish that our gig would last a bit longer. That we could play another song, or maybe just a part of the chorus. I wish that I could hang in this happiness I'm feeling for a little while more.

But there's a difference today. Not because I find it less interesting, but because someone is waiting for me in the same audience I'm playing for. More of, I'm waiting to see him, to execute my 'plan' that I've been thinking of since the day I found out my notes in Lan Zhan's bag.

Today is not our usual day to play. But Qing wanted us to perform today because the DJ was getting late to come. So we get to finish early today.

One more song to go... This song was chosen by me to be the last one. I look at Lan Zhan who was, as

usual, watching me with such an interest.

These smiles you've taught my face
The highs you've given my heart
Why do I feel it's the fate
Despite the fear that keeps us apart
When I look back at the wreckage
The rubble that I call life
Nothing had felt his pure
Nothing had felt so right

I was singing along Xingchen. I only hope that Lan Zhan is listening to the lyrics because that speaks my heart.

The tempo up, and the time change... Just like my heartbeat.

Unexpectedly Xingchen holds his mic to me, making my voice project from the speakers.

Could you get out of my head because I need you in my arms
Would you hold me till the morning, dreaming of us
In a future nothing else matters cuz we're all we want
Or just say that you love me right now

I look directly at Lan Zhan while singing it, noting all the tiny changes in his expressions. The small smile that played in the corners of his lips doesn't go unnoticed by me. As we end the song I wink at him, and for a split second that smile widens. That smile is always contagious, and when I catch it, it always multiplies.

"What was that? That definitely had a story behind." Song asks with a smirk on the way back to the dressing rooms.

"It's called flirting, with a song to be more accurate," Xingchen says as he puts his hand around his boyfriend.

"It was nice." Wen Ning says.

"It was," Song confirms.

I take a dramatic bow and take off an imaginary hat making them laugh.

"Xingchen. Thanks." I say and I meant it. His encouragement always plays its toll.

"Anytime, bud." He says and I leave to 'execute the second part of my adventure'.

I walk over to the counter where Wen Qing is.

"Thanks for today." She says.

"You're welcome," I say.

"One drink on me. What do you want?"

"Not today. I'm going now."

Her jaw drops. "You just turned down a drink... Is the world still rotating in the same direction?"

"I guess it is," I say with a laugh. "And by the way, I'm leaving my guitar. I'll stop by and pick it up tomorrow."

"Sure. Where are you going?"

"A date." I give her a smirk and turn to leave.

"Good luck." She yells.

Unable to spot Jiang Chen anywhere I send him a text.

<Me>
Go home without me.
So don't drink too much.

Lan Zhan was seated alone on one of the tables scrolling through his phone. There weren't any drinks near him. Well, I didn't expect him to order anything after what happened.

"Hey," I say and he looks up at me. "Wanna go somewhere?"

"Where?" he asks.

"You'll see," I say. "Come on."

An unforgettable path, and an unforgettable destination. Where else would be more perfect for our little 'date'?

Lan Zhan drives us following my directions. By the look of his face, he still hasn't figured out where I was taking him to.

None of us start a conversation during the drive. It wasn't uncomfortable or awkward. We were used to this. So I let myself gaze through the number of billboards and streetlight we pass, trying to calm my racing heart which I'm sure will explode any moment.

Just a bit more, and we will be there. I'm waiting to see Lan Zhan's reaction when he sees it.

I'm trying my best to stop the smile that creeps into my face from time to time, which probably makes me look as if my eyeballs are about to pop out.

Suddenly, Lan Zhan's phone rings breaking the silence. Being the responsible person he is, he stops the car on the side of the road before answering.

"Brother." He says.

Since there wasn't much noise other than the low hum in the engine I could hear Xichen's voice. "I need you in the company building. Uncle has called an urgent meeting."

"Isn't it late?" he asks.

"Not in London."

There's a silence. "I'll be there." Lan Zhan replies, and I feel my heart rips.

Lan Zhan doesn't talk for a while after the call ends.

"I'm-" he starts

"It's okay." I cut him off.

Another silence follows. Different than before. Tensed, sore.

"Shall I drop you back in the club?" he asks. His voice was becoming thinner with each word he spoke.

"No, that's too far. I'll get down here. My place is ten minutes' walk away." I reply.

"But-"

"It's okay, Lan Zhan." I force a smile. "Don't be late for your meeting. Don't Lans practice punctuality?" I say as I get down from the car. "See you later." I close the door and walk away without looking back.

His car stays there for a while, but then I hear him drive away.

I'm not supposed to feel bad, right? He has responsibilities. He can't let an outing with a random friend get mingled with them. He can't choose to have fun over his family business. That's the truth, isn't it?

But there's an undeniable part in me that wanted him to choose me. To cancel his plans to come with me. To become that kid who showed up every evening without failing until he stopped once and for all.

And of course, it's not going to happen.

Fuck, I don't even know why I'm crying.

I break into a run, increasing my speed with each step I take, trying to burn what I feel with the flex of my muscles. Taking all the long routes to keep at the run as long as I can, because the thought crying alone in my room scared me.

And I realize, I might have grown, but I'm still a lost kid in front of my fears.

When I reach home the tears already stopped, but there was a pain inside that wouldn't leave anytime soon.

I open the door to find the living room dark. Shijie mentioned going to the manor this morning and Cheng should be in the club.

Much better. I'm free from explanations.

When I close the door behind me my phone vibrates. All of a sudden, I'm hoping that it's a text from Lan Zhan, telling me that the meeting was canceled.

But no, it's Qing.

<Qing>
Cheng passed out, Xian.
I don't think he can come.

<Me>
I'll come, get him

<Qing>
How is the date?

<Me>
Didn't go as planned
She doesn't reply for a while.

<Qing>
Where are you now?

<Me>
Home

<Qing>
Oh
Take some rest then. I'll take care of Cheng tonight.
OMG that sounds wrong.

She manages to make me laugh. I call it Qing therapy.

<Me>
Yeah, it does.
Thanks Qing.

<Qing>
No worries.

So here I am. Supposed to be on a date, ending up in my room.

I take a shower and change into a sweater. There's no way I can sleep tonight. There's nothing to accompany me except my bed. So I just lie there, staring up at the ceiling, playing with that particular wrist band, wishing to be with the one who gave it.

What else can I do?

Yes, I wrote a song for this chapter...
Your votes and comments are heartfully appreciated. 
Till next time...