His brother Arjun, set him up on a date. Aditi had a friend came from India and she could not get out of Teaching at school plus taking care of Viva, time to show her friend around. Therefore, she had Dhruv set it up for her.

Dhruv waited for a few minutes then decided to order because he secretly hoped his date had stood him up. He did not really want to be there anyway.

He felt stupid meeting a girl in this manner. As he wondered what he had gotten himself into, he saw a girl of early twenties walking over to his table. She smiled at him and introduced herself as 'Tanvi'. She sat down next to him and opened her menu. After a moment, she looked around for the waiter. It did not take her long to realize that he had already ordered without her. The waiter did not return until his food was ready. She rolled her eyes and shifted in her seat

When the waiter asked for her order, she handed him the menu and shook her head. "I guess I will just have black coffee with two cubes of brown sugar." She glanced over at Dhruv who was devouring his 'The Caprese Sandwich' and added that she wanted a plate 'Spicy Southern Fried Pickles' if they could do that for her. She knew, by the way, the looks of things; she would need tons of food distraction to get through the date.

When the waiter was gone, she tried to start the conversation sense Dhruv was obviously not going to make an attempt. Dhruv, Aditi, your bhabhi told me you're single." The girl's heart froze because he looked so serious, almost offended.

A polite smile trembled over Tanvi's lips and she asked, "This is not a crack, is it? Are you seeing someone your family doesn't want you to?"

And his heart sank more. Much more. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. A memory of her face, pale with straight, dark hair, flashed in his mind as it often did when someone nowadays asked him why he was sad.

Her face had drained of all color and her white teeth had bitten into her wine red color bottom lip.

Dhruv looked down studied his golden ring and twisted it back and forth on his finger. He sighed through his nose "seeing someone?"

"No, I-"

"No explanations, please. Yes or no will do." Tanvi said her face composed in straight lines, devoid of emotion.

"That's not what it is...I...I," Her stomach was roiling as she guessed why he must be trying to find some excuse. What excuse would he give him?

"Still waiting. Yes or no?"

"No." His answer came on a breath of expelled air as if he'd used all he had to push the word out of himself. He hung his head. "Not anymore"

She looked at him with something approaching sympathy "So you two broke up?"

He thought about shrugging in agreement, letting the remark pass as he usually did, when people became very nosey about him. Instead, he said the first response that popped into his head. "Married," his mouth worked as if he were trying to pronounce a complicated foreign word.

Her cat type eyes darkened as he looked away. "What?"

"Yeah"

The casualty in his voice struck deep into her gut.

"Then why are you here?" She asked. The words weren't enough. They didn't cover her questions for.

"Well my wife died a few months ago," After hearing this she didn't say a thing for a while

Her face slowly changed from anger to understanding. "I'm sorry," she finally said. She regretted that she had caused him pain by demanding an answer from him. But she had too.

"It's all right." With sad eyes, he gave him a forgiving smile then covered her hand with his, trying to give her comfort when she should be comforting him. "I just don't like to talk about it much, I think that's the reason Aditi bhabhi said like that."

"How long have you been a widower?" The compassion in his voice was so raw, so sincere and so understanding that he wondered if she lost something in her life too.

"Seven months, I'm over the worst of it, I think, but sometimes it catches me off guard." Dhruv shifted on the chair so much that, Tanvi could tell that he was feeling uncomfortable and a little defensive about the direction of their conversation. "She wouldn't want me to grieve forever, would she?"

"I am sure. She loved you and wants you to be happy again,"

"Yeah, she loved me very much." Sometime during the last seven months, Dhruv's grief and guilt had turned to bitter-sweet nostalgia. It was what Shreya would have wanted him to do.

"I am sure she was a great lady."

"She used me." He reached his palm cool up to her cheek. "I think she would have liked you."

He quickly dropped his hand and sat firmly on those on his not so comfortable chair, "But that doesn't really matter. What matters is that I think I am not a right person for you." They continue to look at each other, tense air thick between them. Dhruv really didn't want to do this.

Tanvi sighs, running her hand through her hair. "Why are you being judgmental, even without knowing me?"

Because that's what I do best, was what Dhruv thought but what he said was "I'm sorry."

"I thought we are having a good time together. Is it because I asked you so many questions? Did that make you uncomfortable? You could've told me to stop."

He took a couple of deep breaths and shook his head, and then reached across and pulled new port's cigarettes from his pocket. "No, that's not it." Initially, he had panicked at the thought of meeting a new person for a date but he ended up appreciating it. He liked the feeling of talking to someone who didn't already know him and was judging him either. He liked the company, the small talks. Nowadays he felt like he had no one to talk to, no one to confide in and now he realized, he had forgotten how much he loved talking with someone and anyone. He missed it so much that if all Tanvi wanted was to talk; Dhruv might be up for it. He got the feeling that it was not the case though. She came to meet him because she wanted to date.

"Then what, Dhruv?"

Dhruv took a deep breath, stared out the huge plate-glass window, still as a plant on a breezeless night. He was not particularly fond over having this conversation here, but since he was the one who had to answer her and also right that moment, he was not sure he had much of a choice. When he brought his attention back to Tanvi, she was blinking at him impatiently. "I have a dead wife," was what Dhruv ended up saying. He didn't need to see her face. She had a worried look on her face as she scrambled to get out of my place.

"I mean," Dhruv sighed, rubbing his shoulder, "I did not fully get over my wife and still had some feelings."

Tanvi stayed silent for a minute, mouth opening and closing before finally landing on, "Shit."

"Yeah," Dhruv said and took a long drag on his cigarette and blew it out over the top of her head. The situation was pretty much as awkward as he thought it would be, but at least he's not in tears. Recently he was smoking more than ever, mostly when he needed calmness; cigarettes would help by stimulating his nerves.

"God, Dhruv. I'm so - I'm so sorry. I should have thought."

Dhruv looked at her and shrugged his shoulders, not saying a word. He did not want to get involved in many talks about his past life, later he said. "It's okay."

They fell into silence, and it took a minute for Dhruv to realize that maybe 'my wife died' was not explanation enough, though he wished it were. "Look, I - I thought I was okay. I like you, and I wanted to see how it would go with dating again. Give it a chance. I mean, but - I just. I shouldn't have agreed to meet you and embarrassed you... that's my fault. I'm sorry. It was selfish."

Tanvi sighed, and when Dhruv looked up, she pulled her gaze away from his and looked down at the table, Dhruv felt like he had behaved like a complete tosser. When Tanvi looked up, meeting his gaze, she forced a small smile. "Thanks for telling me. I mean, I get it. I can't imagine."

"I'm just not ready."

"That's - that's fair." She took a sip of her coffee and nodded to herself, "I can't say I'm not disappointed, but I get it."

"I'm sorry," Dhruv said softly.

"Don't be," she began to gather herself to rise from her seat.

Tanvi stretched her hand out for a handshake. Dhruv hesitantly shook. She could only hope that he would get better with his feelings and, in time, let her in at least as a friend. Until then, she would settle for the smile they gave each other, "Hey, if in six months or a year I'm still single, can I call you?"

"Sure...sure." Dhruv let a small smile played around his full mouth, but his dark brown eyes failed to back it up. They seemed sad, like regretting something. He really did like Tanvi, and any other time or place Dhruv would want to give it a try. Where he didn't feel crazy. These days He just felt a little too empty and way too guilty. He knew he wasn't ready. He just couldn't release the pain he knew he had bottled up inside. Dhruv needed to be sure that he would not make the same mistakes, wanted to know he was capable of loving properly before allowing someone to love him.

They walked out of the restaurant side by side but it was as though they were not walking together, it looked as though they had nothing left to say.

He raised his eyebrows. "I'm surprised you still talked to me - after what--"

She nodded. 'Oh, I totally understand your situation and if I am being truthful I would have also faced similar difficulties in a similar situation."

Dhruv smiled, and felt very glad he had got the chance to meet such a sweet young woman "like me to walk you home?"

"But I think you've got a car," she said, pointing to the wad of keys hanging from his belt

"OK, can I drive you home?"

She smiled. "I would like that. In fact, I'm glad meeting you."

For a moment he seemed taken aback, and then he smiled warmly. "I'm glad to see you too, Tanvi. I wanted to talk to someone."

"You can talk to." He then closed the door and climbed in behind the wheel. She made small talk until they pulled up in front of her guest house. "Give yourself a second chance at life, give life a try," Tanvi said, fingers on the handle.

"It's okay, I'm sure I'll survive. For now, it's me and my TV playing strangers things." He cracked a grin while Tanvi chuckled.

"Alright." Tanvi opened the door, and just before she stepped out, she added in, "Don't be afraid to contact me."

Dhruv smiled and nodded, holding his hand out in a wave. "Noted."

"Bye Dhruv," she said, closing the door behind her.

It was late into the night; Dhruv lay awake in his bed staring up at the ceiling. He had been tossing and turning all night, unable to fall. He wanted to turn back the clock and start over again, but he could not. He knew he was now going to do the right thing, hopefully. He wanted to hug her and tell her he was sorry for what he'd done. He took a deep breath and grabbed his laptop out of his bag. He could ... 'Yep,' he said and started writing his email.

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