[ CHAPTER TWELVE ! ] 

brian and rhea

2008

I DROP MY CLIPBOARD DIRECTLY ON THE blue countertop with a sigh as I hide my face in my hands. 

"What's up with you?" I can hear Adam question from behind me, his words loudest when he's directly behind me and they move with him as he walks around the desk. 

I groan into the palms of my hands before sliding them down and over my face. "I've been working a thrity-six hour shift, that's what's up with me." 

I now rest my chin on the stand I've created with my hands and look up at him. He has that cheeky grin plastered on his face while he drinks down the espresso shot in one swallow. "I've been here for fourty. I got you beat." 

This makes me want to laugh and cry at the same time. I roll my eyes and sigh once again. "Then how the hell are you so energetic?" 

"Well, one, I just woke up from a nap and two," he refills his cup with more espresso. "I've got caffeine." 

"That is so unfair," I deadpan. "you're the only one here who ever has coffee!" 

He shrugs. "I have my ways."

"Miller-- you're requested in room 211." Sasha informs me from the opposite side of the desktop, a phone in her hand. 

I'm already dreading going inside. I've still got two hours before my shift is complete and the only people who ever request specific doctors are creeps who have been here before and want to ask you out. 

I open my mouth to protest but she has her hand up, knowing that I'll attempt to refuse. I glance over toward Adam to try and get him to defend my honour but he's already begun to salute me with that same stupid grin. 

I clench and unclench my jaw before grabbing my clipboard and pen once again before making my way down the hall. 

The walls are a light blue with white rims at the bottom. In the pediatric unit, at least, there are stickers that you can stare at as you walk to your deathbed. At least with those, you get to die in a more peaceful manner. With bright colours and fish on the ceiling. 

211. 

Great. I'm here. 

I knock twice, wait for three seconds, then go inside. I pretend to be reviewing my clip board, as if there's something on there that would tell me who this patient was. 

I look up from the blank sheet of paper with a small--faux--smile. But, it's not long that it remains. 

"What the hell?" is all I can manage to sputter as I immediately drop my clipboard on the countertop next to me.

Brian offers me a sheepish smile. He's covered in cuts and bruises and his left eye is swollen shut. "I just got in a little fight." 

"For fuck's sake," I walk close to the gurney to examine him with a closer look. "Why didn't anyone call me?" 

"I told them not to once I got in. They knew you worked here, though, it seemed like they knew you the way I do--did." This is classic of him. I've only known him for two months yet I know that this is exactly how he would manage this situation. I don't even know why I'm surprised. 

I don't say anything, I just narrow my gaze and carefully grab his face, placing it where I want so I can examine his cuts correctly. "You gonna tell me what actually happened?" 

He smiles again. He appears to be near death yet his smile is so warm and cocky and infuriating. "You should see your face right now." 

Of course. He's going to divert the conversation and shower me with jokes and compliments. 

"You look pretty hot when you're all worried like this." 

I don't even want to give in to his ego. I don't want to let him off easy. I grab the pen from the pocket of my scrubs and instruct for him to follow the tip with his eyes. I can immediately pick up on the large size of his pupil and my heart immediately sinks.

He'd been using again and didn't tell me anything about it. 

Something in my face must have given my distaste away because the sly remark on his face vanishes quickly. "What?" 

I feel my jaw begin to tense without helping it. "You told me you stopped using." 

His eye flickers with sorrow. "Rhea, you don't know what it's like." 

I suddenly feel a clenching in my gut and it's almost like I'd been punched and it's then when I feel lightheaded and dizzy. 

It's unusual and something unfamiliar I've never felt before. 

"Rhea--" He reaches for me but I feel the walls closing in and I need to leave, so I do.

2022

AS I LOOK INTO BRIAN'S EYES, I can't help but question how it's possible to hate and love someone so much at the same time. I've spent the last fourteen years watching him relapse over and over again and fall back into his old habits while our daughter watches. 

His brown eyes are rimmed red and his pupils are far too dilated than they ever have been. His jaw is tense and his hair is a mess, going in all sorts of different directions at once. 

"I'm not going to let you keep doing this to us." I say, and my voice is so cold and secluded I've even surprised myself. I'm surprised by how emotionless and closed off I feel in this moment. I'm shocked that my body and mind don't care more than they should. 

He laughs lightly, tucking his hands in his pockets. "Well, you're in luck." 

My eyebrows knit together before I can help it, my entire body is full of confusion in this moment as I look at this man who is supposed to be my husband. 

He pulls the sleeve of his jacket up, revealing a bite mark with dried blood scabbing over it. He's been bit. My husband has been bit and I'm hardly phased. "Happened this morning at work." 

I don't know what to say, or do. And it almost feels like all love for this man has left my system because I'm just so goddamn pissed. "So that's it then?" 

His eyes are unfocused, he doesn't even look at me. He tries to shrug but his shoulders just slump and his arms flail instead. 

"I don't know what your plan is, Brian, but you better stay the hell away from me and Hayden. I don't--I don't care if you turn or if you shoot yourself in the head, just... stay away from me and my daughter." My tone is still so cold as I say these harsh words, it feels like I'm watching a film of my life but I'm not actually here. 

He nods. He doesn't say anything, he just nods and turns to face the door. 

Once he reaches it, he places his hand on the knob and hesitates. But, opens it, walks out, and closes it.