Previously: Molly still suffers from anxiety attacks, Blake tried to help her but she refused to surrender herself. After working for her presentation and speech for the seminar, walang sumipot na kabataan sa event na hinanda ni Golda. Molly went missing after that. Golda, the chairwoman of Barangay Maligaya, was stressed out, dumagdag pa ang biglaang pagdating ng kanyang asawa na si Gil at pinapili siyang sasama siyang umuwi sa Manila. In the end Golda chose to stay even she knew that it would put their marriage into jeopardy.

Sometimes, when a mysterious help arrives, we're either blind or deaf, refusing to accept an intercession from above. Lo and behold, do not underestimate the might of God.

/11/ The Herald of God

[THEO]

"MISS ka na namin agad, Pastor, kailan ang uwi mo?" sumunod ang marahan nilang pagtawa pagkatapos 'yong sabihin ni Jude.

"Marami nga pong mga media ang dumadaan-daan dito sa church at hinahanap ka, Pastor Theo, pero don't worry hindi namin ipinaalam ang kinaroroonan mo ngayon," sabi naman ng isa pang elderly leader at tumango ang iba pang mga kasama sa Zoom.

Nag-iwan lang ulit ako ng huling mensahe bago nagwakas ang online meeting. Pagkatapos magkawayan at magpaalaman sa isa't isa'y pinindot ko ang end button saka ko sinara ang laptop ko. Tumanaw ako sa labas ng bintana at nakita ang araw at kulay kahel na kalangitan.

Napabuntong-hininga muna ako bago tumayo. Lalabas na sana ako ng silid ko nang maisipan kong dalhin 'yung itim na journal or planner ko na nakapatong sa mesa katabi ng laptop. And speaking of plans...Hanggang ngayon ay hindi pa rin ako binibigyan ng malinaw na plano ng grupo ni Garnet magmula nang makarating kami rito, kung paano ba ang magiging set up ko upang makatulong sa kanila rito.

Pagbaba ko sa sala ng rest house na tinutuluyan namin ay nagkalat pa rin ang mga librong donasyon mula sa Maynila na balak nilang ipamigay at gawing reading material sa mga batang tuturuan nila rito sa isla.

"Sir Theo, meryenda!" alok sa'kin ng isang payat na binatilyo nang makita ako, kagagaling lamang nito sa kusina, tagaktak ang pawis habang hawak ang isang tasa ng umuusok na kape.

"Ayos lang, medyo busog pa ako," pagdadahilan ko imbis na sabihin kong kasalukuyan akong nagpa-fasting. "Si Jordan nga pala nasaan?" tinutukoy ko ang pinakaleader ng grupo nila.

Saglit na napaisip ang binata, tumingin sa sahig at sa gilid, bago muling tumingin sa'kin sabay kamot sa batok.

"May pinuntahan lang po si Kuya Jordan, kaso hindi po kasi siya nagsabi kung kailan siya makakabalik," sagot nito.

Napatango na lang ako. "Gano'n ba, pwede bang pakisabi na lang na kailangan ko siyang makausap?" Then I just realized that we haven't exchange numbers yet. Maybe I should talk to Garnet. "Nasaan nga pala ang iba mong mga kasama?"

Parang nagulat na naman ang kaharap ko sa tanong ko na 'yon at muling napakamot. "Ah... Eh... Hindi ko rin po sure, kasama rin po nila si Kuya Garnet."

Muntik na akong mapailing, sa huli'y nagpaalam na lang ako na lalabas na muna ako para magpahangin. Sa totoo lang ay parang gusto ko na tuloy pag-isipan kung tama ba ang desisyon na pagsama ko rito dahil nga sa walang malinaw at konkretong plano ang binigay sa'kin. I guess I'm just becoming impatient for being idle. Hindi lang siguro ako sanay lalo pa't ang dami kong naiwan na gawain sa Maynila.

Napaisip nga ako kung ano nga ba ulit ang dahilan kung bakit ako pumayag sa alok ni Garnet na sumama sa kanila rito. Minsan gano'n naman talaga hindi ba? May punto sa buhay natin na hihinto tayo saglit para tanungin ang mga sarili natin, bakit ko nga ba 'to ginagawa? Bakit ko nga ba pinili 'to at pinahihirapan ang sarili ko?

Kaya nga mahalaga na malinaw sa'tin ang dahilan kung bakit natin sinimulan ang isang bagay, dahil panigurado darating tayo sa punto na kukwestiyunin natin ang sarili nating mga desisyon. Ang pundasyon ng pagpapatuloy natin ay nakadepende sa mga 'bakit' natin sa buhay. But there are times that we're doing things just because, no more reasons. It's a big mystery sometimes, to comprehend the will of the Lord to us.

In the first place, it sounded crazy that I dropped other appointments just to be here. Dahil iyon ang utos mula sa taas. 

Napailing na lang ako dahil sa mga pumapasok sa isip ko. Mainam siguro kung naisusulat ko sa journal itong mga naiisip ko at baka sakaling makabuo ako ng pwedeng i-share sa grupo nina Garnet. Umupo ako sa upuang kawayan para magsulat, pagbukas ko ng dala kong journal ay tinangay ng malakas na hangin 'yung nakaipit na bookmark.

Napatayo ako para pulutin ang nahulog na bookmark pero muling umihip nang mas malakas ang hangin kaya napalayo 'yon. Papahakbang pa lang ako nang makita kong bigla 'yong tinangay ng isang aso.

"H-hoy!" hindi ko mapigilang mag-react dahil nabigla rin ako. Dali-dali kong sinundan ang aso. Kung wala lang sentimental value ang bookmark na 'yon ay hindi ko na sana hahabulin pa, pero bigla rin akong nadala ng hiwaga dahil sa pagsulpot ng asong 'yon.

Tumigil lang ang aso nang makarating kami sa beachfront area, mga ilang metro lang ang layo mula sa tinutuluyan naming rest house. Sawakas ay napulot ko na rin ang bookmark at napailing na lang ako dahil nadumihan at may bakas na ng kagat ng aso. 

Babalik na sana ako sa kinaroroonan ko kanina nang mapansin kong may babaeng nag-iisa na nakaupo malapit sa dagat. Hindi ko alam kung bakit nanatili ang mga paa ko sa buhanginan at tinitigan ang babae sa malayo. At walang ano-ano'y nakaramdam ako ng kung anong kirot sa puso ko habang nakatanaw sa kanya.

Tumingin ako saglit sa hawak kong bookmark bago tumingala sa kahel na kalangitan. So, this is why, huh. You took me here because you want me to talk to that lady? I asked the Lord and with a quick reply, He said yes.

Naglaho lahat ng kainipan na nararamdaman ko't walang alinlangan na naglakad ako papunta sa kinaroroonan ng babae. Habang papalapit ako sa kanya'y saka ko unti-unting napansin ang marahang pagyugyog ng balikat niya.

Usually, strangers will ask the question, 'Are you okay' but I already knew that she's not that's why I carefully sat beside her, may respectfully space pa rin naman sa pagitan naming dalawa pero hindi 'yon nakatakas sa pandama niya kaya nag-angat siya ng tingin at bumaling sa'kin.

She's younger than me, iyon ang una kong napansin. It also felt like she was a familiar face to me. What an odd to meet someone I already met before but I'm not surprised kung tama nga rin ang hinala ko.

"Sorry to invade your space," pambungad ko. "I just noticed that you're not feeling well."

There's a subtle surprise in her eyes subalit nando'n pa rin ang pagkailang. The lady with long hair and brown eyes hiding behind a spectacle didn't say anything, she just continued to stare at me.

"Naniniwala ka ba na may ginagamit ang Diyos na mga tao para magpadala ng mensahe para sa'yo?" kusa na lang lumabas ang mga salitang 'yon sa bibig ko. 

Hindi man makikita sa itsura niya, alam kong may kumisot sa kalooban niya sa rhetorical question ko. I smiled at her. "I won't ask why you're crying or I won't pry into your personal problems, but I want to give you this—rather I think He wants me to give you this."

Inabot ko sa kanya 'yung bookmark na hawak ko. Akala ko hindi niya 'yon tatanggapin, pinahid niya muna ang luha sa pisngi bago i-extend ang kamay. She still didn't say anything but she read what's written in the bookmark.

"That verse actually saved my life. 'Sapagkat batid kong lubos ang mga plano ko para sa inyo; mga planong hindi ninyo ikakasama kundi para sa inyong ikabubuti. Ito'y mga planong magdudulot sa inyo ng kinabukasang punung-puno ng pag-asa.' God is telling you right now, there is always hope no matter how dark your present situation, there is light at hand if you'll just trust Him." She still didn't say anything.

Lumipas ang isang minuto, nanatili pa rin siyang nakatitig sa hawak. I guess, I already did what God wants me to do, so, I was about to get up and leave her alone when she finally spoke in a fragile voice.

"I don't understand..."

"Yes?"

"If God says so that He has good plans for us, then why do bad things happen to good people?"

That's a good question. I've encounter that question a lot before, as a matter of fact, noong Pilosopiya pa lang ang pundasyon ko sa buhay, iyan ang palagi kong tanong sa mga tanong may malakas na pananalig sa Diyos.

I took a deep breath first before looking directly at her. "I also have a question for you, do you ever wonder what 'good' means?" Napakunot siya sa pagbabalik-tanong ko. "This is the truth that not everybody cannot understand immediately. We never think that the definition of 'good' in God's terms is different in our human perspective."

"That's confusing." I slightly chuckled.

"I agree, nalito rin ako noong una." I can see that she's surprised na sumang-ayon ako.

"Are you even telling that it's God's will for good people to suffer?"

"Suffering is another topic but it's close to what we're talking about," ani ko at mas lumawak ang ngiti ko. "Ang ibig ko lang sabihin, we just don't understand that sometimes bad things were permitted to happen because God intended it for good, at doon papasok ang sinasabi ko kanina tungkol sa depinisyon ng 'good' na galing sa Diyos. Good things don't always mean and look good but when we see the big picture, we will understand that indeed all things work for good. Ang mabuti para sa Panginoon ay maaaring hindi mabuti para sa paningin natin."

"That's harsh."

Nagkibit-balikat ako. "' For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,' declares the LORD.'As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.' We would never understand God's ways."

"I think I'd better understand if there's an example," sabi niya. I'm glad that she's opening to me, nakikita kong humupa na ang kaninang lugmok niyang itsura dahil nadala na siya ng kuryosidad mula sa mga sinasabi ko.

"Ah, let's see," kunwa'y napaisip ako saglit, "do you know the story of Joseph the Dreamer from the book of Genesis?" I asked.

"Joseph the Dreamer?" her curiosity went bigger.

"Joseph was betrayed by his own brothers because of envy and jealousy, they sold him as a slave in Egypt. Tragic, right?" She just slightly nodded. "Hindi lang doon nagtapos ang pasakit niya. Joseph was seduced, accused, imprisoned, and forgotten—but God permitted all those bad things to happen not only for Joseph's good but for his family as well. Long story short, Joseph passed his trials and he became the second most powerful person in Egypt, and when a time of famine came, he was able to save the whole nation and also his family."

"His family? You mean he—"

"Forgave his brothers despite what they did to him? Yes, he did." Natulala lang siya na para bang hindi makapaniwala nang sabihin ko 'yon. "And if you'll ask why," I shrugged, "because Joseph knows that all of it was part of God's plan for his life. He said, 'you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good.'"

We went both silent afterward, and the sound of waves took over between us. The girl beside me was still looking at me, and I just smiled because I know that she wants to hear more—she wants to understand it better. That's how I knew that I delivered the right message—His message to her. I was only a herald or a vessel used to deliver it to her. 

Muli siyang tumitig sa kawalan. "H-how can I forgive?" she said to herself, almost whispering. "H-how can I move forward?"

"Indeed, in true forgiveness, you can finally move forward to the future without holding back. But forgiveness is not easy, I know, you need to surrender everything to God."

"I'd rather not be religious," she immediately answered back, I can sense her hostility towards the word she used. Umiling ako.

"God doesn't require us to be religious, all He wanted is a personal relationship."

"You're humanizing the creator of the universe."

I shook my head again. "He cares for you, Molly. More than you can imagine."

Seconds passed before we both realized what I said. She almost gapes before getting up. Maging ako'y nagulat. How did I know her name? I don't know, it just fell in my mouth.

"Y-you know who I am?"

Napalunok ako saglit nang tumayo na rin ako. "The Lord knows who you are." And I forgot to add, this is His way for you to believe in Him! Kung alam lang ng marami kung paanong lumalapit palagi ang Diyos sa bawat isa para lang mapagtanto ng mga tao na totoo Siya, na narito siya't unang humahanap sa bawat nawawala.

I can see a slight fear in her eyes but there was also awe. At least, there's still a good response.

"You're that pastor from the news," sabi niya pagkaraan. Mukhang tama nga si Frida na nakapaskil na kahit saan ang mukha ko.

"Yes, ako nga," sagot ko at matipid na ngumiti. "I hope I didn't scare you."

"I-I appreciate it," sabi niya sabay abot niya sa'kin ng bookmark. She doesn't want to look rude.

"You can keep it." May pag-aalinlangan niyang binawi ang kamay na hawak pa rin ang bookmark.

"Thank you." And she was about to go away when I spoke again.

"Lastly, do you believe that it's no coincidence that we met here?" She stared at me for seconds without blinking, her eyes full of melancholy again.

"I believe in fateful encounters," she said. "But I just can't accept that people would tell me to surrender and accept God's will. It's hard for me to realize that it's His will for his people like me to suffer."

"Your suffering is intended for good."

"Even for those victims of violence? Of rape? Of murder? Of war? Of every tragic event in this world?" napuno ng pait ang boses niya saka saglit na sumulyap sa langit. "How could he allow those if He truly loves us? What kind of God is that?"

Umiling ako ng sunod-sunod, she got it wrong, her heart is still closed that's why she couldn't understand it. Bubuka pa sana ang bibig ko para muling magpaliwanag sa kanya pero tila hindi ko na maigalaw pa ang bibig ko. Lord, allow me to defend you.

But then He said, don't. Let her be, Theo.

A tear fell in her eye before turning her back from me. Wala na akong ibang nagawa kundi tanawin siyang maglakad palayo.

Mahirap man minsan pero maraming pagkakataon na ganito, na hayaan muna ang mga katulad niyang nawawala na magpakalayo at maligaw. Para sa bandang huli ay babalik pa rin sila sa Kanya. Kung minsan mahirap tanggapin sa tulad ko na walang gawin para isalba sila. It's not your job to save everyone, it's His.

I looked up again and the vast sky gazed back at me. Not everyone will accept you, but I really do hope that people like her would understand your great love.

Pabalik na rin ako sa rest house nang maramdaman ko 'yung pag-vibrate ng phone ko sa bulsa ng jacket ko. It's weird dahil ang alam ko walang signal dito pero nakakatawag sa'kin ngayon ang asawa ko.

"Yes, Gal?" sagot ko sa tawag.

"Theo! You need to come home now."

"Why? Anong nangyari?"

"I-I had a bad dream about you. Please, umuwi ka na agad ngayon na!"

"Calm down, love, calm down." I sensed that she was freaking out, but my words didn't help her at all. "Can you explain to me kung ano 'yung panaginip mo? And did you ask for an elder to interpret it?"

"Just don't ask anymore question, basta umuwi ka na ngayon, please." My mind's confused, pero nangibabaw ang pag-aalala ko dahil narinig ko ang mahina niyang paghikbi.

"Alright, stop crying, love, I'll go home."

If I only knew what she meant in the first place, I'd never step foot on this island. But... if this is the will of the Lord for me—to suffer great lengths and pass the trials for His glory, I'll sign up over and over again. 

-xxx-

A/N: Hi! It's been a while! Thank you for patiently waiting for my updates as well to my other stories. Thank you if you're reading this, I know na hindi rin ito coincidence na binabasa mo 'to. I do hope whoever's reading this right now, kung katulad ka man ni Molly na may struggle sa paniniwala, I'd like to tell you today---GOD LOVES YOU SO MUCH! HANG ON, OKAY? Read that verse above, He has plans for us and everything works for GOOD according to His plans. Right now, let Jesus enter your heart and you can rest your burdens on Him.

I'll see you on next updates. Hopefully tuloy-tuloy na. Padayon! Yakap sa'yo :)