Hold on till I tame my demons, to cross the dark void they make between us.

-------------------------

"Tell me your name." my voice sounded younger than usual.

"Lan Zhan." He replies. But he was older, the same age as now.

"I'm Wei Ying. See you tomorrow."

"You won't," he says as he runs into the woods.

"No! Come back." My voice breaks as I yell.

"He's gone." Another voice, the voice of a girl says. I was no longer on the cliff. I was on a rooftop and she was standing on the edge.

"He's gone." She says again. "I am too." She walks behind and she falls off.

I wake up with a jerk. That goddamned nightmare.

And I thought my couch was my 'safe place' to sleep.

When I figured out that I was too old to run to someone when I had nightmares I found out different ways to avoid them. Staying up till late to make myself too tired to wake up in the middle of my sleep worked. Listening to some music before sleeping worked. On the days those methods failed, I slept on the couch. For some reason that worked too.

Guess it doesn't anymore.

I'm relieved to see that Lan Zhan was still asleep. It wasn't surprising. After all, this is his first hangover. But the problem is, I don't know how he will take what happened yesterday. I owe him an apology.

I brush my teeth, take a light shower, and change into some fresh clothes from my sweat-drenched t-shirt.

I go to the kitchen and make myself a coffee and then make tea with ginger and lemon.

"Tea?" Asks Shijie who appeared from the living room.

"For Lan Zhan and the idiot," I say lifting up my coffee mug to show her.

"Hmm, that face says that you had a nightmare." She says.

"Nah, I slept on the couch." I give her my best smile.

"You like sleeping on the couch."

"Can you give this to Cheng?" I ask, changing the subject.

"Sure." She replies and I leave the kitchen with the tea.

I go back to my room.

"Oh, you're awake." Lan Zhan was sitting on my bed rubbing his forehead with his fingers. Seeing me he jerks his hand away.

"There's nothing to be embarrassed about a hangover Lan Zhan," I say laughing at his act. "I know it can be painful. Here drink this." I hand him the tea and sit on the bed. "Sorry about yesterday. It was a mistake. Qing thought I was kidding when I said that I don't want alcohol."

"Okay." He simply says with an inexpressive face.

Just 'okay'? Is he angry?

"Sorry," I repeat, thinking once was not enough.

"I knew that it had liquor."

I stare at him for a good few seconds. "What?"

"I knew that it had liquor."

"Yeah, I heard what you said. I mean... you still drank it?"

He shrugs and suddenly becomes interested in the tea.

This guy sure knows how to dumbfound me. "Why did you drink if you can't hold your liquor?"

"I didn't know that I can't."

I let out a groan. "Never mind. By the way, your brother called yesterday. I told him what happened. He said he'll send the car to pick you up. And please, text me his number."

"Wei Ying," he says. "What happened... after..."

"You slept. I brought you here. You walked around my room and slept again." I say. For some reason, I don't tell him about the 'missed' part.

He nods and at that time Jiang Cheng decides to barge into my room yelling, "Come out, I'm hung-" he pauses at once seeing the other person on my bed. "What happened yesterday?"

He still had trouble with processing that I am, and technically he is, friends with one of the most introverted public figures.

"We had a... night," I smirk at him and he does his famous eye roll.

"I don't want to hear this." He snorts as he leaves the room.

"We didn't." Lan Zhan says. His ears were blushed.

"Don't worry, he knows that I wouldn't sleep with anyone whom I'm not dating."

He nods and speaks up again in a moment. "Why?"

I sigh. "Long story." Great, I managed to ruin the mood. That needs fixing. "What? Do you want me to sleep with you?"

He almost chokes on the tea. "Shameless." He says.

I laugh. "Drink it and freshen up. Today you can have the best breakfast in the world."

A few days pass with no particular significance. There's waking up, showering, eating, college, meeting the guys, the gig, endless homework, and then repeat.

The only difference is that I've been hanging out with Lan Zhan every evening although there was nothing more to teach him. Just like that, we went back to our old routine.

And there's a constant doubt that runs in my head trying to decide if I like Lan Zhan or not. Maybe I don't want to find the answer. Because if I do find it, then comes the doubt of whether he will like me back. And honestly, I prefer doubting my feelings than doubting his.

I'm sitting in the hallway with Xingchen waiting for Cheng, till he'd back from the sudden Student Council meeting. Lan Zhan had to leave early for some company business.

Since Xingchen is texting Song, I am scrolling through twitter but find nothing interesting. Then I open chats and scroll through the contact on the top. It was Lan Zhan's. For the less amount of words he uses when talking, he proved to be a good texter.

"Are you sure that he's not your old boyfriend?" Xingchen asks out of the blue.

I give him a glare. "I was only 12 when I met him," I reply.

"What's with that look? You like him for sure."

Guess I got caught. "I don't."

"Oh come on. Stop pretending." Xingchen had this talent of reading people. He says that it comes with experience. But it's the kind of thing you say when there's a story behind it that you don't want to share.

I don't reply.

"You do like him," I swear I could hear a smile in his voice.

"Maybe," I mumble.

True, there's a voice behind my head saying that the confusion I have is an excuse I use to escape the reality of my feelings for him. But what can I do? I'm scared. Scared that I'll hurt him. Scared that I'll fuck it all up again.

"Hey, I know, some shit happened, But that's the past, isn't it? Maybe he can help you forget it." Okay, I'm caught.

"He's like the most heterosexual man in the world."

"How do you know if you don't give a try?"

I have no answer for it. But I don't want to hope for the impossible.

"I know that face. You're going back to your shell."

"Stop reading me," I whine.

He smirks. "What's the point of me being your best friend if I can't read you?"

I smile. This guy... "Fair enough,"

"So, will you go ahead by yourself or should we do something about it." He wears this smirk and I know he's serious. There's no getting away now.

"I guess will. I just need some time. Let me have it."

Xingchen smirks. "I can say, it won't be that long."

Let's see how long Wei Wuxian could hold back...

The next chapter will have some drama, and I MIGHT update it before next Saturday. I couldn't complete it because I'm a bit sick. (Let's see how long I can hold back 
〜(꒪꒳꒪)〜...)
Thank you for your votes and comments on the previous chapter.
Till next time...