"I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear."
― Nelson Mandela

Chapter 21: Finally, a Conqueror

[Molly's POV]

SLEEP all day. That's why I did when I came back home.

Hindi ako umuwi sa apartment ko, for some reasons ay mas ginusto kong umuwi sa bahay ng parent's ko. My mom was delighted, halata namang na-miss niya ako dahil sandamakmak ang pagkaing niluto niya kahit tatlo lang kami nila dad dito.

My siblings were already living their lives with their own families. Ang bunso ko namang kapatid ay nagdo-dorm na kasi malapit sa university na pinapasukan niya.

Nakatulog ako nang mahimbing at nagising ako na parang napuno ang baterya ko. Marahil iba talaga kapag nasa comfort place kung saan ka lumaki. I couldn't help but to be sad, parang kailan lang ay magkakasama at kumpleto kaming lahat sa bahay na 'to.

Somehow I felt my parents' loneliness in this big house that used to be filled with our noise. I still don't want to dwell on the sadness that my parents are already growing old and we're also living our lives on our own.

Sino bang may sabi na madali ang adulting?

Nadama ko rin ang pagkamiss sa'kin ni dad dahil panay ang tanong niya tungkol sa kung anong bagong libro kong sinusulat. Wala silang kaalam-alam ni mom sa issue na kinasangkutan ko noon at pati sa naging karelasyon ko after Garnet. They're not that techy enough to explore social media kaya hindi nila nakita ang trending news noon tungkol sa'kin.

Ignorance is bliss, sabi nga nila. Mas mainam nang wala silang alam kaysa mag-alala pa sila sa'kin.

Pero . . . iyon ang pinipilit kong isipin noon.

Ang totoo niyan ay ayoko lang na madisappoint sila sa'kin kapag nalaman nila na nakipag-lived in ako at hindi ko alam na may pamilya ang taong pinagkatiwalaan ng puso ko.

Siguro kaya rin matagal akong nagdusa dahil pinili kong itago 'yon at mamuhay ng may unconscious shame sa sarili ko. It was fear all along that enslaved me.

And that fear led me to believe in a delusion—the delusion that I'm in love with a dead person, the delusion that Cole is making me follow a thread that was not really there in the first place.

I decided to confess everything to my parents but now is not the right moment. . . Because I had to deal with something that I discovered.

Nakaupo ako sa gilid ng kama ko habang hawak-hawak ang Lapis Lazuli stone na binigay ni Cole sa'kin noong gabing nasa ospital kami, 'yung gabi bago siya mamatay.

The one I'm holding was the original one. It was a sturdy shining stone with somewhat flecks of gold. As I weighed it in my hand, I was certain that it was the authentic one from India.

Sa kabilang kamay ko ay hawak ko ang napulot ko noon sa apartment ko, ang pekeng Lapis Lazuli na naglalaman ng isang SD card kung saan nadiskubre kong may folder file na 'Where Dead Dreams Go'.

Tumayo ako at lumapit sa study table ko para tingnan ang larawan, mula 'yon sa envelope na binigay ni Carlos kasama ang sulat na ginawa nila para sa'kin.

It was a family photo of Carly and Carlos', together with their parents and older sister. Carlos said that this photo was taken by Cole himself. Tinitigan kong mabuti ang larawan at hindi nga ako nagkamali. Hindi man kulay pink ang buhok niya sa larawan ay alam kong si Klair, ang roommate ko, ang kasama roon.

Klair knew Cole.

And Klair never mentioned that.

This Lapis Lazuli that I found in my apartment was most likely planted by Klair.

But why?

Iyon ang paulit-ulit kong tinatanong sa isip ko nang mapagtanto ko na isang malaking scam lang ang lahat. All this time, I'm trying to follow a dead-end clue. Para lang pala akong tanga na napaglaruan.

Kaya naman imbis na magmukmok ay minabuti ko pang itanong na lang ng direkta ang salarin.

"Molly girl! What's up? I missed you! Bakit ngayon ka lang tumawag?" Suddenly, I just felt that her highly-pitched voice was fake as well.

"Let's cut the chase, Klair. Bakit mo ginawa sa'kin 'to? Tell me, kung anong kasalanan ang ginawa ko sa'yo para lokohin akong pumunta ng hometown mo sa Damgo." Himalang kalmado at hindi nanginginig ang boses ko.

She was silent for a minute before she finally spoke in a flat tone, "Oh, so finally you discovered the truth." There's no remorse in her voice.

"How dare you? Tinuring kitang kaibigan!"

"Come on, it's just a prank. Izzza prank!" mas humigpit ang hawak ko sa phone ko.

"So, you knew Cole all along at wala kang sinabi sa'kin?"

Sarkastiko siyang tumawa sa kabilang linya. "Selos ka naman? Nakakatawa kang panoorin na mabaliw-baliw pagdating kay Cole."

"What the hell's your intention?!"

"That's where you belong, in that island, where dead dreams go." Para akong binagsakan ng mabigat na bagay sa sinabi niya. "I loved him, alright? He was so cool and dreamy when I met him. Pero wala siyang ibang bukambibig kundi kayong magkakaibigan? Nakakairita! Lalo na ikaw!"

Nagsimulang manginig ang kalamnan ko kaya hindi ako makapagsalita.

"Kaya nang lumuwas ako ng Maynila, I intentionally stalked you. Pero wala akong makitang worth it sa'yo kung bakit ka niya nagustuhan. 'Tapos meron ka nan gang boyfriend wala ka pa ring ibang bukambibig kundi si Cole kapag pinagmamalaki mo siya sa mga events mo!" halos mabingi ako sa sigaw niya.

Tuluyan na sana akong maiinis at magagalit pero base sa mga pananalita niya ay napagtanto ko na hindi siya normal.

"You need help, Klair."

"Huh?"

"You're sick."

"Shut up!"

Napabuntong-hininga ako.

"Then, I should thank you as well. Thank you that you made me go to that island, a place believe that where dreams go. But guess what? I taught the children of Damgo how to reach their dream." Inalala ko ang mga salitang iniwanan sa'kin ni Nanay Tasing. "Those seeds of dreams will grow in them, and someday, I believe they'll be achievers. And you'll regret what you said. Those children's dreams will never die. Damgo Island is a place where dreams are not dead!" I just felt so empowered while telling that, inalala ko ang mga mukha nina Niño, Ruthy, Carly, Carlos, at Rupert habang sinasabi 'yon sa kanya.

"Non-sense—" binabaan ko na siya ng tawag. At nang sinubukan niya akong tawagan ay hindi na ako nag-atubiling i-block ang number niya.

May nakalimutan pa akong sabihih sa kanya.

"Thank you, Klair, dahil sa'yo hindi ko makikilala sina Golda at Sir Theo."

Katulad nga nang kwentong ibinahagi sa'kin ni Sir Theo tungkol kay Joseph the Dreamer . . . Klair, you meant it for evil against me, but God intended it for good.

Parang may malaking tinik na nabunot sa lalamunan ko.

Gusto kong samantalahin ang tapang na nararamdaman ko ngayon kaya tinawagan ko si Ms. Zoey, ang editor ko.

"Molly Grace! Finally at naisipan mo akong tawagan! Baka naman gusto mo akong i-update sa manuscript mo?"

"Kakauwi ko lang po kahapon dito sa Manila."

"What? That's great! Ibig sabihin natapos mo na 'yung libro—"

"No, Ms. Zoey, I actually called to inform you that I'm not going to do the book anymore, I'm breaking off the contract."

"What are you thinking, Molly?! Are you just depressed again or what?"

"No, I'm dead serious."

"You know the consequences, right? Mayroong charges kang babayaran once you breached the contract!"

"Yes, I am well aware." I heard her frustrated sigh on the other line. "And I also have something important to tell you."

"What?" iritado na ang boses niya.

"Remember my disgraced published book?"

"The Numinous Affair? So what? It was already pulled out because of the plagiarism issue."

"I'm going to tell the truth. The idea was really stolen from me. Arthur Simoun and I had an intimate relationship before."

"M-Molly? H-hindi ka ba nahihibang sa mga sinasabi mo?"

"Believe me, Ms. Zoey. It's the truth. I had proof."

"But he's already married and you—"

"I know."

"This is f*cking serious. But you know what, pwede mo pang ilaban ang libro mo kung mapapatunayan mo na ikaw talaga ang original na may idea ng concept at story na 'yon."

"I know I can, but I also knew that I had to deal with the other repercussions."

"Right. Let's schedule a meeting, this is going to be a messy battle."

It's time to beat my fears.

I'm ready to give my all.

When I faced the mirror nearby, I couldn't help but shed tears. Akala ko hindi na darating ang araw na 'to.

Because. . . As I'm looking at the mirror . . . Finally, a conqueror. 

I was almost startled when my phone rang again. I thought si Ms. Zoey 'yon pero nakita ko ang pangalan ni Blake.

"Hey! How's Golda?" bungad ko nang sagutin ko ang tawag.

"She's alright, Molly. Umuwi na rin siya ng Manila, back to her husband."

"T-talaga?" that's good to hear.

"I actually called you because I have a favor to ask you."

"Ano 'yon?" 

"I know it may be hard for you. But can you call Garnet and ask him to testify?"

"T-to testify?"

"For Pastor Theo. Garnet was part of the volunteer organization na sinamahan ni Pastor Theo. It was most likely na si Garnet ang nag-invite kay Pastor na sumama sa Damgo Island. Makakatulong 'yon na pruweba na iyon ang agenda niya at hindi si Golda."

Huminga ako nang malalim bago sumagot sa kanya. "Okay. I'll call and ask him."