Warnings: Angst

Word Count: 2081

Author's Note: I hope you enjoy this chapter! :)

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I wasn't sure how long I ended up sitting on the couch, staring straight at the ground until the edges of my vision became fuzzy. My mind was bouncing all over the place, flooding me with one emotion and then immediately changing its course. I felt paralyzed, unable to control the things my head was screaming at me, and there was only thing I knew would fix it.

Unfortunately, talking to her wasn't exactly an option right now.

I didn't know what exactly it was that finally snapped me out of my trance. Maybe it was the fact that my stomach was starting to rumble after not eating all day, or maybe the complete silence of the house was finally wearing me down and I needed something to fill the silence. Whatever it was, it was enough to get me off the couch and into the kitchen. I turned on the stereo, tuning it to the radio station that Y/N and I often listened to, and leaned against the counter. I could hear my phone vibrating against the coffee table in the other room, but I left the messages unanswered.

Work was far from the first of my concerns at the moment.

My stomach rumbled again, so I began to shuffle around the kitchen looking for something to eat. Y/N had mentioned ordering pizza for dinner, but I figured that was out of the question now. She had said that she needed space and I wasn't going to ignore that request, especially for something as stupid as dinner plans. Instead, I would find something to make for myself. The task would also help to keep my mind occupied for a little while.

After a quick look through the cabinets - and very nearly deciding on eating a bag of chips for dinner, until I remembered that Y/N wouldn't be happy if I did that - I found some ingredients to make myself a ham and cheese sandwich, Doritos included. There was also some leftover fruit salad tucked away, so I added a bit of that to the plate as well. And of course, to top it all off, I grabbed a Red Bull. It may have been a classic tour dinner, but it was still better than a bag of chips.

I finished cleaning up all of my dinner ingredients and then scooped all my things into my arms. Since Y/N still hadn't come downstairs, or even left our bedroom for that matter, I decided to eat out on the porch. That way, she would be able to grab her own dinner from the kitchen without having to worry about running into me. It probably wouldn't be such a bad idea for me to not see her either, since I was still working out exactly how I felt towards her.

The sky was only just barely beginning to grow dim as I took a seat at the little table we had out on the porch. My plate clinked against the metal as I set it down, scaring a bird out of a nearby tree. I sat down and got comfortable, resting my feet on the chair that Y/N usually sat in. The atmosphere was peaceful, but not quite the same as when she was with me. It was rare that I ate dinner outside alone, and it was never because Y/N and I were fighting.

At least, it never had been.

I still loved Y/N, that much was obvious to me, but the rest was difficult to place. There was anger over the things that she had said, sure, but behind that anger was fear that I wasn't doing enough. Since day one, that had always been my greatest fear. I never wanted her to doubt that she was loved and cared for, but evidently I had fallen short. It was like a knife straight to the chest, hearing those words come out of her mouth.

I stopped eating and sat back in my chair; what little appetite that had existed was now gone. A lump was beginning to form in my throat, making it hard to swallow anyway. Y/N's words wouldn't stop echoing in my head.

Why hadn't I just listened? Why did I have to turn it into an argument?

I buried my face in my hands, clenching my jaw to try and keep the tears from coming. My mind was dragging up feelings that I hadn't felt in a long time. Falling back into the pattern was almost easy.

She's too good for you.

You've ruined everything.

Things will never be the same.

All I could do was wait and hope they were wrong.

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It was only a short time after dinner when I finally gave in and grabbed my phone. There were at least a hundred messages in the group chat, discussing topics and occasionally trying to get my attention. Josh had even called a couple times over the last hour. On top of that were emails from both the company we were working with and other companies that were providing us with equipment and various other supplies. I brushed a hand through my hair, twisting the strands around my finger.

I still needed that haircut.

After a quick text to the group that I would be available in a second, I wandered back into the dining room to grab my laptop and the folders I had been sent home with. They were full of documents and mockups of what the stage would look like when everything came together that I needed to review and sign off on by Monday. If I worked fast, I might be able to get it all done by the end of the night so that I would have the rest of the weekend to spend with Y/N to make up for being so busy over the last week.

I turned on the TV to a low volume so that I would be able to have some background noise while I worked. Within minutes, there were documents covering the coffee table and texts were flooding into the group chat. This time, I was there and actually able to be a part of the discussion. Things were going well - we were even coming to an agreement over most of what needed to be changed and what could stay - but I still couldn't shake the feeling that something was off. I tried to brush it off and focus on what we were doing, but it never quite went away.

It wasn't until I turned to ask Y/N a question that I realized what was missing. My shoulders immediately sunk and I turned back to my computer to ask the group instead, although it wasn't really their opinions that I needed. Y/N always seemed to have an eye for tour stuff. I decided to set aside that folder for now and get her help on it later, hopefully when things were back to normal again.

If that time ever came.

I continued to work on tour stuff for the next few hours, getting through as much of it as I could while still being thorough. Most of the group eventually left to enjoy a peaceful night, but I kept going. It was doing wonders to keep my mind off the situation with Y/N, which was otherwise trying to drag me down. I still hadn't seen so much as a glimpse of her since she went upstairs after our argument. It was almost like I was home alone.

That's when it clicked. All the things that I had been feeling all night - the silence, eating dinner alone, my thoughts running off to the wildest possibilities - that's what Y/N had been dealing with all week. Feeling like I was still on tour was about more than just not being able to spend time with me, although that still played a part. Everything she said made complete and total sense now, and I felt even worse for the things I said in return.

I sank back into the couch, letting my arms fall to the sides as I fully relaxed for the first time all day. No wonder she was so upset that all I talked about was band stuff. Y/N had to spend most of the day without me, although sometimes she did see family and friends when they weren't busy, and then as soon as I got home I talked her ear off about all the things that had happened that day. My mind had been so wrapped up in finishing everything on time that I had forgotten we were supposed to be taking a break to just be with one another. No work involved.

There was definitely an apology to be made.

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It was eleven before I finally went up to bed. I had wanted to give Y/N as much time as possible to be alone before I finally trudged upstairs to join her, although I nearly fell asleep while I was waiting for the clock to hit eleven. The physical and emotional exhaustion of the day was finally wearing down on me, it seemed.

I knocked twice on the door before leaning against it, listening closely for a reply.

"What?"

"Can I come in?"

"Yeah."

I slowly pushed the door open and stepped inside. The only light was coming from the lamp that stood on my bedside table, which just so happened to be where Y/N was laying. Her face was obscured from view by a mountain of blankets, though I could tell from the half-open book on the bedside table that this was only a recent change in position.

"I'm just going to get ready for bed."

"Ok."

I tried to ignore my desire to join Y/N on the bed as I shut the bathroom door behind me. Knowing that she was upset, and that I couldn't do anything about it, made my chest tight. At least I knew she was safe.

I tried not to take too long getting ready for bed, just in case Y/N still needed to do the same. She hadn't moved from her spot as I walked out of the bathroom and back towards the door. I was trying to work up the courage to tell her I loved her before I left, but my mouth didn't want to form the words.

"Ty?"

I almost let out an actual sigh of relief at hearing her use my nickname.

"Yeah?" I asked, turning to face her.

"Did you, um, did you want to stay in here tonight? Because of your... you know."

Nightmares. I hadn't even thought about dealing with those without Y/N's help.

"Do I get my side of the bed?" I joked, hoping to lighten the mood. Unfortunately, I couldn't see Y/N's face to know if she had cracked a smile or not.

"Yeah."

Y/N - or rather, the pile of blankets on top of Y/N - started to shift back towards her side of the bed. I waited until she got comfortable to join her under the covers and adjust my pillow back to where I usually kept it. Neither of us really said much as it happened.

"Did you want to keep reading?" I asked.

"It's fine. I should be getting some sleep anyway."

"Ok, I'll turn the light off then."

I reached out and shut the lamp off. Darkness covered the room so that I could no longer see the shirt I had tossed on the ground the night before a few feet away. Y/N shifted again.

"Goodnight, Tyler."

The nickname was gone.

"Goodnight, Y/N."

My mind seemed to be going a mile a minute as it geared up to say just a few more words. For as long as I had been dating Y/N, we had never gone to bed without telling the other we loved them, and I wasn't about to end that streak now. I just had to prepare myself for the possibility of not hearing it in return.

"I love you."

The words were so quiet that I wasn't even sure Y/N heard them. I waited with held breath for an answer, though with each passing second I became less sure that it was going to happen. Just as I was about to give up and close my eyes, there was a quiet reply.

"I love you too."