Warning: 1) alcoholic 

2) mental disorder. 

Dhruv opened the front door and walked inside. All the lights were off except for a light that was on someplace at the top of the stairs. There was an awkward silence throughout the house. The blinds were down and that made the room darker. The windows were shut, and the air was stuffy. Through the open door of the kitchen, he could make out the outline of the morning coffee cup on the table. He hung his jacket on the banister and went into the kitchen. In the kitchen, the dirty dishes were piled up in the sink and they were stinking, and immediately, Dhruv's stomach sank, heart picked up speed.

"Shreya?" It was airless there.

"Babe?" Dhruv reached out, hesitated, and then closed his fingers about the door handle of their bedroom. Taking a deep breath, he pushed it open. "Shreya?"

The bedroom seemed even darker, not a single ray of sunshine poking through the thick curtains. He gave his eyes a moment to adjust, all he could see was a blanket covering a lump on the bed. He approached slowly; every step was an effort as if some invisible force was pulling him back towards the front door.

"Shreya?" He whispered her name as if it were a plea, a prayer even. More than that.

He moved to the side of the bed Shreya was on, and crouched, hand suspended between himself and Shreya. Finally, he reached the rest of the way to place it gently where Shreya's shoulder should be. "Hey babe, it's me." There was no response, and Dhruv swallowed the panic down, shaking her a bit. "Shreya?" he asked, a bit of tension leaking through.

Her body moved beneath his hand and a quiet grunt. Dhruv took that as permission as he pulled the blanket from over her head, his heartbeat slowly declined, he brushed his hand over her cheek and then tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. Shreya blinked her eyes open and stared back at her husband's face.

"What's going on? Are you okay?"

"Hmmm. Just tired, I am so happy to see you back." She was smiling, but not really smiling. The mouth was turned up kind of the way it did to smile, but the eyes were blank. He kissed her sweeping his lips against her fevered skin. Dhruv closed his eyes; guilt had been collecting in his eyes. He breathed through it, running a soothing hand along Shreya's belly. "I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have left."

Before he could even try to get up from the bed, Shreya held up a hand to stop him. "Lay down next to me?"

Dhruv obliged, crawling under the duvet and slinging an arm around her waist, ignoring the fact that the day was slowly turning into evening.

"Did you have fun?"

Dhruv hesitated "It was okay," he said casually.

"Was Ditiya there?"

"Shreya!"

"What we used to be friends." she let out a laugh that didn't sound funny. It sounds sad. Dhruv cringed.

Dhruv could tell that she was drunk by the strong smell of alcohol on her breath, "how much beer did you take?"

Shreya moved a little, and Dhruv quickly loosened his arms, expecting her to move away, but she stayed. She adjusted her head position "Don't know what you're talking about."

He could feel his face flaming and took a deep breath to calm himself down. Focus, Dhruv! He reminded himself that she wasn't well. "Shreya?"

"Don't worry, only four cans?" She looked at him shyly and then ducked her head.

Dhruv pushed his hands into his hair, biting hard at his lip to keep himself from screaming.

The bed moved as Shreya rolled over to face her husband. Her eyes sparkling. He felt her breath before he felt her hands. Her arm snaked around his neck. "Hey, I swear. Don't be angry please."

"I'm not -" Dhruv shook his head, breathing in slow. "I'm not angry. I'm worried. I hate when you do this, Shreya. What am I supposed to do?"

"Kiss me long and kiss me hard."

"Shreya -"

"I just couldn't sleep. I can't sleep without you, Dhruv. I swear, it was just a few. I'm fine. I swear I'm fine. I just needed to sleep."

Dhruv sighed, and relented, falling back down beside him. He kisses his temple, keeping his lips there while saying, "You've got to stop."

He sighed, brushed his lips gently over hers, then gathered her close and kissed her, her mouth was cold and tasted like rotten beer. He heard a whispered, "I'm sorry... l... Don't leave."

Dhruv breathed in, breathed out, and nudged his nose against her cheek. "You will do it again, but I won't leave you," he replied, but Shreya was already asleep, heavy breath pouring against his chin.

.........

Shreya's pain and her bipolar disorder were killing him. He ached inside. It was a terrible feeling, claws raking his heart and lungs from the inside and out. These days he just knew he wanted to hold her close and tell her, that she would be fine, they would be fine. But after the long day at work and no change in Shreya's attitude, he just felt too exhausted to do pretty much anything.

The week after he came back from the housewarming party, did improve; it improved a lot. To Dhruv's surprise, when he stepped over the threshold. A smell the delicious scent of melting butter and aloo paratha seeped through the partially opened doorway and hit his nose.

He stood in the kitchen doorway as she scraped a buttery paratha from a large frying pan onto a platter. He enjoyed looking at her beautiful profile as she worked.

"Shreya..." he let out softly, dropping his bag and instantly moving forward to hug his wife. He embraced her with everything he had, wanted to hold her and wanted the moment to last forever.

Shreya snuggled into him and when she pulled away, she flopped her hands at her side, and then stood on her tip-toes, pressing a chapped kiss to his lips but Dhruv felt more alive than he had in weeks. He couldn't remember the last time they touched with want and lust. Dhruv took this opportunity to let one of his hands fall on Shreya's waist, the other holding her jaw as he took control over the kiss and licked into his wife's mouth.

"Where's all this coming from?" He muttered against Shreya's lips, pulling away for a few seconds just to ask.

Harry shrugged defeat in her features but a content smile playing at her lips like she had been waiting for this. "Miss you, miss us. I want to get well and just want everything back to how it was."

"Me too, Shreya... Me too."

So they kiss some more before Shreya finally pulled away, smirking. "Also prepared some dinner, waited for you."

She patted the spare chair next to her for Dhruv to follow. He sat down, the smile growing wider when he realized Shreya made his favorite dish. Aloo paratha with tomato and garlic dip.

"Oh god, yes, Darling. Thank you," he waited for his wife to pour them both a glass of mint lassi before starting to eat together.

Dhruv adored this. He had not had a dinner alone with his wife since she was diagnosed with bipolar.

'What do you think if we try to have a child? Amelia asked him with her emotional eyes fixated on Dhruv's eyes. Dhruv was very surprised to hear these words coming out of his wife's mouth as he never did he have any notion that she was thinking of wanting a child. Dhruv was not against Shreya having a child, but he was more concerned about her health. Her mental disorder could become an issue.

'Maybe we should wait a while until you are little healthier. We don't want to jeopardize what we have achieved in the last couple of weeks,' Dhruv advised her. 'Do you really mean what you are saying? Dhruv continued.

"Well. Yes. I have had this feeling for quite some time now, but I never felt the urge to tell you about it until today, as I feel a certain emptiness inside." Shreya concluded.

"Do you really feel lonely again Shreya? You have me, you have Aditi bhabhi. Why don't you visit are sometimes? Do you think you are well enough to be a mother?"

'Well. I have you and this house, your bhabhi, and Arjun Bhai, Viva but I still feel loneliness inside. I can't describe it.' By this time, Shreya's eyes were soaked with tears that meant grief and sorrow she must have felt at that moment

"I know. Honey, how you must feel. If there is anything I can do to case your sadness right now, I would do it," Dhruv answered very gently, caressing her hair.

"I do not want to bother you with my nuisance anymore."

"I don't want to..." Dhruv was not sure how to finish his sentence. For the first time, he felt out of words. He should not feel surprised that his wife wanted to start the family. "To have a child with some years."

Shreya's face contorts to a grimace. "Why."

"You just... Do you blame me for thinking like this?" It was a genuine question, one that was quite heavy so he stuffed his mouth with a big bite of his paratha. He chewed for a moment before continuing. "Whenever you are not happy you get drunk or try to gulp down sleeping pills!"

Shreya seemed to slump her shoulders at that, frowning. She looked like a deer that has been caught by a lion. "It is because of you."

"Now you are blaming me?"

Dhruv also refused to ignore the past year and two, how he had been walking around eggshells with his wife. How he felt like a shit human being for wanting to meet his parents. How he couldn't help the resentment pouring out of his body sometimes.

They continued to eat in silence until Shreya spoke.

"But, you can't stop me for wanting a baby."

"Oh, really?" Dhruv questioned, not sure if his tone was sarcastic or curious. Maybe both. He raised a brow at his wife.

"Yes, really," Shreya gritted her teeth, standing her ground and not shying away from the conversation as she normally did. "And would you have said the same thing if I was Ditiya"

"Ditiya?"

"Ditiya."

"Where is she coming for... keep her out!" Dhruv amended, shaking his head.

"That bitch has ruined your marriage!"

"Stop swearing!" Dhruv bit back.

So, yeah. They were definitely arguing now despite the gesture Shreya had prepared for him. They could not sit still for a minute; they could not spend over ten minutes with each other alone without trying to rip each other's throats out. And Dhruv hated this. It was exhausting and it was draining to have to come home and argue with his wife but it was happening and he couldn't take it back now. Not when he was feeling the anger of the past months actually boiling in his blood and all of a sudden, he wanted answers.

"Why I couldn't be enough for you?"

"You?" Dhruv scoffed. "She meant nothing to me but she at least understands me"

The mention of Ditiya somehow better than her caused Shreya to snapped up, eyes suddenly dark as she dropped the spoon in her hands. "Fucking don't. Don't fucking say it."

"What happened between us before our marriage? But you accused me of cheating with her because she was Aditi's sister?"

"Are we going to argue about things that you actually did?"

Dhruv dropped his cutlery this time, jumping up from his seat. He never even tried to meet with Ditiya after marriage and still being accused of cheating. He had not forgotten about it, pushed it to the back of his mind but he had not exactly forgiven Shreya because it was a torture to him.

It bothered him that they argued over Ditiya so much so that he had even fought with his brother and his wife.

"Ditiya is not part of our arguments don't you get it?"

"The problem is that you have this soft spot her and I can't stand it and I don't know how to deal with it."

Dhruv bit his bottom lip. "Well, deal with it because she will always be my friend and I'm not going to stop it for you."

"You love Ditiya more than you love me." Shreya just accused him, says it right out as she crossed her arms and looked at Dhruv with repugnance.

"How- how can you even-" Dhruv couldn't even finish the sentence. Suddenly, this argument is no longer one he wished to finish because the disappointment was too raw. He pushed his chair away, moving to walk away.

"Yeah, go on!" Shreya called after him. "Leave, why don't you? Let me die,"

.........

Next morning,

When Ditiya answered the phone, Shreya was on the sofa across from him, wrapped up in his blanket. She was red and puffy from crying.

"Hey, Dhruv!" For a split moment, Dhruv had felt warm, only to remember why he was calling in the first place. "How are you? What's up?"

"I'm okay. I'm just -"

"Hey, look. I don't have much time; I'm just heading out for office. I could call you later?"

"No, um. This will - I just -" He fumbled for words, looking helplessly at his wife as if she would provide them - or maybe, just maybe, tell him he did not have to do this after all.

Shreya snipped and took a sip of her tea.

"Harry... I can't - We can't - I mean, can you please stop sending me the email about your travel?"

The lines quiet for a moment, before Ditiya was saying, "What?"

"You know, I just." He wiped his hands across his thigh and cleared his throat. "I don't know. I mean, I have a wife and all, and it's just not -"

"Shreya is there, isn't she?"

"Ditiya you should end your moronic obsession on me."

"She is there," Ditiya said. "Dhruv, I want to hope she is there, and you're not you are not blaming me something untrue."

"I - "

"They're bloody emails because you like traveling!"

"I'm sorry, Ditiya," was all Dhruv could state.

"I trust it is deserving of calling me Dhruv." Her voice was calm, flattened, and Dhruv didn't know whether he was appreciative or not when what he expected were more furious words and some swearing for calling her in the early morning to say that. He was expecting a weakling, and a wanker, and knave.

"I'm so sorry," Dhruv said again, and couldn't stand to hear Ditiya's answer before hanging up. He gazed at his screen for a moment, or three, half-trusting Ditiya would get back to, in any event, send him a content revealing to him how stupid he was being. Or then again that she still cherished him, or something moronically buzzword like that.

When he looked up, Shreya was watching him, a little grin pulling at her lips. "Much obliged to you."

Life isn't a romantic comedy he used to see with Ditiya. Positively not one for him, at any rate. On the off chance that it was, then he wouldn't have met Ditiya or would have been with her a long time ago. Dhruv wouldn't sit opposite the lady; he loved but sometimes, simultaneously despite her. He wouldn't feel like he was sinking.

"I love you."

Dhruv smile, beyond any doubt that it didn't achieve his eyes, or even most of the way up his cheek, yet Shreya wouldn't see in any case.

"Yeah, you too," he said, but thought he had his enough.