It was the first day of Diwali, Ditiya was in London, and she was in love.

Ditiya had been seeing this guy, Neil, for a few months now, but it took her some weeks to decide that it was love. She had never experienced something like that, for something so bright and so passionate to appear seemingly out of thin air.

One summer night the bus was rather full Ditiya found one empty seat and sat by the window. Her face was pressed against the bus window as she watched the vibrancy of the city.

He got on and sat beside her.

She saw him, of course, out of the corner of her eye. He was the most attractive man but they were seat-mates in public bus and they rode along. Ditiya could any time recall their first date when he took her to a Hackney city farm, which of course had free entry and then went for some coffee afterward if anyone else would have done that, she would've laughed on their face. But his smile was so familiar, the way the corners of his eyes creased when he did so. His dimples, which Ditiya loved so much that they skipped the movie afterward in exchange for going back to his apartment and making love till the morning sun breaks the sky.

Ditiya was not the most romantic person in the world — far from it — but she did have strong feelings for him, and that was something. That was like a fairy tale.

It was only been three months, but every moment spent in his bed felt like a lifetime. She knew everything thing about him, from the time he got up in the morning to how he likes a can of beer before going to bed. She also knew his favorite foods and his worst fear, where he went for his last vacation.

Carry feels raw and open and vulnerable, all for Sebastian to take. She felt very vulnerable. She felt like she was leaving herself wide open to be hurt again. But she loved the feeling of the way he kisses her and strokes her belly after sex. Ditiya wasn't afraid to love him, but maybe she should have been.

Earlier this evening; she couldn't handle how depressed and alone felt for not spending Diwali with her family. So to make her mood better Neil decided on Chicken Korma and plain white rice for dinner, a favorite of Ditiya's. He selected a bottle of Oxeny Classic Dry.

Then he gathered all the ingredients needed for the dinner and started cooking.

He knew Ditiya, the best part of their relationship was. She and Neil would have good wine, gourmet food and stimulating conversation on. Then go to bed and have good sex. Ditiya walked into the kitchen in a few minutes later and was all smiles when she saw the dinner selection. She opened the wine and poured two glasses. The conversation on while cooking was on what Diwali actually is. With another glass of wine, they sat down to eat and discuss her plans for India trip. She said she has no such plans in her nearest future. Changing the subject, Ditiya praises his cooking skills and how really her mood became better.

Later they went to bed and did what just Neil said. They had good, rewarding sex. She could have sworn she had spent more time in his bed in this past month than she had anywhere else. If it weren't for Neil going for his jobs, she doubted she would even find it in herself to get up and go to work.

The Diwali evening with Neil was rocking into her slow and deep, some booms and blasts the sounds of fireworks looking in through the cracked window. "Happy Diwali, Sona." Neil smiled into her mouth.

Ditiya laughed, breathless, grabbing onto his biceps as she came.

Neil bit her shoulder, muffling a laugh against his skin. "Sona? Where'd you get that one?"

"I googled India terms of gold."

Ditiya laughed harder, tilting her head up to catch Neil's mouth in a kiss. "Love you," she said, fondly.

Neil squeezed her hip and kisses her nose. "Love you too."

Ditiya couldn't sleep after Neil fell asleep, listening to the rhythm of his breathing. Eventually, she rolled over to press a kiss to his cheek and got up, careful not to shake the bed and wake him.

Ditiya slipped on a pair of pajamas and a T-shirt that she was not sure of if it was his or hers. She collected her phone before sneaking out of the apartment door, shutting it quietly behind him. She headed down the dimly lit hall and jiggled the exit door handle, heading up the stairs to the roof.

She walked over to the bench and sat down, feeling the cool cement beneath her hands, In the distance, she could see Big Ben in the center of the city, the air was too clouded with cold. It didn't matter to Ditiya though; she had fallen in love with every part of London. She thought she would not ever be able to leave it.

Ditiya had been to a lot of different places over the past year, and she would not deny that she had fallen in love with a lot of them, but London hit her hard. She went to the home last December only half a month before packing up her bags and moving to London with a very low scale job, much to her parents' dismay. It had been the right choice, after all; it leads her to Neil.

Ditiya was not sure why she was doing it. There was no reason for her to do it; Neil was asleep in their bed, and her own chest heavy with adoration and infatuation with Neil. But she dialed Dhruv's number, fingers shaking with the chilled air around.

She had not seen Dhruv after his marriage, means for last one year and four months, but they've talked. Ditiya even moved beyond the bitter rage, although the hurt still lingered somewhere in the dark and ignored corners of her chest. It was silly that it still did. That Dhruv still crossed her mind often, even after all this time. It was just a crush but Ditiya was not sure how to let it go. No matter how hard she tried, no matter if she fell head over heels for someone else, Dhruv will always be there.

After coming back from India last December, Ditiya had started sending email, which eventually leads to a phone call where Louis told her, he and his wife might go to London for the summer and that they could meet. A week before he was supposed to head for London, they decided against it and went to Berlin instead. She was actually happy with the decision, too scared to see Dhruv again. She was scared that he'd fall for a married man.

Yet after all Dhruv's sleepy voice answered just before the cell phone rolled her over to voice mail "'Ello?"

"Hey, Dhruv. It's me," she said, before realizing that he most likely didn't know who I am anymore. "I mean, it's Ditiya. Sorry if I woke you."

"Oh, no. Just hold on a second, yeah?" Ditiya could hear stirring; a muffled moan of discontent that Ditiya assumed was from Shreya. It didn't bother her like it did first. It shouldn't, she reminded herself.

Ditiya heard the door close, and then padding of footsteps. "Hey, sorry," he said, voice still lowered but slightly more awake. "What's up?"

"I just - I don't know." She suddenly felt very, very stupid. She wished she had never called. "hmmm.. Happy Diwali maybe?"

He laughed, only briefly, but the sound was breathtaking. Even though the miles between them, Ditiya felt like she should reach out and grab a hold of it. "Thanks. Maybe."

"Are you in India?"

"Yeah, I heard you moved to London." He chuckled, and said, "Ditz, we all missed you during Laxmi puja!"

"I was missing you all too until my boyfriend made a special dinner for us." Ditiya smiled, tucking her feet underneath her, feet were freezing that she nearly didn't feel them anymore. "I love it here. You should really visit someday."

"Yeah, definitely," He said, but they both know he won't. Ditya couldn't be too disappointed either way. In the long run, it was better off that way.

Silence falls between them, and Ditiya was not sure if this was the part where she was supposed to ask him about Shreya, or if she was supposed to tell him that she had a man exactly of dream British, white and hot. She didn't want to do any of that though. She did want to hear it, didn't want to the vocal reminder that they are not of each other, but they have spread apart from miles and oceans, barely aware of what was going on with the other. She wanted to pretend like nothing has happened or came between them.

"It is nice to hear from you," Dhruv eventually said, breaking the silence.

"You too."

"I - " he stopped himself, falling silent as if reconsidering his words. When he spoke again, his voice is barely above a whisper, "I still miss you, you know."

She suddenly felt herself to be extremely cold and she began to shiver. "Yeah," she said. "Yeah, me too."

"I was just thinking the other day about that time that we used to always get a takeaway and watch movies. One time you kept falling asleep during watching 'A Wednesday" Dhruv said, chuckling a little.

Ditiya laughed, grinning at the memory. "Each time I woke up in between naps, the movie was still on! This was because you were watching it a few times. I was like 'this movie is on for ages.' It was the longest movies I'd ever watched."

"It was nicely acted but understandable at the same time. Shreya and I did the same thing just recently. It wasn't like old times. She actually understood the movie and we watched it together discussing the scenes."His voice had mixed feelings of relief and irritation.

"Yeah, you two were a match made in the heaven and you and I was sugar and salt," she said, then bit the inside of her cheek when she realized she'd made it sound like a complaint.

"I'm fairly positive that right combination of sugar and salt..." He trailed off, and Ditiya could hear murmuring on the other line, a female voice, of course. Ditiya knew this voice very well and had an idea of what a kind person Shreya was, but at that moment she hated Shreya. Ditiya hated her for interrupting that. Shreya could get Dhruv all the time, why could not Ditiya just have this?

"Yeah. Yeah, Janu, go back to bed. I'll be there in a second," Ditiya heard Dhruv. "It's just a friend. I'm not being sneaky. I didn't want to wake you." She heard a muffle like Dhruv was covering the mouthpiece, and for a minute Ditiya heard nothing. She was considering just hanging up and going back to bed when Dhruv was back on the line. "Sorry about that, buds," he said, but it sounded too forced, far more casual than before. Ditiya assumed Shreya was still there, wrapped up with Dhruv in their sheets, listening. "I should get to bed. It is 3:40 here but was nice catching up though."

"Yeah. Yeah, you're right. It's late. Sorry again for waking you and, well, uh." She stopped, figuring she would rather not acknowledge it out loud.

"Yeah, it's okay. No problem." There's an awkward pause like he was not quite ready to hang up either, but then he was saying, "Happy Diwali to you and your boyfriend."

"Happy Diwali," Ditiya voice echoed and he hung up.

Ditiya sat outside for a few more minutes until the cold becomes too much. Back inside, she set her phone on the bedside table and crawls in under the duvet. She curled up close to Neil in an attempt to steal some body heat. He mumbled something unintelligible under his breath, still half asleep.

DitiyaDitiydher nose against his cheek, breathing him in until he stirred.

"You okay there, missing family again?" he mumbled.

Ditiya nodded. "Nah! I am absolutely perfect."

...............

Hardly four days has passed after Diwali, Ditiya found herself at the front door of her flat with a handbag across her shoulder and three plastic bags in her hand. Her thoughts ran ahead of her and she imagined herself tiptoeing into the house, carefully drawing back the sheets on her bed and slowly sliding across to nestle against Neil's warm back, whispering in his ear.

She opened the door cautiously, silently, without taking off her coat and she took the plastic bags and carried it through to the tiny kitchen. ... She put the bag down at the counter. Putting her keys away in her coat pocket so as not to make any noise, she took off her shoes and slowly walked down the corridor, carrying her heels in one hand and the bottle of whiskey that she wanted to surprise her boyfriend within the other. She turned the corner and reached the half-open door of their bedroom. With masochistic delight, she hesitated, pushing the door open slowly as if she were caressing it. And then she saw him.

He was lying face down in the bed, sleeping. He was breathing as softly as a new-born puppy, his full lips slightly open and silently calling out to her. His long eyelashes resting naively on his cheeks, his expression was one of totally serene happiness, his brown hair sticking out adorable in all directions. His light skin shone, full of life and warmth.

Ditiya shifted her gaze to his strong, powerful, muscle chest, rising and falling peacefully. She sighed contemplating Neil's well-toned torso, but the sigh turned sour when she realized that lay across her boyfriend's chest was something that shouldn't be there: another arm.

A thick wrist, broad palms, and long fingers rested possessive and tranquil on the chest of the man that she loved. The man that had become her only reason for living she could not stop herself from letting out an anguished cry, upset and hurt. The bottle of whiskey slipped out of her hand and fell to the floor, shattering into a thousand pieces.

Neil woke up. He opened his blue-Coloured eyes and saw her standing there, frozen, about to shatter into a thousand pieces just like the bottle. Ditiya turned and ran, barefoot, towards the front door. Neil jumped out of bed, stark naked. And raced after her, calling her name,

Pleading with her. When she was about to reach the door, he caught up with her, grabbed her arm and cornered her by the wall. 'Ditiya, I'm sorry, listen...'

"I'm really sorry, Ditiya."

Ditiya eventually lifted her head to look at Neil. "Now what?"

He squeezed her shoulder, fingers brushing against her ear soothingly. "Have always loved men, he agreed... But if you give me chance I will try not to cheat ever again."

How not typical but she should've expected it, after all, should've seen it something wrong when he was being over sweet. She should've known that it never worked out the way he wanted it. She kept going from relationship to relationship; always hopeful, always hoping that maybe this time around she won't be the one that loves more.

Ditiya ran her hands over her face and then shook herself out of it, standing. "I think I'm just going to pack and go. I was thinking of heading back to Chicago, anyway."

Neil looked up at her, expression tore. For one brief moment, false hope entered and allowed Ditiya to believe that Neil might ask her to stay, tell her that it was just a stupid joke he is not gay.

"Okay," he said eventually, shrugging in defeat - though Ditiya was not sure if it can be called defeat when there was no fight to be had. "I will not stop you."

Ditiya's heart sank. For once, she wished she knew what it felt like to be begged to stay.