CHAPTER SIXTEEN

You can do this, Aideen told herself. You can be strong. You can stand up and go to your father's funeral. You can say goodbye. You can be a good daughter. You can do what has to be done.

"Liar," she said to her reflection. Her hair was down and she wore a plain black dress. She wore her combat boots simply because they were comforting to her.

Courtney appeared beside her. She had braided her hair neatly and was dressed in a lacey black ensemble and simple black high heels. Her eyes were bloodshot and her nose was red. She looked into the mirror and attempted to put on her make-up. Her lipstick shook in her hand as she pressed it to her lips. When she reached for her eyeliner, Aideen intervened.

"You're going to poke your eye out, Court," she said. She took the eyeliner and began carefully finishing her sister's make-up. "Now don't cry or you'll ruin it."

"It's water resistant," Courtney said with a slight smile. Then she started to cry again. Most of her make-up didn't run and Aideen was mildly impressed.

Arnie climbed into the window and greeted the twins with tight hugs. He was visibly struggling not to join in with tears of his own. He wore a button-down black shirt and black slacks. He had even put on dress shoes.

"You clean up nice, Arn," Aideen told him.

"When the occasion requires it, I try," Arnie replied.

Clarissa knocked on the open door. Everyone stopped when they saw her. Her hair was in a bun. Around her neck was the golden sapphire necklace Benny had given her for her last birthday. She wore a long black gown that made her look even more stunning than usual. She also wore the first gold hoop earrings Benny had ever given to her when they started dating.

"Mom..." Courtney said. She started sobbing harder.

"You look great, Mom," Aideen said.

"Do you need anything?" Arnie asked.

"No, everything's been taken care of," Clarissa replied automatically. "Thank you."

There was an awkward silence between them as each struggled to find something to say. Courtney was shaking. Clarissa pulled her into her arms. Arnie did the same to Aideen. Part of her wanted to protest that she was fine and didn't need to be held, but a bigger part was petrified that if Arnie let her go she would shatter into too many pieces to ever be reassembled properly.

"I'm here," Arnie whispered into her ear. His lips hovered just above it, caught in her hair.

The telephone began to ring. Clarissa excused herself and walked away, presumably to go answer it. Courtney trailed after her.

"I'd ask if you're okay, but there aren't enough ways to tell me that I'm an idiot if I do," Arnie said. "Deenie... I'm so sorry..." He was still trying very hard not to cry.

Aideen's heart broke all over again. Arnie might not be her brother by blood, but he'd always been treated as family, especially after he lost his own. He was trying to be strong for her, but he was just as broken as she was.

"You can cry, Arn," Aideen told him. "You've earned that right as much as any of the people in this house."

"I loved him, too," Arnie said.

"I know you did, and you know you were his son. Don't ever question that, Arnie. My father loved you just as much as he loved me and Court."

Arnie buried his face in her shoulder. He was trying to hide his tears, but they soaked through Aideen's dress. She just held him tighter, crying with him. With Arnie, she could grieve. She didn't have to be strong. She wasn't Aideen, the slayer, the witch, the vampire, the psychic, or the girl everyone counted on in a crisis. She was just a broken teenager who'd just lost the man who meant more to her than anyone else ever would. She could break and she knew Arnie would never tell anyone. She also knew he'd be there to pick up the pieces, no matter how many of them there were.

~*~

It seemed that all of Salem had come out for Benny's funeral. There were vampires sitting with slayers, witches standing beside lycanthropes, psychics chatting with mortals. It didn't matter who they were. If they lived in Salem, chances were good they'd had an interaction of some sort with Benny Phillips. He was just that type of man.

The ceremony was a non-denominational one held in a large hall. Clarissa would have a witch and a vampire bless his grave, but she didn't want to frighten the mortals who thought Benny was just an extremely gifted accountant, so she'd asked Ambrosia Liggman, the High Priestess of the Salem Witches, to officiate the public ceremony and keep it basic.

Aideen couldn't focus on the funeral itself. That made this entirely too real, and she wasn't ready for that. Instead, she focused on how insane it was that the entire community had come out for this.

She spotted Lewis sitting in the crowd with Maggie, Beth, and Jade. She wanted to run to him and cry in his arms, but she knew she couldn't do that. She had to keep her composure.

Strong arms wrapped around her. Aideen didn't have to spin around to know that the arms belonged to Johnny Winston. Unsurprisingly, Danny Eckerd was with him. His arms had wrapped around Courtney. These men were like family to the twins, and she was grateful they were so close. She needed to borrow some of their strength.

"You'll be alright, Deenie," Johnny promised gently. "It's just not going to feel that way for a long time." She'd have cursed at nearly anyone else for offering such a cliché bit of advice, but Johnny wasn't being cliché. Not only was he the strongest precognitive psychic Aideen had ever met, but he'd also lost his entire family. If anyone understood what she was going to be facing, it was Johnny.

"How?" She asked him.

"Lean on the people who love you. Don't be afraid to let us in. We're all here for you, sweetheart," Johnny replied soothingly.

Even through all of the tears, Aideen heard a specific series of sniffles that caught her attention. She realized with alarm that the sniffling she heard was coming from Danny. She'd never seen the Uanie vampire without a snarky smirk on his face, let alone in tears.

"You girls and your mother are our family," Danny told her and Courtney. "We will always be here for you."

"Danny... Are you crying?" Courtney asked. She embraced him, now clearly just as alarmed as Aideen was.

"Nah, of course not, Courtney. I'm allergic to church. It's a vampire thing. You understand." He tried to force a smile, but it didn't reach his eyes.

"We're not in a church," Aideen pointed out.

Danny cursed. He quickly added, "Well, I guess it's a good thing that we're not." Finally, he laughed. Aideen felt better. Danny Eckerd crying was as wrong as a dog meowing. It just wasn't natural.

Clarissa returned to the side of her daughters. She immediately allowed the two men to embrace her. "Clarissa, I am so sorry for your loss," Johnny said. "If you need anything, ever, we're here for you."

Clarissa's autopilot turned off around the two men she'd known forever. She finally began to openly weep. "I can't..." She whispered.

"None of that!" Danny snapped at her a little loudly. Danny wasn't exactly known for his manners. "You are Clarissa Phillips. Can't is not in your vocabulary. In fact, you can't learn the word! So knock that off right now." He hugged her tighter. "You're one of the strongest people I've ever met. Don't go giving up."

"You're not alone," Johnny added. "I promise you."

Clarissa was quickly pulled away by her sister. Liora didn't seem to think Johnny and Danny were being helpful.

"Will she really be okay?" Courtney asked.

"Eventually," Johnny replied. "Danny's right about how strong your mom is."

Ambrosia looked toward them as if expecting something. "Crap," Danny said. "It's that time. You first?" He asked Johnny.

"Sure," Johnny agreed. He walked up to the podium and began reading an extremely well-prepared speech about what a great man Benny had been. It was touching and filled with beautiful stories and fond memories. As was typical of the lawyer, everything was perfectly written, the prose practiced and precise. When he finished speaking, everyone was in tears. He stepped down and bowed his head respectfully as he walked back toward Aideen, Arnie, and Courtney.

Danny walked to the podium next. He pulled out a piece of paper. He took a good look at the people in front of him, looked at the paper, looked back at the people, shrugged, crumpled up the paper, and threw it over his left shoulder in spite of Ambrosia's disapproving glare.

"You guys know why we're here," Danny began. "I wrote a pretty crappy speech, but Benny would have hated me trying to be something I'm not just for a funeral. That's really not my style. So here goes." Danny took a deep breath and continued. Like Johnny, he was a lawyer, but that was where the similarities between the two friends ended.

"Benny was my best friend... My brother," Danny said. "He took care of me even when I was being a pain in the ass. He loved me even when my stupidity reached new heights. He convinced me to become a lawyer because I'm so good at talking my way out of trouble. The two of us nearly got arrested so many times for crimes like... Well, I'd better not say. I'm not sure the statute of limitations is up on all of them yet." He paused for laughter, and to Aideen's amazement, even she joined in.

"Benny wasn't a saint," Danny continued. "I don't hang out with saints, although Johnny over there with that well-prepared tear-jerker speech comes pretty close." Again, people laughed. "Benny wasn't perfect, but he was the greatest man I have ever known. I'd sincerely like to declare right now that I want to be Benny Phillips when I grow up, assuming I ever do. I love that man, and I will love him until a long time after I've drawn my last breath. I miss you already, Benny. Make sure you send me a heavenly message if the cops are about to arrest me, alright? I'll see you next time."

With that, Danny walked back toward the twins and Arnie. Aideen allowed Johnny to switch to holding Courtney so she could give Danny a hug. "Was I awful?" Danny asked her.

"You were perfect," Aideen replied. "That was exactly the kind of speech we needed today."

"Deenie-Approved. Good to know." He held her closer, and although he was crying slightly, he was smiling now.

"Thank you," Aideen whispered. "I needed to smile."

"Always," Danny promised.

Aideen tried to zone out after that. Several others spoke at the funeral. Although Courtney tried, she only got through about four words before bursting into hysterics. Johnny picked her up in his arms and carried her back to her seat as if she were still a little girl. Aideen didn't even try. Words wouldn't cut it and she wasn't one for giving speeches anyway.

Arnie was another story. He stood up and cleared his throat twice before he was able to speak. "Benny Phillips saved my life, literally and figuratively," he began. "When I lost my parents, he didn't hesitate to become the father I desperately needed. He looked after me and treated me like I was his son, and I can't even begin to express how grateful I am... Phrases like 'I'll miss you' and 'I love you' don't really cover how I feel. I don't think there are words for this. I just know he's my father as much as my own blood father was, and I wouldn't be the person I am today if I hadn't had him in my life." At this point, Arnie began crying openly, unable to hold back any longer. He muttered an apology of, "I-I'm sorry..."

Aideen raced to his side automatically. She wrapped him in her arms and said, "You were his son. You have nothing to apologize for." She led him back to his seat and the two held each other tightly, refusing to release each other.

"She's right," Clarissa said into the microphone. Everyone fell silent. "Arnie, you were Benny's son, just like you're mine. One thing about Benny is... was... Family mattered to him more than anything else. He would have done anything for us, and I know he's watching over our girls now."

Aideen watched her mother in fascination and awe. She was so much stronger than she should have to be. She was delivering a eulogy for a man she'd loved since she was a teenager, and yet she spoke calmly and with determination.

"I loved that man with all of my heart, and I always will," Clarissa finished her speech. Aideen hadn't heard all of it because she was having so much trouble focusing, but she could feel the energy of the room. Everyone had been captivated by her mother's words and now they had permission to go on living. Was that how funerals worked? Were they just a place to gather and mark the passing of someone you loved so you could move on with your life? Aideen didn't like that idea. She wasn't ready to move on. She feared she would never be ready for that.

"Thank you all for coming," Ambrosia said. "Go in peace." That was the cue for the mortals and the acquaintances that didn't really belong there to leave. Aideen watched numbly as Ambrosia's High Priest, Luigi Ossinini, said a prayer over the casket. Immediately after Luigi finished, one of the Uanie vampires did the same. The vampires would be holding a separate funeral at the grave site, but for now, it was time to go. Finally, everyone left except for those considered to be family.

Johnny and Danny said their goodbyes first. When they left, Arnie was next. He walked up to the casket and knelt. As he looked down, he began sobbing. Courtney knelt beside him and Aideen soon followed, but as soon as she looked down at the lifeless shell her father had left behind, she felt sick. She stood back up and ran before she could be forced to look at him any longer.

Arnie was the one who ran after her. She'd expected as much. He pulled her into a tight hug. "I love you," he told her.

"I love you, too," she replied. She couldn't talk about what she was feeling or why she'd run, but Arnie knew her well enough to see that. He just held her until she caught her breath and together, they walked away from the building that housed her worst nightmare come true. She would never be able to bring herself to go back in there, and she didn't intend to get anywhere near that casket again until it was closed. If it was closed, she could pretend it was someone else inside. Aideen could deal with death, but she couldn't face this one.

Some Reaper, she thought. Death shouldn't freak me out, no matter who is in the box. She wondered vaguely if the truth would ever fully sink in.

~*~

They rode to the cemetery in silence. What else could they do? There weren't any words that would make this better. At the family's request, the mortals were not invited to this final goodbye. They were told it was a private service, and it was. With no one to freak out, the supernatural community of Salem bid a true farewell to the man who had held them together for so long.

The ceremony was led by a Uanie vampire whose name Aideen had forgotten. He was important and very high up, but at that moment, she didn't care. The undead vampires joined them as the ritual began. The moon was high in the sky by now, and the officiant lit a single candle beside the casket. He began speaking in an ancient language Aideen couldn't identify. The Silver Society members were gathered together around Alex, who was watching her and Arnie closely. Aideen suspected Cierra and Spencer were mentally translating the ritual as they listened to it.

As the officiant spoke, he raised a ritual blade toward the sky. Aideen could feel the energy he channeled. She could almost see it as a tangible light surrounding the blade if she focused hard enough, but focusing was difficult right now. She had been to funerals for dead Uanie before, but never for someone she had known well. This was her father. Her father was inside of that box.

No. No he isn't. He can't be, she thought frantically. This isn't real. This isn't real. This isn't real. This isn't-

Arnie's right arm automatically wrapped around her and pulled her closer to his body. She snuggled against him, desperately trying to lose herself. She calmed down slightly, but not enough. Nothing would ever be enough.

As the officiant brought the blade down against the coffin and laid it on top of it, Aideen felt tears falling down her cheeks. She buried her face in Arnie's shoulder, praying she could hide them. She didn't want everyone to watch her break.

Other Uanie vampires began laying ritual blades on the casket. At a mortal funeral, people placed flowers on caskets to say goodbye, but Benny Phillips had been a warrior. He deserved a warrior's sendoff. Only the best of the Uanie were given the honor of a warrior's funeral. The blades being buried with him signified the fact that he'd be missing from future battles, and that part of his community had died along with him. They were also meant to give him strength in any battles he faced on the other side.

The other side... Where the dead go... Because he's dead, Aideen thought. She was shaking. She wanted to run. She wanted to scream her head off. She wanted to open the casket and forcibly bring her father back to life, even if she had to end up inside of the thing instead of him. Short of killing herself, there was no way to bring Benny back this time, but she wasn't sure that she cared. She could be okay with dying, just as long as it meant her father was alive and with the rest of his family again.

Aideen was surprised when she felt Alex's arms wrap around her. He'd discretely walked over to her. She turned to him and let her tears flow, unashamed because Alex had seen her at both her best and her worst and he never judged her.

"I can't do this," she whispered into his chest as he held her close.

"Yes you can, Deenie," Alex replied. "I promise you can. And I'll be here for you, and so will everyone else. We love you."

Spencer was also close now. He looked at her and whispered, "You're going to survive this."

What if I don't want to? She thought at him.

You'll survive that, too, he replied telepathically. You'll get to a place where you want to survive again.

The last Uanie placed her blade on the casket. It was time for the family to do the same. Johnny and Danny were allowed to go first. Danny should have gone up with the other Uanie, but Clarissa had insisted he be honored as family. Arnie was next. He managed not to cry this time, and instead, he took Courtney's hand and led her to the casket. Courtney sobbed hysterically after carefully placing her blade on the casket. Arnie hugged her, then handed her to Johnny.

"You've got this," he told Aideen. She nodded, but she wasn't so sure. She picked up blade and placed it on top of her father's casket. She knew this part. She'd done it before. It was a warrior's funeral, and warriors didn't cry. Aideen forced herself to hold it together and stood strong beside Arnie.

Clarissa was the last to go. She put her blade down gently before kneeling over the casket. She wrapped her arms around it and wept. Everyone was silent. It took her a couple of minutes, but she finally kissed the casket and stood. She was composed once more. She walked back to her spot unassisted, a true warrior Queen saying a final goodbye to her warrior husband.

"Benny was the best of us," the officiant suddenly said in English. "He was a Reaper. We must honor him here and always." He looked at the family. "His beautiful wife and daughters will need our support. Do not fail to give it to them. We are always at your service, Phillips Family. And to Benny, we bid thee Hail and Farewell, old friend! May your soul rest until you are ready to return to us." He snuffed out the candle, and Aideen felt like he snuffed out her heart.

Everyone began to leave. Only the Uanie in charge and the vampiric Master of the City remained with the family. After giving Aideen his strongest hug and telling Clarissa if she needed anything, he'd be there, Alex led the Silver Society members away. Arnie stayed by Aideen's side.

They watched in silence while Jacob, the Master of the City, began speaking over the casket. Jacob rarely appeared at funerals, and he certainly never gave the last rites, but Benny had been that important. The Uanie officiant began lowering the casket into the ground. It got lower and lower as Aideen tried to process what she was seeing, and then it was gone. Jacob and the Uanie began piling dirt over the casket, and eventually, even when she looked directly into the hole, Aideen could no longer see the casket. Finally, the ground was packed as solidly as they could manage, and it was over.

Her father was dead. The funeral was over. Life had to go on. She tried to tell herself that, but the words made no sense. None of this made sense, and she knew it never would.

Her grief consumed her, and Aideen began weeping. Clouds gathered in the sky. Thunder boomed and lightning struck. The sky opened up and wept with her. She watched the rain fall and finally, she felt everything she'd been holding back release from her body. She collapsed into Arnie's arms and blacked out.