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S A R A H

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We all looked up just as the door of the classroom opened and Liam appeared. Miss Jones let out an exasperated sigh which made me raise a brow in surprise. How are teachers still not used to this guy? 

Before she could ask him his reason he said, "Sorry, traffic is exactly how it's been every day for the past 4 years and I was not expecting that." Everyone in the class clamped their mouth shut in case they let out a laugh, and Miss Jones nodded at him, gesturing him to take his seat. 

One of these days I was so going to get the true answer out of him. But it wouldn't be today, particularly because the guy seriously helped us with our extension date excuse.  Mrs. Joy was in no way a woman easily persuaded, and she was totally serious with the due date thing. We had no idea what the boys told her, but according to Asher, although she was annoyed she still gave them another 4 days extension. All of us were too curious to let the issue go, so Mia promised to blackmail the answer out of Cole. 

The extension date was still going to be an issue for us though because two days from today was the twins' birthday. And we were having a meeting today after school for it. Thankfully, Kevin and Asher had roped in Jax in the plan who has assured us that he would call the two Taylors home after school. 

As I looked down at my notes, I found my thoughts returning to this morning and the conversation I had with dad. 

"Don't you think you are spending too much time out these days?" he asked. 

I raised my eyes up from my plate and found him staring at me. "I come back before curfew," I pointed, confused where this was suddenly coming from. 

He ignored it. "Who is that boy who drops you every day? I gave you the allowance to catch the bus." His brows furrowed. "Are you dating him?" There was a sharp edge to his question, something I didn't want to acknowledge. Because if I did, if I couldn't pretend that he was asking this as a dad worried about his daughter and not as a dad who lost his son less than a year ago and couldn't fathom his daughter moving on so soon, there was a chance that I would cry.

"I am not. Asher is a friend," I said, going back to finish my breakfast so that I could be done with this conversation. He didn't say anything again until I was halfway through the hall and about to reach the door. 

"You know your mom isn't well, and she only listens to you. Come back home as soon as school overs."  He probably hadn't wanted to say out the next part, but it was too late. "It's not easy for most people to get over that kind of thing so soon." 

I realized I was clenching my fists so tight that my nails were digging into my palm. I tried to take in a deep breath and loosen my clenched hand. It didn't work.

Suddenly, the urge to scream was overwhelming. This was not fair. Dad wasn't being fair. Where does he go off telling me how long I should take before moving on? How could he ignore me for half a year and then dictate what I do?

My chest ached, and my throat clogged. Shit. 

My breathing started coming out shallow and I knew I was about to hyperventilate. My hands shot up and trying my best to keep my face devoid of everything I was feeling I got up from my seat.

"May I go to the washroom?" It didn't relieve me that my voice came out normal because whatever Miss Jones saw on my face made her look concerned. She nodded. 

The second I stepped out of the class I ran. I didn't stop until I reached the girls' restroom. Finding it empty I bolted the door and crouched, keeping both my hands over my mouth. Intellectually, I knew it was counterproductive to clamp my lips. I needed to inhale through my nose and exhale out of my mouth. Amber and Dean have worked me through it sometimes.

But despite knowing it, and the fact that it was in the middle of the class timing so there was a low chance anyone would hear me, I couldn't take my hands off. My chest no longer ached, it burned. It felt like my lungs were closing up on me, and I couldn't breathe at all. For a few moments, my mind blanked out. The only thing I could think was - this is it. I would never be able to inhale ever again. 

Breath in, doll. Mason's voice floated out of somewhere, so soft, so gentle. It was the voice he used when I had a panic attack for the first time after mom's fall from our house's balcony a few years ago. She was hurt a lot. His voice had helped me at that time. But hearing it now only hurt more. 

C'mon, you can do it. He was wrong. I couldn't. I could hear my heart shutting down, my chest hurt so much. 

Sarah! I brought my hand to my chest. It hurts. But my breathing slowed a little. It was enough to make me think through the pain. I took fast breaths and released them slowly through my mouth. Sure enough, after a few deep breaths, the pain lessened. I distantly heard the bell rung indicating the end of the class and start of another, but I stayed crouched. 

I brought my hands back to my mouth to repress a sob. I stayed that way for another few minutes - or hours, I no longer knew - letting the washroom fill with chocked cries before getting up and unbolting the door. Whether any girl came and heard my cries or no one left their class during the time I was in, I couldn't have known. Either way, I didn't have the energy to care.

I washed my face and took another deep, long breath. I'm okay. It's okay. I will be fine.

Oh my god, I don't ever want to experience it again. I tried to block the feeling, knowing that it might return again. 

Looking at the mirror in front of me, I felt like crying again. I had no idea what triggered the attack, but now that it passed, all of a sudden I missed my brother too much. 

But then I thought about my mom, who was so deep in her grief she no longer knew the world anymore, my dad who had no idea how to fix his wife or deal with his own emotions that were all over the place, Dean who was still drowning in his guilt and Amber who was trying her best to put herself together.

And so, I didn't cry. 

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I met the guys at the cafe after school ended. Jax called Mia and Cole home just like he promised, and although they wanted to hang out with us they still left.

"Are we still going with Mia's plan? The pretty garden party with everyone dressing like vagrants?" Evie asked. Liv scrunched her nose. "I hate even the thought of going to a party without my heels," she said, sighing before adding "but she is stuck on that idea. It would be fun, she says." 

Stephan and Kevin share a look. "Mia's idea of fun always ends up being a disaster," Kevin points out. I look at Evie and Asher. "It does sound like fun, though," I say to which they both nod.  

"So it's a tie?" Liv asked and I raised a brow. "We don't know what Cole thinks about it," I shrugged, "although knowing him, I doubt he would be against it. It won't matter to him as long as its fun." All of them agreed.

"Fine, let's just go with it. I am too tired to come up with something fun now anyways," Liv declared, and Stephan and Kevin reluctantly agreed. Liv gave us each an assessing look before speaking. 

"Asher, Kevin, and Sarah can do the decorations, Stephan can arrange the snacks, and Evie and I could shop for everyone." No one had any objection to that. Having known Evie for a while now, I had come to understand that although she was an introvert and generally unamused with the human population as a whole (with very few exceptions), she liked shopping. She didn't enjoy going to malls, but she liked choosing clothes. And she had really great fashion sense. 

Having discussed the details of the party, we all got up to leave. 

Asher offered to give me a lift again, and I suddenly realized that at some point he had stopped giving excuses for it. My morning conversation with dad briefly drifted through my mind, but when I looked at Asher's expectant gaze, all I could do was smile and nod.  

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