I don't know why or what wrong with me

 every day, every minute there is image play in my head 

 what is real?

 Where am I?

 Am I lost?

 I don't know how to get out...

 How did I get here?

 I'm losing myself day by day...

 day after day wake up play music,

 sometimes sit there while image flashes in my head over and over again.

 Sometimes I even wonder it better if I disappear?

 I don't want people to give up their time for a lost soul that living in a lifeless body every day,

 that always felt Insecure,

 ashame for being too weak,

 always wear a smile but lost in his world of reality or what he called "the world of peace"

 where everything plays some are depressive some are cheerful sometime about magic other time is about friendship,

 the family he is in does care for him but he never felt it,

 always felt lost

cold

 hopeless

 sometimes he says... " guilt... guilt... everything is my fault... 

if only I say something to my best friend he wouldn't think I hated him...

 I hate my self...

 Why can't I tell him something to make him know I care??

 How do I speak up?

 How do you open up?

 How do you make someone felt as if you care for them?

 Just tell me how... 

I choose to left him at lunch to talk to a group of friend...

 I hate myself for that

 I hate arguments... 

yelling...

 I wish it just stops every day the same.

 Would it be better if I disappeared? 

And stop trying completely??