" ☞︎⚐︎☼︎ 🕈︎☟︎✌︎❄︎ ☹︎✋︎❄︎❄︎☹︎☜︎ ❄︎✋︎💣︎☜︎ ✡︎⚐︎🕆︎ ☟︎✌︎✞︎☜︎ ☹︎☜︎☞︎❄︎📪︎ 👌︎☜︎ ✌︎ 👍︎☟︎✋︎☹︎👎︎📬︎ ❄︎☟︎✋︎💧︎ ✋︎💧︎ ❄︎☟︎☜︎ ☹︎✌︎💧︎❄︎ ❄︎✋︎💣︎☜︎ ✡︎⚐︎🕆︎ 🕈︎✋︎☹︎☹︎ 👌︎☜︎. "

Entry 2

It's been bad. It's been REALLY bad. It's been 10 days in the Underground and today was the worst of it. After my first 'panic attack', that's what Sans called it anyways, things were getting better. I thought Sans hated me less, and for a day or two, I thought we could be friends. Eventually.

I was wrong. I was so wrong.

Gaster asked if he could do some 'tests' on my soul - a REAL soul. It pops right of your chest and looks like a heart. I don't know what I was thinking when I said yes, but I regret it. But it's not like he would have let me say no in the first place. At least I don't think so. My soul is one of the only things that can get them out of the Underground. Why wouldn't they want it? Why would they risk letting me go scot free when they could be free if they just took it?

I don't think I'd been in so much pain in my entire life. I hated it. I hate him. Gaster. I knew I couldn't trust him. I knew he couldn't-

It doesn't matter. What's the use?

I thought he wasn't bad at first, you know? I thought if he was nice enough to buy me new clothes while I was down here, let me hang out with Papyrus, and hell even Sans, then he wasn't a bad person, he was just scared I would hurt them. I was wrong. He hurt me without needing to - at least I don't think he needed to.

I need to get out of this place. I have to stop sitting on my ass and doing nothing.

I'm finally getting Sans to trust me, and I've decided that even if it's gonna be hard, I'm gonna try and trust him too. I need someone I can trust down here, and yeah, Sans might have been the last person to pick, but after that night... well, it's weird but something about how he calmed me down from those panic attacks is nice.

Plus, he's strong. I think he is, at least. He wouldn't be able to throw me across the kitchen if he wasn't. It'd be good to have someone who everyone else trusts on my side, but I know he won't trust me until I trust him. So I guess I'm taking my first leap of faith. At least I think it's my first.

I don't know what else to say. I just want to go home. I just want to feel safe.

(Y/N).

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You looked up from your leather journal, holding it tightly in your hands, your nails digging into the spine of it in anticipation. "What did he say?" You asked.

Sans gave a sigh as he leaned against the door he had just closed behind him. "it'll be alright." He muttered. "i guess i should probably get you some extra pillows and blankets if you're gonna stay in here."

"Yeah." You replied dully. "Probably."

Sans walked over to his closet and pulled out a spare blanket, taking an extra pillow from his bed and tossing them to you. "Oh and don't try to kill me in my sleep." Sans stared at you with empty sockets, causing you to tense. "Or you'd be dead where you stand." His eye sockets returned to normal and he turned around, sitting back at his desk and pretending to busy himself with homework or something.

There goes the progress you thought you'd been making.

"sorry." Sans whispered from his desk. "force of habit." It was almost inaudible, but the room was so dead quiet that you'd heard his apology.

"It's fine." You replied just as quiet, folding the blanket and shoving it into the corner with the pillow Sans had given you. This was getting increasingly awkward.

You had realized when glancing at Sans's bookshelf, there had been several on astronomy, surface technology, biology, chemistry, and physics. Was he some sort of secret super nerd? Did he plan on following in his father's footsteps and become a scientist like him?

It kind of surprised you. He didn't seem like the type who was so interested in something as complex as science, but then again, he was intelligent. You knew that, simply because he always caught onto your clever or cunning comments without missing a beat. Although he'd never say anything about it, he'd always give you the same threatening glare. The one that dared you to continue if you wished for a death sentence.

Sans knew he was being an asshole about the whole thing the moment he took a seat at his desk. He forgot to keep reminding himself that he would try and... not scare you. He forgot to remind himself that he was going to try and stop being a paranoid idiot. You hadn't done anything to them.

Yet. A bitter voice in the back of his mind commented.

This was getting ridiculous. Sans shook that thought out of his head the best he could, the pencil in his hand beginning to creak from the pressure he was exerting onto it. He needed to control himself a little better.

He couldn't keep pretending like he was busy. He had done nothing but stare at his already finished homework for the last five minutes now. He realized that if he didn't hurry up and try a little harder to stop being so paranoid, he'd never get on with it.

"so." Sans began. "what's your story?" God, could he be any more awkward?

Answer: no.

"I don't remember." You said shrugging as you fumbled with the pages of the book you'd picked out from Sans's shelf. "And I also don't know what you mean by that."

"i meant why you fell down." He mumbled, turning from his desk to look in your direction out of the corner of his eye sockets. "but i guess it doesn't really matter cause you don't remember."

There was another long silence before you spoke up this time. It was clear Sans was trying to make a... 'friendly' conversation. At least you think so. "What about you? Is there a reason why you hate humans so much?" Ok maybe you shouldn't have started with that.

"Wow, this is a topic I'd rather not talk about." You could nearly hear Sans's teeth grit together as he looked away from you.

"Sorry." You both said simultaneously.

There was another long silence. You two really sucked at this whole 'getting to know someone better' thing.

"do you know why you don't remember?" Sans glanced your way again.

"Nope. My best guess is that I might have hit my head a little too hard on the way down." You mumbled, still turning the pages of the book in your hands, but not caring enough to actually read it.

Sans cleared his throat before he said, "so i guess you could say you're a little empty headed then?"

You turned to him, an offended look already blooming on your face before you saw him tap his skull with that permanent grin of his forming into a lopsided smirk. You weren't sure why he was smiling until you realized that he'd just made a pun, and you couldn't help but chuckle.

That single half-hearted laugh was more than enough of a green-light for him to start making more jokes. Maybe all wasn't lost! If he ever said anything he didn't mean to, like before, he could just deflect it with a joke! Yes! Thank the stars you had a sense of humor!

"heh, so you found that joke a bit humerus?" You could hear his grin widening as you stifled another chuckle.

"You already used that one with Papyrus." Still, you couldn't hold back the smile beginning to form on your face.

"then why are you smiling?"

You scoffed, trying to choke down another laugh. "Shut it." You failed, your smile widening, and Sans only got cheekier.

"aww what, did i not tickle your funny bone?"

You let a giggle escape this time. "No. You don't have the spine for it." You retorted.

It took a minute of Sans processing that you'd just made a pun in return, but as soon as he registered it, the brightest smile you'd ever seen from him blossomed on his boney face.

"oh my god." He whispered with sparkling eye lights. Just as he let out a wheeze and the two of you started laughing, there was a loud screech from the other side of the wall.

"SANS NO!!!" Papyrus screamed. "STOP POISONING (Y/N) WITH YOUR TERRIBLE JOKES!"

The two of you only laughed louder as you heard his voice through the walls. This was probably the most cheerful atmosphere the two of you'd ever had between each other and it was comforting. It was the first sign that the two of you could get along, and it was Sans's first step to accepting the hand you'd outreached to him.

Gaster could hear the three of you making a commotion from downstairs as he prepared dinner. Despite that his actions from today weighed heavily on his shoulders, he was glad that you'd still be willing to give his sons the time of day. He was glad you could learn to offer your hand to those that were innocent - to those who deserved a chance.

He smiled sadly to himself and wished you the best for your time in the Underground.

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You didn't feel comfortable going downstairs to have dinner with the skeletons after what happened this morning, and despite Papyrus's whines, you denied him too. You just couldn't muster up the courage to look Gaster in the eye sockets and pretend everything was alright. Sans understood this, and to the best of his ability, convinced his little brother to leave you alone.

You were thankful for the silence and alone time you had. It gave you a chance to breathe freely without someone watching your every move again. Looking back on your time in the Underground, there were very few moments you had to relax. The days when Flamia and Blaze were especially busy with their restaurant were probably the only ones where you weren't plagued with reminders that you needed to keep your guard up.

Your moment of empty headed silence was short, but it wasn't suddenly broken like it usually was. Sans had actually used the stairs when he came back up to his room, and he knocked on his own door before entering, like he was giving you the curtesy of letting you know beforehand. It was a strange way to show he cared about not startling you. Maybe you should do the same to him if the opportunity ever arose.

You were still trying to wrap your head around that thought again. Sans being overly observant was one thing, but Sans being overly courteous was another. You were uncomfortable that you were uncomfortable. I mean - shouldn't you be happy that the hate between you two had practically evaporated? Did that seem right? Not really. Things don't just disappear. But they do change.

"hey." Sans muttered as he opened the door to his room. The door was only half way open, and his left hand was held behind him. He had an awkward expression on his skeletal face; bone brows knitted together slightly, eyes averted, and his usual grin was strained and a little crooked. Not to mention he was sweating.

Could skeletons sweat?

"since you, uh, didn't come down for dinner, i brought you something." You were still getting used to his calmer voice. It was weird to hear him talk without that underlying hostile tone, but now that you actually heard him, it was even weirder how his voice was deep for someone your age. Just how deep would it be when all of you grew up?

If you made it to adulthood. You thought bitterly.

The reminder hit you hard, and caused you to shift uncomfortably beside the wall you were leaning against. You pulled your knees closer to your chest with a frown forming on your face. You hadn't noticed how Sans already entered the room and his awkward half-grin turned into a matching frown - well as much of a frown as it could.

"what? don't like spaghetti much?" He joked, unsure of how to diffuse the situation. He ground his teeth together in hopes that he could push down his own frustration. Why weren't you responding? Why were you reacting so coldly? What were you thinking?

He just couldn't figure it out.

You looked up finally, realizing that Sans was still trying to talk to you. Although you couldn't really shake the feeling off, you noticed how he was trying to hold back his distaste. You guessed that it was still hard for him to remember that the two of you were trying to be less hostile to each other.

"Sorry." You mumbled, still not having enough courage to pull yourself to your feet. "Just... leave it on your desk. I'll eat in a minute."

You watched him walk past you, and when you realized that he wasn't planning on saying anything else, you resumed your downward spiral thoughts. You probably wouldn't make it into adulthood if things kept going like they did. You'd probably die here and you wouldn't even know if you left anyone behind or if anyone cared because you couldn't remember.

"what's wrong?" Sans still had his back turned to you, and he stood in front of his desk, boney hands gripping the edge to retain some sort of emotional control over himself. He seemed to be staring intently at the plate of spaghetti, but you knew better. "Why are you being quiet?" You could almost hear his teeth grinding together.

"I'm going to die down here, aren't I?" There was no point dodging the question, so you answered with one yourself. You could do nothing but stare at the navy blue carpeting on the floor, eyes wide, only because if you blinked, the tears you'd been holding back would fall. Your voice didn't waver, but you were shaking like a leaf in the wind.

Sans stopped breathing (assuming magical skeletons could breathe), and his boney hands fell away from the desk. All of his tense frustration stopped, as if it hit a brick wall, and he felt the wind get knocked out of him. Then, when he tried to regain his breath, it was like he was choking on his own magic tongue.

Neither of you spoke, but you knew the answer, and it wasn't like Sans could deny it. Neither of you could. It was like you were on death row, but the adults surrounding the two of you were too coy to tell you the truth.

It was torture to be stuck at this age. Old enough to understand that things were bad, but too young to understand why these things were happening or how you could change it. They always stomped out the flickering youthful flames who thought they could change it.

"It's ok." You choked out, your legs uncurling from your chest to lay flat on the carpet. Your arms were limply at your sides. "I don't mind." You hadn't noticed the tears that rolled down your emotionless face, but Sans did. "You shouldn't either." You looked like some sort of broken doll - one with a voice box that seemed much more alive than the toy did.

Finally you tore yourself away from that toxic defense mechanism of emotionlessness for another one. You smiled, as sad as it seemed, and said, "After all, my soul might be able to free you all." You took in a shaky breath to try and keep yourself from crying. Holding up the book at your side with 'Astronomy' written on the cover. "You'd finally be able to see some real stars."

Now Sans was crying. He was silent; even more so than you were. As if he'd practiced, night after night, to be completely quiet while crying, but you could hear his soft hiccups. His eye sockets were closed and cerulean blue tears rolled down his chubby bone cheeks. He was trying to stop himself from crying, and was gripping his blue sweater hems so tightly, you thought they'd rip.

So you shakily stood from your spot on the floor and approached the skeleton, placing a hand on his skull and with shaking, strained lips, you smiled brighter. "Don't cry." You whispered; your own tears already flowing in rivers. "Don't cry." It was the softest tone he'd ever heard from anyone - even Flamia.

You and Sans were filled with hopelessness, and despite everything, a little bit of courage.